Hey, Jealousy
by manhattanProject
Summary: I didn't think it was possible to ruin my chances with her. But then again I didn't think I'd want to have a chance with her to begin with. AU, Alex/Mitchie and some others, I guess
1. The Day I First Met Her

**A/N: Well I'm back. Now that Alter The Ending is over I can start new shit and here's the first (of many, I believe). This first chapter's just an introduction, so it may seem to start off a bit slow but it'll pick up soon. The format for the story and the way the chapters progress is different than TPAP/ATE so bear with me here. Also, the whole thing is going to be in Alex's POV (unless I tell you otherwise)**

**Anyway, I'm not too sure how I feel about this, although I pretty much have it all planned out. But let me know what you think. And I'll see if I'll keep going after a few chapters.**

**Follow me on Twitter too: (at symbol) manhatanProject**

**The story title is Hey, Jealousy by Gin Blossoms. this isn't a song fic though, I just wanted the title. It's a good song though.**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing but the plot. And that's about it.**

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The Day I First Met Her

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If I had to go back to when it all began I would have to say it was maybe sometime around autumn, in the beginning of the school year. Meeting her wasn't something monumental although when I think about it now it probably should have been. But I can't really say I knew what to expect when that day finally came.

We had mutual friends. That's how it happened. My best friend Harper was friends with her best friend Caitlyn. I had met Caitlyn multiple times though; I had only ever heard of Mitchie. And then there were the Gray brothers. Again, I had met them before. I knew them all through Harper but I never really felt like I was all that close to any of them.

Caitlyn went to the same school as Mitchie and the Gray's went to an all-boys school not too far from mine and Harper's. Harper met Caitlyn last year at a lacrosse game and I have slowly gotten to know her over the months. The summer before our junior year was when I met the boys and became friends with them. But still, I had never met Mitchie. She became something of a myth to me; always spoken of but never seen.

It was our lunch period. Harper and I were at our usual table staring at the presumably edible food on our trays when she randomly, and quite abruptly, changed the subject.

"Oh by the way, this weekend we're going to O'Connor."

"That's the park by Shane's house, right?" She nodded and drank some of her water. "And _we_ means…"

"Us, Caitlyn, the guys, and Mitchie." And then there was the ongoing joke I would have to put up with for _a while_. "Maybe you two can finally-"

"_Harper_…"

"What? You've never even met her. How would you know that you wouldn't like her?" Apparently we were just _perfect _for each other, says Harper and…well, everyone else.

"I never said I wouldn't like her but _God_ would you stop trying to set me up? You're just like Shane and them. Even Caitlyn tells me I should go out with her!"

"So why don't you?"

"I don't even know her!" I wasn't opposed to meeting her, that wasn't the problem. I just cannot stand being set up. I felt awkward enough talking to people at all, let alone girls. I didn't need added pressure.

"So what, I know you guys would be perfect for each other." There it was. "You're both…I don't know…weird." That's what I never understood. What did that even _mean_?

"Wow…thanks." She laughed while shaking her head and picked at her lunch with her fork.

"Well not weird but like…I don't know…I just think you guys would be good together."

"Again…thanks, but please stop with this. If anything is weird it's everyone's obsession with setting me up with someone." She shrugged, finally letting it go for the remainder of the lunch period. I knew she wouldn't let it go for good. I wish she would though.

Of course I agreed to hang out with them. I wasn't going to let the potential awkwardness of the situation stop me from going places with my friends. I just didn't know what to expect. I had heard everyone tell me that I should go out with her but I had never experienced the nagging while she was actually there.

I was curious though; I mean…who wouldn't be? Your friends tell you that they know someone that would be perfect for you and as strange as that sounds you know you want to know more about them. I wouldn't ask my friends though; they would think I'm interested and make things even worse. So I tried to figure out for myself…who the hell is Mitchie?

And what's the best way to find out information about a person you've never met before? Facebook, obviously. But I didn't want to admit that I was mildly disappointed when it failed. She _would_ have a private page…because that was just my luck. The only thing I could tell from her profile was that her last name was Torres and she went to school with Caitlyn. I nearly banged my head against the keyboard.

I started going through everyone else's profiles and pictures: Shane, Nate, Jason, Caitlyn…all of them. They were all really close, childhood friends. They had odd inside jokes and did the most random things together. But I ended up finding pictures of her. And Mitchie was without a doubt a beautiful girl. But I could not for the life of me figure out a thing about her.

When the weekend finally rolled around I was unfortunately nervous, just like I thought I would be. I didn't understand why though. It's not like I felt attracted to her just by looking at a few pictures of her on the internet. It's just that somewhere in the back of my mind I knew that our friends would make this uncomfortable for me. I wonder if they've done the same to her.

And that was enough to make me a self-conscious wreck. Did they constantly bug her about meeting me too? And if they have what did they tell her about me? And what was her reaction to it all? I know I felt awkward about everyone trying to set us up but would she go along with it or would she just-

"Alex!" I snapped out of my thoughts when Harper slapped me on my shoulder. I rubbed the spot that now stung and glared at her.

"Jesus Christ what was that for?"

"You were zoning out for like…two minutes. We're here, by the way."

"Oh…sorry."

"Daydreaming about your future wife?"

"Oh would you _shut up_ about that already?" I couldn't help but laugh a little; just at how ridiculous this was all getting.

"You say that now…" I sighed dramatically as we both exited her car; thankfully Harper had an early birthday and was the first of all of us to get a license.

"Whatever…can you just please not bring this up in front of everyone?"

"Fine, but I'm not the one you should worry about."

I never liked meeting new people. The thought alone gave me anxiety. I had never been an overly social person but once I was comfortable enough I wasn't shy. That might be why I never felt close to the guys, just Harper and Caitlyn, even though they treat me like they've known me forever. That might also be why I was so hesitant to meet Mitchie.

O'Connor was a huge park. There were baseball fields and basketball courts and it went on and on for miles. I followed Harper to a big opening. The field was almost completely littered with fallen leaves due to the recent change in seasons and the wind was blowing slightly. We spotted a small group of teenagers in the center of it.

This was a tradition of theirs. Harper was invited last year when she met Caitlyn. Every year during the fall they would have these small football games. My nerves eased a little. Playing sports was easy with new people. You were forced to communicate. We walked a little closer and I saw her sitting on the ground with her legs crossed.

I don't know what I was expecting. She looked exactly like she did in her pictures. Granted, almost none of her pictures are serious where she was smiling or posing for the camera but that was a refreshing change from all the girls in my high school. And it was just surprising that my friends happened to know another girl who happened to be gay…and happened to be pretty.

"The last of the broads are finally here!" Shane, the middle brother, shouted obnoxiously. He was always the loudest. I would say I've gotten used to it but that would probably be a lie.

"You said to meet here at three!"

"It's 3:15!"

"Calm down the park isn't going anywhere."

"Alright whatever let's not waste any more time. Let's pick teams. I say girls versus boys."

"Go fist yourself; we're not doing that again. And we beat you last time anyway." That was Mitchie. The first words I ever heard from her…and it was 'go fist yourself'. This girl was something else, I'll give her that. I never liked typical anyway. And I ended up laughing at her comment.

"Fine…then let's do captains."

"Called it!" Jason, the oldest brother, raised his hand before Shane could. I always liked Jason a little more than Shane. He was nicer. But Shane was definitely a lot more fun.

"Me too!" Mitchie stole the spot and Shane huffed in annoyance. "Don't pout, bitch. You're my first choice."

"I pick Nate," Jason called his brother over to his side and he complied without a word. Nate was the quiet one of the bunch. I liked him; he just never really says much. My nerves started up again. I have always had this irrational fear that I'm not wanted, in regards to pretty much everything. And I remember thinking that if I was picked last then I would surely pass out. It didn't happen.

"Flannel," she said and snapped her finger pointing to a spot next to her. I had no idea what she was talking about and then realized I was the only one in a flannel shirt. I raised my eyebrow until I realized there were never any formal introductions. "Kommen sie hier." She wouldn't introduce herself…but she did yell at me in German.

"Me?"

"Yeah, I'm saving you; Jason's team never wins." Well it was certainly a first for me to be amongst the first picked for something. Not that I'd ever been bad at sports; I just tend to hang in the back until people remember I'm there too. But I walked over to her regardless.

I just stood there, barely listening. Caitlyn had a bum arm from lacrosse and didn't want to play so the teams ended up being even. It was Jason, Nate, and Harper against Mitchie, Shane, and me. And even if I didn't want to be set up, I still didn't want to mess up or be the reason we lose. I knew I wasn't _trying_ to impress her, not in that way anyway.

We got into a small huddle, considering it was only a three-on-three game. The boys suggested playing touch football but Mitchie insisted the girls were more than capable of playing tackle. I once again thought I would pass out. Jason and Nate were strong guys. And I didn't want to die there that day.

"Okay, here's the plan. Shane, you throw. Can you catch?" Mitchie said and turned her face towards me.

"Huh? Oh…yeah."

"What about running? Because Nate's pretty fast."

"I'm uh…decent I guess."

"Alright, don't worry I'll cover you. Shane's going to throw it to you. And we'll switch it up every now and then. Sound good?" The question was directed at all of us. We nodded and broke apart and waited for the other team to be done. I took the opportunity to get a good look at this supposed _perfect girl for me_.

She wasn't that tall; she seemed maybe my height. She had dark hair that reached past her shoulders and kind of long bangs that she continuously pushed to the side. She was in a pair of purple skinny jeans and a black _Globo Gym Purple Cobras_ t-shirt and grey and black Converse weapons. Her style was a little different and kind of guy-ish. But I liked it. It worked on her. Shane started talking to Caitlyn on the sidelines and Mitchie walked over next to me.

"Alex…right?"

"Yeah."

"How come you've never hung out before?" It was random but I understood her curiosity. I was just glad she initiated because I am never one to strike up conversations with people I have never met before.

"I have…I mean, I only met the guys over the summer but I didn't really hang out much at all. I worked most of the time"

"Oh that blows."

"Trust me, I know." We shared a short laugh and this would have been the time a horrifyingly awkward silence consumes us because I didn't know if she would keep talking or if I had to move it along myself. I worry too much about little things, I'm aware. It's an unfortunate aspect of myself but I've learned to live with it. "Hey, you don't have a problem with tackle, right? I didn't really ask before."

"Not really." I still don't know if she thought that was convincing. But I didn't want to seem like a little bitch at the time. "I just don't see how someone my size can take on two guys. Harper, maybe…"

"You'll be fine. I'll let you in on a secret though; if they pass it to Nate he goes down easy especially if you get him from the left. Or you can just do what I did last time." She shrugged her shoulders and a smile was playing on her lips. She was even prettier when she smiled, I noticed.

"What was that?"

"Flash your tits; works like a charm." I remember not being able to respond to her after. And I think she got a kick out of that. What was I supposed to say to that? _Okay_? Who suggests that to someone they just met? I wonder what would have happened if I did take her advice.

The game started shortly after our conversation ended and we all got ready in our positions on the field. The beginning of the game was kind of a back and forth; no one really scored anything. Mitchie ended up catching a long pass in our declared touchdown zone, putting us in the lead. But Jason soon tied it up by running a play all the way until the other side of the field.

The hours passed and the sun was beginning to go down. Each team scored another touchdown and we were still tied. We had to end the game soon though because it was getting dark and we were all getting tired and hungry. Mitchie shouted for a time out so we can come up with some sort of plan to win.

"Pass it to Alex this time."

"Wait, what? Why me?"

"Just trust me."

"But you're faster than I am."

"Shh," she shushed me and clamped her hand over my mouth so I wouldn't argue or protest. "Pass it to Alex, I'll make sure she gets to the end."

"Don't show Nate your boobs again. He'll just have a heart attack." How often did that happen? "She has a habit of taking her shirt off."

"Like you don't fucking enjoy it." Her hand was still covering my mouth. I had no say in the plan apparently. "Just throw it to Alex."

"What if she doesn't catch it?"

"She's caught every pass you've thrown at her."

"True; we should have had you last time instead of Caitlyn. Girl's got _bad _butterfingers. She's really good with sticks though." He sent a smirk her way and Mitchie didn't hesitate to ball a fist and punch him in the groin. Her face didn't look like she was joking around though. "Ow! You little shit!"

"Fuck you." I had no idea why her hand was still over my mouth but she let go once Shane regained his composure and tackled her. And I mean he seriously _lunged_ at her and brought her down instantly. No one seemed to care that they were trying to kill each other though. They were rolling around, wrestling in the grass and muttering random things to each other. And Mitchie ended up with her arm wrapped around Shane's neck…_tightly_.

"Okay, okay stop! I'm sorry, I give!" he choked out. His face was turning red and his brothers laughed. She released him and laughed too. I don't get how they went from furious to friendly in a matter of seconds but I chalked it up to their close friendship. That's just how they were. "Damn you are such a sensitive lesbian."

"I'll rip your balls off next time and make you eat them so watch your mouth."

"God okay I won't bring it up again."

"Liar."

"Uh…guys?" Jason called over to us. "Are we playing or what?"

"Yeah, yeah…time in." Then she turned to me. "Just catch and run as fast as you can." My throat was dry. I felt nervous again, like this whole game was riding on me now. First impressions could be _such_ a bitch. I nodded dumbly.

We got into position again and I waited for Shane to get the ball. The second I heard Mitchie's call I took off sprinting. Once I was open enough Shane threw the ball my way in a perfect spiral and, despite how nervous I was, I caught it. Nate was coming towards me though. I gripped the football in my hands and _ran_.

The field was so damn long and I had a way to go. Mitchie had caught up to me, trailing a little behind Nate who was getting dangerously close. She pulled up ahead and what she did next almost made me stop running altogether, or at the very least trip over my own feet. She reached for the hem of her t-shirt and started pulling it over her head, tossing it aside.

"Cheater!" That was Jason. Harper was too busy laughing at her other teammate. Nate's pace slowed a bit as he stared at Mitchie in her bra. I looked behind me briefly and saw that she was going to take that off too and my eyes widened. Did this girl seriously not care that she was basically getting naked in public? I mean, we were the only ones on this side of the park but how is she not even self-conscious? Well…it's not like she had a reason to be but still…

"Nate are you fucking kidding me!" Nate had been the one who tripped, not me. And thank _God_ for that. I didn't want our plan to backfire because _I_ couldn't keep my cool while a hot girl stripped a few yards away from me. Jason was pissed.

"Alex, run!" Shane yelled when his older brother took off to catch up to me. And he was almost as fast as Nate. I don't know why I turned to look behind me. Maybe I wanted to see how far Jason was from me. Maybe I really did want to catch a glimpse of Mitchie in her bra, which she had kept on…_thankfully_. Regardless, I needed to pick up the pace.

"Shit." I turned back around and ran towards the garbage can, indicating the touchdown zone. It seemed like it was miles away at the time. I heard footsteps behind me, multiple footsteps. I thought literally everyone was chasing me. I didn't have time to panic because someone's arms wrapped around my legs and I knew I was done for.

"What the fuck Mitch you can't do that!" I was confused but only briefly. Then I was just shaking and my panic finally sunk in when I was lifted up and literally carried. My hands gripped bare shoulders as I tried not to fall over or throw either of us off balance. But Mitchie actually threw me over her shoulder and bolted for the end zone.

"Oh my God," I kept repeating, thinking I was going to die for some reason. She had this cute giggle that sounded kind of hot with the way she was breathing from running so much. I cannot understand how she managed to carry me and still outrun Jason. If I learned anything at all from the first time meeting her it was that the girl could fucking _run_.

"Relax you weigh like ten pounds." Her words were meant to be reassuring but when I freak out there's honestly very little anyone can say or do to calm me down. But before I knew it we had stopped and Mitchie set me back down on the ground. I heard the distant shouts of victory coming from Shane who ran toward us with everyone else.

"You cheated…twice."

"Shut up Jason. Don't be such a sore loser…_again_. We kicked your ass fair and square."

"How the hell was that _fair_?"

"We don't have rules; that's how." Mitchie had this confidence about her that I had never seen in anyone I've met. It wasn't the annoying, boasting kind you see with the typical dumb, arrogant high school jocks. She just wasn't shy or uncomfortable…like me. I couldn't figure out why on Earth Harper and everyone else thought we were alike. She seemed nothing like me.

"That's bullshit."

"Suck a bag of dicks; the touchdown counts."

"Just give them the points. You know it was funny when Nate fell," Harper said, not caring about the results.

"Yeah, I mean it's just a game," I tried to reason.

"Losers pay for food later," Mitchie said quietly into my ear.

"Fine, you win…cheaters." Jason had surrendered. I'm sure Nate didn't give a shit considering he got to see Mitchie in her bra. "You wouldn't have won if _this_ moron didn't fall."

"Yes! Mitchie's tits for the win!" Shane shouted and ran towards Mitchie and I and a sufficiently awkward group hug ensued with Shane practically knocking us over. Mitchie was still without her shirt. I remember it being kind of cold by then and I was slightly concerned but she didn't seem bothered by it.

"I'm glad my boobs could be of service today."

"Hey! Put your shirt on so we can get out of here and go eat," Caitlyn yelled at Mitchie who in turn flipped her off, flashing a bright smile. Then she turned to me.

"You're coming, right?" I didn't know what time my parents expected me to be home but I didn't want to feel left out.

"Yeah."

"Good." She smiled again and faced everyone else. "Alright let's go, I'm starving!" She ran over to Caitlyn as we all started heading back to our stuff so we could leave the field. She slung her arm over Caitlyn, still topless, and she held her hand over her shoulder. I watched them walk off together and Harper nudged my arm. I could only imagine what was really going through her mind after everything.

"So…" I knew she wanted my opinion on their friend but I really didn't know how to form one.

"She's cool…" was the only thing I could come up with. How else am I going to describe a girl who took her shirt off and carried me across a field?

"Do you like her?"

"I just met her! What do you want me to say?"

"Give it time; I know it's a lot to take in when you first meet her. I was the same way last year. I thought she was absolutely nuts. You get used to her."

"She's just so…"

"See! I told you I couldn't think of the word either."

"Yeah but she's not like me…like…at all." Why was she so perfect for me then? "She really needs to put her shirt back on."

"I knew you were staring at her." She had said it low enough so that no one else could hear it. I was thankful because the last thing I needed was the guys ragging on me about it.

"How can I not? I would stare at any random person who took their shirt off. It's not something you see every day at the park."

"Point taken, but come on; she's definitely your type." I thought about it and it just made me uncomfortable, much like everything else does. I never talk about things like this with anyone. Even though Harper is my best friend I hate talking to people about my love life…or lack thereof. I don't like people in my business when it comes to who I like. I become a nervous wreck because I am entirely too awkward for my own good let alone to be dated by anyone.

"I mean…kind of…I guess. I don't know, Harper; like I said, I _just_ met the girl. And I would appreciate it if you and everyone else would leave it alone. I don't want to be set up and I don't want to go out with her."

"If you say so, Alex." We made it back to her car and drove off. And she didn't bring it up the rest of the night. But it certainly wasn't going to be the last time she mentioned it. And it wasn't going to be the last time I was stubborn about it.

I didn't know it then but I definitely hadn't seen the last of Mitchie. She was…eccentric, and she intrigued me, I could say that much. But I felt nothing. I didn't pine over her or long to see her again. But she was a breath of fresh air that I wouldn't mind seeing again. I just didn't understand how I could have started out so indifferent considering the road I ended up going down.

Looking back, I don't get how I could have ever not felt anything for her. It seems ridiculous now. But then again I didn't even think she'd mean that much to me. And I didn't think I'd have to deal with all the shit that I ended up putting up with. And it was my own fault. I don't know, but all I was ever certain of, and that I am still certain of now…is that I am a colossal idiot.


	2. Interactions And Distractions

**A/N: So here's the second chapter. Yes, this is going to be a multiple chapter story so don't worry. Thanks for all the feedback; I wasn't expecting people to be all that interested but HEY I'm glad you are.**

**Again, let me know what you think. Leave a review**

**Follow me on Twitter too: (at symbol) manhatanProject**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing but the plot. And that's about it.**

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_Interactions and Distractions_

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It was maybe a week after that day in the park when I felt my phone buzz in my pocket. I opened it expecting a text message or something but instead found a notification from Facebook. I had one new friend request from Mitchie Torres. I ignored it though. I was in school at the time and I figured I would wait until I got home to accept it. I thought it would be weird if I did it within two seconds.

I remember thinking about it the rest of the school day though. I would be lying if I said I hadn't been waiting for that moment. My curiosity always got the better of me. I only hung out with her one time and already she fascinated the hell out of me. I partly owe that to Harper and everyone else making her seem like some divine being that I just _had_ to know.

When I made it back home after school I accepted the request and looked through her page. The first thing I noticed was a status update from a couple hours ago, most likely when she was in class.

_Mitchie Torres: …and then god said "fuck this shit, who wants pizza?"_

Fast forward a couple more weeks. I have hung out with her a few more times. But we spoke constantly. It happened out of the blue. She messaged me on Facebook one day when I was sitting on my laptop at home. At first she was just asking if I was hanging out that weekend but then our conversation drifted as she kept going on and on about literally everything.

And then I thought about how I could have even managed to speak to someone I hardly know for that long. I never start conversations with people unless I need to talk to them or ask them something. It comes with my only slightly shy personality. But Mitchie would talk to me all the time. And it was just so easy to talk to her.

"Shane, Nate, and Jason have an open house tonight," Harper said while she was driving me home one Friday after school.

"Who's going?" It was a frequent question I asked. I didn't like huge parties, especially if there was going to be more people that I didn't know.

"It's not like a legit party or anything so it's not going to be that many heads. All of us and a few people they know."

"Oh, okay."

"So you'll come? I'm sure Mitchie will be thrilled to see you again." The teasing never stopped. Even after meeting her and spending time with her, on more occasions than one, everyone still thought it was fun to bring it up. No one has said anything in front of her though and for that I was immensely grateful. We had become good friends in such a short amount of time. We're comfortable around each other and joke around a lot now. I didn't want to ruin that because that's never happened with anyone else before.

"For the millionth time, Harper…I don't like her." I swear I sounded convincing as hell. She didn't buy it for some reason…even though it was the truth. I didn't like her like that.

"Why not though? You've never actually given any of us a reason. At first it was because you didn't know her. But now you talk to her more than I do. You might even talk to her more than Caitlyn does." That had to have been a lie.

"Yeah right, like that's even possible. They're like attached at the hip; more than you and I are."

"Don't be jealous of your competition; your chances are higher anyway." And at that I froze and I'm pretty sure I looked more confused than I had ever been before that.

"My competition? What are you talking about?"

"Oh come on, like you don't see it…" she trailed off and stopped at a red light.

"See what?"

"How Mitchie's like…obsessed with Caitlyn. She's practically in love with her."

"She is?"

"Yeah, she has been for a really long time. Everyone knows."

"Even Caitlyn?"

"Yeah; she's cool about it though, obviously…I mean, they _are_ best friends after all. And Mitchie knows nothing's ever going to happen. We feel bad though because you can tell she's still hung up."

"I thought you guys wanted _me_ to go out with her."

"And _I _thought you _didn't_ want to go out with her," she said somewhat smugly like she had just said the most clever thing and put me in my place.

"I don't."

"But you sound awfully jealous…"

"I'm not jealous!" I don't know why I snapped. I get anxious when I feel like I'm being ganged up on…even if it's by only one person.

"Why are you getting so defensive, Alex? It's not like I'm going to give you a hard time if you did like her. _Hello_, I've been trying to convince you to go out with her for such a long time. I would be thrilled if you said you did."

"I'm not getting defensive; you guys just won't leave it alone. And why doesn't anyone believe me when I say I don't like her like that?"

"Because you're always with her when we hang out and if we're not you'll be texting her or something." It was both ironic and mildly creepy when I saw my phone light up in my lap with a new text message from Mitchie herself.

"I'm not _always_ texting her."

"I know how Mitchie is; the girl never shuts up. You just feed into it more than anyone else."

"I do not." I was so stubborn. If I could go back in time and slap myself, I would.

"I'm not saying it in a bad way. This is why I told you that you guys are the same."

"But we're not." How the hell did Harper put up with me? It was something I honestly wondered for a really long time.

"You may be quiet at times but your sense of humor is just like hers. You guys have a lot in common and…" I tuned her out when I opened the text from Mitchie. Harper wasn't saying anything I haven't already heard before anyway.

_Mitchie: I'd rather sit through someone talking in depth about their period cycles for an entire day than listen to a minute of The Smashing Pumpkins_

I bit my lip to refrain from laughing. We had been discussing different bands since halfway through school. I didn't want Harper to know I had stopped listening to her. I glanced up at her and she was still talking; about what, I had no idea.

_Alex: that's actually disgusting_

_Mitchie: you're losing points here Russo. Honestly, I'd rather listen to cats being slowly murdered_

_Alex: lol okay you made your point! What about the White Stripes?_

Her responses came one after the other right away and I smiled down at my phone screen.

_Mitchie: omg_

_Mitchie: shut up_

_Mitchie: stahp _

_Mitchie: marry me_

"See! You're not even paying attention to me; I can bet all the money in my wallet that it's her you're talking to," Harper snapped when she finally realized I wasn't paying attention to her. It hadn't been that long. Mitchie, I had learned, isn't the type of girl who cares about how much time passes before you answer somebody. I would always be hesitant about that but lately I haven't cared, not with her anyway. We answer each other in less than a minute almost every time.

"What? _No._" She stared at me briefly with a look that told me she wasn't stupid before turning back to face the road. "Maybe."

"I knew it."

"So what, we've been talking all day…" I started to say then realized just how much of a kick she would get out of that information. "Shut _up_."

"I didn't say anything. Look, Alex, I don't care that you guys talk. I think it's great."

"All I want is for everyone to stop playing cupid with us and just let us be friends."

"You guys became friends really fast…like…I don't know if you know this about yourself but you don't warm up to people right away." Oh, I knew.

"What's your point?"

"You guys just met and you can't get enough of each other!" she shouted as if it were obvious. It wasn't then even though I can't figure out why. It was _painfully_ obvious but I was blind as a fucking bat.

"We're just friends!" I noticed my phone lit up a while back. It was still Mitchie.

_Mitchie: they're seriously one of my favorite bands_

They weren't her favorite though, that much I already knew. Over the time we spent getting to know each other through texts or Facebook, I have learned that her all-time favorite band is Nirvana, her favorite book is _The Great Gatsby_, her favorite movies are _Donnie Darko _and _The Boondock Saints_, and her favorite show is _Arrested Development_. I've learned a lot about her considering we'd only known each other barely a month.

_Alex: mine too, I've tried to get Harper into them but she won't have it_

_Mitchie: same with Caitlyn but the music she listens to fuckin SUCKS_

_Alex: you think the music I listen to sucks_

_Mitchie: not all of it! Don't worry you have the best music taste out of all our friends_

_Alex: I'm so flattered_

_Mitchie: you should be, get used to it_

_Alex: why?_

_Mitchie: because we're going to get married. I just said it…damn girl don't you listen to me when I talk_

_Alex: not really_

"You're doing it again." I almost completely forgot I was even in the car with Harper.

"Sorry." I didn't try to argue that time. I couldn't help it though. Talking to Mitchie just felt so…natural, I guess. It was weird. But she made it so easy to talk to her I hardly felt nervous anymore. Normally when I meet someone new I feel awkward around them for a _really_ long time. "What were you saying?"

"I'm saying that maybe you should at least…I don't know, keep an open mind about all this."

"What if I don't want to?"

"Honestly, what's the worst that could happen? You end up actually liking her?" I had no response to that. I really don't know if that's what I was afraid of. But why would I be afraid of liking someone? Was I even afraid of anything at all? I don't know what stopped me from doing anything. Mitchie texted me again before I could respond to Harper.

_Mitchie: ugh damn it Alex… /wrists_

_Alex: I never even agreed to it though_

_Mitchie: you're saying you wouldn't marry me? ARE YOU CALLING ME UGLY?_

_Alex: lmao I never said that!_

_Mitchie: so you think I'm hot_

_Alex: I never said that either_

"I don't know Harper. I'm not saying I'm opposed to it. I just…don't, okay? If it happens, it happens. It would be nice if everyone would…back off."

"Alright, fair enough…I'm just looking out for you."

"And I love you for that but you don't have to get me a girlfriend. I'm perfectly fine being single right now, really." And that wasn't a lie. I was never one of those girls I always used to see in my high school desperate for a guy's attention. And I definitely was never one of those girls that always had to be in a relationship. Some of the girls in my school went through boys like they went through underwear.

"Okay…but promise you'll keep it in mind?"

"Why is this so important to you?"

"Because you guys are my friends and I care about you. And I wasn't kidding when I said I think you two would be perfect for each other."

_Mitchie: I'm running out of room on my wrists to cut myself_

_Alex: you're so dramatic!_

_Mitchie: fashioning a noose…_

_Alex: okay FINE_

"If I say I'll keep it in mind would you not bring it up?"

_Mitchie: fine, I'm hot or fine, you'll marry me?_

_Alex: which would make you less suicidal?_

_Mitchie: the first one_

_Alex: you are the most conceited person I have ever met_

"Maybe." I sighed and she laughed at my frustrations. It's not like I was mad at Harper for constantly talking about it. I loved Harper to death and I knew she meant well. And I don't think I've ever been truly upset with her in all the years I've known her. I wasn't about to start picking fights. I smiled back at her.

"Close enough." My phone buzzed in my lap again.

_Mitchie: GET USED TO IT_

_Alex: WHY?_

_Mitchie: because we're getting married. PAY ATTENTION WOMAN_

_Alex: lol you're fucking ridiculous_

_Mitchie: meth is a hell of a drug_

I looked up from my phone and realized we were stopped in front of my house. She was looking at me with this amused expression and I just _knew_ what she was thinking. She didn't say anything though.

"Shut up," I told her. She shook her head and I picked my bag up and slung it over my shoulder as I got out of her car.

"I'll see you later, Alex." I would have been amused too if I were her. If I had to watch me continuously deny someone like Mitchie I'd laugh at how stupid I was. I do that now when I think about how in denial I was back then. I just didn't realize I was. I wish I did.

I had been to the Gray's house before. It wasn't huge but pretty decent sized. I have hung out with them there even before I met Mitchie. It was the _usual_ place to hang out when we had nothing better to do or we just wanted to chill somewhere. I've just never been to one of their parties before.

I've been to parties with Harper when someone at our school would throw one or some people we knew from middle school. But that was just it. I was used to being around people I already knew for a while, people I was comfortable with. I always knew I needed to loosen up and not worry so much about what could go wrong but it's just the way I was.

There weren't that many people at Shane's house by the time Harper and I got there but there were more than we expected. The front door was usually unlocked and you could just walk right in but we went up the driveway and into the backyard, following the sound of people talking loudly over music.

"Are all these people from Shane, Nate, and Jason's school?"

"Most of the guys are but some of them are from Mitchie and Caitlyn's." I looked at Harper and I'm sure she was able to tell what was going on in my head. I hated it when everyone _else _knew each other. I felt like no matter how hard you tried there was always going to be someone who felt left out. That was usually me.

"Where are they anyway?"

"I'm not sure. I think Shane's on the other side playing beer pong."

"I thought you said this wasn't a legit party."

"Word must've got out. Wait, I found Caitlyn. Come on," she said once she spotted the brunette on the deck. I followed her up the steps.

"Hey, you guys made it!" she shouted as we got closer. She was sitting at a table with a guy I've never seen before; each of them had a beer in their hand. She introduced us to him, Rob was his name, and we sat with them, easing into the conversation. For the most part I remained quiet. Harper was always more social than I was.

At one point my mind wandered and I remembered that Mitchie was supposed to be here. I saw Nate and Jason when they came outside and Shane's been in the backyard since we got here. But I have yet to see Mitchie. I thought about texting her, asking her where she is. I was never one to text someone first though. It made me feel clingy, like I was annoying whoever I was talking to; I won't talk to someone unless they want to talk to me.

Other people joined the table and sat with us too but I was still lost in my own thoughts. Every now and then I would contribute to the conversation but that's about it. I don't know how long we were hanging out there but I was snapped out of my reverie by someone's obnoxious shouting. Before I could even make out what they were saying I saw Mitchie.

She was standing on the grass and started climbing up the side of the deck, rather than using the stairs like a normal person. Once she made it she sat on the ledge between me and Harper and swung her legs over. She was in ripped jeans and a t-shirt with a picture of a raccoon on it and Vans on her feet. She hardly wore make up but she always looked good. I never thought about it too much then though.

"Hey when the fuck did you get here?" she asked Harper and me rather loudly, even though she was literally right next to us. She must've been drunk already.

"We've been here a while. Where were you this whole time?"

"Inside…I had a hot date with a keg. None of these dumbasses beat my time so I got bored." She kicked her feet up onto the arm of my chair and looked at Caitlyn. "Pong partners or what?"

"Not tonight, Mitch."

"What! Oh come on, you're always my partner."

"I've been drinking since we got here. And I know that if I play with you we'll be at the table all night. Do you want me to die?" she laughed and Mitchie groaned in response. "Play with someone else!"

"Ugh you're killing me, Caitlyn." She picked one foot off of the arm of my chair and lightly kicked my elbow. "Let's go Alex."

"What? Where?"

"You're my new partner," she said, turning and hopping back off the ledge and onto the grass. She didn't even give me a chance to say anything. She was already headed toward the beer pong table that Shane was still playing at. I heard Harper laughing.

"I believe your _partner_ is waiting for you," she said to me, everyone else still in their own conversation.

"Just _one_ day…" I sighed as I stood, shoving her arm before I went down the steps to find Mitchie. She was standing by the table already pouring beer into the new cups. When she heard me she looked up and smiled at me. "Hey."

"You as good at this as you are at football?"

"Is that sarcastic?"

"Hey, we won, didn't we?"

"You're not going to get naked again, are you?"

"I mean, yeah sure if you really want me to…" she trailed off and placed the can on table so she could lift her shirt. I grabbed her wrist and stopped her before she could. She chuckled at me. I always loved her laugh.

"Keep your clothes on this time."

"It's just as well; Shane's impervious to my tits. I think he might be gayer than I am."

"Hey I heard that!" he yelled from across the table.

"I care." They finished arranging the filled cups and she turned to face me. "But really, I wasn't being sarcastic before."

"Oh…well thanks, and yeah I'm pretty good."

"Sweet, that means we'll be here for a while. Hopefully you can drink, unless you're a two beer queer like Shane." She nodded her head towards the black haired boy across from us and I tried to stifle my laughter.

"I can still hear you!"

"I still care," she said sarcastically. "Just shut up and take your shot I'm fucking thirsty over here."

She seemed like she was already pretty drunk. But she continued to take the cups that they sunk, splitting them equally with me of course. I hadn't had much to drink since I got here but I was slowly getting there. We weren't doing too badly but we weren't winning. They had two cups left while we had five.

From time to time I would watch her as she would take her shot. When she wasn't focused on aiming or tossing she would occasionally look up towards the deck. I never noticed it before. I probably would have never noticed it, not until Harper pointed it out. But she would glance over at Caitlyn every now and then.

Mitchie was smiling and laughing and joking around with us the whole time but now that I was paying closer attention to her I would see her expression falter a little every time she would look at her. She would cover it up well though so no one else would notice. But I did. It seemed obvious now how she felt.

"You okay?" I asked her subtly as I reset the cups back into place. We had come back and won and Shane wanted a rematch.

"What? Yeah, I'm fine. I'm not _that_ drunk." She was actually, but that was beside the point.

"No I mean…are you okay? You keep looking up at the deck and then you get kind of down." I don't think she expected me to pick up on it but she just sighed and shook her head.

"It's nothing."

"Are you sure?" After talking to her so much over the past few weeks I thought she would feel like she could vent to me if she needed to. I certainly was feeling more comfortable around her; I wanted her to feel the same.

"I mean…I don't know…"

"Is it Caitlyn?" Instead of being surprised that I took a stab in the dark that was most likely correct she smacked a bounced ball away from a cup and looked at me.

"I don't understand her _at all_." I picked the ping pong ball off the floor and cleaned it in the water cup and took a shot, making it in.

"Isn't she your best friend?"

"Yes, exactly, that's just it. She doesn't _act_ like we're _just_ best friends. It's frustrating as hell. And who the fuck is that guy she's been sitting with all night?" she asked and took a shot herself, also making it in. They tossed the balls back to us to shoot again.

"Rob? I don't know, I think he's one of Nate's friends."

"Look at him; putting his arm around her and eye-fucking her," she said as she continued to grill them from afar. She threw the ball but missed this time and cursed under her breath. I also missed.

"He seemed like a nice guy." I shrugged but apparently that wasn't what she wanted to hear. "Sorry."

"It's fine; I just…I don't get it."

"Get what?"

"The way she talks to me, the way she acts around me…and I'm supposed to believe it means nothing?" She reached into her back pocket and fished out her cell phone. "Here, look at this." She scrolled through it a bit and handed it to me before catching a ball before it could fall off the table. I read through the text conversations between her and Caitlyn. "Tell me she doesn't mean anything by all that." She wasn't wrong; it did look like she would flirt with her sometimes.

"Well yeah…" I scrolled a bit more. I really did feel bad for her. Harper wasn't kidding. I could see it in her eyes whenever she would look up at the deck and see Caitlyn smiling at some other guy.

"See?"

"But she's kind of like that with everyone…" She took a shot, missing again, and then looked at me.

"What?"

"I really think that's just how she is." I've only known Caitlyn for almost a year but I still knew her well enough to know the way she talks to people. I took my own phone out and opened up my text conversation with Caitlyn. "Look." I tossed the ball and sank a cup.

"She just likes to fuck with my head is what I think."

"Why would she do that? She's your best friend."

"I don't know," she whined dramatically and handed my phone back to me. "And would you fucking go already, Shane? Jesus H. Christ I'm going to die of old age before you sink a shot." I laughed as Shane held up his middle finger and threw the ball, hitting the edge of a cup but ultimately missing in the end. The guy next to him also missed.

We continued playing and eventually she dropped the subject of Caitlyn and I didn't bring it up again because I didn't want to upset her if she didn't want to talk about it anymore. We ended up winning that round and then another round after that. Shane finally gave up and stopped calling for a rematch and Mitchie and I left the table too.

"I fucking hate him," she said bitterly out of nowhere and I was taken aback by it. She seemed completely fine a moment before that. She had gone back to being her usual loud and obnoxious self and we were having a good time. Now she just looked down again.

"Who? Shane?"

"No, that dumb little prick," she said motioning towards the guy sitting next to Caitlyn. "He's wearing a shirt that says #YOLO on it; he shouldn't even be allowed to breathe."

"Mitch, your shirt has a _raccoon_ on it…"

"It's The Raconteurs, for fucks sake Alex I thought you knew good music. We can't get married if you don't listen to good music," she joked.

"Maybe I don't want to marry you anyway."

"Ugh fine, I knew I'd just end up with Columbus anyway. At least _he_ will always love me." Columbus, I had learned, was her German shepherd. And she was obsessed with him.

"That's so sad."

"My life is sad. Bunch of haters up in this house; I need more beer to cope with the pain of rejection." She feigned hurt, holding her hand up to her heart. I pushed her as we walked towards the deck.

"_Dramatic_." We headed up the steps but Mitchie's laughter died down when we got there and she once again looked at Caitlyn sitting next to that Rob guy. At least they weren't hooking up; she would have lost her shit if they were.

"You guys finally lose?" Harper asked when she noticed us there.

"No we just got tired of playing against Shane…" I trailed off and saw that Mitchie was still looking at Caitlyn. "We're just going to go inside and get more beer," I told her, tugging Mitchie's arm to get her to pry her eyes away from the girl. "Come on, Mitch." I didn't want her to torture herself by being out here with them in case anything _did_ happen. I knew Harper had…_other_…thoughts about why I wanted to go inside with Mitchie. I'd have to deal with that another time.

"You know there's a cooler of beer in the yard, right?" she asked me once we were in the kitchen.

"You know you were probably two seconds from throwing your beer can at that kid's face, right?" I asked her with my eyebrow raised.

"I ought to light his fucking khaki shorts on fire…that douche." As ticked off as she was, I still laughed.

"Mitch…"

"Am I crazy?"

"I'm afraid to answer that honestly." She hopped up and sat on the kitchen counter. "You just need to stop thinking about them…or her in general."

"I can't _not_ think about her; she's my best friend, I see and talk to her all the time."

"Have you ever tried to think about…I don't know; _anyone_ _else_?"

"Not really, no. Any time I try to she just says or does something and ruins my progress like some sort of _she-devil_."

"Oh come on you don't mean that. You really-" I was going to try to give her advice but I was interrupted by some guy.

"Hey, Alex." I turned to where the voice came from and a boy with pale skin and short brown hair styled messily walked over to me. I remember him sitting at the table with us before I left to play pong with Mitchie. I talked to him a few times but it wasn't anything special.

"Oh…hey." I could not for the life of me remember his name. To this day I still don't know what it was. He stood in between Mitchie and me.

"The fuck? Hey! Edward Cullen, get lost; we were in the middle of a conversation," she said to him but he didn't turn around to acknowledge her.

"So what's up? You never came back to the table." Mitchie rolled her eyes. I felt genuinely awkward again. I didn't know what to do. I thought it would be rude either way; whether I talked to this guy who interrupted us or if I ignored him to continue talking to Mitchie.

"Oh well excuse the fuck out of me." She held her hands up and got off of the counter and went to the fridge to find a drink instead. I really hoped she wasn't going to go anywhere because I didn't want to be left alone with this guy.

"Yeah it was just getting kind of crowded and loud out there."

"I know what you mean. Plus everyone else was starting to get boring so I thought I'd come talk to you instead." That might have been the most ironically hilarious thing anyone has ever said to me. I was the quietest one outside at that table. I don't know why he thought _I'd _be more interesting.

He didn't talk to me for that long. And Mitchie was still by the fridge, looking through the cabinets for something to eat. I don't know if she stayed on purpose but I would thank her later for it regardless. Every now and then I would hear Mitchie snicker or make a quiet side comment whenever this guy, whose name I still didn't know, would say something.

"So do you have a boyfriend?" he asked me randomly and I noticed that he had gotten considerably closer to where I was standing. Our arms were practically touching. And if I didn't feel uncomfortable before I definitely did at that point. Before I could answer I heard Mitchie laughing again. It was louder this time and he definitely heard it.

"Um…no," I told him honestly, trying not to laugh at the fact that Mitchie was on the verge of cracking up.

"Really? I can't imagine how a pretty girl like you isn't already taken," he tried to compliment me but Mitchie just laughed even louder at his feeble efforts to hit on me. His face fell when she wouldn't stop laughing and he finally turned to look at her. "Do you mind?"

"Cullen, just stop while you still have your dignity…or what's left of it," she informed him and thankfully walked back over to us. I didn't think I could stand another minute of this guy flirting with me.

"Would you mind your own fucking business?" he snapped but I just stood there watching.

"Well _sorry_ that your less than stellar attempt to get laid tonight failed miserably but why don't you try hitting on someone else."

"Seriously can you just get out of here?"

"Look, Cullen, don't you have some animal to go chase or-"

"And stop fucking calling me Cullen!"

"Okay first of all, you need to take your tampon out and calm the fuck down. Second of all you're wasting your time. Don't get me wrong, it's hilarious. But you need to stop."

"Who the fuck are you anyway?" I took a sip from my beer can, thoroughly entertained by their exchange. Mitchie was the type of girl who didn't need people to back her up and others would be smart not to start with her. He obviously wasn't.

"Listen Cull-" she started but stopped when he took what appeared to be a threatening step closer to her. "What are you going to do? Hit me?" she laughed but he just looked pissed. "Oh, please, by all means go for it. You know, I'd say you're a pussy…but if that was the case then she might actually be interested in you," she said and I nearly choked on my beer as I tried not to laugh again.

"What?" he said slightly confused. I don't think he got the hint. I felt bad for him. But he was annoying the hell out of me, especially since he started barking at Mitchie. He turned to me finally. "Wait…are you…_gay_?" I couldn't comprehend the tone of his voice, if he was just shocked or disgusted. I blame the alcohol.

"Um…yeah, yeah I am."

"There's no way a hot girl like you is gay." I raised my eyebrow. Wow, and I thought _I _was stubborn.

"Oh but she is," Mitchie said before I could respond to him. That seemed to piss him off more.

"This is bullshit."

"Hey," she sort of shouted at him, again from the alcohol, and put her arm around me protectively. "That's my future wife you're talking to."

"Whatever, I'm not gonna deal with this."

"Good fucking bye," she told him, waving him off as he left. Once he was out of the kitchen she retracted her arm and started laughing once again; this time I joined her.

"Oh my God I can't believe you did that." I took another sip from my beer. "Thanks, though. I didn't know what to do."

"It doesn't take a rocket scientist to see how uncomfortable you were with him. You don't talk to people much, do you?"

"Uh…not really."

"That's cool. But I mean, don't be afraid to tell some dumb fuck to back off."

"Why should I when I have you to scare everyone away from me?" I teased and she scoffed in return.

"Hey I don't _scare _people."

"Why don't we ask _Cullen_ how he feels about it?"

"Why don't we do literally _anything_ besides talk to that guy again?" she suggested and it sounded like I great idea. I let a chuckle escape my lips and I nodded.

"Sounds good to me."

We hung out the rest of the night. Most of the time it was just the two of us but sometimes Nate, Shane, or Jason would join us. I made it a point to not go back to the deck again. I didn't want Mitchie to start getting upset. She was in a good mood again and I didn't want her to deal with that.

She seemed to forget about Caitlyn the rest of the night too. She never brought her up and she was smiling and laughing with me the whole time. At one point everyone started leaving but Harper told me that we were crashing here because she didn't want to drive after drinking so much.

Around three in the morning the house was pretty much cleared of teenagers and the place was a mess. We would all help out and clean up tomorrow though. We were all just tired at that point. I had been in the yard sitting in the grass with Mitchie and Nate but Mitchie had gone inside a while ago. At least Nate was a guy I could talk to without worrying about being hit on.

"You wanna head inside? I think everyone's passed out by now," he said when I realized we were the only two people outside.

"Yeah I'm pretty tired anyway." We walked into the house together and he locked the door behind him.

"There should be room for everyone in the basement on the couches," he told me as we parted ways. "If you need there are extra blankets in the closet."

"Thanks Nate."

"No problem, goodnight Lex."

"Night." I headed down the stairs that led to the basement to find that the lights were off. The television was on but muted, casting a little bit of light on the room. Unfortunately the couches were already occupied by Caitlyn and Harper who were sound asleep.

"Looks like you're bunking with me, Russo," someone said and flicked my ankle. I nearly jumped out of my own skin and had a heart attack. I looked down and saw Mitchie lying on the floor by my feet. I didn't even notice her there when I got down here.

"Holy shit you scared the crap out of me." She giggled quietly at my panic and shrugged with her hands behind her head.

"Huh, I guess I do scare people. Oh well…" She patted the empty spot on the carpeted floor next to her. "Come join me." I eyed her skeptically even though I wasn't sure if she could see it. I grabbed a throw pillow from the couch.

"I don't have to worry about you snoring or sleepwalking, do I?" I asked jokingly as I kicked off my shoes and took off my hoodie to lie down next to her under the comforter she was using.

"No I don't sleepwalk…but fair warning, I do tend to sleep-_rape_. So if I get frisky just scream really loudly; I _should_ wake up."

"_What_?" I asked incredulously and she again laughed at me.

"Relax, I'm kidding." She turned onto her side to face me. "Thanks for tonight, by the way." I too turned over on my side.

"What are you talking about?" The light from the television illuminated her face slightly.

"I know I can get a little annoying when it comes to _you know who_. I really am trying to get over it; it's just…hard sometimes." It was weird seeing Mitchie like this. I was so used to her being this carefree fun spirit who was confident and obnoxious. I didn't expect a completely different side to her. Maybe she _was_ like me; being paranoid and overthinking things.

"I understand…and you're not annoying," I told her honestly.

"Well that's a first," she chuckled quietly. "But still…thanks…for taking my mind off of her for once."

"Anytime." She leaned over to me and surprised me by pulling me into a hug. It took me about half a second to realize that she wasn't wearing any pants. But I hugged her back. We pulled apart and lied on our backs. "Night Mitch."

"Goodnight." And with that she turned to face away from me and passed out within a minute. I remember spending a majority of the night lying awake, just thinking. Even after getting to know her pretty well for nearly a month Mitchie was still a mystery to me. I didn't get it…but maybe Harper was right before. Because I knew that I couldn't get enough of her. I just couldn't see it until it was too late.


	3. It Gets Worse At Night

**A/N: This took longer than expected. But I'm loving the feedback so keep it coming. You all seem curious as to where this story is headed lol. EVENTUALLY OKAY. This chapter's entirely Alex/Mitchie and it's a _bit_ different but...yeah. I hope you still like it.  
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**again, love the feedback SO KEEP IT COMING. review? sure why not**

**Follow me on Twitter too: (at symbol) manhatanProject**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing but the plot. And that's about it.**

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******** hey guys I have no idea why FFnet is being such a massive douche about emails/alerts lately. I don't know if it's just me but people aren't getting alerts from me/this story. idk maybe you have to add it/me to your alert list again. no idea what's going on but what can you do?**

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It Gets Worse At Night

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The rest of October passed by pretty well. We all went to a Halloween party at the end of the month some kid at my school had. I didn't know what to expect from Mitchie but I shouldn't have been surprised when her costume was a cow…like a legit cow suit. She went around yelling _milk my udders, bitch_ to random people, at the party and on the street. We weren't even drinking.

She still talks to me _constantly_. I don't know; Harper must have been right about more things than one, considering I do feed into her random texts or Facebook messages. She'll send me weird or funny videos on YouTube or music that she thinks I _need_ to listen to. And we would just _talk_. And no matter what she would always make me laugh or smile.

I've never sincerely enjoyed talking to someone as much as I enjoyed talking to Mitchie. All my other friends, sure, I liked talking to them but there was just something about Mitchie. She was a very charismatic person. Regardless of whether I felt anything for her at the time or not, I was just drawn to her.

Everything about her pulled me in; her personality, her charm, her sense of humor, her carefree attitude, the random shit she would say or do, her confidence, her smile, her laugh, and the fact that she was a beautiful girl definitely didn't hurt. And to be honest, I think that on top of everything else, just that she seemed like she _wanted_ to talk to me too made me a little less nervous around her. And that just made me want to be around her even _more_.

Her texting had only increased since it first started. I didn't get it; I don't think I could ever text anyone as much as she texts me. I didn't mind it though. In fact, I loved it. I just would feel like I was being annoying. But that was just it…it wasn't annoying…at all, actually.

I used to not think anything of it. It wasn't a big deal whenever I would feel or hear my phone go off and I would see Mitchie's name on the screen. My indifference was fading. I didn't know what it was though. I felt…excited, almost. And it kind of became a routine. I couldn't picture going through a day where one of her texts didn't wake me up or she wouldn't let me sleep at night.

_Mitchie: it's not even that late!_

_Alex: there's school in the morning though_

_Mitchie: fuck school. Drop out and become a stripper_

_Alex: as appealing as that sounds I'd rather not. And I'm really tired_

_Mitchie: noooooo come on don't fall asleep on me_

_Mitchie: AGAIN_

It happened almost every night when I would talk to her. Sometimes she won't argue with me when I tell her I'm going to bed and she'll let me go. Other times, however, she'd put up a fight. I don't know what it was but it was like the girl never slept. And I guessed that she thought I would be the only person who would stay up with her. Either that or she genuinely wanted to continue talking to me over other people.

_Alex: hey it's not my fault you're an insomniac_

_Mitchie: it's entirely your fault_

_Alex: what! How the hell is it my fault?_

_Mitchie: I don't know but don't sleep. What is sleep anyway?_

_Alex: you know you should really try it sometime. Seriously Mitch you like never sleep_

_Mitchie: I don't know how to_

_Alex: that's highly unlikely_

_Mitchie: I just have too much crap going on in my head_

Now, normally we would joke about how she never sleeps. She would make up ridiculous excuses as to why she doesn't and she'd eventually give up and let me go to bed. She would never actually go in depth, not seriously anyway. And I was always curious. As I've said before, as well as I knew her and as close as we were at that point, she was still a mystery to me.

_Alex: what kind of crap?_

_Mitchie: don't worry about it. I don't want to bore you to death_

_Alex: I don't think there's anything you could say that could bore me_

_Mitchie: I could read you the bible_

_Mitchie: but that would just put you to sleep even faster and I'm trying to do the opposite here_

_Alex: lol you're not going to make me stay up again_

_Mitchie: what if I send you nudes?_

_Mitchie: ;)_

_Alex: hmm…tempting but I'll pass_

_Mitchie: PASS? How can you resist ME in all my naked glory?_

_Alex: I'm tired!_

_Mitchie: YOU'RE HIGH!_

_Alex: you're not seriously going to send me nudes…_

_Mitchie: ohhhhhhh no I know what you're doing and I'm not falling for it_

_Alex: falling for what? What am I doing?_

_Mitchie: don't challenge me thinking I won't do it just so I'll do it AND YOU'LL JUST FALL ASLEEP ANYWAY. Your reverse psychology will not work on me Russo_

_Alex: lmao this is just proof that you need to sleep too because you are fucking delirious_

_Mitchie: so that's a no to sexting?_

_Alex: yes_

_Mitchie: YES? Alex you little whore_

_Alex: I meant yes it's a NO!_

_Mitchie: you're sending me mixed signals who do you think you are, CAITLYN?_

_Alex: is that what you're thinking about so much that you can't sleep?_

_Mitchie: what, Caitlyn or you sending me mixed signals?_

_Alex: I'm not sending you mixed signals!_

_Mitchie: WELL THEN I GUESS WE HAVE OUR ANSWER_

I should have known what was keeping her up at night. If I was hung up on a girl I knew would never like me back I wouldn't be able to sleep either; especially with the way Caitlyn messes with her. And I know she doesn't do it on purpose. If I wasn't so sure Caitlyn was straight and talked like that with literally everyone I would think she had a crush on _me_.

_Alex: Aw c'mon Mitch, stop thinking about her_

_Mitchie: I CAN'T! My mind is a dark and sad place at night_

_Alex: I could only imagine_

_Mitchie: HEY_

_Alex: you know you can talk to me about it if you need to, right?_

_Mitchie: says the girl who's TIRED_

_Alex: Mitch if you're upset about something I'm not gonna ignore you_

_Alex: and quit raping the caps lock button it's like I can hear you yelling in my ear_

_Mitchie: MAYBE I LIKE YELLING IN YOUR EAR_

_Mitchie: ;)_

_Alex: Mitch_

_Mitchie: what_

_Alex: GOOD. NIGHT._

_Mitchie: NO_

_Mitchie: damn it Alex_

_Mitchie: baby come back_

_Mitchie: you can blame it all on me_

_Mitchie: I WAS WRONG AND I JUST CAN'T LIVE WITHOUT YOU_

_Alex: lmao oh my god GOODNIGHT MICHELLE_

_Mitchie: /wrists_

_Alex: :(_

_Mitchie: your emoticons are full of LIES_

_Alex: I'm sorry! Just text me in the morning_

_Mitchie: ugh fine_

_Alex: and by morning I don't mean 5am again_

_Mitchie: ugh FINE_

_Mitchie: and don't ever call me Michelle or you'll wake up in the middle of the night and I'll be waiting for you under your bed with a chainsaw_

_Alex: Jesus Christ I'm almost afraid to go to sleep now_

_Mitchie: good now you can stay awake with me :D_

_Alex: …goodnight_

_Mitchie: fine goodnight bitch_

_Alex: well thanks love you too_

_Mitchie: yeah, yeah I love you too sometimes_

_Alex: …eh, I'll take it_

_Mitchie: it's okay lots of people end up in a loveless marriage. We'll be fine. Go get your beauty rest, lord knows you need it_

_Alex: sometimes I honestly wonder why I talk to you this much_

_Mitchie: because you have no other friends and I'm perfect *flips hair*_

_Alex: alright I'm definitely going to bed. And now I'm not answering you tomorrow_

_Mitchie: WHAT! Who the fuck else am I going to annoy then_

_Alex: clearly nobody BECAUSE YOU HAVE NO OTHER FRIENDS AND I'M PERFECT *flips hair*_

_Mitchie: well played, Russo. It's scary how much you sound like me now though_

_Alex: I talk to you way too much…because I have no other friends and you're perfect :(_

_Mitchie: lmao well I mean it's true…_

_Alex: good fucking night Michelle_

_Mitchie: omfg_

_Mitchie: you did not just_

_Mitchie: sleep with one eye open you slut_

_Alex: I can never win. You know, one of these days I'm really going to stop responding to you_

_Mitchie: please don't I might actually kill myself_

_Alex: why?_

_Mitchie: …because I have no other friends and you're perfect?_

_Mitchie: and I needs ma wifey_

_Alex: well how can I say no to that?_

_Mitchie: you can't…because you can't resist me_

_Alex: if I agree will you let me sleep?_

_Mitchie: maybe_

_Alex: then fine, I can't resist you. Now goodnight_

_Mitchie: lol alright, sweet dreams babe_

That was what was so routine about our conversations. Aside from her keeping me up because she doesn't sleep much, she would also drag out our conversations to prevent _me _from sleeping when I want to. It would take us entirely too long to say goodnight and stop talking to each other. She would just never let me leave.

It was just…I don't know, new to me…I guess. But I still wanted to know more about her. I felt like I only knew the basics and there was this whole other side to her. But I kind of also liked the mystery. It was exciting to know someone I couldn't figure out right away like every other girl I knew.

The following week went by just the same. She would wake me up at ungodly hours with her texts and if I didn't wake up from them I'd just receive one of her pretending to be mad at me. I wanted to see more of her though. I constantly thought about her, whether it was at home or at school. The girl would not leave my mind.

Occasionally she would mix it up and call me instead. I wasn't complaining though. There was something about hearing her voice that makes her sarcastic or obnoxious comments all the more enjoyable. And she just had one of those voices that you always wanted to hear no matter what the person was saying. The fact that I wanted to hear what she was saying was a bonus…or it's the other way around.

"You're being way too stubborn about this, Alex." It was nearing midnight as I recall. I leaned back in my computer chair, using my feet to spin myself around slowly and mindlessly. "But what else is new?"

"Hey!" It's not like she was wrong though so I couldn't deny it. "I am not."

"Just come with me!"

"Why don't you ask Caitlyn or someone else?"

"Because I'm trying to listen to you and not succumb myself to that kind of torture for once."

"Mitch…"

"It's just a concert."

"In the middle of _nowhere_."

"It's not that bad."

"It's in bumblefuck Long Island and knowing you it's going to be sketchier than you're letting on."

"Ouch, right in the heart."

"I'm serious!"

"So am I. Come on Lex no one else would go."

"Gee, I wonder why…"

"I didn't even ask Caitlyn or the guys because you're the only one who has good taste in music. And…you're so pretty…" she added at the end and I let out a quiet laugh.

"Your half-assed compliments aren't going to sway me."

"You're so damn hard to please," she replied sarcastically and I rolled my eyes.

"I am not."

"Are you really going to make me ask Caitlyn?"

"You say that as if you're not best friends with her." She sighed loudly into the phone; she sounded both annoyed and frustrated.

"That's not the point Alex."

"Mitch, you know I would but I don't even know where this place is…and it's on a school night too."

"For goodness sake live a little."

"You're a terrible influence on me, you know that?" It was funny. I didn't know it at the time but she might have actually been the best influence on me…ever. And she didn't even know it either.

"So you'll come?"

"No." It was getting late. This was usually around the time I would get tired and tell her I'm about to call it a night…as much as I would have loved to stay on the phone with her.

"I really fucking hate you sometimes."

"Wow, _harsh_."

"You know I'm only kidding. But I do hate you for not coming with me. Now I have to ask Caitlyn and deal with a whole new tragic mess. Thanks a lot you scum."

"Just don't go. Is it really worth it?" I hated seeing her down all the time because of her. She was slow to respond.

"…Probably not."

"Then don't go."

"I know you're right but still…I mean I can't just _not_ hang out with her ever because of this. That's just stupid. And the whole reason why she doesn't do anything about it is because she doesn't want this to change anything between us and I guess I'm just fucking things up and…what? No." She paused and I looked at my phone confused. Her voice seemed a bit distant.

"What?"

"No, I don't know."

"…Know what? Mitch, what are you talking about?"

"No," she said more sternly. I had no idea what was going on. "Do I _look _like I would know where the nearest Asian market is?" Something told me she wasn't talking to _me_ anymore. But that was just a hunch. I waited. "No. My God. If I didn't know the first ten times you asked me why the hell would I know now?"

"Um…Mitch?"

"Hey, sorry, some Chinese man wouldn't leave me alone," she said, finally sounding like she was talking to me again.

"It's okay," I replied, laughing a bit. "But uh…where the hell are you…or do random Chinese men show up in your house from time to time?" She chuckled into the phone.

"No I'm at a bus stop."

"Why?"

"Because it's a place to sit. I got tired of walking."

"I thought you were home. What are you doing out so late by yourself?"

"Well for your information _mom_ I couldn't sleep again so I went out to clear my head."

"Did it work?"

"Not entirely."

"Where are you anyway?"

"Somewhere on Northern…kind of by your school."

"How'd you end up over there?"

"I don't know; I've been walking for a while."

"You want to just come to my house? It's not that far from where you are," I suggested without really thinking it through. I had been hesitant about going with her to that concert _mainly_ because I was way too nervous to go somewhere with her _alone_. We may have talked twenty four seven but I really didn't think I could go somewhere with her…just the two of us. I don't know…she kind of intimidated me.

"Really?"

"Well you don't have to if you don't want to. It's late though so I thought it would be better if you were at least _not _wandering the streets by yourself I mean I was just offering in case you didn't-"

"Alex…calm down," she said while laughing again, no doubt at my nerves. God I seriously used to ramble like an asshole. I don't know why I invited her over in the first place. It just wasn't something I did.

"Sorry. But uh…yeah…you can come…if you want."

"Sure, why not. Text me your address."

"Okay…I'll see you soon." We hung up and I quickly opened up a new text message and sent Mitchie my address. She said she probably could make the walk in around fifteen to twenty minutes. I spent that time staring at the socks on my feet. I didn't know what to do. She was coming over and my brain felt like it was going to explode out of my ears.

I didn't move from my computer chair. I didn't move at all. The only person I had ever had over my house was Harper and that's only because I have known her for such a long time. I was used to her. And as much as I thought I was used to Mitchie, the thought of her coming over was enough to send me into a panic attack.

After a while my phone went off signaling a new message again and Mitchie told me she thought she was outside. I went out my front door to see a girl in a black leather jacket and loose fitting sweatpants wandering in the middle of the sidewalk. Her hands were in her pockets and she would occasionally look up at the houses on the block.

"You lost or something?" I managed to tease her despite my anxiety. Her head turned towards me and she flinched a bit.

"I couldn't read any of the house numbers; this street is dark as shit. And I didn't want to walk up to all of the houses to check them. I already look like a fucking hoodrat as it is." I laughed quietly at her and shook my head before I opened the door more to let her in. It was pretty cold out that night and I noticed her nose was a little red once she stepped into the light of my house. "Thanks."

"No problem." She took her hood off and pushed her bangs out of her face like she always did before wrapping her arms around my waist briefly. "So what brings you to my neighborhood at this hour?"

"I really didn't even have a destination; sometimes I just…walk."

"Is everything okay though? You sounded upset on the phone."

"You'd be upset too if some Chinese man wouldn't shut the hell up."

"I meant before that." I crossed my arms as I looked at her, waiting for her response.

"I…I don't know Alex. Can we go to your room or something?" she said, looking uncomfortable, which was weird because I was usually the one who was uncomfortable. Then I realized what she asked and I felt my mouth drying up. I swallowed past the random lump in my throat and nodded.

"Yeah…sure." I led the way to my bedroom and silently thanked God I had attempted to clean it earlier that day. It wasn't spotless but it didn't look like a tornado had passed through it like it normally did.

"Is this you?" she asked out of the blue and I stopped to turn around and see what she was talking about.

"What?" She was staring at a collage of pictures hanging on the hallway wall, one in particular. "Oh God…" It was of me when I was maybe around two years old. I was in nothing but my underwear and a Scooby Doo t-shirt. My smile was so out of this world you would think I had just been told I own Disneyland. I don't know why I allow my mom to keep it up for guests to see. "Um…yeah, that's me."

"Oh my God you're so cute," she gushed as she continued to laugh at the picture. My face nearly burned.

"Okay let's keep moving," I said urgently, wanting to get away from any more embarrassing pictures of me.

"Oh relax; you've seen _me_ without any pants. But it's funny when you blush."

"I'm not _blushing_!" I practically yelled but then remembered what time it was and that everyone else was sleeping. "Let's just go." We finished the remainder of the short walk to my room and I closed the door behind me once we were inside.

"Your house is nice," she said randomly as she took her shoes off near where a bunch of mine were.

"Really?"

"Yeah."

"I mean…it's alright."

"It's very…homey."

"Well…it _is_ my home, you know." She nodded but said nothing else. I sat on my bed and crossed my legs. "So do you want to tell me what you have against sleep and why you wander around the streets in the middle of the night?" I asked wanting to get right to the point. Also, the last thing I wanted was for there to be _any_ lulls or awkward silences. She took a seat in my computer chair, swiveling from side to side like I had been doing when I was on the phone with her.

"You pretty much know the answer to that already."

"Is this whole Caitlyn thing seriously bugging you that much that you literally _never_ sleep?"

"I sleep…just not a lot…or well for that matter. Besides, I just really didn't feel like being at my house."

"How come?"

"When did this become twenty questions?"

"I only asked you three!" She narrowed her eyes and I felt extremely self-conscious. And I had no idea why. She stood from the chair and walked over to my bed and sat next to me.

"Why do you look like you're going to shit your pants at any second? Am I really that scary?" she said finally with a light chuckle at the end. I let out a breath. Christ this girl made me mental.

"You're not _scary_…you're just…" I trailed off before I could go into detail.

"Keep boosting my confidence…" she said sarcastically and I rolled my eyes at her.

"Your confidence doesn't need to be boosted any more than it already is!"

"That's hilarious." She shook her head and leaned back until she was lying on my bed with her legs dangling over the edge. I shifted to look down at her. "I'm sorry for dropping in like this by the way."

"I invited you, remember?"

"I know…I just feel bad. I feel like I'm constantly bothering you and you're just being nice," she shrugged against the comforter.

"We're friends Mitch…I'm not _pretending_ to give a shit." Her giggle was a little quieter this time.

"Yeah I know, but still…"

"Don't worry; I know the feeling."

"I bet," she said humorously and that amused expression she always seemed to have around me was back.

"What's that supposed to mean?" I said, not really offended.

"Nothing…it's probably none of my business anyway."

"What?"

"Nothing," she repeated and placed one of her hands behind her head. I chewed on the inside of my cheek for a moment and stood up to go shut the light off. "What are you doing?"

"Turning the light off so I don't have to do it later." I climbed back onto my bed, this time on the other side of her. "Take your jacket off," I told her once I realized she still had it on.

"Are you trying to seduce me?" she asked and I would have choked…if I had anything to choke on. Thankfully I didn't.

"What!" So I just settled on shouting.

"I'm kidding. My God you are wound tighter than the strings on my guitar."

"I am _not_!"

"Man I wish I had a nickel for every time you say that to me." I smacked her shoulder and she kept on laughing at me.

"I was just saying so you'd be more comfortable because I'm obviously not going to make you walk back home in the middle of the night. _Jesus_," I told her and then thought back to what she just said. "Wait, you play guitar? Since when?" Out of all the conversations I have had with her not once did she ever mention playing guitar. Regardless of what I may or may not have felt for her at the time I still thought it was…kind of hot.

"Uh…like…since I was…ten or something," she said awkwardly. I remember thinking why the hell _she_ looked nervous all of a sudden. That was solely _my_ job back then.

"How come you never told me?"

"I don't really tell people…"

"Why? Are you that bad?" I teased but right away I figured it wasn't something I should have done. She remained silent and I worried that I offended her. "That was a joke."

"No I know. It's just…I don't know, I don't like telling people. It's just something I do…for me…and me only."

"So no one knows you play?"

"My family knows…and Caitlyn knows. And well…now you know."

"Should I feel special?" I asked, trying to lighten the mood a bit.

"A little, actually." She sat up a bit and took her leather jacket off and tossed it to the back of my computer chair.

"Am I special enough to ever hear you actually play something?" I asked hopefully. All I got in return was a raised eyebrow and another amused look. She took a seat on my bed. "I'll take that as a no."

"Don't take it personally. Caitlyn hasn't even heard me sing."

"You sing too? I just wanted to hear you play." I swear everything this girl said had me more and more fascinated with her.

"But you don't want to hear me sing?"

"I…" I don't even know why I trailed off. What could I have possibly been thinking of that I had no response? "What? I do." Maybe it was the way she was looking at me.

"Is it only around me or are you like this around everyone?" Her question caught me off guard but to be honest I was surprised she hadn't asked me that sooner.

"Apparently this _is_ twenty questions…"

"Hey I answered all of your questions."

"You answered none of them!"

"Fine, fine…go ahead."

"Go ahead, what?"

"Ask away bitch."

"Okay…why didn't you want to be home tonight?"

"You really couldn't pick _anything_ else?" I shook my head. "That's a trick question so I can't really answer it anyway," she pointed out and I stared at her blankly.

"How?"

"Because I don't have a home."

"What?"

"Nope, my turn. Why do you look like you think I'm going to murder you when we hang out?" I licked my lips and lightly bit down on them in the process. "Do I really make you that uncomfortable?"

"It's not that, it's just…the way I am I guess."

"So it's not just me?" I shook my head once more. That was kind of a lie though. I'm nervous and awkward around everyone…it's just…_different_ with her. "And here I thought I was driving you away already."

"You'll have to try harder I guess," I laughed and leaned back against my headboard.

"Don't worry; I'm sure I'll think of something. It seems like I'm already getting there."

"Don't take my weird awkwardness personally. I'm just not used to having people over…besides Harper."

"Why?"

"I don't know. I don't really like having people over." I shrugged and crossed my legs.

"You don't like having people over or you don't like inviting them?"

"What's the difference?"

"Never mind." A silence fell upon us, something I wanted to avoid but should have expected. I decided to break it with a seemingly delicate subject. I didn't think things through enough back then even though I thought I did.

"Why are you so hung up on Caitlyn?" To my surprise she didn't really react all that much. She leaned backwards until she was lying flat on her back and staring at my ceiling.

"I ask myself that every single day, Lex."

"Do you ever come up with a good answer?"

"Sometimes." She put her hand behind her head like she was doing before she moved. Another silence fell upon us. That time, she broke it. "Have you ever met someone or just had someone in your life that you just _really_ wanted to be around…like…all the time?" It was her. I wasn't going to tell her that though.

"I don't think so," was the response I settled on instead.

"But I think I might have just fooled myself into thinking it's something more because she is my best friend."

"Before, on the phone, you said you were fucking things up. What did you mean?"

"I've never actually told her. Like I never came right out and admitted to her how I feel. Everyone just knew and eventually she did too. It was like this _silent_ _agreement_ we had. We never brought it up."

"Why not?"

"Because things aren't awkward and I don't want them to be just because I can't control my feelings. She means too much to me to lose her over a crush I know will never amount to anything."

"I'm sorry Mitch, really."

"It's okay, you don't have to be."

"You didn't answer my question though." She turned her head and looked at me with a confused expression. "I asked why you're hung up on her not why you like her." She let out a low groan and ran her hands over her face.

"I hate my life."

"Mitch…"

"I really don't know. If I knew I would tell you."

"Would you really?" I looked at her skeptically and she returned my gaze with something I couldn't put my finger on.

"Surprisingly yes. I mean, I really only ever tell Caitlyn everything…well…_almost_ everything. But some things are just easy to talk to you about."

"Like what?"

"Honestly? Pretty much anything. I can't believe I even told you about the music thing."

"Yeah why don't you like telling people that? I'm sure you're great at it."

"I'm really not."

"Says who? I thought you never play or sing for anyone."

"I don't," she said and looked back up at the ceiling. "Not since I was a kid."

"What happened?"

"You like asking a lot of questions, don't you?" she asked, looking amused again. "_Someone's_ nosey."

"I am not," I said defiantly and she laughed. "Fine, ask _me_ something then."

"Ooh daring aren't we, Alex?" she joked and I shoved her shoulder. "You'd really answer anything I ask you right now?"

"Um…yes," I told her, a little unsure, but I couldn't take it back now. She was being honest with me. It was only fair.

"Okay…" she trailed off, thinking for a moment. "Why are you such a nervous mess all of the time. At first I thought it was just something that happened when you first meet people but I thought we'd known each other long and well enough for you to be a bit more relaxed."

"You don't think I am?" I really believed I had improved since I first met her. I guess some habits are just too hard to break.

"A little. Don't get me wrong Alex; I think it's hilarious."

"_Thanks_."

"What? It's not a bad thing."

"I just have a hard time trusting people is all," I admitted and it got quiet again.

"Did something happen or…"

"Not really. I guess…growing up I was just really socially awkward for some reason. I had a hard time making friends because I didn't want to talk to people…and apparently I never grew out of it."

"I get that."

"You do?"

"Yeah, like you're constantly worried what people will think of you so hardly give them a chance to even form an opinion in the off chance it's a bad one." I think my jaw may have dropped but I'm not sure. All I knew was she hit the nail on the head and I was actually speechless. How the hell did she know that?

"I…" I attempted to say but no words came out, so I settled for, "…yeah. How did you guess that?"

"I used to be the same."

"Well I see _you've_ outgrown it," I pointed out and she chuckled quietly.

"You could say that. I really had no choice but to get over it anyway."

"Why?"

"With my family, it's hard to give a shit about it. It didn't seem to matter so much after a while, what people think of me, that is."

"So one day you just…stopped being like that?"

"No, it was gradual but like…I don't know. I guess I can blame my parents' divorce because that's really when I started changing." She had told me a while back her parents were separated. It wasn't a messy or dramatic split nor was she abandoned by her mother or father. They just weren't working out and wanted a divorce.

"It still bothers you, doesn't it?" I asked her tentatively. I didn't want to set her off randomly just because she was right and I _am_ nosey; only when it comes to her though. She sighed, sounding somewhat exhausted.

"It's not so much that they're not together that bothers me. It did at first, obviously, but I'm over that." I thought about what she was saying. And then I thought back to previous things she has mentioned throughout the night and since she arrived at my house. I tried to find dots to connect and pieces to put together. It started to make a little bit more sense.

"Does it have anything to do with what you said about not having a home?" She played with the edge of my comforter between her fingers. "Is that why you don't like being at your house?" She shrugged.

"I guess, yeah. I'm always being passed around like some unwanted foster kid between my mom and dad with this dumb ass joint custody they have going on. But I feel like none of them honestly give a shit where I am. My mom probably doesn't even know I left tonight."

"That's terrible."

"Yeah…" And yet another lull consumed us, but not for too long. "See, I told you my mind is a dark and sad place at night," she said half-heartedly but offered a light chuckle. She wasn't kidding though. I had never seen her like this in all the time I have known her. This was different from that night I first learned of her crush on Caitlyn. She just seemed so sad and vulnerable. I had no idea she had this much crap going on in her mind every night.

"Why'd you tell me all of this?" I asked randomly.

"You asked," was her simple reply.

"So if Shane or any of the guys asked you'd just tell them everything too?" She scoffed and put her other hand behind her head.

"Hell no. I'd tell them to eat their own scrotum and fuck off." _There's_ the Mitchie I was used to.

"Jesus."

"Like I said before, you should feel special."

"Why me though?" Never in my life had I felt even _remotely_ special and then this girl comes along and suddenly I was?

"Because you're not like everyone else. Plus, I trust you…and you just…get me." It was funny…and ironic, considering what I thought of her. "And you turn me into an emotional fucking sap; my God what the _hell_ have we been talking about all night? What are you doing to me?" she said jokingly and dramatically. I slapped her arm again.

"You're an idiot."

"And you're awkward."

"I am not!" I nearly yelled and then I realized I really do say that a lot to her.

"I seriously want that as my ringtone or something, you stubborn little freak."

"I hate you," I tried to say but I couldn't help but laugh.

"Your obsession with me tells me otherwise," she said smugly and my eyes widened.

"What!"

"It's okay; I don't blame you. I mean…who wouldn't be obsessed with me?"

"I'm surprised there's even room in my bedroom for your big head."

"I'm surprised there aren't deadbolts and padlocks on your doors and windows to keep intruders away. I picture you living like a little hermit."

"Shut up!" I hit her again. She was laughing audibly and uncontrollably at my reactions.

"You're so much fun to mess with."

"You're so mean." She rolled over onto her side, much closer to where I was laying, and wrapped her arms tightly around my waist.

"Oh Alex," she sighed, her laughter dying down. "I'm so glad I came here tonight. You entertain the shit out of me, to be honest."

"I'm glad I _amuse_ you," I said and rolled my eyes at her once again.

"That…and you take my mind off of things that are bothering me," she said sincerely and offered me a smile.

"Really?" She let go of me and nodded her head. I shifted a bit so I was lying on my back too. "Good…that's what I was hoping for."

"Well…mission accomplished, bitch," she said and held her palm up for me to high five her.

"Do you think you can sleep now that you got some of that off your chest?" I asked and she thought for a moment.

"I don't know; are you going to spoon me in the middle of the night again?" she retorted and my eyes widened even more than before.

"What!" I actually did shout that time, completely forgetting it was late and everyone in my house was asleep. "What the…I…_when_?"

"That night at Shane, Nate, and Jason's house we slept on the floor." I was speechless again.

"…_What_!" was apparently all I was capable of saying.

"Yeah I woke up really early…like around five or six, and you were just kind of like…" she trailed off and moved close to me…like…_extremely_ close. She turned me a bit and pressed her body up against my backside until there was no space between us. My breath hitched in my throat and my heart pounded. She wrapped her arms around me tightly again. "And you had your face in my neck," she continued to explain and went on to demonstrate _again_. Her breath hit my skin and nearly made me shiver at the contact.

"No I didn't," I managed to say in a voice that didn't sound strained or high pitched.

"Yeah, and your hands were like randomly on my stomach and…" She placed her hands on my stomach…_under my shirt_. They started to slowly descend to my waist and the hem of my shorts. I tensed up but before she could go any further I felt her laughing against my skin. I was going to kill her.

"You're so full of shit!" I told her as she continued laughing. She just thought it was _so_ fun to mess with me. I mean, I did think it was funny though so I laughed too. But still… "I hate you." She pulled away from me completely and lied on her back again.

"Oh man could you imagine if you actually felt me up in the middle of the night?" she said, still lightly cracking up at my expense. It would have been a nightmare. I was nervous enough I didn't need to find out I did _that_ to her in my subconscious. "Your face is probably so red right now."

"You _suck_."

"You're hilarious though."

"You're laughing _at_ me…you _dick_."

"I like you when you're feisty…you're like an angry little hamster." And at that I was at a loss for words again. What the hell? I didn't understand what goes through this girl's mind ninety percent of the time. But tonight made me see her in a new light. I guess I just never pictured carefree Mitchie having problems. It was good to see her back to her normal self again though. Well…normal for Mitchie.

"Oh my God…I…you just…ugh, _good_ _night_," I said, giving up on the conversation. I was never going to win with her and I needed to realize that. She giggled at my surrender but didn't push it.

"Okay but can I be the big spoon this time?" she asked and as much as I didn't want to I snorted out a laugh as I tried to keep my lips shut tight. She drove me insane sometimes but it only made me like her that much more. I was just in denial. I had to have been. There's no way I didn't feel something for her, even then. But I was starting to entertain the idea, considering how often I thought about her. It only made sense. "I'll take that as a yes."

"Fuck you."

"Shut up, you love me." I shook my head. The irony alone could actually kill me now.


	4. Maybe There's A Reason For It All

**A/N: I have some explaining to do. First, I'm trying not to struggle with writing but it comes and goes so I might not update as often as we would all like so I apologize in advance.**

**SECOND, if you follow me on twitter you might have noticed that my account has been deactivated. That's because I just needed to delete it. I will PROBABLY reactivate it. Maybe sooner than later if you guys really want. But for right now, it's gone. Sorry for those of you who followed me.**

**Third, hope you like this chapter. I'm starting to move it along. Sorry if it's going slower than you want but considering what I'm basing it off of I need it to go a certain way before you IMPATIENT PEOPLE can find out where I'm going with it lol**

**I'm kidding, but not really.**

**Anyway, RIP manhatanProject on twitter, hopefully that will come back to life soon.**

**And review and let me know what you think!**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing but the plot. And that's about it.**

* * *

Maybe There's A Reason For It All

* * *

I would like to say it happened progressively and I didn't have some sort of epiphany out of nowhere. But that is honestly what it felt like at the time. I know the thoughts were buried somewhere deep in the back of my mind, hidden in my subconscious. And when I started to feel everything coming to the surface I quickly shoved everything back where they belonged.

Maybe I started thinking about it more since Harper seemed to think about it less. As time went on she realized that maybe Mitchie and I just weren't as perfect for each other as she thought we were. I adamantly reminded her that we were just friends and nothing more despite how close we had gotten. And Harper backed off.

She didn't lose _all_ hope though. Every now and then she would make a comment or two or a not so subtle attempt to get us _alone together_ which, by the way, I still never fully got used to. And we have hung out alone since that night she slept over my house. There was just something about her though that made me trip and stumble over my words and come off as a full functioning retard.

I really don't know what was wrong with me, why I didn't do anything about it. I knew it and I ignored it…_constantly_. I mean I didn't at first. I don't think I felt something _right away_. Can anyone even do that? I'm not one of those people who believe in falling so hard for someone right when you meet them. I didn't think anyone could. You could be attracted to them though. But I don't really think I was.

The thing is…I was _so_ set on _not_ liking her like that. If we became friends then I guess that would have been fine. But I know for a fact I didn't want it to go beyond that…ever. I never find myself attracted to many people to begin with. But when I met Mitchie I had this horrible gut feeling all that was going to change. And I was right.

If it wasn't for Harper and everyone else constantly pushing for it to happen it might have actually happened on its own. That's the sad part. Mitchie's an amazing person; I shouldn't be so against wanting to be with her. It was ridiculous. But everyone just made me feel more awkward than I normally do, like they were just _watching_ me, waiting to see if I would do something about it.

It was like constant surveillance. _Does she like her? What are they talking about? Are they alone? Is she flirting? _My God it was enough to tear my hair out. But that's what kept playing in my head over and over and it made me so nervous and self-conscious I would feel like I was going to throw up and nothing would even be really happening. I'm a paranoid schmuck, sue me.

I can't pinpoint an exact moment in time when I realized I was just being a colossal imbecile but I knew when I finally came to terms with it and accepted it _for once_. Do people even know those things? The moment everything changes, when the hell is that? Because when you think back…hey, it makes a shit ton of sense, doesn't it? There must have been something going on, right?

Regardless, I know it was sometime in late November, nearing Thanksgiving break. We had known each other for a solid two and a half months. And in those two and half months my life had been consumed with everything that is Mitchie. If I wasn't hanging out with her I was talking to her. If I wasn't talking to her I was thinking about her. It drove me halfway insane when I noticed _wow, I really am obsessed with her after all._

We were all at Caitlyn's house, just hanging out after school ended. It was only the girls. Everything was fine and normal but I couldn't help but notice _everything_ Mitchie did. I mean, I would always pay more attention to her anyway, but that's because I was usually talking to her the most. But that day was just…different.

Maybe it was because it was only the four of us instead of the _whole_ group but it was like Harper and I weren't even there, to Mitchie anyway. When we met up to go out to eat after school she sat next to Caitlyn. When we were watching a movie on the couch she sat next to Caitlyn. And I felt like she was talking to me less. Because nine out of ten times she was talking to _Caitlyn_.

I mean, I had nothing against Caitlyn. She wasn't doing anything wrong. She was just…there. And Mitchie just _happened_ to be in love with her…or close to it at least. I didn't even get it. What was so great or special about Caitlyn anyway? But then again…what was so great or special about _me_? Why would Mitchie pay any more attention to me than she does to Caitlyn?

My self-loathing was going to get me nowhere but I continued to torture myself by watching the two best friends together. And it was all innocent. It's not like they were cuddling or flirting or…making out. But then a thought hit me and I wondered…why is this even considered torture?

"Alex?" Mitchie's voice made me tear my eyes away from the television screen. I had tried to focus on the movie so I wouldn't focus on her. I don't think I was blinking. My eyes burned a little when I shut them.

"Huh?"

"I said do you want anything from the kitchen?" I looked at her and she was already standing.

"No, I'm fine."

"You sure?" she double checked and I just nodded my head silently before she took off in the direction of the kitchen. And then I noticed Caitlyn went with her. Why, I had no idea but I looked back at the empty spot on the couch they were previously occupying.

"What's going on with you?" Harper asked me after about a minute of nothing being said.

"Nothing."

"You've been all weird and quiet all day."

"What? We're watching a movie…"

"Alex."

"What?"

"What's the matter?" The thing with Harper is she always kept pushing. She knows that with me you have to struggle a bit before you get anything out of me. With Mitchie, there never was a struggle though.

"I don't know." I was just glad that it was only the two of us and I didn't have to worry about Caitlyn or Mitchie overhearing…especially with what I was afraid I might end up saying. "Do you think there's something going on with them?" I said out of nowhere. I don't know. I couldn't stop my curiosity. Harper's expression reminded me of one Mitchie would normally have around me.

"…What?" She even laughed a little. I just _amuse_ people no matter what I say or do. "You can't be serious." I blinked a couple of times, not saying anything else in response. "Alex!"

"Shh," I told her urgently. The last thing I needed was to draw attention to that conversation. "And for the love of God stop giving me that look. I know what you're thinking."

"You couldn't possibly."

"Is that a joke?"

"Obviously." I rolled my eyes and focused back on the television. Her gaze was making me feel like I was in some sort of hot seat. "This is so great."

"That's not what it is!" I accidentally shouted. I'm sure they heard it from the kitchen but nothing happened to indicate it. "I'm just worried about her is all."

"Yeah, okay…"

"Harper, I'm serious."

"Me too."

"I don't like her," I whisper-yelled this time. "But maybe Mitchie isn't so crazy about this whole Caitlyn thing."

"Meaning…"

"_Meaning_…I can kind of see why she won't let things go. I mean, Caitlyn isn't making things any easier for her. You _know_ she leads her on whether she tries to or not." I truly did feel bad for her. Harper just didn't know how much it all affected her. Mitchie had only ever really opened up to me about her feelings for Caitlyn. Personally, I don't know what she sees in her. Don't get me wrong, I like Caitlyn. She's one of my good friends and I have nothing against her. I just didn't see why Mitchie liked her so much. But I _did _see why she kept holding onto it.

"And you're sure this has nothing to do with you being jealous?"

"Why would I be jealous?" I should win awards for the amount of stupid things that come out of my mouth.

"Honestly, how long are you going to deny it? You guys are obsessed with each other."

"We are not."

"Okay Alex." I opened my mouth to say something else but Mitchie returned, without Caitlyn I noticed, and sat back down on the couch. This time, however, she sat next to me. I had to fight a smile. "What took you so long?"

"Well Caitlyn was making popcorn and now she's on the phone with…some person…so I came back," she said and I finally noticed the bowl in her lap. She held it out to me but I shook my head. She shrugged before offering it to Harper who stood up.

"No thanks. I'll be right back."

"Where are you going?" I asked without trying to sound too annoyed with her.

"I have to go to the bathroom." And with that she turned around and left the living room. She has gotten a lot better at not making it _so _obvious but it still was, to me anyway. I sincerely hoped Mitchie didn't catch on to it all. We were alone; once again…Harper's plan to leave us together worked. Mitchie shifted on the couch to get more comfortable and put her feet up on my legs.

"Do you mind?"

"No. Do you?"

"Well-"

"Cool, thanks," she said before I could protest. She flashed a bright smile in my direction and I slapped her on her thigh. "Ow…you bitch." She lifted her foot hit my own leg with her heel.

"Okay, okay stop! Sorry, _Jesus_."

"You're lucky I put up with your abuse. But that shit's not going to fly with me when we're married."

"The more time I spend knowing you the more I _don't _want to marry you in the future."

"Looks like we're going to need counseling sooner than I thought."

"I have no say in this anymore, do I?"

"You never did," she told me matter-of-factly and I laughed lowly. "So what's up? What's got you so down today?"

"Why is everyone asking me this? Do I look down?"

"Yes, actually, you do."

"I'm fine, really."

"Bullshit."

"I am!"

"Bull…_shit_."

"Oh my God why doesn't anyone believe me?"

"Because you're a terrible liar." I sighed and just looked back to the TV screen. "Did you have a bad day or something?"

"Nothing happened; I really don't get why everyone thinks I'm sad or something."

"Because you are…" I didn't think I was making it obvious. I knew I felt a _little_ off but that was because I couldn't think of anything else besides the girl sitting on the couch with me. And I don't know why that even made me look like I was sad to begin with. She sat up, her legs still on mine, and moved a little closer to me. She reached up her hands and, with her index fingers, pushed the corners of my mouth upwards. "Smile, damn it."

"Stop," I said, still laughing, and swatted her hands away from my face.

"Come on!"

"No!"

"Why are you so difficult?"

"Why are _you_ so annoying?"

"I am not," she said defiantly and I raised my eyebrows her. I finally got to be the one to look amused for once.

"I thought that was my line."

"I'm being serious though." I don't know what it was but her usual teasing tone changed. She sounded genuinely concerned, or curious at the very least. It was a strange shift, kind of like the night I invited her over and she opened up to me for the first time. It was strange but I welcomed it. I don't know; maybe I felt that this way there was less of a chance she would make fun of me for being so nervous all of the time. "Did I do something?" she asked out of the blue when neither of us broke the silence for a while.

"What?" I asked trying not to sound as shocked at her question as I truly was. "Why would you say that?"

"I don't know. I feel like you're fine around everyone else. I know I can be kind of a dick sometimes but you know I'm just kidding around with you, right?" And at that I offered her a smile, one that I didn't feel I had to force.

"I know." She smiled back and moved her legs off of me and instead sat directly next to me. Our arms were touching and I found myself for some reason wishing I wasn't wearing my hoodie. The side of her head made contact with my shoulder.

"Okay, good." She stayed where she was, making no effort to move or change positions. I don't think I really wanted her to anyway. "Now that I know it's not me I don't really care anymore." I didn't even bother rolling my eyes; it's not like she would have seen it. I sighed instead.

"No really, _why_ are we friends again?"

"Because I am so damn good looking."

"You're annoying is what you are." I expected her to say something witty in response but she just lifted her head off of my shoulder and moved it to my lap. I kept my hands at my sides, not knowing what to do with them. I had the urge to run them through her soft hair flowing over my legs. I didn't move.

"Yeah, well…what can you do?"

"You comfortable yet or what?" I asked after she wouldn't stop shifting around.

"Shut up." She laughed a bit before reaching her hand up to my face and lightly smacking my right cheek.

"Hey!" I slapped her back but I should have known better than to start with her. I've seen her wrestle with Shane countless times and even then she usually won. We went back and forth regardless and I somehow managed to end up straddling her waist on the couch.

"Sweet baby Jesus when did you get so strong?"

"Is it really so hard for you to believe that you may not win at everything?"

"With you? Yes."

"You're so conceited."

"You say that like it's a bad thing. I'm cocky, Alex. Just embrace it. Embrace the cock." I couldn't hold in my laughter after that and she used that brief moment of distraction to flip us over. Unfortunately, there wasn't that much room on the couch so we fell to the ground. But she succeeded in mounting me. I was pinned to the floor.

"Ugh…I hate you," I said in defeat.

"Yeah but I got you to smile. Now it doesn't look like you want to kill yourself."

"Yeah because now I just want to kill _you_," I told her while narrowing my eyes at her playfully.

"You're really not going to tell me?"

"There's nothing to tell!"

"Liar."

"And could you move down a bit? Your _huge ass_ is crushing my hip bone." Instead of making a comment she complied and moved. I didn't exactly think that all the way through because she sat on my crotch causing me to let out…some sort of incomprehensible noise, partly from the sudden pressure and partly from…never mind. As expected, she laughed at me.

"Oh _someone's _horny…" Her voice held a certain inflection that slightly resembled signing but not quite.

"Ugh…" I groaned again. "Fuck _me_," I said through my oncoming blush. And then I realized what I said.

"Well…that's awfully forward of you; I'm impressed…and flattered. I mean I can't say I blame you so-"

"That's not what I meant!"

"Are you sexually frustrated? Is that what all that scowling is for?" she continued to tease. She was just _loving_ it.

"I'm not scowling," I said in defense. "And I'm not _sexually frustrated_ either." It was funny; the moment those words left my lips I became entirely too aware of the position we were in. And I suddenly could not form any other words.

"What?" she asked and I realized I hadn't stopped looking at her.

"Nothing." I tore my eyes away from her and tried to look anywhere else. It was hard to even focus on anything else while I was still that close to her. And then for some reason all I kept thinking about was her and Caitlyn. My stomach almost hurt and I wanted to leave more than anything. "Can you get off of me?" I asked as nicely as I could. I didn't want to sound like I was snapping at her but it probably came off as extremely sad…which was only going to make her start questioning me again.

"I'm sorry. Sometimes I take things too far and don't know when to stop," she apologized but I just shook my head.

"It's not that."

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing; can you please just get off of me?" Her brows furrowed in confusion and concern and I still kept my eyes away from her. When she didn't move I finally met her gaze. "Please?"

"Um…okay." She got off and even extended her hand out to help me up as well. I took it, not wanting to seem rude. I let go the second I was standing again. Where the hell was Harper? How long could she possibly leave us alone for? I could hear the faint sound of Caitlyn still on the phone with someone.

I didn't know what to say. I tried opening my mouth but I could not for the life of me form a sentence, not a legitimate one anyway. I couldn't figure out just what to say to get away from her. And I _had_ to get away from her. My heart was racing and I thought it would stop at any moment. I didn't know what was happening. But I just needed to breathe, just for a second. That's all I needed.

So I just left. I needed to find Harper because I _knew_ she wasn't in the bathroom. Mitchie might have called my name as I walked away but I wasn't sure. I made my way out of the living room and through a hallway. The bathroom door was open and empty. I looked around and saw my red headed best friend through the window of the back door. I knocked on it to get her attention.

"What are you doing?" I asked quietly but I'm sure she could read my lips. She pointed to her other hand which was holding her phone to her ear. Why was everyone on their phones? She said something to whoever she was talking to before hanging up and opening the door. "Who the hell are you talking to? Caitlyn?"

"No that was my mom. And what are you doing over here? Shouldn't you be in the living room with Mitchie?"

"Harper you need to _stop_," I told her, almost desperately. I don't know why I sounded like that but I did.

"Stop what?"

"I'm serious."

"Why? What happened?" she asked, more interested than ever, like I had some unbelievable gossip to share on the few short minutes I spent alone with Mitchie.

"Nothing, just stop. I can't do this. Everyone trying to push us together is just freaking me out."

"It's…freaking you out?"

"Yes."

"Because you like her…" It was more of a statement and again I could not form sentences.

"I…" It was just Harper. Why was I still so nervous? "I don't know."

"Alex…you need to calm down first of all."

"Harper I don't know what to do I just feel…"

"Look, I'm sorry for being so persistent. I didn't think it would send you into a panic if you really did like her."

"Do you _know_ me?" I asked jokingly and she laughed a little. "What do I do? I don't want this."

"Want what?"

"To like her."

"Okay I'm confused. One minute you say you don't like her…but…now…you do?" she asked slowly to make sure she understood me correctly. Honestly, I didn't even understand me.

"I don't know…I think…maybe?"

"Then why would you not want to?"

"Because it's weird!"

"_How_?"

"Because!" I took a breath and lowered my voice. We weren't within ear shot of Mitchie anyway. "It was awkward meeting her in the first place because God knows what you guys said to her about _me_. I just wanted to be friends with her normally but there was always this…_pressure_, like you guys wouldn't just let us be friends. And I like her as a friend. I didn't want to start liking her like _that_. It'll just ruin it."

"It's not going to ruin anything."

"Yes it is. Because I was perfectly fine being blissfully unaware of my feelings for her."

"Then why do things have to change?"

"Because I'm retarded and can't handle it," I whined and Harper offered me a look of sympathy. She knew how I could get.

"Relax, it's just Mitchie. And I'm pretty sure she likes you too."

"No, Harper, she actually doesn't. Because in case you haven't noticed, the only person Mitchie wants is Caitlyn. And in case you haven't noticed…_I'm not Caitlyn._"

"Like _that's_ going to go anywhere."

"It doesn't matter! God, why'd you have to put any of this in my head? Even if by some weird and bizarre twist of fate she _did_ like me it would just make me some sort of rebound because her first choice doesn't want to be with her."

"You wouldn't be a _rebound_ Alex…"

"Yes I would!"

"You're acting as if this is the worst thing that could ever happen to you."

"I just…I don't know how to act around her."

"You did before."

"Yeah but lately I've been overthinking everything I do and say."

"You do that anyway though…"

"Not like _this_."

"Okay, I'm sorry. I promise I'll back off. And I'll tell everyone else to back off too." I stayed quiet but like I've said before, I could never actually get mad at Harper for anything.

"Thank you," I mumbled and she stepped in to pull me into a brief hug. "But don't tell them why!"

"Oh relax…they already think you like her anyway." I pulled away and smacked her shoulder. "What? It's so obvious."

"Damn it."

"Who cares? We all wanted you two to be together in the first place…including Caitlyn," she added in at the end and I looked back up at her, almost hopefully. It was quite sad, actually.

"Really?"

"Yes. Oh my God you sound like Mitchie. She does not have feelings for her. Caitlyn is _straight_."

"Shut up, I get it," I told her, chuckling a bit myself and shaking my head. A silence fell between us and I wondered what was going on back in the living room since I left. "Do you really think she likes me?" I asked, stopping her before we could head towards the hallway to go to the front of the house again. She laughed and slung her arm over my shoulders.

"You really are the most paranoid person I have ever met."

"Ugh…I know." We walked side by side back into the living room. When we made it we spotted Mitchie and Caitlyn on the couches. Mitchie was on the one we were sitting on previously except now she was laid out across it and Caitlyn was on the other with her legs crossed.

"Where the hell were you guys?" Mitchie asked when she noticed us. "And how long does it take you to take a piss Harper? Damn, what are you, pregnant?"

"Sorry, my mom called me and then I ran into Alex after she went to the bathroom," she lied smoothly. I was impressed. She usually never thinks on her feet that well. Mitchie moved over and made room and I tried to hold back my nerves so I could sit next to her. I turned to face her for the first time since I freaked out earlier. She smiled at me. My stomach turned. It felt nice this time though; almost like an adrenaline rush.

"Well we can finally get back to the movie now," Caitlyn said as Harper took a seat on the couch next to her. The movie resumed and everyone's attention was focused on the television screen again. After a while I couldn't help but glance over at Mitchie though. I thought I was being discrete but she caught me and it took everything in me not to blush. There was something different. Maybe it was finally admitting it that made me feel so different around her.

"Hey," she said softly, her eyes still slightly concerned. But she still held a smile.

"Hey."

"Everything okay?" I nodded and offered a reassuring smile back at her. Maybe getting it off of my chest put me at ease just a little bit. "You sure?"

"Yes." She raised an eyebrow, like she didn't believe me. "Yes," I repeated, still keeping my voice as low as possible while still trying to convince her that everything really was okay.

"Good," she said and proceeded to move to rest her head on my lap like she did before. I licked my lips that seemed to be drying and stared down at my hands at my side. I looked back up at the screen but my hands somehow didn't stay put and started lightly playing with her hair. She didn't seem to mind. And that eased my nerves a little more.

By the time the movie ended Mitchie had switched positions and lied on the couch with her legs on my thighs again. I didn't know what time it was but my phone vibrated in my pocket and when I opened it I saw a new text message from my brother. I momentarily forgot I had asked him to pick me up.

"I got to go guys, Justin's here."

"Already?"

"Yeah I promised my mom I'd be home for dinner and it's almost seven."

"It is? Shit, I should actually head out too," Mitchie said suddenly, standing from the couch. "I'll see you guys tomorrow."

"Bye, Mitch," everyone practically said in unison. She slipped her sneakers on and grabbed her jacket from the hook by the door before leaving.

"Bye guys," I announced as I was about to leave as well and received another round of goodbyes.

"Text me later Alex," Harper added and I knew that she just wanted to talk to me more about this now that I actually admitted it to her.

"I will." And with that I walked out the door and found Justin sitting in his black Ford across the street. He greeted me when he unlocked the door for me.

"Hey."

"Hey, you are freakishly on time."

"Well Dad was bothering me about getting you so I didn't want to be late."

"He's not mad, is he?" I asked, knowing how our dad could get.

"I don't know. If he was then he should be over it by the time we get home."

"Oh…okay. Thanks for driving me by the way. I feel bad making Harper do it all the time."

"It's fine. I wasn't doing anything anyway." He put the car back in drive and pulled away from the curb. "Hey isn't that your friend at the end of the block?" he asked and I looked up. Mitchie was walking with her hands in her pockets.

"Yeah."

"Does she need a ride or something?"

"I don't know; she usually just walks or takes the bus everywhere." I didn't want to bother him by asking him to drive Mitchie home.

"Ask her if she wants a ride."

"You don't mind?"

"No it's fine." I rolled down my window just as she was about to cross the street.

"Mitch!" I yelled and thankfully she heard me so I wouldn't have to be shouting her name over and over. She looked at me and took the headphones out of her ears. "You want a ride?"

"No thanks, my house isn't that far."

"You sure?"

"It's okay I don't mind walking."

"Just get in the fucking car," I told her and she laughed, shaking her head, and started walking towards us.

"You know…you're being awfully feisty lately. I don't know what's gotten into you. I'm betting on drugs," she stated bluntly as she hopped into the backseat, earning me a weird look from Justin who tried to hold in a laugh.

"Thank you for that…this is my brother, Justin. Justin, this is Mitchie." They exchanged their greetings and Justin resumed his driving.

"Thanks for driving me by the way."

"No problem, I wouldn't let you walk home by yourself when it's getting dark," he reassured her without taking his eyes off of the road.

"Alex would."

"What!" I shouted, not really meaning to.

"That's because Alex doesn't know how to open her mouth to say something," Justin said, joining in on the teasing and I wanted to bash my head against the window. _Great_, they were _both_ doing it now.

"No, she does. She might throw up, but she does," she said making my brother laugh loudly as he turned a corner.

"Are you kidding me?" I said to no one in particular.

"Well she has no problem talking to herself…"

"No, she gets nervous around herself too."

"Both of you shut _up_," I told them, my face starting to grow red again. I felt Mitchie's hands on my shoulders form the back seat, shaking me slightly.

"Oh calm down we're just messing with you."

"You're all jackasses."

"Well someone needs to be put back in their cage," she teased and I ran my hands over my face, groaning. But of course that only caused them both to laugh again. The car ride continued just like that. Mitchie continued to poke fun at my nervous antics and Justin thought it was hilarious. She directed him to her address and we finally pulled up to her house.

"God, finally," I sighed dramatically.

"Are you on the rag or something?"

"Oh would you get_ out_," I joked while glaring at her as I turned in my seat.

"Sensitive."

"Bully."

"Well now that is just plain hurtful, Alex," she said with mock sadness lacing her voice. I rolled my eyes, something I tend to do a lot when I'm around her.

"You deserve it." She pouted and I couldn't deny that it made her look adorable, more so than usual. I found myself cracking a smile despite myself.

"Sorry," she dragged out with a smile of her own and leaned forward to wrap her arms around me in a half hug.

"Yeha, yeah, whatever."

"Thanks again for the ride, Justin," she said as she jumped down from the SUV.

"Anytime." Before she started walking up her driveway she faced my window.

"Go online when you get home?" she asked, somewhat hopefully and I smiled again.

"Yeah, sure," I said nonchalantly. My stomach started to turn again.

"Goodnight," she said to Justin and once she was inside we drove away. It wasn't silent for long though.

"I like her, she's funny," Justin said randomly and I hummed in response as I messed with the radio. "She's pretty too."

"She's gay, Justin," I pointed out humorously, finally settling on a station.

"I meant for you."

"For me?"

"Yeah, why not?" I shrugged against my seat and put one foot against the dashboard. "Do you like her?" It didn't sound annoying for once, hearing that question. But then again Justin always talked to me about his love life and relationship problems. We had a pretty good relationship; I just never really opened up about anything with anyone in regards to that.

"Um…I don't know, kind of."

"Kind of?" Realizing I did in fact have feelings for Mitchie was…interesting, to say the least. In a way I was a little relieved at finally not being stubborn about it or being in denial. But it also brought on a whole new wave of nerves that I have never felt before.

"I mean…I do. But she's like…obsessed with one of our other friends."

"Does she like her too?"

"Well…no…"

"Then who cares?" he said as if it was nothing at all. Maybe it wasn't. Maybe I was just thinking too much about it and worrying for nothing. Why should I let her crush on Caitlyn stand in my way? "I say go for it."

"Really?"

"Yeah. Alex, you hardly ever actually _like_…well…_anyone_. I don't know why. But you don't. And since this is such a rare occurrence I say you should take a chance." The thought of it was making my head spin. I could just _feel_ my nerves trying to burst out of me like vomit. I sighed again.

"Maybe you're right." But I needed to get over whatever weird, shy, awkwardness I felt. And Justin _was_ right. Because I never like people. I never find myself genuinely attracted to anyone. And I've never met anyone like Mitchie. But I know that there was definitely something there and I couldn't deny it, not anymore.


	5. Along Came Miley

**A/N: I don't think I had ever been more harassed for a chapter IN MY LIFE. Thanks to twitter I had my ass virtually kicked the last few weeks to get this shit up and now it's finally here. I personally feel like it's all over the place but this is how the story goes.**

**and like I said a million times on twitter...you're not going to like this chapter.**

**But still...let me know what you think. Leave a review**

**Follow me on Twitter too: (at symbol) manhatanProject**

**can't wait for everyone to bitch at me about this chapter later :)**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing but the plot. And that's about it.**

* * *

Along Came Miley

* * *

December was the best and worst month, I think. In those thirty one days I had never felt so happy in my entire life. But I had also never felt so…unbelievably depressed. It was a bizarre combination of emotions. And in the end, I don't know who I was more upset with. I guess I really have no one to blame but myself though.

Ever since I was more open to the idea of liking Mitchie…and actually telling people about it, I felt somewhat better. Sure my anxiety never left me the hell alone but it was accompanied by weird things like my constantly increased heart rate, butterflies in my stomach, and all this other shit I've never had to deal with before.

The truth of the matter is Mitchie was probably the first person I felt this strongly about, I just didn't know it then. I knew I liked her…and I knew I felt something_ by then_, that's for sure. I just didn't know how badly this _crush_ would get over time. It built as the days turned to weeks and so on and so forth. The torture I had to endure was mind numbing.

I wouldn't even know where to begin with this month. I guess I can pin it back to the day we were all deciding on what to do about Christmas. They usually do a secret Santa so everyone only has to buy one gift and this year they included Harper and me. I felt relieved knowing I wouldn't have to worry about whether or not I should get something for someone.

That was early in the month, like around the first week. We were hanging out at the Gray's house when Jason suggested we take care of it. Shane took his snapback off and proceeded to write everyone's names on tiny scraps of paper and put them in. He shook it around and everyone pulled a name out. I got Harper. I thought Christmas shopping was going to be easy until Nate said…

"Do it again, I got myself." I normally got Harper a gift anyway so I was dreading doing this again.

We had to actually pull names three more times after that. The second time Shane got himself, the third time both Caitlyn and Mitchie got themselves, and the fourth time I got myself. I didn't even care who I got anymore at that point. We drew names once more and by some miracle no one picked themselves. And by some _other_ miracle…I got Mitchie.

There was a spending limit of $25 to $40 which I thought was reasonable but I honestly could not for the life of me come up with anything to get her. And I took me pulling her name as a sign and I _couldn't _mess this up. I knew things she liked and almost everything about her but when it came down to it I kept drawing blanks. And it just fucked with my anxiety that much more.

I kept the thought in the back of my mind throughout the month. And I spent _a_ _lot_ of time with her that month. Well…I spent a lot of time with everyone. But I saw her more than usual and I loved it. Normally I wouldn't get so excited when I would find out she was coming somewhere everyone was going but being fully aware that I liked her has changed my behavior.

It was the beginning of winter and already New York had gotten snowfall. On one occasion we had all taken a trip to Manhattan together. I don't particularly like the city but during the holidays it's actually really nice. We went to Rockefeller Center to see the tree and go to the rink, typical tourist activities basically.

The only reason that trip to the city stuck in my memory so much is because it gave me hope. It seems weird that it did now but it was the first time I felt like just _maybe _Mitchie might actually feel the same way as I do. I guess it was foolish of me to think like that but although looking back I might not have been so crazy.

We practically spent that entire day together even though we were with five other people. I think I was just secretly _reveling_ in the fact that for _one day_ Mitchie paid more attention to me than Caitlyn. And I am in no way a needy person but seeing the person you like constantly pine over someone else…and in front of you…it just sucks.

I remember sitting in the cafeteria with Harper talking about it. She's toned it down a bit now that I'm not denying my feelings anymore. Although I still felt awkward talking about it with…well…anyone, it was nice to have someone to talk to who I know won't judge me or anything.

"Do you know what you're getting her?"

"No I'm still working on it."

"Well you still have a couple of weeks."

"I know but you don't get it, Harper. I want to get her something she wants and actually likes."

"Trust me Alex; you're putting the _most_ thought into getting a gift out of all of us. And she'll see that."

"You think so?"

"Alex…"

"Yeah?"

"You're freaking out over nothing again." I was aware I did it way too much. But what else was new? That certainly never changed. I sighed a little too loudly.

"This is a big deal to me though."

"Oh why don't you ask Caitlyn?" she asked me suddenly, like she had come up with the most brilliant suggestion ever. I just stared at her. "What?"

"That's the last thing I want to do."

"Why? Honestly Alex, I will never get where you stand on this whole thing. Sometimes you guys are really good friends and sometimes I really think you can't stand her…even though she hasn't done anything to you."

"It's not like I'm like that _around_ her. I just…I don't know. Knowing Mitchie likes her…it frustrates the hell out of me."

"Who likes who?" another voice asked and Harper and I looked up to see a familiar blue eyed brunette. "What's up guys?" she said casually as she sat down across from me and next to Harper.

"Hey Miley," I greeted with slight confusion in my voice. "I thought you didn't have this lunch period today."

"Class got cancelled. I still don't understand why everyone in the same year doesn't just have the same lunch period. This school is weird." Miley had just transferred here recently from some school for performing arts in the city. But Harper and I had known her for years since we all went to the same middle school together.

"Tell me about it."

"So what are you guys talking about?" That was another thing about Miley; although she was a drama queen when it came to theatre she was also a drama queen in school when it came to gossip.

"Just some girl," I said not really going into detail, obviously referring to Caitlyn. As if I ever thought of Mitchie as _just some girl_.

"Do I know her?"

"No she goes to another school."

"Yea and I'm trying to tell Alex that she's not in love with our other friend," Harper threw in and I refrained from kicking her underneath the table.

"Who? Alex?"

"No the girl we were talking about, Caitlyn."

"Oh, I think you've talked about her before. Is she the one you met playing lacrosse?"

"Yeah."

"So why does Alex think Caitlyn's in love with your friend?"

"Because our friend is in love with Caitlyn," I said, trying not to sound bitter about it.

"So who is this girl anyway?" she asked curiously.

"Her name is Mitchie; she goes to the same school as her and they're best friends." The more I talked about it the more down I got about the whole thing. It always just _reminded _me that I'm _not_ the one Mitchie has eyes for.

"Let me see if I got this…Mitchie likes Caitlyn…but she doesn't like her back…but Alex thinks she does?" I nodded and moved my fork around in my salad, just picking at it. "Why?"

"I don't know…just the way that they act together."

"So what's so great about this Caitlyn girl anyway?" she mused out loud as she picked at her own food. I almost laughed.

"Nothing really," I said and Harper actually did laugh. I took my phone out and went to the Facebook app, quickly looking for Caitlyn's profile. And _of course_ her picture was of her and Mitchie. "She's the one on the left," I told her before handing her my phone for her to see for herself.

"That's her? Really? Girl looks like a bridge troll…" I raised my eyebrow but once again tried not to laugh. "To be quite honest."

"Oh my god."

"What? Like you weren't thinking it." I shook my head with a smile at how blunt she could be. "Who's on the right?"

"That's Mitchie."

"Oh she's pretty," she gushed as she took a closer look at the screen. "What the hell? And this Caitlyn chick doesn't like her?"

"Apparently not."

"She's an idiot. If she likes her why doesn't she go after her? Hell, I'll go after her." At that Harper and I both looked up at each other at the same time with the same awkward expression.

"Uh…" was all I said. I was always uncomfortable talking about it but the last thing I needed was someone else coming into the picture. And I knew Miley and she was probably serious about it too. She sees someone she wants, boys _and_ girls, she will go after them. And nine out of ten times…she got them. "I mean…I kind of…like her." God I was _so_ awkward then. Her head snapped up at me.

"You do?" she asked, shocked I would even admit to it. I had clearly been like this for a _while_. I nodded and she seemed way too excited. "Oh my God really?" I nodded again. "Then I won't go after her. That's so cute though; you should totally go out with her!" And now I had _another_ person to bug me about that. "It's weird. You never like _anyone_."

"Yeah I know."

"So are you gonna ask her out or what? You two would look good together." Jesus Christ, I had _just_ told her a moment earlier and I already had to deal with this.

"I don't know," I said uncomfortably.

"She won't," Harper threw in, always amused at me like everyone else.

"Why not? You _know_ you are hotter than that girl."

"Caitlyn's not _that _bad."

"Not that bad? Girl looks like a fuckin' Furby okay." Miley was always more…_out there_ than I was. And although it was mean I couldn't help but laugh that time.

"Miley you're ridiculous."

"Oh whatever and why do I feel like Harper and I are more excited about this than you are?"

"Because you probably are," I said pointedly before taking a sip from my water bottle.

"I keep telling her…" Harper said to Miley with a shrug.

"She's nuts." I sighed, defeated.

"I hate everyone."

I don't know; telling Miley wasn't as nerve wracking as I thought it would be. I guess I was getting used to the idea more and more as the days went by. I embraced it a hell of a lot more that's for sure. It's not like I was embarrassed or ashamed to like her anyway. I'm just a strange person when it comes to things like this.

It was a week before winter break when I saw Mitchie again. She had been staying with her dad for a while so I didn't get to hang out with her much. I'm not going to lie; I did miss her a bit, probably more than I should have considering it was only for a little while. She had met up with Harper, Miley, and I after school briefly when we were shopping. I still hadn't gotten her a gift.

It was a short lived outing but it was enough to tide me over until the next time I saw her. And I realized I was slowly starting to lose my mind because of just how often I wanted to see her. It couldn't have been healthy. She had come back to her house with her mom the week after I saw her. I didn't want to seem _clingy _or anything so I was hesitant to ask her to do something.

But she was texting me while I was in school, the last day before break, asking _me_ to hang out afterwards. And I was beyond thrilled to see her again. But I had completely forgotten I had already made plans with Miley to go to the movies. I'd have felt like a dick if I cancelled just because I wanted to take a chance at spending some alone time with Mitchie again.

The final bell had rung when I told her about my moment of stupidity. My phone was wedged between my ear and my shoulder as I dug through my locker to collect everything I needed for winter break. She was rambling on about something and I was having trouble focusing on two things at once.

"The rejection is killing me Alex."

"I saw you last week."

"You see Miley every day in school! Don't I get special privileges or something? I feel like a cheap whore."

"A cheap…what…what the hell is wrong with you?" I asked as I tried not to laugh so much as I was still holding up my phone without the use of my hands.

"I'm a classy whore okay; you just use me whenever you want and then toss me aside like _trash_," she said dramatically and I wondered if she was around people to hear her talking like that.

"I don't _use_ you! And I do want to hang out but I told you I already made plans. Why don't you just come with us? We're only going to the movies."

"So I can be a third wheel faggot? No thanks," she scoffed. I rolled my eyes.

"You're not going to be a _third wheel_ you weirdo. It's just Miley; you met her last week."

"It's not like we had a heart to heart or something. That's saved only for you…_obviously_."

"At three in the morning."

"Bite me, Russo."

"Do you want to hang out or not?"

"Yes! Christ I've been stuck with my dad and stepmom for like twenty years. It was awful, like I can't fucking do anything at that place. I don't talk or leave my room. I barely even eat when I'm there. This must be what Anne Frank felt like…" she trailed off and I dropped a notebook in my hand and my phone nearly slipped away from me as I belted out a loud laugh.

"Oh my God. Are you kidding me right now?"

"No I really just stay in my room like I'm hiding from Nazis."

"You're an idiot, Mitchie." I bent down to pick up my notebook and shove it in my bag with the rest of my stuff. I grabbed my coat from my locker and closed it. "Just meet us at the movies; tell everyone else to come too if you want," I suggested, leaving out Caitlyn, thinking it would make her feel less like a _third wheel_. Yeah, I suffered a lot of irony back then.

"But _Alex_," she whined into the phone and I had to pull it away from my ear from the volume of it.

"Please come? I miss you. I barely saw you last week when we were out," I admitted even though I wasn't sure why. A long sigh echoed through the speaker.

"What are you seeing anyway?"

"The new Spiderman movie I think."

"Ugh…balls. Fine, I'll see you later."

"Jesus, try to contain your excitement there Mitch."

"Believe me I'm so excited there are practically fireworks coming out of my ass," she said dryly and I rolled my eyes again.

"Are you coming or not?"

"Yes, don't wet your panties. Save that for later."

"Oh my _God_….goodbye," I said as I hung up. Before I hit the end button I could distinctly hear Mitchie's infectious laughter and I bit my lip fighting a smile. I shook my head once more and saw Miley walking up to my locker. "Hey."

"Hey, you get all your stuff yet?"

"Yeah let's go."

"So why isn't Harper coming?" she asked as we started making our way out of the school building and towards the bus stop.

"I think she's covering for someone at work today or something. But I invited Mitchie to come; she might bring the guys. I hope you don't mind."

"No I don't care," she said, smiling. And I _knew_ that smile.

"Ugh shut up it's like having Harper here anyway. This is why I don't tell people these things."

"Just do something about it."

"I'm not like you, Miley." And it was the truth. Miley was…well…she got around to say the least. I'm not trying to say that in a mean way…well I wasn't at the time. But she was always with someone. I felt like every time I saw her she was with someone new. She was certainly _experienced_ that's for sure.

"Maybe you should be."

"Maybe I should stop talking to people about this."

"Maybe you should stop being such a fucking basket case around girls," she joked while we got on the bus that finally arrived. I slapped her arm.

"I am not a _basket case_," I defended even though I knew it was true. She just stared at me. "_Whatever_."

The ride to the movies wasn't a long one. With random conversation on the bus we made it there in no time. Mitchie texted me saying the guys were definitely coming too and that she was still waiting for them to meet up with her before they came here together. Caitlyn couldn't make it. I was ecstatic. Miley and I decided to just get tickets and seats.

The theatre wasn't _packed_ but there were quite a few people. I didn't know if we'd be able to find six seats together but there was a nearly empty row towards the front that had enough room for us so we sat there. Sometime during the previews the others arrived.

"Is that them in the back?" Miley asked quietly and I turned around in my seat. Sure enough Mitchie and the guys were mindlessly looking around the pitch black room like lost puppies. I raised my hand and waved her over.

There were seats on either side of Miley and me. Unfortunately, however, God likes to fuck with my emotions. And he sent some random couple to take the seats right next to me before Mitchie got all the way over here. And me being the socially awkward jackass that I am, I said nothing. Mitchie gave me a look, slightly confused.

I couldn't make Miley switch with me now. I might as well have a neon sign that said _Mitchie I'm obsessed with you _hanging from my neck. I shrugged. So I sat. And I watched as Mitchie sat next to Miley instead and the guys took the seats next to hers. Well…so much for that.

I mean…you can't really talk much during a movie but I was still disappointed. I could hear her and Miley having conversation every now and then but I hardly said a word. I tried to focus on the movie but I felt my mind wandering. I couldn't help it. This was just so damn typical I could have laughed right there in the theatre.

I tried to use everything in me not to think about it but I believe somewhere in the back of my mind I knew it was the truth. Mitchie always did this to me. It was mainly with Caitlyn but even if it's someone she just met it still hurt. It hurt even more now _because_ she didn't really know Miley.

I would call myself overdramatic because in all honesty it shouldn't be a big deal if Mitchie didn't talk to or hang out with me as much as I would have liked. But it literally went on _the entire fucking day_. After the movie let out we went out to eat. And she _still_ seemed to only pay attention to Miley.

"I don't think you've said more than two words since the movie started," Nate said to me. He was sitting next to me at a random table in McDonald's while almost everyone else was on a line to get food. I guess I didn't realize how quit I had been. I shrugged. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah."

"You look insanely depressed."

"I do?"

"Well not really but you do look…sad…I guess." I sighed. I hated how often people said that to me.

"I don't know. I'm not _trying_ to look sad."

"Is it Mitchie?" he asked and I rolled my eyes. "Don't roll your eyes like I'm wrong."

"And why would Mitchie have anything to do with…anything?"

"Because everyone knows you like her…" he trailed off like it was so obvious and my face fell, looking more annoyed than ever.

"I'm going to stab Harper," I muttered causing Nate to laugh at me.

"Harper didn't even say anything. Everyone can just tell though."

"Are you serious?" I nearly groaned while trying to stay as quiet as possible.

"Yeah…well everyone except Mitchie." Sometimes I secretly wished someone _would_ tell her. But my anxiety took over just at the thought of that happening.

"Great…"

"I mean, it's kind of obvious. And I figured it was bugging you now because of your friend."

"It's not her fault. Mitchie always does this."

"Does what?"

"Acts like I don't exist unless there's no one else." Saying it out loud might have actually hurt worse than just thinking it. It just made more sense when I said it out loud. "You've never noticed that?"

"Why would I?" He chuckled and I realized I was probably the only who paid this much attention to Mitchie.

"I don't know. She just…you've _never_ seen how she is when both Caitlyn and I are there?"

"Not really."

"How she's all over Caitlyn but the second she's not there or not giving _her_ attention she suddenly realizes I exist?"

"Maybe a little."

"A _little_?" I glanced over at the line everyone was on. Miley was standing next to Mitchie, still engaged in conversation, about what I had no idea. "I could bet all the money I have that if Miley were to leave right now Mitchie would come over here in a heartbeat."

"You might have a point. I guess she does do that. But I'm sure she's not doing that on purpose."

"I don't think she is. She's not a _bitch_."

"Yes she is!" Nate yelled a little too loudly in comparison to my low tone. We laughed and I shoved his arm.

"Stop, no she isn't."

"I'm just kidding. But that sucks for you though."

"Trust me, I'm aware. I really do try to not let it show that it bothers me but I can't help it."

"I'd be annoyed too if I were you."

"Really?"

"Yeah."

"So I'm not just being weird or paranoid over nothing?" I asked and he just laughed and shook his head.

"How is this any different than how you are normally?" he joked even though there was a whole lot of truth to that. And he didn't even know me as well as Harper did. And he could _still_ tell I'm an idiot.

"Ugh."

"Why don't you just do something about it?"

"About what? My awkwardness?"

"Well yeah I'm sure that wouldn't kill you to work on," he pointed out and I held up my middle finger at him. "But I meant about Mitchie."

"It'd be easier for me to work on my awkwardness."

"Why?"

"Because if I could then I wouldn't have a problem with Mitchie now would I?"

"I guess not. But would it really be a bad thing if you just told her the truth?"

"_Yes_."

"_Why_?"

"You wouldn't get it." And besides, it wasn't even worth it to go into detail just _how_ awkward I could get. It was a miracle I even talked to other people about my crush on Mitchie at all. I couldn't even imagine bringing it up to her.

"I don't mean about liking her. I meant like…the whole ignoring you thing."

"Well that's a weird thing to just bring up out of nowhere. How would I even go about doing that?"

"I don't know. Why don't you try ignoring her and see how she likes it?" he suggested and I actually stopped to think that over for a moment. Would that even get me anywhere? I remember thinking it might be a good idea. Then I thought of the possibility of her not even caring if I stopped talking to her. It depressed the hell out of me even more. I knew it was ridiculous to think that way. But really…I knew she meant a lot to me…but what if it wasn't the same for her?

"Yeah I don't think I'm going to do that." And right after I said that everyone returned with a few trays of food. Miley sat at the table adjacent to mine and Mitchie, to my surprise, sat across from me. Maybe I was just being paranoid.

"Why aren't you eating?" she asked with half a chicken nugget already lodged in her mouth.

"I don't know," I said with a shrug. "I'm not that hungry."

"Starving yourself is unhealthy."

"I'm not starving myself."

"You don't need to lose weight."

"I'm not trying to!"

"You look fine just the way you are. Don't make me start singing Bruno Mars," she warned and I just laughed trying not to smirk.

"Fine...go ahead." She looked at me with an eyebrow raised.

"Go ahead what?"

"Sing," I challenged and she held up both her middle fingers at me.

"Oh you're just _so_ damn clever aren't you Alex?" she teased, throwing a nugget my way.

"Hey! It's not my fault you won't do it."

"Fuck you."

"Kiss my ass." She kept her eyes on me the whole time. Her hand reached for a fistful of her French fries and before I could even comprehend what she was doing she leaned across the table and shoved them directly into my mouth. The salt from it caused a small cut on my lip to sting.

"You were saying?" I was trying not to choke from a combination of having too much food in my mouth and from trying not to laugh _while_ there was food in my mouth. Some bits of fries fell from my mouth and the rest I managed to chew and force down my throat. I coughed when I was done. "That's what I thought."

"Oh I'm sorry I couldn't hear you over the sound of me choking to death."

"You should take smaller bites."

"You're going to be the death of me, I'm not even kidding." It's funny because I could still say that now. She always has been. And the sad thing is she probably always will be.

"Eh, I'll get over it."

"You're the worst."

"But I love you," she whined the way she always does in that voice that somehow makes me want to smile. I kept a straight face and said nothing. Instead I continued to wipe the excess salt off of me. She handed me one of her napkins with a genuinely innocent smile of her own. I narrowed my eyes at her. She put the napkin down and offered me her soda instead seeing as how I was still coughing every now and again. I took it from her this time.

"Thanks."

"Not the response I was looking for but okay…"

"Maybe I'll say it back when I stop choking on potatoes and my own saliva."

"Maybe you should stop deep throating your food," she said and I tried to keep my face from turning red. Miley and Nate laughed and I dropped my head into my hand, trying not to laugh myself.

"I hate you. I'm sitting with Shane and Jason," I told her as I stood up. When I walked around our table she grabbed my hand to stop me.

"Come on I'm just teasing you." I just found it weird that she all of a sudden wanted me to stick around. Before it's like I wasn't even there.

"What else is new?"

"Shut up and sit."

"You know…" I trailed off as I sat back in my seat across from her. "You scare me sometimes." She flashed the brightest smile my way. It made my heart swell. I felt happy just looking at her.

"Good."

I'd like to say the night continued along those lines but that would be a lie. We all went to the Gray's house like we normally would afterwards. We walked considering none of us had a car…or could drive for that matter. But it wasn't a long walk anyway so we never minded.

I spent most of the night talking to Nate or the guys. Why? Because Mitchie went back to ignoring me and talking to Miley the whole time. I swear, I am up until God knows what hour talking to this girl whenever she wants and I bring Miley around to hang out _once_ and I'm like a stranger.

I already got enough of this with Caitlyn. The fact that I had to deal with it with _another_ person, and with _my_ friend no less, just got under my skin so badly. I tried not to be jealous because I probably had no reason to be. But needless to say that was going to be the last time I brought someone outside of the group to hang out with us.

Fast forward another week and it was almost Christmas. Our secret Santa exchange was set for a couple days before so we were all going back to Shane's house for the night. I had told Harper about that day Miley hung out with us and she told me I was being retarded like I always was. But I still didn't tell Miley to come that night. And of course I had to get a text message earlier that day.

_Miley: Hey what's Shane's address? Mitchie told me to come over tonight_

I looked at my phone screen that morning long and hard. My eyes nearly burned a hole through it before I exited the conversation and tossed my phone onto my bed. I carried on with whatever I was doing before she interrupted me. I never got back to her.

The only thing I got from that message was that they were talking now. And I wondered how often they spoke to each other since that night. Did they talk as often and Mitchie and I did? That seemed hard to believe considering how often that was. But lately, I noticed, she had been talking to me less frequently than usual.

Harper picked me up around eight at night. I clutched Mitchie's gift in my hand as I sat in the passenger seat. I was nervous for some weird reason. I didn't know what to do about Mitchie. I had been thinking lately about finally working up the courage to stop being a little bitch about the whole thing and just _tell _her already. That thought never amounted to anything.

Everyone was already there when we showed up in the basement. Mitchie was sitting on the arm of the recliner. She was dressed in red skinny jeans, blue Nikes, and an oversized unbuttoned flannel that looked like it belonged to a guy. She had a hunter hat on with one of the ear flaps turned up, and an American flag bandana around her neck. I didn't understand her outfit at all but I liked it because it was so _her_.

"Finally you got here. We've been waiting for you guys so we can open presents," Shane said and I noticed the computer desk with a few gifts stacked on it. Everyone grabbed the one they had brought. "I'll start." He handed his gift to Harper and it went on like that. Harper gave her gift to Jason. Jason gave his to me. I gave mine to Mitchie. Mitchie gave hers to Nate. Nate gave his to Caitlyn. And Caitlyn gave hers to Shane. We opened them at the same time.

"Oh what the hell!" Nate shouted when he opened his bag. "Fuck you Mitch!" She burst out laughing before she could even tear the paper off her own gift.

"What did she get you?" Shane asked and he held up the contents. Everyone joined in on the laughter.

"She got me a fucking bra and a box of tampons." At that point Mitchie was nearly in tears from laughing so hard at his facial expression. He punched her in the shoulder and she fell off the armrest. "You're a dick."

"Look under the tissue paper you queer bag," she informed him and he dug further into the bag and he pulled out what looked like a gift card. "It's to J. Crew so you can continue dressing like a little church boy tool." He hit her again but smiled and hugged her regardless. J. Crew was his favorite store after all.

"Thank you."

"You're welcome Nathaniel."

Everyone ended up liking what they got. And it actually looked like they meant it when they said they loved their gifts. I know I did. I didn't think Jason would know what to get me but he did a good job. He got me a hoodie and scarf from American Eagle and new headphones, which I needed since I had recently dropped mine in the toilet. He definitely went to Harper for help.

I watched Mitchie as she opened hers. Her eyes scanned the words on the small box in her hands, _With The Lights Out_, before her jaw dropped slightly and a smile tugged at the corner of my mouth. I thought I did a pretty good job myself and it was only confirmed when she stood back up and engulfed me in an obnoxious, bone crushing hug.

"You like it?" I asked even though I didn't need to. The smile on her face was flawless. But then again it always was to me.

"You are the greatest human being on the planet."

"Well I knew that was the only Nirvana related thing you _didn't _own and I thought I'd help you complete the collection."

"I've been meaning to get this for the longest time," she said as she finally let me go. _With The Lights Out_ was a box set with four discs, three CDs and one DVD, full of Nirvana songs, old demos, b-sides, interviews, and live performances. I remember a conversation I had with her one night when she told me how much she had wanted it. She was _obsessed_ with Nirvana. Even the shirt she was wearing under her plaid shirt had the Nirvana smiley face logo on it.

"I know; I remember." She grabbed my face between her hands and planted a kiss on my cheek. I had to wipe her saliva off of it with my sleeve. I smiled at her though. She had her arm slung around my shoulders.

"Thank you, you wonderful child."

"You're welcome, you weirdo." Our moment was interrupted though when someone came down to the basement to join us. I almost grit my teeth in annoyance when I saw Miley.

"Hey you made it!" Mitchie yelled happily. She greeted everyone, not seeming to care that I never responded to her this morning, and joined us on the couches. Mitchie retracted her arm and went to sit with her. Harper raised her eyebrow in confusion at me. I rolled my eyes in response.

I didn't know what was more irritating; Mitchie around Caitlyn or Mitchie around Miley. Caitlyn was sitting with Harper and I while Mitchie and Miley sat on the _love seat_ together and I tried not to vomit inside of my mouth from looking at them.

"Since when are they close?" Harper asked me quietly so they wouldn't hear. The boys were engaged in an Xbox game and Miley and Mitchie were engaged in conversation. No one would have heard anyway.

"They're not," I said somewhat defiantly. "I mean…I don't know. They've only hung out like…twice…that I know of." I assumed they had been talking. I just never thought about if they had hung out together…alone. I shook the thought from my mind. I didn't even want to think about that.

"That's so random," Caitlyn added and I couldn't agree more. I was about to respond before I noticed Mitchie get up and go over to the other side of the basement. I didn't know what she was doing but I soon felt her hand on my shoulder from behind me.

"I almost forgot…" Her other hand came around and she handed me a poorly wrapped gift. It was square shaped and pretty thin. It looked like a CD or something. I was confused. She got Nate for secret Santa.

"What's this for?"

"Merry Christmas."

"What? Mitch you didn't have to get me anything."

"I know but I just wanted to. It's nothing really. It's not like I spent money on it so don't feel bad or anything." I peeled the paper back and I was right. It was a CD. There was no cover.

"What is this?"

"I made it for you." I turned it over and saw she had written out the track listing in her chicken scratch handwriting that I could barely read. But the titles I could make out made me smile. They were all songs we had talked about; songs we had bonded over, ones she said remind her of me, and ones she thought I just _had_ to listen to. I laughed at some of the songs she used. She was still standing behind me. "Do you like it?"

"I love it," I told her with a light chuckle and I felt her wrap her arms around my shoulders briefly before going back over to Miley. And the moment was ruined. It was still a sweet gesture though. She didn't get anyone else a gift besides Nate. I stared at her and Miley laughing and talking.

"I think she likes her," Caitlyn said out of the blue to me. My head snapped in her direction. "I'm just saying…Mitchie was kind of like that with me. And trust me, I know Mitch." I thought I knew her too but apparently I'm just blind. Maybe I was as blind as Mitchie because apparently liking her was _obvious_ and even she couldn't figure that out.

"Fucking great," I mumbled under my breath.

"They're just talking. It's not like they're dating already," Harper said trying to reassure me.

"It's just…ugh…why _her_ of all fucking people?" They still weren't paying attention to anyone else so they didn't hear me.

"I thought she was your friend," Caitlyn said questioningly.

"She is. But that doesn't mean she's the greatest person."

"What do you mean?"

"She's a whore," Harper said bluntly before I could. How the hell were they not hearing any of this? I guess they were too absorbed in _each other_ to notice anyone else. The guys had Call of Duty to worry about.

"Seriously?"

"Yeah, she lost it in middle school. She wasn't even a teenager yet." I never spoke badly about Miley before, not seriously anyway. I guess my jealousy was getting the best of me. It was just making me way too bitter for my own good.

"Jesus Christ," Caitlyn said in shock. A lot of the girls were sluts in our middle school, apart from Harper and me. But Miley really took the cake, no pun intended.

"You should hear the _Ratatouille_ story," Harper threw in and I bit my lip trying not to laugh.

"What's the _Ratatouille_ story? Like…the Pixar movie?" _Mitchie_ ought to hear this story.

"Yeah. She got fingered in the movie theatre when she went to see it with this guy we know."

"_Ew_ that's Disney movie for crying out loud. Weren't there children there?" she asked, completely grossed out. "And didn't that movie come out when we were in like…the seventh grade?"

"Yeah…and yeah. And speaking of Disney she also had sex with someone on a Disney cruise," Harper told her. Caitlyn's face looked more and more weirded out.

"Was that in the seventh grade too or was that the sixth grade?" I asked.

"_Sixth _grade? Is that a joke?"

"No I think it was seventh too. But no, we're not kidding." I just sat there staring at Miley and Mitchie across the room. What could she possibly see in her after only a few days? Did she even like her? Or was I just looking _way_ too much into this?

"Pizza's here guys!" Nate announced as the boys shut off their game. He ran upstairs to go get it and Shane grabbed the remote.

"What do you guys want to watch?" he asked and I could see Harper not even bothering to try and keep a straight face.

"How about _Ratatouille_?" she suggested and I saw Miley's facial expression change. Her eyes widened a bit but she never took that story that seriously. She probably should.

"Fuck you Harper," she said lightheartedly while shaking her head. How could she be so nonchalant about this?

"What? I just know how much you love that movie."

"Uh…am I missing something?" Mitchie asked and Miley shook her head.

"Don't worry about it," she told her quickly. "Fuck _Ratatouille _we're not watching that."

"Well that sounds about right." Her face was turning redder with each response Harper sent her way. I made a mental note to thank Harper for that later. Nate came back down with the pizza.

"So what are we watching?" he asked as he opened the box and set in on the table in front of the couches.

"Anything but _Ratatouille_," Miley said and Harper and I just laughed.

"Um…_okay_."

It was basically a repeat of the day we all went to the Spiderman movie together. Mitchie only paid attention to Miley and I once again didn't exist. I was on the other side of the room this time, but…whatever. It was still annoying. And it's not like I wanted her to pay attention to _only_ me but she didn't pay attention to anyone.

It was just annoying because I was sick of her doing this to me. It made me feel like I wasn't good enough because it felt like she only talked to me when it was convenient for her. It was like I was her last resort but never her first choice. If no one was left to talk to or no one was giving her attention she would come to me. Because she _knew_ I would.

Christmas had passed and we had all spent it with our families. But Shane's birthday was coming up before New Year's so we were going to go back to his house to celebrate. There had been one incident before that night, however, that made me realize that everything was going completely downhill for me.

I was in Long Island at my cousin's house that day. I had been texting Mitchie, I had to initiate the conversation for the first time, and she was apparently hanging out with everyone. I was supposed to go but I was stuck here. She doesn't reply back as quickly as she normally did and I was beginning to notice it more and more.

We had been sending random things to each other, kind of like we used to. And it made me happy. It felt like we were drifting the past couple of weeks. And everything was going just great until I opened up a message she had sent. There was another picture attachment and when I clicked on it I wanted to smash my phone into the table. It was a picture of her and Miley.

_Alex: where are you?_

_Mitchie: well we were all hanging out and since you Caitlyn and Harper couldn't make it I asked Miley to come_

_Alex: oh. What are you guys doing?_

_Mitchie: we went bowling before but the guys left so now Miley and I are just chillen in Burger King. She's pretty cool. I'm glad you introduced us_

At that message I just wanted to throw myself out of a window. Because I _was_ the one who introduced them. I decided to just go ahead and be completely blunt with my next text.

_Alex: do you like her?_

_Mitchie: I don't know_

_Alex: you don't know?_

_Mitchie: well I like…just met her. But I don't know. I mean…I think I do but I've heard some things about her_

_Alex: what do you mean?_

_Mitchie: I've kinda been asking around about her._

_Alex: oh_

_Mitchie: yeah_

_Alex: and…_

_Mitchie: well I mean she told me some things herself. She said she used to be like that but not anymore_

Of fucking _course_ she said that. Why would Miley tell her that she's a slut? The girl couldn't keep a damn relationship for longer than a few months. She would always get bored and then leave and move on to someone new. I didn't want that for Mitchie.

_Alex: what did you find out?_

_Mitchie: well other people said she's bad in relationships. Others said that she's always sleeping around_

_Alex: then I don't know what to tell you if you already know everything. Whatever you've heard is probably right. The relationship thing is true though. They don't last long for her_

_Mitchie: c'mon Lex help me out here_

Why the fuck would I have wanted to help her out with _this_?

_Alex: how though? What do you want me to say?_

_Mitchie: I don't know. You know her better than I do_

_Alex: I'm not as close with her as I was in middle school though. Like I'm sure she's changed a lot since she transferred_

_Mitchie: so what should I do?_

I hated that she was asking me this. Why did she always have to ask _me_ about her love life problems, especially when they all involved _other people_? I just wanted to tell her to not do anything. I wanted to tell her that Miley was probably the worst person to get involved with. But I couldn't say any of that. I'm just not that kind of person.

_Alex: whatever you want Mitch_

_Mitchie: thank you Oprah you are SO helpful_

_Alex: lol idk to what tell you!_

_Mitchie: whatever it's just as well. I'm incapable of being loved_

_Alex: excuse me?_

_Mitchie: I've told you this before. The only one that loves me is Columbus_

She had said that to me before but I never understood it. I guess it had more to do with her parents than it did Caitlyn but I'm sure the whole Caitlyn situation did nothing to help it. She was seriously convinced that she was incapable of being loved for some reason. She was an absolute idiot if she thought that her dog was the only one that could ever love her.

_Alex: you're a moron_

_Mitchie: says the girl who gets nervous asking the waiter for the check_

_Alex: shut up! I do not!_

_Mitchie: yes you do!_

_Alex: whatever okay I still don't know what to tell you. Do whatever makes you happy_

The rest of our conversation was pretty insignificant. But I couldn't believe I was actually telling the girl I was completely crazy about to pretty much go for it with another girl. It's not like I could make Mitchie like me if she didn't and I wasn't about to tell her not to do anything because I was jealous.

She talked to me even less after that and I didn't know why. The next time I saw them was Shane's birthday at his house. It wasn't that big of a party and not that much booze because he didn't want people to go crazy since he couldn't have people crash there. I didn't feel like drinking although as the night progressed I probably should have.

I got there with Harper around nine and didn't see Mitchie anywhere. We went down to the basement where Shane had set up the pong table seeing as that the backyard was filled with snow. And it was just way too fucking cold to be outside.

"Where's Mitch?" I asked the black haired boy as he took a shot and missed.

"She's out with Miley," Jason said as if it were nothing. His brother shot him a look and then he turned to me.

"What?"

"Uh…I don't know how to tell you this." Shane scratched the back of his head before he dropped his arm back to his side. "They're kind of on a date." And those words were all it took for my heart to just sink into the pit of my stomach. I seriously didn't think it would hurt that much to hear something like that. But it was worse than I imagined.

"They are?" I managed to ask but as soon as the words left my lips Mitchie and Miley came down the stairs…hand in hand. I wanted to throw up.

"Hey sorry we're late," Mitchie said, not noticing the solemn look on my face. But I didn't expect her to anyway. She looked happier than I had ever seen her. And that kind of killed me.

"It's okay, there's beer in the fridge down here and upstairs so help yourselves." She led Miley to the fridge at the back of the basement as I sat down on the couch next to the arm. Harper sat on the other right next to it.

"I'm sorry Alex," Harper offered and I shook my head. I didn't want to hear it. I didn't want sympathy. I didn't want anything. To be honest I just wanted to go back home. "I didn't really think that would happen."

"Really?" I said while giving her a knowing look. We both knew how Miley could be. I just didn't think she would basically stab me in the back after telling me she wouldn't do anything.

"Well…kind of. It does seem like something she would do." Before I could respond Mitchie and Miley came back from the fridge and, for some reason I cannot and will never understand, they sat next to me. It was literally just the three of us on that couch and I wanted to kill myself.

I couldn't stand it. The whole time they were being all touchy feely and laughing and smiling and it made me sick. And when I saw them lean into each other for a quick kiss I couldn't take it anymore. I stood up and just went upstairs. It was definitely a lot worse that I thought.

I went to the kitchen but I could feel my chest beginning to tighten. I knew this feeling and I hated it. I was going to cry. But I wouldn't let myself. Before I could feel the tears starting to build I forced them back. Before I knew it Harper was standing by my side looking more concerned than ever before.

"Just ignore them."

"I can't. They're literally _right_ there in my face. You know…it's one thing to go after the girl she _knew_ I liked but it's just fucked up to be all over her right in front of me. It's like she's fucking _bragging_ about it."

"I know."

"God, why did I ever bring her around? I didn't seriously think _this_ would happen. I only brought her around _twice_!" My heart was racing. I was pissed off, hurt, depressed, and just all around miserable. "And not only that, but she's probably why Mitchie hardly ever talks to me now."

"Mitchie hardly ever talks to any of us."

"What?"

"Recently she's been so MIA. And she almost never talks to people online or texts anyone anymore." I hated this. I went from begging Mitchie to let me sleep and then waking up to her texts anyway to practically forcing conversation with her every few days. "You really liked her a lot, didn't you?"

"I know I didn't want to talk about it and you guys always made such a big deal out of it but…yeah…I did."

"So why didn't you just do or say something?"

"Because I couldn't! Harper you _know_ me. And I had never liked anyone that much before and if I told her and she didn't feel the same I…I don't know…I just wouldn't know how to deal with it. I don't even know how to deal with _this_. I don't know which is worse. And you know what the worst part is?"

"What?" I was so worked up at that point. I took a breath to try and calm myself. It didn't work.

"I did this to myself."

It was the sad truth. I could have done something about my crush but I didn't. And I'm the one who introduced them. I practically set them up. I accidentally set up the girl I am so infatuated with…with someone else. It almost seemed like some sort of sad, cruel joke. But unfortunately, this was real.

I tried to avoid them as much as possible but I kept seeing them everywhere in the house. They would hold hands and kiss occasionally. All the giggling and flirting made me want to gouge my eyes out. It was like I couldn't get away. And I didn't think I could keep myself together much longer. I decided around midnight that I couldn't be there. I was going to lose it.

I had called my mom to pick me up and I left without telling anyone but Harper and Shane. She understood and I wanted to tell Shane happy birthday again before I left. My mom could tell right away that something was wrong. She tried to ask me if I was okay but I just wanted to go home.

The ride was silent. My mom didn't pry and I was thankful she knew me well enough to stop asking and just leave me alone until I wanted to talk. She knew about Mitchie. She had heard me and Justin talking about it once and she, like everyone else, was thrilled to learn that I actually liked somebody.

Justin was sitting on the living room couch when we walked in and he too noticed the broken look on my face. Now that I was in the comfort of my own home I felt my walls crumbling. Everything I had been holding in for the past couple of weeks was about to boil over; I just knew it. I sat on the couch next to my brother and without anyone saying anything to me I lost it.

The tears came out of my eyes and streamed down my face harder than ever before. The combination of sadness, hurt, and betrayal just continued to eat away at me and the first sob escaped my throat. I buried my head in my hands and I cried, my tears continuously staining my fingers.

Breathing became more difficult and I felt like there was no air in my lungs. I felt like I had to gasp if I wanted to breathe properly but I just settled for short, sharp intakes, trying to keep it as quiet as possible. I didn't need to be any louder than that one sob I had let out. I felt Justin's hand on my shoulder, pulling me into him, and I allowed him to put his arm around me. I cried silently and relentlessly into him.

My shoulders shook the more I cried and no one said anything. I felt a dip in the couch on my other side and I knew my mom was sitting next to me. She put her hand on my back and I lift my head back up when I felt like I had calmed down enough to utter a word or two. I used the back of my hand to wipe my eyes and nose.

"I'm sorry," I choked out. My throat hurt and it felt like there was a thick layer of _something_ stuck in there.

"Don't be sorry, Alex. It's okay," Justin said. I shook my head weakly, not looking at either of them. "It's Mitchie, isn't it?" I nodded. Crying wore me out. "Is it Caitlyn again?"

"Worse…Miley."

"Miley? Where did she come from?"

"I don't fucking know." My mom kissed the top of my head and got up, probably to leave me and Justin alone to talk.

"Do you want to talk about it?" The tears were building up.

"Not really." My voice sounded terrible. It was breaking. And I knew I would probably start crying again. I just couldn't stop thinking about it. And I had never felt my heart hurt this badly. It actually hurt. And I knew in the back of my mind that this was only the beginning.

Justin got up to let me be as well. I felt my phone vibrate in my pocket. I had learned not too long ago to not get my hopes up. It was almost never Mitchie anymore. That wonderful anxious feeling I would get when I was around her and when she would call or text me was almost completely gone. And now all I felt was this pain in my chest.

_Harper: did you go on Facebook yet?_

_Alex: no I haven't even been home that long. Why?_

_Harper: you would have found out eventually_

_Alex: found what out?_

_Harper: They're official_

_Alex: what?_

_Harper: yeah I asked them after you left. And it's even online already_

_Alex: oh_

It was all I could say. I was already so drained from crying and all of my emotions I didn't know what else to do about it. And I still felt angry from all of this and I didn't want to risk taking it out on Harper when I know she's just looking out for me.

_Harper: I'm sorry_

I didn't respond. I closed the conversation and opened up Facebook instead. I didn't have scroll very long. One of the _top stories_ in my news feed was one of the first things posted for me to see.

_Mitchie Torres is now in a relationship with Miley Stewart_

I think I read it about fifty times before I closed my phone and let my head hit the pillow on the couch. I tried to close my eyes and sleep but all I could see were Harper's texts and that post. I tried to sleep but I couldn't. It had hit me like a ton of bricks. I had fucked up any chance with the only girl I had actually ever gave a shit about. My heart felt like it was breaking over and over with no intentions of stopping.

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** told you you didn't want me to update and that you wouldn't like this chapter. I don't even like this chapter. but...yeah...review. and then harass me on twitter for the next one like I know you will lol**


	6. It's All Downhill From Here

**A/N: it's 4:17am and I don't know how my eyes are open but I said I'd update so I finished this because lord knows what will happen if I put it off any longer. Sorry for the wait. And sorry for the quality. The next chapter's going to better though, in my opinion anyway.**

**Hope you like it regardless even though I know all of you guys are pissed about the Miley thing.**

**As always, let me know what you think. Leave a review**

**Follow me on Twitter too: (at symbol) manhatanProject**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing but the plot. And that's about it.**

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It's All Downhill From Here

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I'd say it got easier from then on but that would be an absolute lie. After seeing them _together_ for the first time and breaking down when I got home I thought I had gotten it all out of my system. I mean, sure, I expected to still be upset about it but I didn't think I'd get like _that_ again. I was wrong. It happened one more time before I could even remotely handle it.

It was New Year's Eve as I recall. I was at my house with Harper. My parents always went out with family all night and my brother would throw parties. I ventured off into my room briefly to plug my phone into my laptop so it could charge. My Facebook happened to be left open and what stupid shit would be waiting for me to see other than the bane of my existence.

I swear that was the only thing that came up on my news feed for like two weeks straight before I started to hide it. It was maybe around two in the morning when I went to my laptop. And all over the screen were pictures and pictures of Mitchie with Miley. Miley had uploaded all of them; I didn't even have to look to guess it.

I didn't want to put myself through the torture of actually seeing them when I didn't have to but something pulled me in and my god forsaken curiosity got the best of me. I recognized the house in most of the pictures as Miley's. They were from today and earlier this week. And it was only the two of them. I clicked the album and I wanted to throw up. Everything I had wanted to avoid and never see again was right there in front of me.

There were pictures of them together, most of which look like they were taken on a webcam. There were random pictures that they took of each other. I found it odd. And one of the main thoughts going through my head was that Mitchie doesn't like taking pictures. If she takes one it's never going to be serious.

I didn't know why I hadn't stopped looking at that point when I already felt like my heart was being ripped out and thrown at a brick wall. Honestly, why the hell should I look at the girl I want to be with…be with someone else? I had been drinking since ten so it was no surprise that my emotions were out of whack by the time I reached a photo of Mitchie with her arm around Miley and kissing her. I think that was the one that made me lose it…again.

I didn't cry that time though, not right away. I felt it. And I knew I wanted to. That weird shallow breathing thing you get when you're about to cry but trying not to happened and I shut my eyes long enough to catch my breath. No tears came out. My face fell into my hands and I bit back a loud scream of frustration and hurt and anger and every other drunken emotion that was bubbling to the surface again.

Maybe if I was sober I would have been more upset than anything but my anger overpowered everything else and my hold on my face tightened. My fingers covered my eyes as I hung my head over my lap. I couldn't take it. It all happened so fast too. That might have been what pushed me over then and that one time before. I couldn't hold it. I screamed.

My hands muffled it for the most part so I wasn't too loud. The music in the house probably drowned it out anyway. But it was a long, dragged out scream and I felt my face getting hotter the angrier I got. I wanted to ball my hands into fists and just _break_ something. I thought they were going to start twitching. I wanted to hit something, _anything_; a wall, my computer, my pillow, _myself_.

My fingernails dug into my skin and I felt tears starting to form in my eyes as I grew more and more frustrated and just all around pissed off. But I wouldn't let them fall. I thought I was going to explode. I let go of my face before I could actually start hurting myself because being that upset over _Miley_ just wasn't worth it. I heard my door open and I hoped to God I didn't look like a mess because I sure as hell felt like one.

"Alex?"

"Yeah?" My voice sounded pretty even and that surprised me a little considering I felt like my insides were being torn up and beaten.

"What are you doing? I thought you were just going to charge your phone." Harper's casual tone and questioning led me to believe no one had actually heard me. I involuntarily breathed a short sigh of relief.

"I was…I am. I just…"

"What happened?"

"What do you mean?"

"You have a scratch under your eye," she pointed out and I touched my face where I thought it stung the most and felt the slightly raised skin under my fingertips. It was no bigger than the width of my fingernail.

"Is it bad?"

"Not really. It's just a little red. But what happened?" Harper knew I had a bad habit of doing that when I was mad. She took a seat by me on my bed. My laptop was still open in front of my crossed legs. "Oh." It didn't take her long to figure out the catalyst. "Alex, why would you do that yourself?"

"I didn't _mean_ to see it. I opened my laptop to plug my phone in and this shit comes up automatically. It's like my computer wants to mock me."

"I think you're just drunk," she pointed out and I shot her a glare. I wasn't drunk the first time it hit me and I fell apart. I guess she just wasn't used to seeing me like this. I wasn't even used to feeling like this. Mitchie was the first girl I felt this way about and I never even thought about what it would feel like if something like this happened. "Or not."

"I hate this so much, Harper," I groaned out loudly as I fell back on my bed with my legs still crossed. I ran my hands over my face.

"I'm sorry, Alex."

"You know…you saying that doesn't really make me feel any better." She was sitting next to me when I opened my eyes again.

"I know. But it's not like I can do anything about it."

"Just tell me you told me so."

"Why?"

"Because I'm an asshole."

"What? You're not an asshole."

"I'm a stubborn punk ass moron and I didn't do anything about it."

"Well…"

"Just say it…please. I know you're thinking it."

"You're being way too hard on yourself. If you're going to insult somebody I think it should be Miley."

"Why? Just because she had the balls to do what I wanted to do but was too much of a nervous little bitch to go through with it?"

"Do you even hear yourself though? Like I'm honestly concerned. I was there when you told Miley you liked Mitchie and I was still there two seconds after when she said she wouldn't go after her. And yet you're here giving yourself a hard time for no reason. I'd tell you I told you so but I know how you are. To be honest, I didn't expect you to do anything about it."

"You didn't?"

"No. I mean, I wanted you to but you're just a shy person. You shouldn't punish yourself for being the way you are."

"I want to punch Miley in the throat." Harper laughed and shook her head at me. Alcohol fucked with my head most of the time.

"I'm sure you do but I'm sure you won't. You're too nice of a person, Alex."

"Fuck that. I can be a bitch if I wanted to," I said trying to defend myself but I would have laughed at me too if I heard that come out of my mouth.

"Like I said…you're drunk."

"I'm not that drunk."

"Doesn't matter, you're still not going to do anything."

"You know, maybe this wouldn't hurt so much if Mitchie wasn't being an ass about it and _ignoring me_."

"I know…but cut the girl some slack. I mean, this _is_ her first real relationship." I knew she had a point. I had known that about Mitchie already. As social and _out_ _there_ as she was she was pretty much as shy as I was when it came to people she liked. I could have been able to figure that out from the whole Caitlyn thing anyway. But that was really the only aspect where she and I were almost exactly the same. We were nervous, awkward wrecks when it came to liking people.

"It's probably better this way…" I trailed off with a long sigh.

"What?"

"Maybe if she doesn't talk to me as much I can get over her quicker."

"You're really just going to get over her?"

"What other choice do I have, Harper?"

"You _know_ Miley. The girl can't hold a relationship longer than two months. You really think this is going to last long?"

"Yes, I actually do." I had thought about that since I started even _suspecting _that they might like each other. Miley sucked at relationships and everyone knew it. But something told me that it didn't matter.

"_Why_?"

"Because…just…look at everyone Miley has ever been with. Have _any _of them _not_ been a bitch or a douchebag?"

"Well…"

"My point exactly. Miley's dating record is pure garbage. Mitchie is the first normal person she's dated." It was ironic considering how _not normal_ I considered Mitchie. "Mitchie is actually…nice. And I just really think this has potential to last because of that."

"Alex…"

"Stop saying my name so sadly like I'm a kid who can't handle this." I didn't _snap_ at her but it probably would have sounded less hostile had I not been drinking. She just looked at me. "Shut up. This doesn't count." She laughed and tapped my leg.

"Come on, get up." I groaned but made no move to sit up straight. She tugged my hand but I stayed still. I wasn't in the mood to be around people anymore. And I always hated how their relationship had that power over me.

"Alex?" I heard my brother's voice coming from my doorway and that was what caused me to finally get up. Justin had seen me depressed throughout the days subsequent to that _one_ _day_ at Shane's house where I just _had _to get out. I almost felt bad for how bad he felt for me. And even though I could, I didn't _want_ to talk about it. "What's going on?"

"Nothing, Justin. I'm fine." I remember sounding extremely convincing at that point. After the initial release and Harper dealing with me in the aftermath just then I was able to collect myself…for the most part, anyway.

"What are you guys doing here?" That was my brother's best friend Zeke. I've known him forever because of Justin. He was kind of weird, but tolerable.

"Nothing, I'm coming back inside," I announced so we could all get out of my room. I didn't like all the attention on me but I guess I brought it on myself…unintentionally, of course. Why would I ever purposely put myself in the spotlight?

"Alex I swear if you're letting this Miley thing get to you again-"

"What Miley thing?"

"Some chick who stole Alex's girl," Harper informed him and I rolled my eyes as I stood from my bed. I figured everyone was going to talk as if I weren't there.

"She didn't _steal_ anything okay. You can't have something stolen that was never yours in the first place. Mitchie can date whoever she wants." Saying the words out loud were giving me a migraine and I felt like I was being kicked repeatedly in the stomach.

"Is that them?" Zeke asked and I realized I never shut my laptop screen or exited out of my Facebook.

"Yeah."

"Which one is Mitchie?" I looked at the picture he was referring to. Mitchie was laughing while she held Miley's face in one of her hands. Her laugh always made her look a thousand times more beautiful than she already was. I hated how Miley was the reason for her smile.

"The one on the left with the dark hair." Her hair was up, which was rare, since it was usually straightened or just a mess like she had just woken up. But even then it still worked on her. But I had always loved it when she would put her hair up. Her bangs still fell over her eyes all the time but that was just another thing I liked about her.

"She's pretty." _Pretty_ was an understatement. The depression kicked right back in, although, I wasn't sure if it had even left.

"I _know_."

* * *

I distanced myself from them after that…somewhat. They didn't hang out the last few times I was with everyone. I had no idea why and I didn't care enough to ask. I hardly spoke to Mitch anyway. I tried striking up conversation every now and then, a miracle in itself, but it rarely amounted to anything. Honestly, I wait until _after_ I have no chance with her to get over my social awkwardness. Well…most of it anyway.

After a while I just gave up. I was tired of trying to hang on to this friendship when it didn't seem like she cared whether it fell apart or not. And I know we hadn't known each other for that long but she did mean a lot to me. And I thought I meant something to her, even just in the slightest. At least that's what she led me to believe.

Now I'm not trying to make it seem like she is a bad person, because she isn't. Mitchie had a good heart. That's what I had always liked about her. As rough around the edges as she was she still managed to let her genuinely sweet personality shine through. She wasn't _shy_ about it like I was but she liked to reserve it for people who she felt deserved it. I had been one of those people.

At that point though, I wasn't so sure anymore. Again, our conversations seemed like they were forced. And I didn't feel like putting in the effort anymore if she wasn't going to either. And I didn't need to seem like I was so desperate to cling to whatever friendship we had left. If she still gave a shit by then I figured she would do something about it.

So I stopped trying.

Apparently, so did she.

I tried to not think about it, especially after that _second_ breakdown at my house. I think I had it fully out of my system. It might have been because I was slightly annoyed…and mildly pissed…at Mitchie for seemingly ditching her friends the second she got a girlfriend. I stumbled upon more pictures of them. I sighed. I rolled my eyes. I shook my head. I closed the window and nothing more.

It had been almost a full two weeks since they became _official_ and still almost no word from Mitchie. She had constantly talked to me about her Caitlyn problems and her family problems so it just baffled me that all of a sudden she wouldn't talk to me _at all_. As much as I didn't want to admit it though, it took a while to get used to.

I didn't like that I had to _adjust_ to not being around her or talking to her so much anymore. I didn't get woken up early in the morning or late at night just because Mitchie couldn't sleep and wanted someone to talk to. She didn't randomly show up at my house when she didn't feel like being at hers. She had _Miley_ for that now.

It felt good to know that I was basically just a stand-in until something better came along. And I mean that with the utmost sarcasm. But I guess deep down I had always felt that way, not just with Mitchie but with everyone in my life. I tried to give her the benefit of the doubt though. It was still early in the relationship so I get that she's completely infatuated.

Once the two week mark rolled around I got the text message I had been waiting for. And it wasn't from Mitchie. Although I would have loved for it to be Mitchie _finally_ I was still expecting this. I was just disappointed even further by how long it took. Truth be told, I hoped for a phone call or a face to face conversation. But this was typical and of course to be expected from her.

_Miley: I think we need to talk_

I almost laughed out loud when I got it. But it just pissed me off more than anything. She waited two weeks to send me that text. I was sitting with Harper and Justin in my living room watching TV the night it happened. I showed them the text. They actually did laugh. And they made me tell them everything as it happened.

_Alex: about what?_

_Miley: about me dating Mitchie…_

_Alex: oh_

I didn't feel the need to get into a deep conversation, especially if we were going to be kids about it and _text_ instead of actually talking. I didn't feel like talking to her much anyway.

_Miley: yeah_

_Alex: well there's really nothing to talk about_

_Miley: it's just I know you like her too and I didn't want things to be awkward_

I expected an apology of some sort. Apparently I wasn't getting one.

_Alex: yeah…you knew…so I really don't see the point of this conversation_

_Miley: I'm sorry_

There it was. And I didn't believe it for a minute. Did she really think I believed she was _sorry_ for going behind my back? Why would she care? She's the one who got Mitchie in the end. She just wanted to give me some half-assed apology so she didn't seem like a bad person.

_Alex: it doesn't matter. Talking about it isn't going to change anything. You already did what you did_

_Miley: I didn't mean for this to happen_

_Alex: again, it doesn't matter_

_Miley: Alex, I'm trying to apologize_

_Alex: that's nice and all but do you really even care? I mean I told you how I felt and your exact words were "I won't go after her"_

_Miley: I swear I didn't mean for this to happen. I would never purposely try to hurt you_

_Alex: you keep saying that yet you waited two weeks to tell me this and you couldn't even tell it to my face or even with a phone call_

_Miley: I didn't think you'd want to talk to me_

_Alex: what gave you that impression?_

_Miley: well we haven't spoken since it happened_

She didn't get my sarcasm. That time I actually did laugh.

_Alex: okay_

_Miley: I don't know what you want me to say_

_Alex: there's nothing to say, Miley_

_Miley: but I don't want you to be mad at me_

_Alex: you really should have thought of that before then, right?_

_Miley: c'mon Alex I said I was sorry_

_Alex: yeah I know I got you the first time_

_Miley: then why can't we just move past this?_

_Alex: I haven't said anything. I just don't see the point. What's done is done and this conversation pretty much has no point to it now because like I said before, you could have told me this two weeks ago but you chose not to_

_Miley: I'm sorry_

I stopped responding after that. I had nothing left to say to her so I wasn't going to waste my energy…or my phone data. After relaying the whole thing to my bother and best friend they were actually surprised at how I handled it. I didn't get that at all. I mean, I know I haven't been handling the situation particularly _well_ since it started but still…

"I can't believe you didn't go off on her," Harper said as she flipped through the channels on the television.

"What did you want me to say to her?"

"How about _fuck off and go play in traffic_?" I raised my eyebrow at Justin. He walked back from the kitchen with a bowl of popcorn in his hands. He sat next to me. "What? Like you weren't thinking it."

"Seriously Alex, she didn't have the decency to even _call_ to apologize."

"I know Harper but I don't want to make this into a big deal anymore."

"You know, I think you handled it well," Justin chimed in once again.

"Really?"

"Yeah, I mean, if I were you I would have been pissed. I'm proud of you for not blowing up at her."

"I just think it's so immature especially since we're _texting_. And I don't have time to be bothered by _her_ of all people. If she wants to be so junior high about it then let her but I don't want to deal with it. I tried to talk to Mitchie and she apparently doesn't seem to give a shit that we barely speak anymore so I'm done. If either of them wants to make an effort for _anything_ then the ball is in their court."

"Good for you Alex." Justin offered a smile and we went back to watching whatever was on TV. "Wait…what are you going to do once you go back to school?"

"Yeah and what if they do finally start hanging out with everyone again?" Harper added in right after. To be honest, the thoughts never crossed my mind before they brought it up. And I didn't know what I was going to do about it.

"I don't know…nothing I guess."

"Nothing?"

"Well I'm not going to make it obvious that I don't like Miley. Because that would just make it obvious to Mitchie that I like _her_. That is…if she hasn't already figured it out."

"The girl is forever clueless; she probably still doesn't know." I shook my head. Of _course_ she still didn't know.

"Great."

I didn't know if I wanted her to know anymore at that point. Was it even worth it to tell her? I might not like Miley but I am not the kind of person to just get in the middle of a relationship. What would me telling her my feelings even accomplish then? It's not like I would tell her how I feel and suddenly she would break up with Miley. It didn't work that way.

And who was I to out of nowhere complicate the first real relationship Mitchie has ever had? I only saw her that one time with her at Shane's, the rest were from their online documentation of their relationship, but she looks happy. And I want her to be happy. I just didn't think her being with Miley was such a good idea.

It's not even that she's not with _me_. I would just rather Mitchie be with literally _anyone_ besides Miley. I would rather her be with _Caitlyn_ if I'm being honest. At least I know Caitlyn's a good person. Miley's just…well…a slut. I know it's bad to say about a friend but that label was pretty much done for anyway.

We still had a short while before school started and there had been only one occasion where I had a conversation with Mitchie that I didn't have to initiate. It shocked me to say the least. I hardly expected to see her name light up on my phone anymore when it would go off, not like it used to. But it was in the middle of the week and sure enough, there was a text from Mitchie.

_Mitchie: hey_

It was a pretty basic text, not something I was used to from her…not counting recent days obviously. And I even contemplated not answering her at all. I didn't answer her right away. It was probably an hour before I responded.

_Alex: hey_

But _of course_ I answered her. I wasn't even anywhere near being over her yet. And just the thought of her still made my heart beat faster.

_Mitchie: what's up? I haven't seen you in forever_

_Alex: yeah I know_

_Alex: that wasn't as bitchy as it sounded_

_Mitchie: lol please don't crucify me Judas_

_Alex: lol well SOMEONE thinks highly of herself…_

_Alex: and I'm pretty sure Judas didn't crucify Jesus_

_Mitchie: OKAY BIBLE POLICE_

_Alex: lmao shut up what do you want_

_Mitchie: well hello to you too_

_Alex: you said that already_

_Mitchie: you sound like you want your ass kicked_

_Alex: still don't know why I respond to you…_

_Mitchie: because I'm FaBuLoUs now what are you doing?_

_Alex: right now? Reevaluating our friendship_

_Mitchie: sounds like a riot_

_Alex: you have no idea_

_Mitchie: well why don't you take a break from being a weird little homo and hang out with me_

_Alex: what if I said no_

_Mitchie: I'd think you were high or slightly challenged_

_Alex: every other word that comes out of your mouth is an insult it's no wonder I don't want to hang out with you_

_Mitchie: wait…seriously?_

_Alex: what?_

_Mitchie: are you mad at me?_

_Alex: …._

_Mitchie: did I do something? You know I don't mean anything I say, right? I always joke around with you_

_Alex: it doesn't sound like it_

_Mitchie: I promise I don't mean it Lex you know I just love messing with you_

There was so much irony I could practically _choke_ on it. I didn't say anything for a little while and she texted me again. I just wanted to see how far I could push this.

_Mitchie: I really am sorry though if I take it too far_

_Mitchie: and you're like the only person I would actually care if I offended_

_Alex: lol_

_Mitchie: …are you serious_

_Alex: lmao_

_Mitchie: ALEX_

_Alex: lol, yes?_

_Mitchie: omfg _

_Mitchie: I'm going to fucking strangle you the next time I see you_

_Alex: but look how cute you are being all serious_

I didn't realize until _after _I had hit the send button that I actually called her cute. I guess this was immediate karma for making her think I was legitimately mad at her. I dragged my hand over my eyes as I waited for her response.

_Mitchie: you CUNT_

_Alex: well that's a bit much don't you think_

_Mitchie: god DAMN IT ALEX_

_Alex; thank god I'm not on the phone talking to you, you'd blow my ear drums out_

_Mitchie: HOW do you ALWAYS make me talk about my feelings what kind of witchcraft bullshit is this?_

_Alex: you're such a softie at heart omg_

_Mitchie: brb killing myself_

_Alex: lmao you have fun with that_

_Mitchie: death death absolute death_

_Alex: are you sure you don't want to just talk about it?_

_Mitchie: omfggggggggggggggggggggggggg g_

_Alex: you okay there?_

_Mitchie: well fucking played. But omg I hate you_

_Alex: k_

_Mitchie: ugh_

_Mitchie: hang out with me I miss you_

_Alex: that's nice_

_Mitchie: WHY DO PEOPLE KEEP REJECTING ME_

_Mitchie: is it because I'm white?_

_Alex: lmao imbecile_

_Alex: and what are you talking about who's rejecting you besides me?_

_Mitchie: literally everyone. No one's around tonight. Miley's upstate, Caitlyn's busy, and Shane and Nate have some basketball thing._

_Mitchie: I mean Jason's free but he's boring as fuck._

_Alex: lol he's not THAT bad_

_Mitchie: he's fine with everyone else but hanging out with him alone is torture. I'd rather hang out with a cup of dirt._

_Alex: like me?_

_Mitchie: quit putting words in my mouth Russo I'm not doing that again_

_Alex: doing what?_

_Mitchie: gurl BYE_

_Alex: lol it was worth a shot_

_Mitchie: shut up and hang out with me_

Normally I would literally _jump_ at the chance to see her. And I hadn't seen or spoken to her in so long. I hated that I missed her like crazy. But there was something inside of me _screaming_ at me to not give in to what I wanted. This was beyond typical. And it was right there in my face. I couldn't give in.

_Alex: I can't_

She pretty much told me she wanted to hang out with me because _no one else was around_. Well that was great. But how the fuck was I going to just go along with that? That is what I had always hated about myself. I never thought about myself or my feelings first. I just wanted to make everyone else happy, _especially_ Mitchie. But as always, I was the last resort.

_Mitchie: what? Why not?_

_Alex: I have to go to Jersey with my family tonight_

_Mitchie: ughhhhhhh GAY_

_Alex: yes, I am_

_Alex: aw, you do pay attention :)_

_Mitchie: lmao shut up_

_Mitchie: ughhhhhankshakdhad_

_Mitchie: dammit Alex_

_Alex: sorry, rain check?_

_Mitchie: yes, call me next year when you're finally free_

_Alex: look who's talking!_

_Mitchie: alright alright I get it I suck_

_Alex: I mean, sometimes…_

_Mitchie: OKAY but can we please hang out before school starts?_

_Alex: I'll think about it_

_Mitchie: you're killing me_

_Alex: you'll live without me_

_Mitchie: wtf NO I WON'T_

_Alex: lol okay Mitch_

_Mitchie: but I'm serious_

_Mitchie: oh GOD DAMN IT_

_Alex: lmao okay I'm done I swear_

_Mitchie: ugh go to Jersey and never come back_

_Alex: but then we'll never hang out_

_Mitchie: I'LL. LIVE._

_Alex: well then BYE_

_Mitchie: BYE._

_Mitchie: no but seriously, can we hang out some time this week?_

_Alex: lol sure just let me know when you're free_

_Mitchie: will do bitch, talk to you later_

It was a weird feeling that consumed me when I stopped texting her that night. I said no to her and for once I was damn proud of myself for finally growing a pair and not giving in. Just because I was borderline obsessed with the girl doesn't mean I had to fall at her feet every time she wanted something.

I didn't have to go to Jersey. My brother was sick with bronchitis since the day before so I stayed home with him. It's not like I had any other plans in the middle of the week. Harper had work in the morning and she didn't feel like going out. Justin and I watched reruns of _The Office _and _The Big Bang Theory _all night. I don't think we moved from the couch.

But the whole night I kept thinking about Mitchie. But then again what the fuck else do I ever think about? I didn't _want_ to though. Why couldn't I think about anyone or anything but her? I felt like I couldn't breathe freely without her face or her voice plaguing my mind. It drove me halfway if not entirely insane.

But I know she wasn't doing it on purpose and the last thing I wanted was for her to _actually_ think I was upset with her, although it was fun to toy with her for _once_. And I just really wanted to see her again. Deep down I just couldn't help it no matter how hard I tried. I know…I hated myself.

It happened a couple nights before winter break was over. I was minding my own business when my phone's loud ringtone nearly gave me a heart attack. The wheels of my desk chair slid as I flinched in my seat and my hand flew to my chest to somehow slow my racing heart. Mitchie's name lit up on the screen. Try as I might I couldn't fight the smile.

"Hello?" I answered once I finally calmed down.

"Hey…you alright? You sound out of breath," she said and then I could hear her laughter building through her words. "What were _you_ doing?" she asked suggestively. I seriously couldn't be on the phone with her for like…_two seconds_ without her saying something to make me blush like an asshole.

"Okay I'm hanging up now…"

"I'm kidding, I'm kidding. Sorry, I had to." Her laughter died down. I leaned back in my chair, relaxing a little. "So what's up? Where are you?"

"I'm home doing nothing, why?"

"You want to hang out or something?" I had the strongest urge to ask her _why_ again. I almost did but I bit my tongue.

"Uh…I don't know, maybe."

"Maybe?"

"It depends. My parents aren't home and Justin usually drives me everywhere. But he's sick so I don't want to make him take me anywhere."

"Well I mean I could just come over but if your brother's sick I don't think that's such a good idea. If you don't mind taking the bus you could come to my house or something if you want."

"Your house?"

"Yeah I was supposed to be at my dad's this week but I didn't want to since school's starting soon."

"Oh, I don't know, it's just we've never hung out at your house. I always assumed it was because you hated it."

"I don't _hate_ it. I'd just rather be other places if I didn't have to be here. And I _guess_ I'll suffer staying here if it means you'll come over," she said hopefully and I rolled my eyes.

"Has anyone ever told you that you're kind of clingy?" I teased and I could just picture her face falling. I was getting better at it.

"_Alex_ come _on_," she whined like a child. "Take the bus; it's not far from your house."

"It's not?"

"No, I've taken it to your house thousands of times." I sighed loudly and dramatically into the phone.

"Alright…why not."

"You're the best," she said happily. Her tone was enough to make me break out into a huge smile.

"I'll see you soon." We hung up and she texted me her address. I had slight déjà vu; it kind of reminded me of the first time she came over my house. I changed out of my sweatpants and into a pair of skinny jeans and grabbed the nearest pair of sneakers I could find. I pulled my coat off the hook on the back of my door and left, only shouting a quick goodbye to Justin.

The bus route wasn't complicated and I thanked God I only had to take one because it was freezing outside. It only took around twenty minutes to get there and I called her before I bothered knocking or ringing a bell. When I told her I was outside I saw a light turn on in front of one of the houses.

"Holy _ball sack_ it's cold out here," she said suddenly once she stepped out. She was in a pair of navy blue basketball shorts that came up to a little above her knees and a black _Misfits_ hoodie. And she was barefoot. There was still snow on the ground.

"Would it have killed you to put _shoes_ on?"

"That's like…mad work, Alex." I shook my head and hurried up and walked over to her so she wouldn't have to stand outside. When I reached her doorway she smiled and wrapped her arms around me in a tight hug like we hadn't seen each other in…oh, wait…

"_Someone's _happy." But I couldn't deny that it was the best feeling in the world. And as I held her in the embrace I couldn't help but thinking that it's the way it should be. Just me and her.

"Shut up, you ass, I missed you."

"Well I've been here all of break," I pointed out as we walked into her house. My nose and ears were red and practically frozen but it was warm inside. I took a second to look around the place. It seemed like any other house. It wasn't that big but it _was_ just her and her mom after all.

"I know I guess it's my fault." Before I could say anything else I heard loud barking followed quickly by the sound of a dog running on the hardwood floor. I turned my head and saw a German shepherd rounding the corner and heading straight toward me. "Don't move he just needs to sniff your crotch or some gay shit." I raised my eyebrow and gave her a weird yet slightly amused look.

"_What_?" And sure enough the dog started moving its nose up my legs before attempting to climb up them. Mitchie grabbed its collar and pulled it back down.

"Sorry, Columbus just gets really excited when he meets new people."

"It's okay, I like dogs."

"You do?"

"Yeah, I just can't have one because Justin's allergic."

"So is Miley. She freaked out when she saw him." At the mention of Miley I bit the inside of my cheek to refrain from showing any other type of emotion.

"Where is she anyway?" I asked before I could stop my curiosity.

"Who? Miley?" I nodded. "I don't know…she was home the last time I spoke to her."

"She's not doing anything?"

"Nope. I told her I was going to see what you were doing tonight because we haven't hung out since December." I remember not knowing how to respond for a moment or two. I was probably too stunned to come up with some sort of a response right away. That was the first time Mitchie didn't treat me as a _backup_ _plan_.

"Really?"

"Yeah," she said like she didn't know why I had to question it. Of course she wouldn't. She was queen of the oblivious. I could probably tell her that I liked her right there and she wouldn't have gotten it.

"Mitchie?" A woman's voice sounded from behind us and I turned to see what appeared to be an older version of Mitchie, presumably her mother. "You're here?" I couldn't tell if that was a legitimate question or not because she was obviously _there_.

"Um…yes…clearly," she said as she pointed to herself. I had to hold back a laugh at our similar thoughts.

"I didn't know you were home."

"Are you serious?"

"I thought you went to your father's."

"Mom, I've been here literally all day."

"You didn't leave your room _once_." I just stood there as I watched them interact. It fascinated me. Mitchie wasn't exaggerating. Her mom really doesn't pay all that much attention to her. "Is this Miley?" And at that my head snapped up. She thought I was Miley?

"No, this is Alex. Alex, this is my mom," she introduced us and I felt myself shrinking back into my awkward shell I had when meeting new people. The older woman offered me a kind smile but before I can say anything Mitchie grabbed my hand and started pulling me away. "Come on Alex, let's go."

"Oh don't be so rude, Michelle," her mom scolded and without even waiting for Mitchie's reaction I started laughing at the mention of her full name, knowing just how much she hates it. She visibly cringed before glaring at her mom.

"Yeah Michelle don't be rude," I said too and she let me go.

"Okay well if anyone needs me I'll be in my room shooting myself in the face," she announced and started walking away again.

"Um…I better go…make sure she doesn't actually do that," I told her and she chuckled a bit. At least her mom had a sense of humor.

"She's always being a drama queen. Anyway, it was nice to meet you sweetie."

"Thank you, you too." And she went back to wherever it was that she came from as I walked off in the same direction Mitchie did. There was a short hallway and it wasn't hard to figure out which room was hers, considering the door was still open. She was sitting cross legged on her bed and her dog was lying on the carpet in the corner. "Your mom hasn't met Miley?" for some reason was the first thing that popped into my head. She looked up at me.

"No, not yet. I mean, she knows about her…and she's been here but my mom was working each time. We haven't been together that long anyway." They haven't. But to me it felt like it was _entirely_ too long already.

"Oh."

"Speaking of Miley…" Ugh _God_ how I regretted bringing her up in the first place. I felt my heart pounding inside of my chest in anticipation because I honestly had _no idea_ what she could possibly say after that. "Look, I'm really sorry about being so absent. I know it's my fault."

"It's okay…"

"I just…I don't know…" I prayed to God that she wouldn't ask me for relationship advice or any other information or opinions on Miley because my view on her was so shifted by that point I wasn't able to form an unbiased opinion anymore. "You don't think I like…rushed into this do you?"

"Why would you think that?" I asked curiously as I took a seat next to her on her bed. Her room was different than the rest of her house. The walls were painted grey and had various band posters all over them. Her guitar sat in the corner and clothes were thrown on most of the left side of the place.

"I don't know. I guess I'm just not used to it." Her voice brought my attention back to her. She looked confused, which was rare considering how confident she always was. "And I guess that's why I haven't been around."

"Yeah everyone's wondering what's been going on with you." She groaned and fell back against her bed.

"I don't know what the fuck I'm doing."

"What do you mean?"

"Miley is my first girlfriend…while I am probably her…I don't know, fifteenth?"

"That's probably a close guess." She pulled her hands over her face and kept them there for a moment. "Sorry."

"I just don't want to mess this up." I don't know why I put myself through the torture. I appreciate Mitchie's attempt and to be honest we wouldn't be talking about Miley right now if I hadn't brought her up. But it just proved that I really couldn't handle this.

"You like her a lot, don't you?" Being around Mitchie was different now. Because I constantly felt something. And now knowing that I definitely can't have her it just makes it that much harder to be around her. It was all on me now. And I couldn't handle it.

"Yeah…I really do." And hearing those words come straight from her lips stung like no picture ever could. I might have seen them kiss and hold hands but hearing her talk about Miley…the way I _wished_ she would talk about me…probably broke my heart the most. And I knew I wasn't going to get over this any time soon.


	7. How Close Is Close Enough?

**A/N: I consider this a fast update. Congrats to my followers on Twitter for less harassment this time. I thank you all. That being said I have no idea when I'm even going to start the next chapter.**

**But I hope you like this one...and I hope it kind of makes up for the last few...maybe.**

**As always, let me know what you think. Leave a review**

**Follow me on Twitter too: (at symbol) manhatanProject**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing but the plot. And that's about it.**

* * *

How Close Is Close Enough?

* * *

Things got better…somewhat. I learned to control my emotions around Miley and that's as far as any progress I have made goes. And by that I mean I was able to look at her, online and in person, without wanting to hit her or curse her out. I just didn't care about her. I ignored her. If she said something to me I would give the simplest response and nothing more. She didn't deserve anything more.

And Mitchie had gone back to talking to me regularly; not as often as before but I took what I could get. Regardless of whether or not I had a crush on her she was still a good friend of mine and I didn't want to lose that over a girl that I didn't even care about anymore. I could tell she was finally putting in an effort again and that was all I really wanted.

Admittedly, I was mildly disappointed in Mitchie the last time we hung out together. And I say _mildly_ because it was technically my fault for bringing up Miley in the first place. And Mitchie had always felt the most comfortable talking about those things with _me_. I didn't really blame her for confiding in me about her girlfriend but her girlfriend was literally the last thing I wanted to spend the night talking about.

But it occurred to me that over the next few weeks Mitchie had talked less and less of Miley to me. And I was overjoyed. Their relationship was still going strong and I knew that it wasn't going to falter any time soon. They looked happy, _so _happy, and it was the bright, genuine smile on Mitchie's face I always saw since they started dating that made me even remotely okay with it.

My feelings, try as I might, never left me. Every time I would hang out with Mitchie, just the two of us, I would still have this warm feeling in my chest and all those wonderful knots in my stomach. And as much as I wanted to get over her, I kind of didn't want to lose that feeling. She made me happy…even if she was with somebody else.

But the happiness was blended with the constant pain I had to feel every time I would remember that small detail. And they weren't making this any easier on me; not like they were aware of it. Well…_Miley _was probably aware of it. I can't really blame Mitchie for any of it, even when she would confide in me about her relationship. I just wish she wasn't so _dense_.

I thought I had made it obvious sometimes. Apparently I must have since it was obvious to literally everyone else. Or did Mitchie know and just didn't…I don't know, care? And so many times I just wanted to pluck up the courage to just _tell her_ but I know it won't do me any good anymore. I had my chance. I blew it. And I accidentally set her up with someone else.

I would have gotten over that _crush_ a lot sooner and a hell of a lot easier if Mitchie hadn't made it so god damn difficult. At first when she ignored me, and everyone else, it seemed like it was possible. But _after_…I feel like I backpedaled for fucking _miles_ and I found myself actually wanting her _more_ with each passing day. My feelings had only gotten stronger. And I hated myself for that too.

In school I hadn't said much to Miley. It's like I grew exhausted the second I saw her in the halls or at lunch. She still sat with Harper and I and a couple of our other mutual friends when we had the same lunch period. I don't know what deformity in her brain convinced her that I even wanted her around anymore. But she continued acting like nothing happened.

I didn't have the energy to hold onto a grudge for that long. I didn't particularly _let_ _it_ _go_ though, because I obviously didn't care for her anymore. But I wasn't going to cause drama when it wasn't necessary. So I put up with her for the sake of everyone else, mainly Mitchie. I didn't want her to stop hanging out with us because I didn't like her girlfriend.

I remember on one occasion I just got incredibly annoyed with her. Like, alright, I understand that she's her girlfriend but I swear it was like she was _flaunting _it every chance she got. It happened more than once but the first week of February was just plain annoying and I didn't want to listen to her rambling on about Mitchie. There was only one sentence I caught.

"I don't know what to get my girlfriend for Valentine's Day." The statement was directed towards our friends from my English class. Thankfully I had no classes with Miley. I didn't want to see her any more than I already had to.

After that sentence she went on and on about _her girlfriend_ before I went back to tuning her out like I normally did. I didn't want that one sentence to bother me so much but it did. I doubt anyone noticed how quiet I was, more so than usual, the rest of the lunch period. But of course…Harper noticed. And there was no use in denying it.

"You know, I've told her before she needs to cool it with the _my girlfriend_ stuff," she said to me when we were at my locker after we had left the cafeteria.

"Don't even bother."

"Why? Isn't it annoying?"

"It is but it shouldn't be at this point. It's been over a month; I should be over it by now," I said indifferently, at least I hoped that's how I sounded.

"But…you're not."

"You can't prove that…"

"Yes I can! Every time they're out with us and they hold hands or kiss I can _see_ how uncomfortable it makes you. It makes _everyone_ uncomfortable."

"What? Me being uncomfortable? Yeah I can see why…"

"No, I meant their gross PDA. Why would you being uncomfortable make everyone else uncomfortable?"

"I don't know I just want this shit to be over, meaning my crush." I would have liked their relationship to be over too but I knew that wasn't going to happen. And again…Mitchie was happy.

"I think you've gotten better."

"I like to think so too."

"Don't worry it'll be over before you know it."

"I don't know. This whole…being pissed at Miley thing is kind of going away. I mean I still don't like her but like…I'm not going to be angry at her forever. I'm over her pretty much stabbing me in the back because I'm over her in general."

"What do you mean?"

"I've dealt with her bullshit since we met her in middle school. And I just don't need that."

"And what about Mitchie?"

"I'm not going to lie, Harper, I still like her. And I can't find any reasons to stop. I know I should because it's pointless but…I don't know. Is it so wrong to want someone you can't have?"

"I just don't want you to drive yourself crazy with this."

"I think that ship sailed a while back. But I'm not like that anymore," I told her but she just leaned against one of the lockers next to mine. "What? I'm not."

"If you say so."

"I'm not! It's been over a month and it was really only those first couple of weeks that really got to me. To still be _that_ upset over it is just…pathetic." I closed my locker and turned to face her fully.

"You're a confusing person, Alex." I chuckled out a short laugh and shook my head, even though she had a point.

"I know I am. And you know…this probably wouldn't be so bad if it was literally anyone besides Miley." We started walking towards our next class which thankfully we had together.

"Why?"

"Because…if she was going to be with someone else I would have _hoped_ it would be with someone…good enough for her."

"Wow."

"I know."

"You are seriously _in_ _love_ with her." At that I stopped in my tracks.

"_What_?" She looked amused at my reaction and I wished people would stop looking at me like that. "I am not."

"Keep walking or we're going to be late," she said, avoiding the subject. But I continued walking anyway. "And yes you are."

"How?"

"I don't know; you're the gay one. You should know how these things go."

"I like her. That's it."

"Here we go again…"

"Harper you are actually ridiculous."

"It's like we're back in November and you're still denying your _crush_ on her."

"Why is this hilarious to everyone?"

"Because it's like everyone knows what's going on besides you and you refuse to see it too."

"What are you _talking_ about? _What_ don't I see?"

"Your undying love for each other."

"You are so dramatic Harper. I swear you and Mitchie exaggerate so much when you talk."

"If we're so similar does that mean you're in love with me too?" she joked and I slapped her hard on her shoulder but she just kept laughing.

"I'm not in love with her and I'm not in love with you either…especially not after this conversation."

"Damn, there goes my chance." I laughed too as we walked into our classroom and took our seats next to each other.

"Shut up, I hate you."

Harper didn't bug me about _being in love_ with Mitchie as much as she bugged me about my crush before I even knew it was real. I was only sixteen. What the hell did I know about love? I didn't know how it was supposed to feel or what was supposed to be going through my mind. I just really liked Mitchie. And that was it. Why complicate that even further?

But even though she dropped it, that thought rooted itself in the back of my mind and refused to leave me alone; as if I didn't think about Mitchie enough. I tried not to think about it when I was around her because then I would just become a stuttering nervous mess and I wouldn't know how to think straight.

Fast forward another month or so and I had made zero progress with Mitchie. Miley, on the other hand I felt I could tolerate a bit more. I seemed less bitter, even though I still didn't like her, and things were less tense when everyone would hang out together. I guess it made everything easier on everyone the more I let it go.

Spring break had arrived before I knew it. I was looking forward to not being stuck inside a classroom for a week and a half but I was also excited about seeing Mitchie more often than usual. No one really had anything planned for the break. It was a Thursday when I got the call.

"Hello?"

"Don't make plans tomorrow." Mitchie's voice sounded almost frantic through the phone. But she was probably just excited. And I always thought it was cute when she was. She would talk fast and you could practically _hear_ her huge smile in her voice. "I mean not that you would have plans."

"Oh _thanks_ for that. It's always nice talking to you, Mitch. I'm going to go now…" I joked after she added in an insult.

"Wait, wait don't hang up!"

"What do you want?"

"Why do you always say that to me?"

"Why do you always make fun of me the second I pick up the phone?"

"I'm not _making_ _fun_ _of_ _you_. But I guess you have a point. It's only fun when I can see your face huffing and pouting like a toddler."

"Hey!"

"Hello!" she said cheerfully in response and I sighed.

"Hi, what's up?"

"That's better. Put a smile on babe I know you're still pouting." That was another thing that didn't change for some reason. And I was completely baffled by it every single time. To this day I have no idea why she continuously insisted on calling me _babe_ even though we weren't dating. What perplexed me the most is why on Earth she would call me that while she had a _girlfriend_; a girlfriend that wasn't me.

"I am not." But still, I couldn't help but listen to her. And I would always find myself unintentionally smiling when she called me that. "What do you _want_?"

"Ooh we're back to being sassy. Alright, fine, be that way."

"I am not being _sassy_. And why does it always take you like…_hours_ to tell me something?"

"Because you always have to be so damn _sassy_."

"Fine, I'm sorry." I don't understand how she always managed to get me to apologize when she was always the one teasing or messing with me. It only made her even more conceited than she already was. "Why don't you want me to make plans tomorrow? _Not like I have plans anyway_."

"Because, _loser_, my mom is gone for the weekend with her boyfriend so I have an open house. I figured we haven't had a legit party in a while."

"And _I _get an invite?" I asked sarcastically.

"Yeah I'm really big on charity work lately so I'm inviting the peasants."

"You're an ass."

"Yeah but you love me anyway." And again with the irony.

"That's debatable."

"Are you coming or not?"

"I mean…maybe."

"_Maybe_?"

"I don't know if I want endure anymore abuse from you."

"What if I promise to be on my best behavior?"

"Well now you just sound desperate."

"You're _impossible_." I laughed at her frustration. I always reveled in those moments I would turn the tables on her, as rare as they were. "Damn it, Alex."

"Calm down, I'll come. What time?"

"Any time after eight because I have to go have dinner with my dad and stepmom first," she said sounding annoyed.

"Sounds like a blast."

"I'd rather blast myself with a shotgun."

"Okay, _Kurt Cobain_, take it easy."

"You'd be the same way if you had to sit through that awkward mess. Oh wait, never mind, you'd probably fit right in."

"Thanks…"

"You're welcome. So will I see you tomorrow?"

"Um…I don't know."

"I was going to let people crash here if they needed if that helps."

"Really?"

"Yup."

"Alright, I guess I can pencil your little get together into my busy schedule."

"By _your busy schedule_ do you mean watching reruns of _Law and Order_ all night?" I would have pretended to be offended but it was scary how well she knew me. And that totally was something I would do if I didn't have plans.

"_Maybe_."

"Okay so I'll see you tomorrow, bye." I laughed into the phone.

"Fine, see you tomorrow Mitch."

It wasn't surprising that she would have a party even though she hates being home. It really had more to do with her parents anyway. I had to admit that I was excited though. No doubt Miley would be there but I had been good at not letting her presence bother me, or at least showing it.

It wasn't a huge party; her house isn't nearly big enough for something like that. But aside from the usual group there were a couple others here, probably from Mitchie and Caitlyn's school. It was beer only because Mitchie didn't trust people to not be stupid or mix and get sick; smart girl.

It was around nine. I was instantly greeted by loud music. It seemed like everyone was already there but it's not like I wanted to be the first one anyway. Lord knows how awkward it would have been because I just _knew_ Miley was already going to be there with her. That was a third wheel situation I wanted to avoid for as long as I lived.

"Alex!" Mitchie shouted the second she saw me. I didn't even have a chance to say hi to anyone besides Nate who opened the door for me with Columbus standing by his feet. She came up to me and immediately grabbed me around my legs.

"What the hell? Why!" It was like the first day I met her and she ran across the field with me over her shoulder.

"Come with me to the kitchen," she said and started, _thankfully_, walking. I held her arms so I wouldn't fall.

"I would have gone willingly!"

"Stop whining." She set me back down on the ground gently. And I finally had a chance to get a good look at her. I always found myself studying her outfits. She always managed to wear something that just suited her perfectly; like I would always see what she was wearing and think _wow she _would_ wear that_.

"I am not _whining_." She was wearing denim shorts that honestly looked like she just cut the legs off of her skinny jeans. Her t-shirt was black and had multiple squares of the same picture of Albert Einstein in various colors in an Andy Warhol-esque fashion. The shirt was only slightly covered by a black, pin-striped, unbuttoned vest. She was in green socks with dinosaurs on them.

"You're always whining." I rolled my eyes. "Are you staying over?"

"I don't know. Who else is?" I didn't want to stay over if the only other person sleeping there was Miley. I would have straight up killed myself.

"Miley, the guys, and Harper; Caitlyn has some dentist appointment in the morning so she can't. I was only letting you guys stay over anyway."

"Is there even room for all of us?"

"I don't know. The guys can fight over the couches in the living room for all I care. I figured you and Harper could take the guest room since I'm not allowing anyone in my mom's room."

"Oh how sweet I get special treatment." It took only another second to realize she didn't say anything about Miley, even though I knew for a fact she would be in Mitchie's room. I tried not to clench my jaw.

"Only the best for my little awkward freak," she gushed, pinching my cheek hard. I was certain there was a pink mark left behind that stayed there for about a minute or two. I didn't check to make sure though. But the sting lingered for a bit.

"So what was so important you had to _carry_ me to the kitchen?"

"Beer, obviously," she said and then her eyes landed on two blonde girls standing by the sink, engaged in conversation. "And I want you to meet some of my friends from school." I tried not to let my smile falter because I hated meeting new people. "Guys!" she yelled even though they weren't that far. I wondered how long she had been drinking for. "This is Alex, the girl I told you about." I remember being confused, like _really_ confused, as to why she would tell anyone about me.

"The one from the other school that you're _always_ texting in class?" the taller of the two asked and Mitchie slapped her arm.

"Not _always_…I have other friends you know."

"No you don't," I said once I found my voice. I didn't want to pass up an opportunity to make fun of her like she does with me. "How much did you pay these people to come here?" She shot me a glare so hard it almost made me flinch. Her friends laughed. She kept glaring. It started to intimidate me. "I'm sorry."

"_As I was saying_…this is Tess and the tall, giraffe-like one is Taylor. They're my best friends from school."

"Depends on how much she pays us…" Taylor said with a smile.

"Oh my fucking God I'm going to kill you for that later," she said to me as she turned around. She grabbed my hand in the process and dragged me away to the fridge. I was actually thankful for that though. Mitchie knew me well enough to know I didn't like being around people I just met and to leave before I felt too awkward.

"I have no doubt in my mind that you will."

"You're getting better at this."

"Aren't you proud of me?"

"No this is terrible. I think we need some time apart."

"Why? Are you afraid I'll eventually get better than you at it?" I challenged and she snorted out a laugh. Apparently it was hilarious.

"Yeah like that will ever happen," she said as she patted my cheek twice. She turned to open the fridge to get drinks out and I held my breath when she bent to reach for the cans. I didn't know why the hell the beers were on the bottom shelf but I had never had to restrain myself so hard in my life. Mitchie was in cut off jean shorts and she hardly bent her knees to grab the cans. And it was like they were all the way in the back because she stayed like that way too long. It was actually a challenge not to stare at her ass. "Jesus Christ, who pushed the beers to the back of the fridge?"

"They get colder in the back!" Shane shouted from the table set up in the living room for pong.

"You just want to stare at everyone's ass when they bend down to get them you fucking creep."

"Maybe it was both!" he yelled and went back to his game with his brother.

"What a dipshit," she muttered but laughed regardless. I was just happy she was standing up straight again and I didn't have to fight the thoughts running through my mind. She handed me one of the three cans in her hand.

"Thanks." It was then that I realized I hadn't seen Miley yet.

"No problem. Now if you'll excuse me I think that's Miley calling me." I looked over my shoulder and sure enough there she was standing next to Shane and Nate at the beer pong table. I watched her as she walked away and handed one of the remaining beer cans to her. Miley took it before grabbing Mitchie by the back of her neck and connecting their lips in an unnecessarily long kiss. I honestly think she amped up their PDA around me. It wasn't always that way. But I think she was slightly discouraged with the fact that Mitchie and I remained good friends despite the few rough patches at the beginning of their relationship. I don't know why she would have been though. But she's ridiculous so I wouldn't put it past her.

"Hey," a voice called out to me as I pulled the tab of the beer can and tore my eyes away from Miley and Mitchie. "You finally made it."

"Hey Caitlyn." She turned to see what I was looking at. They had stopped kissing but Miley was still next to her with her arms clung to her neck.

"Just _one day_ I would like to hang out with them and not see them attached to each other."

"Well what did you expect?"

"Yeah but their PDA is off the fucking charts it's almost nauseating."

"I mean…" I trailed off and looked at them again. What was I supposed to say? Everyone knew how I felt about Mitchie and the whole thing. I didn't want to irritate everyone half to death with my bitterness and cynicism. That was reserved solely for my mind and my mind only…and occasionally Harper. "I guess." She shrugged.

"Come on, did you meet everyone?" she asked and I looked around. I figured it wouldn't have killed me to be around people I didn't know and be _social_ for a while.

"No, just those two blonde girls back there," I said referring to the girls I just spoke to.

"Let me introduce you to everyone…since Mitchie is obviously busy." I chuckled a bit and shook my head, but agreed anyway.

"Sure, why not…"

Turns out I wasn't as big of a nervous mess as I thought I would be. Her friends were pretty cool, I'll admit. And everyone was having a good time. This is exactly what I meant by it's not worth it to stay bitter. I still got to keep Mitchie as a good friend so at least there's that. It would have been a lot more difficult to be okay with everything if things changed.

The music was blaring throughout the house I didn't know how Mitchie's neighbors didn't have a problem with a bunch of loud ass teenagers next door. But at least we didn't have to worry about people complaining or calling the cops. I was only three beers in. Mitchie…I wasn't sure how many she had at that point.

It happened around maybe midnight I believe. It was so noticeable when the music just stopped playing out of nowhere. Everyone turned to Mitchie's laptop that was connected to the speakers to find Shane standing in front of it with a half confused, half guilty expression on his face. Some people should not be allowed around technology.

"Shane!"

"I didn't do it!" Mitchie walked over to him and slapped him upside the head. "Ow! What the hell was that for?"

"What were you doing?"

"I didn't mean to. It just…stopped working." She tried seeing what was wrong but her face just grew more and more frustrated. She was probably too drunk to figure it out anyway.

"You little shit stain."

"I didn't do anything!"

"You broke my laptop!"

"I did not!" I saw her pull one of her hands back to hit him again. I decided to step in before they got into an actual fist fight.

"What's wrong with it?" She visibly calmed down when I walked over to them but still seemed pissed off.

"I don't know; nothing will play…and now nothing works."

"Nothing works?"

"It's like…frozen or something. It's not responding."

"Try rebooting it," I suggested and she stared at me like I had asked her to perform open heart surgery or something.

"...the fuck?"

"Try…rebooting it…" I said again, not knowing why she couldn't understand me. I sighed. "Here, let me see it." She handed her laptop over to me without an argument and I looked at it. Everyone else had already gone back to what they were doing…sans music.

"So what's wrong with it?" Shane asked as he looked over mine and Mitchie's shoulders. She turned her face to him and glared at him.

"Shut up."

"What? I was just _asking_. God."

"Go be useless somewhere else, please."

"I bet you anything it's not broken. Here, give it to me," he said and tried taking it from my hands.

"You already fucked it up, can you not manhandle it?" He again tried hitting a few buttons and that time I smacked him.

"Seriously Shane, you pushing random buttons is doing absolutely nothing to help. And you're probably making it worse."

"It's definitely not broken you guys are overreacting."

"Shane, leave her alone."

"You need to calm down."

"Guys seriously just shut up." Mitchie shoved him away and I felt her hand on my back.

"Come with me," she said and led me out of the living room and into the guest bedroom I would later be staying in. She closed the door behind her. "I'm going to drop kick that kid in the fucking teeth."

"He's an idiot. But don't worry; I don't think he completely ruined it. Your iTunes is fucked up though."

"Really? How can you even tell?"

"My brother knows all about computers. Mine was messed up a few months ago and he showed me how to fix it. It's not that hard."

"I don't know, Lex. Anything related to computers just goes right over my head." I sat on the bed cross-legged and focused on her laptop as I restarted it. She took a seat right next to me and rested her head on my shoulder as we waited for it to load. I exhaled through my nose and chewed on my lip to distract myself from the scent of her hair. When it started up again she sighed. "You know, you really didn't have to do this for me."

"It's really no big deal. I told you it's pretty easy. You just have to back up your files and reinstall iTunes."

"Still…thank you."

"No problem." I clicked around to check if it was responding and it seemed fine. When I tried to open her iTunes it was still messed up though.

"Fucking hell," she mumbled and fell back against her bed.

"Relax," I said and slapped her stomach playfully. She flinched and swatted my hand away.

"Stop I'm going to burp," she warned over her laughter.

"How lady-like…"

"Excuse me!" she yelled and slapped me back this time.

"Stop or I'll actually break your computer." She pinched my side multiple times until I grabbed her hand. "You need a _nap_….or a tranquilizer."

"Bitch."

"_Abusive_. I thought you said if I come you'd be on your best behavior."

"This is my best behavior…"

"Why am I not surprised?"

"Beats me; I guess you're not as smart as I thought you were." I turned away from her laptop and smacked her stomach again. Mitchie apparently got her second wind because me smacking her led to her hitting me back and we kind of just went back and forth. I had to move her computer from my lap because I didn't want any of us to knock it over. Our random play fight came to a halt when she had me pinned underneath her on the floor. I probably stopped moving because I realized our position and almost had a heart attack. She was too busy laughing at me.

"And you really don't think you're abusive? Here I am trying to do something nice for you and you _wrestle_ me to the ground."

"I wish I had that grumpy little face of yours framed or as my desktop or something," she said, still giggling, and it only made my face drop even more.

"You're so _mean_ to me."

"I'm not _mean_!"

"Yes you are!"

"_How_?"

"You're being a jerk."

"You're being stubborn."

"I am _not_."

"There's the face! Hold on let me get my phone," she said with such excitement I couldn't help but laugh along with her until I realized what she had said. She kept one hand pinning my arms above my head as she used her other to reach behind her to grab her phone out of her back pocket.

"Don't take a picture, you ass." I couldn't move my arms though so I settled on trying to hit her with my knee. It threw her off balance and I regretted it instantly. My hands slipped out of her grasp and she fell forward, landing with her whole body pressed against mine. We started laughing again. "Well that didn't go as I'd planned…" Her face was against the crook of my neck and her breath tickled my skin.

"Oh my God," she managed to get out between her giggles while she lifted her head back up. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah…you kind of crushed my ribs, but I think I'll live." Only her arm supporting her stopped her from completely laying on top of me but we were still extremely close.

"I'm sorry." Her laughter died down until she was just smiling at me. She looked so happy. And I knew I put up with everything I did back then just to see her smile because it made everything worth it.

"It's okay." My breath hitched in my throat. And I hoped to God I didn't make it obvious that I wasn't breathing anymore because we were so damn _close_ to each other. I still wonder if my heartbeat was actually as audible as I thought it was. It felt like it was pounding in my chest as well as my ears. All I can remember thinking was _don't look at her lips_. My mouth felt dry but I didn't want to lick my lips. And then all I could think about was _Mitchie's_ lips. _Don't fucking look at them_. I stared at her eyes instead. But that did nothing to help the situation because her eyes are beautiful.

"I guess I do abuse you," she admitted sheepishly but then shrugged. I was slightly grateful for her breaking the silence because I wouldn't have known what to do or say. I was still trying to focus on anything but her lips…and her body pressed against mine. She sat up a little more and I finally exhaled. "We'll need counseling for that later on." And she _still_ went on about us getting married in the future. It made absolutely no sense to me.

"We will?"

"Yeah…unless you condone domestic violence," she said as if it were obvious.

"Oh yeah, totally," I replied sarcastically with an eye roll and she raised her eyebrow looking amused as usual. Then she just smirked and shook her head.

"I had a feeling you liked it rough. It's always the quiet ones…" she trailed off and I scoffed with wide eyes.

"What!"

"You said it, babe. Not me."

"I'm going to kill you one of these days."

"Yeah, yeah, whatever you say." She started to push herself off of me to fully get up but her hand dug into my chest so hard I couldn't hold back the high pitched yelp that escaped my throat. But of course…it only made her laugh again. At least that time she didn't fall on me. She finally stood back up and offered me her hand.

"Ow, Jesus Christ," I said with my hand against my chest. "You hit me in the tits."

"Well obviously I was trying to cop a feel…I'm sorry, was it not discreet?" I slapped her arm.

"Just a little."

"Mitch?" Another voice pulled our attention away from each other and we looked towards the source of it. Miley opened the door and I had to hide my disappointment. She didn't come in the room though. I was just thankful she didn't come in about a minute earlier because we would have had a lot of explaining to do.

"Yeah?"

"What are you doing in here?"

"Oh, Alex is just helping me fix my laptop."

"_Alex_ is fixing your laptop. _You're_ doing nothing," I corrected her and she shoved me in return.

"Oh so if you're not doing anything then come back out," she asked Mitchie and I could just _tell_ she only wanted her to go with her because she didn't want me around her. I found it both ridiculous and kind of hilarious that it bothered her so much that I was still so close to Mitchie. And Miley definitely knew I still liked her. But I didn't care. She knew before she went out with her and that didn't seem to affect her in any way.

"I'll be out in a sec."

"But _baby_," she half whined in an overly sweet almost babyish voice with her head tilted slightly. I would have faked a gagging noise at it all but her over-affection was enough to make me want to gag for real. I bit my tongue. She finally walked into the room and lightly grabbed a hold of Mitchie's hands.

"But-"

"It's fine Mitch, you can go," I said not wanting Miley to stay in the room another second. Knowing her she would have started touching her right there in front of me and Mitchie, the blissfully ignorant person that she was, would have just gone with it.

"What?"

"You don't have to stay with me." I sat back down at the foot of her bed with her computer on my lap.

"Are you sure? I don't want to leave you alone when you're doing me a favor." I thought it was sweet that she would still stay with me even when her girlfriend is practically begging her to go back to her.

"Yeah don't worry it's pretty much done anyway."

"Really?" she asked, pulling away from Miley and looking over my shoulder. "And it works?"

"I'll tell you in a second…" I trailed off and adjusted her volume once everything in her iTunes library was done uploading. I clicked a song and instantly The Fratellis started playing through the laptop speakers. "All fixed."

"Oh my fucking God you are an angel, thank you!" Mitchie yelled while beaming that bright smile of hers at me before she engulfed me in a hug I just _knew_ pissed Miley off. I remember thinking for a second that it should be awkward, considering my feelings for her, having her girlfriend _right there_ looking at us. But then I thought…_why the fuck should I care_? And I hugged her back.

"You're welcome." She let go and stood up and went back over to Miley.

"Good song choice by the way, Russo." She put her hands on Miley's waist from behind and started leading her out of the room. I saw Miley smiling as they left together and I held up my middle finger to their retreating forms.

I minimized iTunes and finally noticed Mitchie's desktop background picture. I thought it was going to be some gross _cute_ picture of her and Miley but it wasn't. It was from the day we went to Rockefeller Center back in December.

All six of us were standing in front of the enormous Christmas tree together. I was standing in between Nate and Mitchie. She had one arm over my shoulder and the other up near her face, thumb in the air. Everyone had been smiling for the camera but Mitchie's was the biggest. She was in the middle of laughing and I think I was too. We looked significantly happier than everyone else. That was always one of my favorite pictures of us.

I sighed but a small hint of a smile was still lingering on my lips. I got up and, with Mitchie's laptop, went back into the living room. I hooked it back up to the speakers and the loud music resumed once again. A chorus of obnoxiously loud, drunken cheers erupted and I walked over to Harper and Caitlyn who were talking to Nate.

"I can't believe you actually fixed it," Nate said in shock.

"My brother's the biggest tech-nerd on the planet; I was bound to pick up a few things."

"So did you have some fun with Mitch in there or what?" Caitlyn asked bluntly and my face scrunched up a bit in confusion.

"_What_?"

"Oh come on you guys were in there for a while."

"Yeah I was fixing her laptop."

"Yeah I bet you were fixing something of hers alright," Nate added in and I threw my hands up in defeat.

"I need another beer."

I tried not to pay so much attention to Mitchie the rest of the night. Paying attention to Mitchie meant paying attention to Miley because they were basically conjoined twins…who liked to make out with each other every now and then. So I stayed with mainly Nate, Caitlyn, and Harper.

I remember at one point in the night I made the mistake of looking toward the most nauseating couple I had ever seen in my life. I glanced up from my beer can to see Nate and Caitlyn looking at something behind me. I turned around and saw Miley and Mitchie still playing beer pong. Mitchie was aiming to throw and Miley had her hands on her hips and her lips on her ear. I didn't know how that was supposed to help Mitchie concentrate.

She sank the cup regardless, winning the game. But they were still constantly touching each other. I watched them walk away from the table and that's when Miley grabbed Mitchie by the face and crashed their lips together. Now, I had seen them kiss before. Hell, I had even seen them make out before. But _this_ was on another level of torture to watch.

My stomach literally churned and tied into sickening knots looking at them but I couldn't tear my eyes away. They weren't in the living room anymore but Nate and I could still see them in the hall from where we were sitting. I don't know why I put myself through the pain of looking but they were _right there_.

Miley's arms were around Mitchie's neck and Mitchie's hands were on her waist again, their lips never parting once. They kissed harder, more passionately and Miley's hands trailed down Mitchie's sides and up her shirt. I swallowed something that seemed to be stuck in my throat. And the tightening feeling in my chest only increased and the dull ache of my heart just got worse.

I thought I was past all of it to be honest. It had been months and I had ample time to get used to them. And I was, really. But seeing them like _that_? I mean…I knew they were pretty drunk but still…no one should have to see that let alone _me_. I watched as they started stumbling backwards until Miley reached for Mitchie's bedroom doorknob and they closed the door behind them.

"Wow…" Nate's voice broke my trance and brought me back to where I was. I wish had done that sooner so I wouldn't have witnessed that. "Are you okay?"

"I wish people would stop asking me that. I'm fine, Nate."

"That's just not classy," Harper chimed in out of nowhere. "Ditching your own party to hook up, I mean."

"Well that's what happens when your girlfriend is a massive _whore_," I said as casually as possible as I sipped my beer. Nate laughed and shook his head.

"Yeah…you seem completely fine…"

I wasn't keeping time so I didn't know how long they were in her room for. I didn't want to think about it. I didn't want to know what they were doing. I didn't want to think about the fact that they were alone together in her bedroom at _all_. I pushed my feelings aside and used anything and everything to take my mind off of it.

They eventually came back out and thankfully I didn't have to suffer through them being _obvious_ about whatever they had done. If I hadn't seen them before they went in I wouldn't have noticed a difference; no wardrobe malfunctions or messed up hair. I breathed a little easier knowing I didn't have all that thrown in my face.

"Nice fucking hickeys, Mitch." Well…except for that. Mitchie turned to Shane and punched him hard in the shoulder. I looked at her neck and saw at least three decent sized bruises tainting her skin. Because Miley just _had_ to mark her as _hers_ over and over as if we all didn't already get the point. I knew I was thinking irrationally from the beer and my perpetual jealousy but it still annoyed the hell out of me.

I didn't really want to be around either of them after that. I mean…I never wanted to be around Miley anyway but after all that…_crap_…I didn't think I could face Mitchie and _not_ think about her with Miley, especially with the evidence of their _impromptu_ make out session. It probably wasn't the smartest idea I had ever had but it seemed good at the time to just avoid it all.

People started clearing out around two. The house wasn't that much of a mess but I helped collect the beer cans lying around to dump them out and put them all in a trash bag while Mitchie got rid of all the other cups and shit on the tables. Within fifteen minutes the house looked decent enough for the night.

Jason and Shane took up a couch each and Nate used a recliner which left Harper and I with the guest room. We just shouted a quick goodnight before leaving everyone else. I didn't want to watch Miley and Mitchie go back into her room together. I had enough of that for one night.

I for some reason could not for the life of me fall asleep that night. It was one of those situations where you lie awake in bed _forever_ because all of your fucking stupid thoughts won't give you two seconds of peace. You can't turn your brain off long enough to feel tired. And I was lying with my eyes open staring at the ceiling for a good two to three hours.

I thought of _everything_. And it was frustrating me. It always went back to Mitchie. I wanted to think of _anything _else but her. I was so sick of this damn crush I had on her. I remember thinking I wished I never met her but I think I might have still been a little drunk when that thought crossed my mind.

I stayed like that until I couldn't take it anymore and I _had_ to get up before I killed myself. The beer had caused severe cotton mouth so I figured I'd go to the kitchen to find water or something nonalcoholic. I managed to get out of bed without waking Harper who was sound asleep; that lucky girl.

I walked as quietly as I possibly could down the hall and into the living room where the boys were passed out on the couches with the television on and muted. I never understood why they couldn't just shut it off. I was halfway through the room when I stepped on something soft and it immediately started to move.

"What the fuck," I whisper yelled, trying to keep my voice quiet. I heard whatever I stepped on let out a strained whine and then a loud bark. And I realized I had stepped on Mitchie's dog's tail. I tried to shush him but he just whimpered and I actually felt so bad for stepping on him. "Shh, I'm sorry Columbus but _please_ shut the fuck up." Thankfully he stopped and it didn't seem like his barking woke anyone up.

I continued my short walk to the kitchen without stepping on any animals again. I opened the fridge and of course with my luck there was nothing in it to drink besides more beer and iced coffee, both of which would have just dehydrated me even quicker. I might as well have eaten a bag of salt. Why didn't this girl have _water_ or something?

"Alex?" The sudden voice scared me half to death and I literally jumped back a bit. My hand flew to my chest to calm my racing heart but I thought I was going to pass out from how scared I was.

"Jesus fucking Christ," I said a little louder than I should have. A hand clamped down on my mouth and whoever was with me walked a little closer until they were illuminated slightly by the light in the open fridge. Mitchie was standing in her school's red gym shorts…and her black bra. I honestly couldn't comprehend why I had to see this girl in her bra so often. It's like _God_ was teasing me.

"Shh! Why are you yelling? It's like 4:30 in the morning." She removed her hand.

"Sorry you just scared the shit out of me. I didn't think anyone else was awake."

"Alex…I'm _always_ awake," she said pointedly and I don't know why I didn't remember that she almost never sleeps. "I was just lying in my bed when I heard someone trying to _murder_ my dog." In the minimal lighting I could tell that she looked amused.

"I wasn't trying to _murder_ him. I didn't see him sleeping on the floor."

"_Sure_ you didn't. I hope he bit you; I won't have you killing the only man I love."

"You're such a douche," I said through my stifled laughter as I pushed her.

"What are you doing up anyway? Isn't it way past your bedtime?" she asked like I was a toddler.

"I couldn't sleep and I needed to drink something before I died."

"Well good luck finding something; my fridge is emptier than Shane's head. I mean there's the tap but that's kind of gross so I wouldn't recommend it."

"Great."

"Blame my mother. She forgets to stock the fridge when she forgets that I still live here. You wanna go to the 7-eleven down the street?"

"You mean _now_? Isn't it late?"

"Technically it's early but it's open twenty four hours so who cares? It's not like we were sleeping anyway." I shrugged. I honestly just needed a drink; I would have walked across town to get it.

"Please tell me you're not going out like this," I told her when I remembered she was shirtless.

"Why? Alex, do you have a problem with my body?" she said with a serious face but I knew she was just trying to mess with me. But I couldn't come up with a decent response because…well she was shirtless.

"Um…"

"Good answer, hang on I'll go get a shirt you prude."

"I'm not a _prude_. You'd get _arrested_ for walking out in public without a shirt on."

"Well then cops are prudes too."

"Just put some clothes on so we can go."

"Alright, alright. So demanding…" She walked over to hooks in the living room by the front door and grabbed a hoodie off of it. She zipped it up until you couldn't see her bra anymore. But she just _had_ to leave some of her cleavage out though. The lord was seriously testing me that night. She grabbed her Vans and slipped them on without bothering to get socks. I put my own shoes on and grabbed my phone and a couple bucks from my bag and we headed out.

I know I wanted to avoid Mitchie the rest of the night but after lying in bed for hours I had calmed down from…_previous events_. I didn't like that my crush followed by my insane jealousy was making it hard for me to be around her especially when she had become one of my best friends.

Our walk was filled with our usual small talk and ridiculous banter which always resulted in Mitchie laughing at my expense. It honestly made me forget about the dumb shit I got upset over throughout the night. I just wanted us to be like that; no other relationship bullshit getting in the way. If Mitchie was going to be with Miley then I wasn't going to let that ruin what we _did_ have.

When we got back we ended up in her backyard. We were lying side by side on the grass looking up at the sky. I had a bottle of water and a bag of Fritos while she drank Dr. Pepper and chewed on Slim Jims. It was silent for a moment before she turned her head to face me. The moon wasn't out by that point but the sun was going to start rising within the hour.

"Can I be serious with you for a sec?"

"I thought you hated being serious with me because I turn you into a sap."

"Okay, point taken…can I be serious with you without you giving me shit for it?"

"I can't do _anything_ without you giving me shit for it!"

"Okay, okay fine, point taken _again_."

"What's up?"

"Were you mad at me tonight?" She seemed confused which was weird considering how confused I was at her question.

"What?"

"I don't know; I felt like you kind of didn't want anything to do with me most of the night." Well yeah but I didn't want her to _notice_ it though. I didn't even think she _would_ notice. She was busy with Miley or her school friends most of the night.

"Really? I didn't do that on purpose," I lied but I wasn't about to explain myself to her.

"You didn't?"

"No, why would I?"

"I don't know. That's why I was asking. I thought I said something that pissed you off." Oh it was nothing she _said_, that's for sure. "I told you, you got to tell me these things because I don't know when I'm taking things too far."

"But when I tell you that you just make fun of me even more," I said pointedly and she let out a quiet laugh.

"That's because it's so much fun."

"You know, most people would be seriously _offended_ by you."

"Yeah but…you're not most people." I took a sip from my water bottle and licked my lips. My eyes felt heavier. I turned my head to face hers.

"Really now…"

"Yeah…that's what I like about you…you're not like any other girl I've met." I pressed my tongue into my cheek and fought a smile.

"I can't tell if you're being sarcastic," I told her honestly and I heard her giggle again. Her laugh always made me happy. I was a sucker for it and I would do or say anything just to hear it again.

"I promise I'm being serious," she said and even hooked her pinky around mine for added effect. "But shh don't tell Miley, wouldn't want her to get _jealous_ of us," she said jokingly and I laughed at the inevitable _irony_.

"I won't." Like I would actually _voluntarily _have a conversation with her. I kept that mindset. Miley didn't matter. I knew that even though Mitchie and I might have our moments it was still Miley she was with, it was still Miley she was going to go back into bed with when this was all over.

And I knew that even if Mitchie was blind as a fucking bat to my feelings for her they wouldn't just go away anytime soon. But just because Miley may or may not have had a problem with how close Mitchie and I were didn't mean I had to care. I'd rather keep her as a friend than not have her in my life at all.

And just because Miley was her girlfriend and not me it didn't mean I had to let her get in the way of our friendship. Whether I kept hope alive or not there was no denying that there had to have been _something_ between us. I wasn't like that with Harper and she wasn't like that with Caitlyn. Apart from all of my other friends Mitchie had always held a special place in my heart. And that would never change.


	8. Surprise, Your Girlfriend Sucks

**A/N: thanks for all the feedback I'm glad the last chapter didn't piss you off. and just a heads up, spamming me won't make me writ faster -side eyes people on twitter and anon in my emails-**

**okay that's it I hope you like this one again! got some BIG THINGS coming up**

**As always, let me know what you think. Leave a review**

**Follow me on Twitter too: (at symbol) manhatanProject**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing but the plot. And that's about it.**

* * *

Surprise, Your Girlfriend Sucks

* * *

It was nearing the end of the school year. The months following the party at Mitchie's house were just filled with more bullshit from Miley every time we hung out. I didn't even do or say anything to provoke her. But for some reason she just had to pull _something_ everywhere we went.

They had been dating for almost a full six months. And I'm not going to lie; my crush was still alive at that point. But I had built up a sort of tolerance against anything that had to do with Miley and Mitchie. I was still jealous because she still had the girl I was obsessed with but it was a step up in my opinion.

I contemplated trying to get over it multiple times. But I knew I wasn't over Mitchie. I didn't think it was doing much harm to me anymore when I had everything under control. I had learned to deal with the two of them but I still liked her. I didn't see a problem with.

The thing was…I _liked_ liking her, if that makes any sense at all. When Miley wasn't around or if it was just the two of us everything was great. I also learned to not fill myself with false hope or wishful thinking whenever she would do or say something that could be misinterpreted by my infatuated little brain.

We had fun together. I didn't think there was any harm in still having a crush on her. The pain was still there every time I would watch them kiss or be close or touch each other or even hold hands. That was the only reason I knew I wasn't over her. Looking back it was probably masochistic of me to put myself through that kind of torture.

But just because it hurt to see them together didn't mean I let it get to me all the time. I didn't ignore Mitchie just because I couldn't handle it and I didn't let it show just how annoyed I was by Miley. And people had stopped asking if I was okay every time Miley and Mitchie decided to turn up their PDA levels to a thousand.

Miley still had a problem with me though. And I didn't know why. It was almost like she saw me as a threat and I remember constantly laughing to myself at the thought of it. It was like she was so insecure and didn't trust Mitchie at all to hang out with me. I kind of liked that power I had over her though; mainly because I have never had any power over her during that whole situation. And the tables were finally turned in my favor.

On one occasion it had spiraled a _little_ out of control. On another it spiraled _completely_ out of control but that was during the summer. _That_ was probably one of the worst things that had happened to all of us. But the first time it was new to me so it hurt all the same. I just wish it was the only thing we had to worry about.

It started when I was at work one day. Mitchie's birthday was rolling around pretty quickly but she almost never brought it up. I didn't know what was going on with it or if anyone was going to do anything for it. I brought it up once but all she said was that she didn't know what she was doing. She didn't seem to care all that much anyway.

It was a Saturday. I had punched out at the store I worked at around five. I didn't walk more than a couple steps outside before I felt someone's hand grabbing at my ass. Now, in Manhattan there are some weird fucking people with no sense of personal boundaries so naturally I was freaked out and nearly had a panic attack. I immediately jumped away only to hear Mitchie's infectious laughter ringing in my ears. I'd recognize that laugh anywhere.

"Oh my fucking God," I said a little breathlessly. "What is the _matter_ with you?"

"Lots of things, apparently."

"What are you doing here?"

"Spontaneous after work date, just the two of us."

"Why'd you come all the way into the city?"

"I wanted my face to be the first one you see when you got out of work," she gushed while throwing an arm around me as we started walking.

"And the first hand to grab my ass?"

"The first? Alex you slut."

"I can't say _anything_ around you!" I exclaimed and she laughed before wrapping her other arm around me and hugging me to her. "God, you're annoying."

"You say that like it's a bad thing…" She released me from the embrace but still kept one arm slung over my shoulders. "You smell really good," she said randomly and I raised my eyebrow in confusion. I mean I was flattered but it was just weird to say out of the blue.

"Um…what?"

"What? Don't look at me like that. It was a compliment. I insult you and you complain. I compliment you and you look at me like I'm a moron. There is no _pleasing_ you, Alex."

"Thank you?"

"Would you rather I tell you that you smell terrible?" she retorted and I couldn't help but laugh.

"…No."

"Don't act so confused. What did you expect? You work at a fucking little hipster organic vegan soap store."

"It's not _hipster_ _soap_. It's homemade cosmetics," I corrected her with air quotes but to be honest I didn't understand what half of the stuff in the store was. But I admit it did smell good.

"Same shit, different toilet." I rolled my eyes.

"So why are you really in the city?"

"I told you…spontaneous after work date."

"Yeah but we could have hung out when I got back home or something."

"The city's cool though. And I'm hardly ever here so I thought I'd just meet up with you at your job…you know, without telling you." I chuckled and shook my head but she just shrugged. "Surprise…here I am. We're hanging out whether you like it or not."

"Being held against my will…always fun."

"You've become such a sarcastic little-" she started to say but then stopped abruptly. "Never mind…that would have come out way too bitchy."

"No please finish that sentence. I'm curious as to what you were going to say."

"I…damn, I can't save myself from this one."

"Did I actually win?"

"No, you never win."

"I think I just did."

"You're delusional. I think you need some water."

"Why can't I ever have anything?" She retracted her arm and dug into the pocket of her shorts. She was wearing shorts again. They were light denim with a brown belt holding them on her hips. Her t-shirt was white with black handprints placed to make it look like someone was grabbing her boobs. I remember I regret looking at her top in the first place. It drew so much attention to her chest and I didn't need more excuses to look there.

"Here you can have this," she said and placed something small in my hand. I looked at the small piece of plastic resting in my palm; it was a red guitar pick with a blue X and white stars in it.

"Is this the Confederate flag?" I asked with a light laugh, wondering why on Earth she had even given it to me let alone why she had it in the first place.

"Yeah."

"You know New York was part of the Union, right?"

"_Yes_ but the south is cooler."

"If you say so…now…why exactly did you give me this?"

"You said you can never have anything. You can have that."

"That's not what I meant…but thank you…weirdo. Do you just carry around guitar picks with you at all times?"

"No I was playing before I came here to visit you. I just put it in my pocket without thinking."

"Maybe I should give this back. How else are you ever going to play something for me?" I teased and she scoffed at the idea.

"First of all I am never playing for you. Second, I have a couple others so it's not a big deal. I wouldn't want to deprive you of having something for once."

"It would have been nice to win."

"No, that's not happening."

"Then I think it's only fair that I get to hear you play."

"Maybe if you did win I'd play as a reward." I narrowed my eyes at her as we reached a light at the end of a block.

"That is bullshit and you know it."

"Yeah because neither is ever going to happen," she laughed and I shoved her.

"Why won't you let people hear you?" I was still genuinely curious even after all the time I had known her. She never really talked about it and when she did she didn't go in depth.

"Because…"

"_Because_…?" I urged her. The light changed and we crossed the street, approaching Union Square Park. As much as I wasn't a huge fan of the city, I was glad I worked in that particular area of Manhattan. The big parks like Union Square and Central or Bryant, they were always nice places to just hang out in or take a walk through. "Look, you can be like that guy," I said as I pointed to a man in his early twenties strumming a guitar. "Busk in the park for a couple minutes and you never have to see these people again."

"I could make more money on street corners in this city than I can with a guitar." I stopped walking to throw my head back in a fit of laughter. The thought of Mitchie as a prostitute was as comical as it was awkward and the combination cracked me up. "Bitch, don't act like you wouldn't pay me," she said, flipping her hair over her shoulder.

"I'd rather keep my five dollars," I quipped and earned wide eyes and a high pitched gasp in response.

"Five dollars! I knew I was a cheap whore to you. I wouldn't want your damn _five dollars _anyway you _cunt_."

"Ouch, hurtful. The only thing you win at is being a fucking lunatic. All this because you won't play for anyone…"

"I'd rather get stabbed in an alleyway."

"You're _ridiculous_."

"Baby, I was born this way," she said seriously with her hand in my face.

"You know you might think you're clever at dodging the subject but I'm well aware that you still didn't answer my question."

"You asked me a question?" I rolled my eyes and slapped her arm as we continued walking through the park. She laughed a little, looking down. "I just don't like it, okay?"

"Why?"

"You and your questions…" she trailed off and I remained silent. No one spoke for a good moment or two. The weather was nice that day. A light breeze blew her hair back over her shoulders and she pushed her bangs out of her face. "I played for my parents once when I was younger. It was before they split up but they were still the same as they are now. It was the first time I learned to play an entire song without messing up."

"What song was it?"

"Free Fallin' by Tom Petty."

"Oh, I love that song," I gushed and I remember trying to picture the song with Mitchie's voice. I couldn't figure out how it would sound though. Mitchie's voice was like music to my ears already I couldn't imagine what she would sound like when she sings.

"Me too. I don't remember how old I was; it was definitely a few years back. I don't think I was even a teenager yet. But I was so excited I finally got the song down."

"What happened?"

"Well first of all it took me _forever_ to get my parents to sit down together for five seconds let alone through an entire fucking song. I think it was the first time I legitimately sang in front of anyone…that wasn't for like…an elementary school play or something. Hang on…" We were approaching a frozen yogurt truck and Mitchie pulled me toward it. When we got what we had wanted we walked to a nearby bench. There was another guy playing a guitar not too far away from us. "Jesus, are these people seriously everywhere in this place?"

"Usually…" I looked up from my cup. He was older than the other one we saw when we first came into the park. He was playing a more upbeat tune too, humming along every now and then to an unrecognizable song. It sounded nice though. "I never really encounter ones that are bad. They all sound pretty good."

"Yeah…" she trailed off and took a sip from her smoothie. She chewed the straw a bit before releasing it. I crossed one leg over the other, making sure my foot didn't touch her.

"So…what happened?"

"Nothing."

"Nothing?"

"Remember when I told you I used to be a lot like you when I was younger?"

"Yeah…but what does that have to do with this?"

"Everything. I couldn't do _anything_ that would come off as interesting or special or impressive in my parents' eyes. Even after all of these years they still hardly pay a speck of attention to me. I could get arrested and their first reaction would probably be _oh, right, we have a daughter_."

"That's terrible."

"Eh, I guess. I mean, I'm used to it. It just really bummed me out and I didn't think I was good enough so I don't play for people. If I'm the only one who can hear me then no one will ever judge me."

"That sounds so…depressing. No offense," I told her and she shrugged her shoulders. She leaned her head back over the bench and looked up at the sky. The sun beamed down and made her skin brighter and her hair shinier. It seemed a lighter brown than usual. The scattered freckles were more apparent and I smiled. I never realized how often I would just stop to admire her natural beauty. "I wouldn't judge you, you know."

"I'm not saying you would." I moved my spoon around the cup and switched it to my other hand when it started to feel too cold.

"Then what are you saying?"

"I'm saying I would rather just not. Music is…_mine_. I was so discouraged when my parents just dismissed it and I almost stopped. After that I didn't want anything or anyone to take that away from me."

"Not everyone is like your parents though."

"I know."

"Would you rather play for someone close to you or a complete stranger?" I asked and she looked slightly taken aback by my question.

"…What?"

"Would it be easier for you to play in front of like…me…or the random people of this park?"

"Well…I care about your opinion more, for starters. You're my friend though…aren't you like…obligated to be nice?"

"To _you_? No." She laughed and bit her straw again.

"A stranger wouldn't _have_ to be nice."

"You have a point."

"I hope you realize that just because I told you all this it doesn't mean I'm going to play ever," she pointed out and I chewed the inside of my cheek.

"You will one day…" The amused look she always had around me was back. I felt like I hadn't seen it in a while and it was long overdue. She tends to look at me like that, I've noticed, when things got _too serious_ and she wanted to change the subject.

"Well _you_ sound confident."

"You know it's going to happen."

"Never in my life will I play for you or my parents, not even for Jesus or Oprah or any of these bitches in this park."

"Fine…" I gave up and dug my spoon back into my cup. "You probably suck anyway," I mumbled under my breath and she pushed my hand up just as I was about to take a bite. My spoon collided with the side of my face and the frozen yogurt dripped down my cheek. "Hey!"

"I heard that!" she said but then started hysterically laughing, most likely at the yogurt all over me. "You should probably clean that; it looks pretty questionable."

"You're the _worst_."

"Here, hang on…" she instructed and turned my face to the side. She swiped her thumb down my cheek, collecting most of the yogurt, and shook her hand to get it off. When she couldn't get it all off, she shrugged and sucked the edge of her thumb in her mouth. And once again I had to work hard to stop myself from staring at her. But I was already turned on and I felt my throat going dry. I stayed still and didn't dare make a move until she said something to snap me out of my trance. "Sorry about that."

"No you're not." I may have been breathing right again but that image of her was burned into my mind.

"You're right I'm not." She giggled and wiped her thumb on her shorts.

"You're such an ass."

"Yeah well…what are you gonna do?" she said flippantly and turned so that her legs were on the bench. She propped her feet up on my lap and flashed me a smile. She was wearing black and white high top Converses that day. The side of the left one had a small hole in it and the front of the right one had the Nirvana smiley logo drawn on it. I raised my eyebrow but she didn't move. So I smiled back.

"Nothing…because I never win." I then pouted which only made her laugh even more.

"At least you're aware of it."

"I'm also aware that you're entirely too conceited for your own good."

"…At least one of us is aware of it." I bit my lip and shook my head.

"Idiot." I moved a stray piece of hair behind my ear and looked at her again. "But hey, I guess I can't really say anything about it soon."

"Why?"

"You're birthday is coming up so technically you're allowed to be conceited. You just take it to an extreme."

"Ugh _God_."

"Well that's a normal reaction to birthdays…"

"My birthday sucks. Why do people keep bringing it up?"

"What do you have against your own birthday?"

"Nothing, I just don't do anything."

"So…do something."

"Well look at you, genius, did you come with that all on your own?" she joked and I pinched her ankle that was still resting on my lap. She pulled it back and kicked my arm.

"I _mean_ do you just choose to do nothing or what?"

"I don't know. I haven't celebrated my birthday in God knows how many years, like…maybe five."

"Because you don't want to or?"

"I don't know. Plans always fell through, everyone is too busy, and my parents don't want to be in the same room together…you know, all that kind of stuff."

"I'm sorry."

"Don't be. It's not like you knew me for any of my other birthdays."

"I know but you should still celebrate it."

"It just doesn't happen. I don't bother making people do it anyway."

"Is that what you want though?"

"I don't know what I want at this point, Alex…besides like…a sandwich or something."

"…For your birthday?"

"No I meant right now."

"Do you want to go get one? That will solve one of your problems," I suggested and she smiled while biting her straw again.

"Hey look at that, you _are_ a genius."

"I have my moments," I said as I moved her legs off of me and stood from the bench. I extended my hand out to her.

"As rare as they are…"

"Hey I'm only going to let the insults slide and let you be a bitch on your _actual_ birthday," I informed her. I helped her up from the bench.

"Then I'll save everything until then." She slung her arm around me once more and we resumed our previous stroll. I sighed loudly and looked at her.

"Remind me not to talk to you on your birthday."

Over the course of the following week I avoided the subject around her completely. I understood that it upset her even if she didn't _show_ it all that much. It obviously was her parents fault…for a lot of the things she does. Everything about her kind of linked together and led back to them. Everything she does is because of them. I always thought she was so over the top and eccentric but after knowing her for that long it didn't seem so random.

I felt bad but she seemed to have a good head on her shoulders. And I always envied that about her. It was something she could overcome that I never learned how to. Granted, she was pretty much forced to but I still wished that I could be a little more like Mitchie. She was confident and carefree in all the ways I could only ever hope to be.

I realized I paid such _close_ attention to her and I know I wasn't even aware of it back then. But looking back I could remember every _single_ detail about her and the way she looked, the way she acted, the way she talked, the way she dressed, and just everything she had ever told me about herself. I had never been so genuinely interested in a person before in my entire life.

Turns out I didn't even have to worry about anything regarding her birthday though. I knew it was a somewhat sensitive subject but I still wanted to do something or get something for her to make her at least a little happy about it for once. But of course, something had to happen to get in the way of everything. And as always, that something was Miley.

I had thought we were past that whole thing but she and I apparently were never on the same page. I didn't even see it coming. I was just minding my own business one day when I got a text from Harper telling me to go online the second I had the chance. I had no idea what she was talking about but I logged onto Facebook and she was already on.

_Harper: well that was fast_

_Alex: I mean my laptop was right there_

_Alex: what's up?_

_Harper: do you have any new messages?_

_Alex: you mean on here or like my phone?_

_Harper: here_

_Harper: on Facebook_

_Alex: no…am I supposed to?_

_Harper: technically lol_

_Alex: Harper what are you even talking about_

_Harper: lmao_

_Alex: um…okay_

_Harper: Miley's an imbecile_

_Alex: well I was aware of that but what did she do this time?_

_Harper: hang on I gotta screenshot something for you_

I waited for her to do whatever it was she needed to do and my phone vibrated with a new message. I opened it and the picture attachment she sent me. It looked like a group thread on Facebook. I zoomed in a little and it was between Harper, Caitlyn, the guys, Miley, and some others.

_Harper: did you get it?_

_Alex: yeah but what is this?_

_Harper: idk Miley is planning something for Mitchie's birthday at her house apparently_

_Alex: she is?_

_Harper: yeah and everyone was saying whether or not they could make it and I was just like…why isn't Alex in this thread_

_Alex: lol are you even surprised?_

_Harper: lmao not at all_

_Alex: what did she say?_

_Harper: idk she never answered me_

_Alex: hahahaha of course she didn't_

_Harper: she's so dumb_

_Alex: are you gonna go?_

_Harper: I'd only want to because you know it's for Mitchie's birthday. I feel like not going would be kind of rude. But like…you're not going_

_Alex: don't skip it just because Miley doesn't want me there_

_Harper: why is she even being like this like you're not doing anything to her lol_

_Alex: I know. It makes no sense. I don't get why she doesn't like me now_

_Harper: THE IRONY_

_Alex: lol oh god don't even get me started_

_Harper: so you think I should go? I don't even want to hang out with Miley though_

_Alex: yeah why not? If everyone else is going for Mitch's birthday_

_Harper: everyone except you_

_Alex: whatever I'd just like to see how she explains to Mitch why I'm not there_

_Harper: I don't even know how she can make up an excuse_

_Harper: "oh I didn't invite your best friend? I must have forgotten"_

_Alex: lmao knowing her that's probably what she would do_

_Harper: well she did say it was a surprise party. SURPRISE your best friend's not here_

_Alex: more like SURPRISE your girlfriend's a cunt_

_Harper: can't wait for it_

_Alex: don't tell Mitch just wait and see what Miley says to her about it_

_Harper: I think I'll go just to see all that go down_

_Alex: lol let me know how it is_

_Harper: will do_

I probably should have been more offended than I was that Miley, someone who was _supposedly_ my friend, didn't even bother inviting me to Mitchie's birthday. And Mitchie whether Miley liked it or not was still one of my best friends. It's not like I touched her or hit on her even if we weren't in front of her. I never did anything.

I just didn't care though. I had every right to because who the hell was she to basically say I wasn't allowed to celebrate Mitchie's birthday with everyone? She wouldn't even know any of them, including Mitchie, if it wasn't for me anyway. But I didn't care because it wasn't my fault. If Mitchie wondered where I was that night I just really wanted to see what Miley had to say about it.

Harper and the rest of them didn't say anything about me not being invited to Mitchie or Miley. Well, obviously they weren't going to say anything to Mitchie or that would ruin the surprise aspect. I didn't bring it up to Miley either in school. I hardly saw her anymore anyway. She almost never sat with us and she only ever hung out when Mitchie would bring her along.

It was so dumb and to this day I will never understand it. At first I didn't want Miley around but like a good friend I got used to it for Mitchie. But then Miley didn't want to be around us and I don't even know why. Well I mean it was no secret that pretty much _no one_ liked her. She could probably tell all along. Mitchie on the other hand was perpetually blind to everything.

I stayed home that night. It was the night of Mitchie's actual birthday. I hadn't seen her at all but I did text and call her to wish her a happy birthday. I asked her if she was doing anything and all she told me was that she was going to spend time with Miley. I rolled my eyes knowing what was going on and told her to have fun.

I was by myself in my house. I didn't really care all that much. My parents were at my uncle's house and asked if Justin and I wanted to come along. Justin was with his friends and I just really didn't want to go so I stayed home alone. There was nothing to do but I was just waiting for the night to be over to see what would happen.

I don't even remember what time it was when it happened. I was just sitting on my living room couch watching whatever was playing on my television when I heard a loud knocking on my front door. I didn't know who it could have been because both my parents and Justin have the key to let themselves in. I opened the door to find Mitchie standing in front of me.

"You know, I don't _expect_ people to give a shit, I really don't, but honestly what the fuck, Alex?" she said right away without giving me a chance to get a word in. She walked right past me and into my house. I was still holding the door open, beyond confused.

"Hi, how are you? I'm fine, thank you. Please, come on in. Make yourself comfortable…" I said sarcastically as I shut the door and turned around. Mitchie had her arms crossed and she looked mad. I've seen her mad before that night so it wasn't too shocking. But I had never seen her mad at _me_. And it kind of hurt to see her look at me like that.

"I'm not here for that."

"Then what _are_ you here for, exactly? I hardly got the door all the way open before you started going on about _God_ knows what." She looked around. The dinner I had made myself a few hours prior to her visit was still sitting on the coffee table, three quarters of it gone. I hadn't bothered to put it away.

"Did you even do _anything_ tonight or were you just here the whole time?"

"I've been here…doing nothing…why?" I said casually. I wasn't going to start making excuses regarding my whereabouts. It was pointless. I had nothing to feel guilty about. None of it was my fault.

"Really, Alex? That's it? You've been doing _nothing_? You're not even going to try to lie?"

"Why would I lie?"

"How the hell should I know?"

"Okay I don't know where you're going with this. You're _mad_ at me because I didn't have plans tonight? Look, I know you like making fun of me but this is kind of ridiculous."

"I'm not _making fun of you_. I'm just annoyed."

"With me?"

"No, with Obama," she said with heavy sarcasm. "_Yes_ with you." I raised my eyebrow. I was waiting for Harper to let me know how it was all going to go down. Apparently Mitchie had saved that for me to experience firsthand.

"Oh." She looked like she was already fed up with everything but our conversation had only just started. I don't know what happened at Miley's house earlier that night but apparently I was getting the aftermath to deal with. "Care to tell me what I did to annoy you?"

"Seriously?" Her eyebrows furrowed a bit and she didn't look particularly _mad_; she looked more upset than anything. I didn't want to snap at her for coming at me with all the accusations and hostility because I could probably guess how she felt. But it didn't mean I was just going to apologize for whatever it was Miley told her. I wasn't _that_ much of a pushover.

"Yeah…seriously…" She dropped her arms and sighed. There weren't too many lights on in my house. I looked her up and down briefly. She was in black shorts and a grey loose tank top that said _FUCK SLEEVES_ on it with red Vans on her feet. One of her shoes was untied. I contemplated pointing it out but I thought she would have gotten mad if I changed the subject. "What did I do?"

"I get that this happens all the time and I shouldn't have any expectations from anyone anymore on my birthday. I expected my parents not to care and maybe some others but I didn't expect it from _you_…especially after everything I told you."

"Expect _what_? You really think I don't care?" The fact that Mitchie would even _doubt_ that at that point was just ridiculous and I was a little offended.

"I don't even like birthdays let alone celebrating them. I think it's lame and conceited, yes, even for me. I don't like the idea of a person using an entire day to get everything they want and to have everything go their way, like they're entitled. And I was used to not doing anything. But I just _hoped_ this year it would be different."

"Why?"

"I didn't think everyone was going to be celebrating my birthday tonight. Miley just wanted me to come over. And when I get there I nearly have a fucking heart attack because I didn't think anyone would be there. And I didn't think _everyone_ would be there _except_ you."

"What do you mean?" I kept responding with more questions and I could see that she was trying not to get frustrated with me.

"I thought you of all people would be there when you _know_ how I feel about all of it. But no, it's alright I get it, I'm used to it. God forbid I actually _want_ something on my birthday."

"Are you done yet?" I asked before she could go on. I didn't want to drag it out because it would have just made her even more pissed off and upset.

"What?"

"I said are you done yet?"

"This isn't a joke, Alex. I don't care if you think I'm making a big deal out of nothing but you know you're like the only one I can be serious with and I'm being serious now. What was _so_ important that you couldn't come for like…_two_ _seconds_ tonight?"

"Nothing."

"Nothing?"

"Nope."

"So why didn't you come?" She was getting mad. And she was back to crossing her arms over her chest. I shrugged.

"I wasn't invited." And with that I walked back to my couch. I didn't say anything else. I mean, what else was there to say? That was literally it.

"…What?" she said; her voice rose in pitch ever so slightly.

"I wasn't invited," I repeated a little more slowly. She walked around the couch to where I was sitting and took a seat next to me. We turned to face each other. "Why? Why did you think I didn't come? You thought I didn't want to?"

"I don't _know_ Alex. Miley told me she told you but you were too busy or something."

"And you believed her?"

"Well no one else said anything."

"Did you ask?"

"I wasn't about to go around the whole house demanding to know where you were."

"But you _were_ curious," I said pointedly and she rolled her eyes at my attempt at lightening the mood. It kind of worked though. She seemed to loosen up a little.

"I asked Harper and Caitlyn and they said they didn't know what was going on and that you were probably home." I had told them to not mention anything about me to Mitchie. I just thought that when they agreed they would just wait until Mitchie actually made it to Miley's house. It was probably better this way. I wanted to have this conversation with Mitchie myself.

"I told them not to say anything."

"Why?"

"I wanted you to hear it from me…if you were willing to ask instead of just assuming the worst from me." She sighed again but it was much softer that time and didn't sound as annoyed.

"Okay," she said calmly.

"Okay what?"

"Tell me what happened. I promise I'll listen."

"Really?" I asked skeptically and she nodded her head. "Alright, well I don't know the whole thing; I only know because of Harper. Miley has been planning tonight for a while. She set up a thread with everyone online to let them know what was going on and obviously not to say anything to you about it."

"Okay so what happened?"

"I don't know…I wasn't part of the thread."

"Why not?"

"I honestly do not know, Mitch. Harper texted me asking if I got the message and I didn't. When she asked Miley why I wasn't included she never answered her. And that's all I know," I told her and she just sat there. She averted her eyes and looked down for a bit but still said nothing. The TV was still on, playing quietly in the background. I waited for her to break the silence. After another moment she spoke up.

"Okay…I believe you." I wasn't expecting that, to be honest. I thought she would have questioned me more or at least tried to defend her own _girlfriend_. But she didn't.

"You do? Because I can show you the messages; Harper took a screenshot and sent it to me."

"You don't have to do that."

"Are you sure? It's saved on my phone."

"Don't worry about it Alex, really, I believe you."

"Really? You believe me over Miley?" I didn't want to put it that way because it made it sound like I was making her choose sides. And when it came to relationships, taking someone else's side was always bound to end badly.

"Well it makes sense. I don't know what's going on with you guys though. I don't know why you like, hate each other or whatever." Apparently she _did_ notice the tension between Miley and me. I shrugged, not knowing how to respond without giving myself away. "I thought it would just fix itself or you guys would eventually, I don't know, go back to normal or something."

"I really have no idea, Mitch."

"You don't?" I shook my head. I knew why _I _didn't like Miley. But I was way past it. Miley was the only one with a problem.

"I don't know, maybe you should talk to her about it," I suggested.

"I will." I raised my eyebrow. I didn't think it mattered that much to her. "Miley might be my girlfriend but you're both important to me. I don't want you guys fighting. So I'll talk to her." All I kept thinking of was how hilarious it would have been to see that conversation; probably as hilarious as it would have been to see the conversation they had about where I was tonight.

"Oh…okay. So…you're not mad at me...or?" I asked for reassurance. A light chuckle escaped her lips and she finally smiled.

"I didn't mean to be a bitch."

"It's your birthday…you're allowed to be a bitch, remember?"

"Still…I shouldn't have just assumed that you didn't care."

"Yeah, why would you think that? Mitch I know how you are," I reminded her and she crossed her legs.

"I don't know; I was just upset. I thought this year I was finally going to have a birthday where I wasn't mad or depressed." I rested my head on my hand and leaned my elbow against the couch. "I'm sorry, Lex."

"It's okay; I get it. Did you at least have fun tonight?"

"Yeah, I did. I mean it wasn't like a fucking rager or anything. It was just my birthday. But it was nice to see people and _do_ something for once."

"That's nice; at least you finally had a good birthday."

"Yeah…" she trailed off and leaned her head back. "I just wish you could have been there too."

"Me too…well hey, you're here now; that counts for something."

"Even if I came here to yell at you?" she teased and I actually laughed. Despite how mad or upset she was before, I was glad it didn't last long. I didn't realize I had never actually fought with her before that night. And I'm glad I never did that often. I cared about Mitchie too much to see her upset.

"I kind of just assumed you're on your period or something." She reached over and slapped my arm. "But really…I'm glad you had a nice time tonight…even if I couldn't be there to celebrate with you."

"Thanks…and it's okay; it wasn't your fault."

"I'm just surprised you believed me."

"Of course I'm going to believe you, Alex. You've never given me a reason not to. And you've never lied to me before…as far as I know," she said laughing a bit. Oh…if only she knew. But she wasn't wrong. I was always honest with her, aside from my feelings for her that is. I never felt the need to lie to her about anything else. "Besides, Miley and I have been kind of off lately. So I wouldn't put this past her."

"Is everything okay?" There was a part of me that was genuinely concerned. But there was also another part of me, a selfish part that was actually happy that they may or may not have been having problems.

"Yeah, we're fine, just stupid stuff. Don't worry about it. And plus I don't want to dwell on _negative_ shit on my birthday…for once." I nodded and then a thought passed through my mind.

"Speaking of…wait right here," I told her suddenly and stood from the couch.

"What are you doing?"

"Shut up just wait two seconds." I went into my room to grab an envelope sitting on my dresser and then to the kitchen to get one more thing.

"It has been longer than two seconds just so you know. You have a horrible perception of time."

"Oh I'm sorry your majesty I didn't realize we were being literal." I walked back into the living room where she was still sitting waiting for me. I held out a small paper plate with a Hostess cupcake on it. it was all we had that would make sense.

"What is this?" she asked with a smile.

"This is called a cupcake. I don't have a legit cake but this is the baby version. I didn't really expect you to come by tonight." She rolled her eyes and pushed me playfully. She sat up a bit more and took the plate from my hand.

"Smartass."

"Hang on…" I took a single birthday candle and put it in the cupcake before lighting it. "And…" I handed her the envelope I had taken from my dresser. "This is for you. Happy birthday Mitch."

"Alex you didn't have to get me anything." She opened the envelope and her eyes widened just as a bright smile broke out on her face. "Holy shit, are these for the Dropkick Murphys show I told you about?" She pulled the tickets out and read them over. She always mentioned when bands we like were having concerts in New York but that's as far as it would ever go. So I wanted to get her something she'd actually want for her birthday. And the shows she always wanted to go to were never expensive so I thought it would be perfect.

"They might be…" I said and she set the plate on the coffee table. "Are you excited?" I was answered with a near bone crushing hug. She wrapped her arms around me tightly and I laughed as I hugged her back. "I'll take that as a yes."

"I fucking love you," she said to me and kissed my cheek. We pulled apart but she was still smiling bigger than I had ever seen before. And I got those weird knots in my stomach again. But I had learned not to hang onto her every word or to even stare too long at her bright, shining eyes or her beautiful smile. But her words gave me that warm feeling inside again and I couldn't think straight. I snapped myself out of my small trance and grabbed the plate again.

"Make a wish before the candle melts," I told her and she took it from me and closed one eye as she looked up and thought. I bit my lip and held back a laugh or even a smile at her typical thinking face. But I couldn't help myself. "Mitch this isn't the SATs just make a wish. Toddlers can handle this task better than you."

"Hey fuck you I'm _thinking_."

"Think faster the candle is almost gone. You're going to be eating wax at this rate." She laughed and finally blew out the candle before punching my shoulder.

"Ow, Christ that was unnecessary." I rubbed the spot she hit and pouted. "What did you wish for anyway?"

"I wished that you would shut up. It didn't work so I punched you."

"You should have wished for anger management." She smiled and flipped me off. "It's past midnight; you can't use your birthday as an excuse to be _rude_ to me anymore."

"Fine…I'm _sorry_. My wish going to waste aside, this has actually been the best birthday I've ever had." She tore the cupcake in half and licked the icing that got on her finger. That time I actually did stare at her. I couldn't stop myself. I bit my lip again.

"Really?" I asked her to distract myself. I was relieved that the whole mess with Miley didn't ruin that day for her though. Whether I was there with her or not I just wanted her to enjoy herself because she deserved it. She smiled again and I swear I've never seen her happier. I knew there was no way in hell Miley made her that happy. She just couldn't.

"Yeah…" She leaned into me a bit and rested her head on my shoulder. I sighed quietly, loving the feeling of being so close to her. "It is now."


	9. A Girl Walks Into A Bar

**A/N: well this is finally done. if you don't follow me on twitter then I should let you all know that I'm putting this story on hiatus because I have to focus on something for school. Also I'm just going through some things and I'm not up to writing anymore. Give me about a month or so and I'll get back to this.**

**a heads up: flashbacks are in italics**

**hope you like this one though, eh...I tried**

**As always, let me know what you think. Leave a review**

**Follow me on Twitter too: (at symbol) manhatanProject**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing but the plot. And that's about it.**

* * *

A Girl Walks Into A Bar…

* * *

Miley causing that argument I got into with Mitchie on her birthday, at the time, seemed like the worst she could do. I guess I just never stopped to think that Mitchie was even capable of getting mad at me, or vice versa for that matter. We had never had problems before. Our friendship was so…easy. I didn't think there would be anything for us to fight about.

I also didn't think Miley would get so fucking _irritating_ about the whole thing. At first I brushed it off, thinking it wouldn't last _that_ long but Jesus Christ. She needed to get over whatever strange and unnecessary insecurities she had, if that was what it even was in the first place. I couldn't believe how badly our roles were reversed after a certain point.

I used to look at them and want what they had. They were happy and, as much as I didn't want to come to terms with it, in love. I envied everything about their relationship. But as time went on I just felt _bad_ for Mitchie. I mean…don't me wrong, my crush aside, I was happy for her. I just wish Miley wouldn't have let dumb bullshit affect her relationship with Mitchie.

I am little biased though. Well…I'm entirely biased. I would rather they never went out. But in my defense I had known Miley for much longer than Mitchie and knew how she was with her relationships. And I knew that they never lasted long. Mitchie was probably one of her longest relationships.

They were fine at first. They were nauseating to me and the rest of the world but that didn't mean they weren't happy…or stable. I don't know if something in particular happened to make Miley think I was a threat to her relationship and I don't even know when things changed but it got on my nerves so badly.

I used to think it was hilarious. I used to laugh when Harper or Caitlyn or someone would tell me things that Miley would do or say and I thought it was absolutely ridiculous. But it had gotten to a point where it was downright annoying. I understand that she might have not liked me anymore, why I had no idea, but why would she jeopardize her relationship over it?

It started out subtle; she stopped sitting with us at lunch and hung out with us less. I didn't like that because Mitchie wanted to spend time with both us _and_ her girlfriend but she did what she could. I always saw it in Mitchie, the extra effort she put in to please both her friends and Miley and, hell, even her parents.

Miley made it so difficult for Mitchie though and I didn't think that was fair to her. After everything Mitchie did, Miley continuously caused problems for everyone. The guys were fed up with her within a month or two and Harper, Caitlyn, and I were fed up with her from the start. We just put up with her for Mitchie's sake.

I liked that I could get under her skin as much as she got underneath mine though. But I didn't want Mitchie to be the one to ultimately suffer for that, which is why I never did anything about it. I never fueled the fire, I never pushed her buttons, and I never tried to purposely rile her up just because I knew I could. Mitchie would always be the one who would get hurt in the end. And I would never want that.

It went on for a while. I tried to ignore it but it's like she wanted to constantly remind me that Mitchie was _hers_, as if I wasn't already aware after so many months. And I thought she was bad on Mitchie's birthday. She actually caused Mitchie and me to fight for the first time. I didn't think it could get worse. But of course I am always wrong.

Under…_normal_…circumstances, I wouldn't have found the situation so upsetting. And if I didn't know what happened the night before I would have had something close to a heart attack when I had woken up. That probably explains why Mitchie practically did when _she_ woke up…pressed up against my side, _clinging _to me….without pants on.

I know it sounds…suspicious. It probably looked worse too. I was barely awake. My eyes were still closed but I felt her shifting in my bed. I ignored it at first because I was still so tired but I could hear her mumbling things under her breath. And when she started shaking my arm frantically I forced myself to wake up.

"Seriously, please get up." Her voice was strained and extremely groggy but also slightly panicked. As much as I didn't want to move I knew she was going to freak out when she got up. "Lex, come on."

"I'm up." I barely got it out clearly but my eyes started opening. She was sitting up with my comforter covering her lower half and her hand pushing the wild mess of hair away from her face.

"What am I doing here? What the fuck happened last night?" she asked almost desperately. We had all gone out the night before for Nate's birthday to some college bar in Long Island that didn't card anyone to get in or drink. A lot of kids from our high schools went there. It started out fine but things went downhill _fast_. I owed her answers and I knew that. But one thing in particular was going through my mind that overrode everything else.

"How are you feeling?"

"I don't know. My head hurts, my stomach hurts, and I'm just so fucking _confused_."

"Do you remember anything?" I asked her and she held her head down in her hands.

"No. Alex please this is so weird. I have literally no idea what's going on. It's like one second we were at the bar and I think we were talking to each other and then I blinked and the next second I wake up here."

"Well…what was the last thing you remember?" I admit…I was a little nervous about her recollection of the previous night. She picked her head back up and leaned it against my headboard. She rubbed her eyes a bit and once again pushed her hair out of her face before sighing.

"Um…I think it was around like…midnight but I'm not sure. We were sitting at the bar talking after Harper went somewhere."

"That's it?"

"Yeah…and then I just…woke up. How did I even end up here?" That time I was the one who sighed and sat up fully. I had a _long_ night and was in no way up for talking about it or doing anything for that matter. But I felt so bad and she looked so lost. I had to do it. "Wait…I _vaguely_ remember you and me talking in…a bathroom I think. But I don't know if that actually happened or I just dreamed it or something."

"No that happened."

"Oh." It was silent between us. And for the first time it was actually awkward. I had no idea what was going on through her mind.

"You should probably check your phone," I suggested and pointed to where it was sitting on my nightstand. She leaned over and grabbed it. "I think Caitlyn texted you a few times but then I just answered her on my phone."

"I have like four from Caitlyn," she said and proceeded to read them aloud. "_Where the hell are you? Are you okay? How did you get home? Feel better Mitch call me tomorrow, I love you._"

"Yeah after the third one I felt I should text her to let her know you were okay."

"Alex what the hell happened to me that literally everyone is asking me multiple times if I'm okay? Nate texted me, Harper texted me…"

"Did Miley text you?" I pretty much knew the answer already but I could never be sure when it came to Miley. After the night we all had I wouldn't have been surprised if she said no.

"Yeah…there's one from her."

"What did she say?" She looked at her phone for a moment before putting it down and looking at me again.

"Alex…_please_…what happened last night?"

"Okay, hang on; let me figure out where to start."

"Well you can start by telling me where my pants are…" I actually laughed a little and shook my head, mainly to hide the slight redness in my cheeks. I know I have been around her in minimal clothing but I don't think I ever got used to it. And I knew she was only in a t-shirt and underwear at that moment. If she didn't have the comforter covering her lower half I would have had the hardest time keeping my focus on her face when I spoke.

"Um…you said you didn't want pants so I didn't bother."

"Didn't bother what?"

"Putting them on you…" The longer we had the conversation the more awkward I felt. But she didn't remember _anything_.

"Christ…how drunk was I?"

"_Very_. I was like…scared at one point," I told her and she groaned and fell against the bed, her head landing in my lap. I moved my hand to brush back some of the stray hairs covering her eyes. Her skin was paler than usual. But her eyes were as big and bright as they always were.

"I don't even remember…getting bad. At what point was I just like…game over?"

"To be honest…I have no idea. I mean I was with you most of the night so I would have noticed."

"Really?"

"Yeah, like, all of a sudden you just started getting really dizzy and nauseas. It kind of just hit you out of nowhere." She looked up at me for a moment before narrowing her eyes. I could see her fighting a smile despite the pain she was feeling.

"Did you roofie me?" I kept my lips pressed in a line to avoid laughing and I slapped her arm. "Is that why I'm not wearing pants?"

"When do you _ever_ wear pants though?"

"Touché…but…do you think you can get me like shorts or something. I just…feel a little uncomfortable." It felt weird to hear her say that. Mitchie, as far as I knew, never felt uncomfortable, especially around _me_…and especially half naked. But that morning was just so awkward waking up next to each other I didn't dwell on it too much.

"Yeah of course, hang on." She lifted her head from my lap and allowed me to get up from my bed to find her something to wear. I found my black gym shorts with my school's name written in yellow on the side. I tossed them to her and she stood up to put them on. "They should probably fit you." She snapped her head up and looked at me.

"Are you calling me fat, Russo?" I shook my head and sat back down on my bead again.

"Just put them on before someone comes in and wonders why you're half naked in my bedroom."

"Well _you'd_ have a lot of explaining to do because I have no idea how I even got here…or why for that matter. I was supposed to sleep at Miley's."

"Yeah, uh…plans changed." She bent to put the shorts on and I kept my eyes down on my bed sheets. There was a random thread on my covers and I picked at it. I would have immediately lost my train of thought if I didn't look away. When I looked up again she was rolling down the waist of them a little bit. I felt a dip in the bed right next to me when she sat down.

"So what happened?"

"Well…the last thing you remember is sitting at the bar with me, right?" I asked, mostly to double check but I kind of wanted to stall. I knew I couldn't stall for long though. She nodded her head. "Okay I guess I'll just start from there."

* * *

_Harper was sitting in the seat next to me. I didn't drink much the whole night. It wasn't because I couldn't because the bar didn't care to check people for ID's. Most of the people in here were between eighteen and twenty five years old anyway. We might have been seventeen but we looked older so no one gave a shit._

"_I don't see the problem here."_

"_What's the big deal if I don't want to?" Harper had been nagging me to hook up with someone to take my mind off of Mitchie. She and Miley had been all over each other, drinking, kissing, touching, and I was going to puke from it all._

"_What's the big deal if you do though? I'm surprised you're not drinking the pain away."_

"_What _pain_? Harper it's been like…months since I've gotten upset over it."_

"_Okay but you should still go for it."_

"_Okay but I don't want to." A girl with blonde hair and obnoxiously short shorts had been trying to talk to me earlier but I just wasn't into it. Harper thought I was being unreasonable._

"_But why?"_

"_I don't know…she wasn't really my type."_

"_Oh right, I forgot…_Mitchie _is your type."_

"_Shut up Harper she's not the _only_ girl I'd ever like."_

"_So far she is…"_

"_That…is not true."_

"_Yes it is!"_

"_What are you guys yelling about?" Mitchie appeared by my side. She was wearing dark denim shorts and her black and white Converses again. She had on a red and blue plaid shirt that she actually buttoned for once with the sleeves rolled up. But she wore a plain white V-neck under it and her cleavage was still visible. I not only prayed to God that she didn't see me glance briefly at her chest but that she didn't hear our entire conversation as well._

"_Nothing, Alex is just being stubborn." I shot her a glare hoping she wouldn't go in depth but knowing her I didn't expect her to drop it. Mitchie just laughed._

"_What else is new?"_

"_Hey!"_

"_See?"_

"_Shut _up_ I hate everyone."_

"_You're awfully hostile tonight. How many drinks have you had?" she asked, rather ironically, because she was already drunk. And I barely had anything._

"_Like…two."_

"_Why aren't you drinking?" A guy sitting to my right got up from his seat and Mitchie was quick to take it._

"_I don't know. I just don't feel that up to it. I wanted to hang out with everyone but I didn't want to get like…wasted."_

"_Well that makes one of us," she said, tilting her beer bottle towards me. I lost count of how many she has had throughout the night. I knew she and Miley did shots earlier, because Miley had suggested it, and I knew that she hadn't been without a drink since we got there._

"_Maybe you should slow down." Mitchie was definitely not a lightweight. She was a small girl but she could hold her alcohol. But I knew how bad it could be when beer and liquor is mixed. "Have you eaten anything all day?"_

"_I had lunch at like…one." I noticed Harper had left us alone. If I scolded her for that later she would just give me some rap about how she didn't want to _cockblock_._

"_You shouldn't drink on an empty stomach, Mitch."_

"_You're being such a mother."_

"_I am not."_

"_Well not _mine_ because mine doesn't care that much."_

"_I just don't want you to get sick. You've been drinking all night."_

"_Well aren't you precious…_worrying_ about me." She flipped her hair before linking our arms together. "Now tell me…what was Harper bugging you about?"_

"_She wasn't _bugging_ me."_

"_Alex I know when you're annoyed. I mean…I annoy you all the time."_

"_This is true."_

"_So what's up?"_

"_Nothing she just…" I stopped and briefly wondered if I should actually tell her. I mean…it's not like she would particularly care…not like I would have anyway. When Mitchie told me she was interested in Miley I wanted to commit but I doubt she'd have the same reaction if I told her I wanted to just hook up with someone. She obviously wouldn't care now since she had Miley. "There was a girl before-"_

"_Whoa wait hold the phone," she said loudly, interrupting me right away. "A girl? Alex, are you _gay_?" Her eyes were piercing me with a confused stare and I raised an eyebrow._

"_How drunk are you?" I asked and she laughed as she let go of my arm._

"_Very."_

"_Idiot."_

"_So who is this _girl_ anyway and why is Harper bugging you about her?"_

"_I don't know. She was just talking to me before-"_

"_And by talking you mean flirting?" I think the amused look on her face was what I was trying to avoid. And there it was. It was pretty much why I never talk to people about this kind of stuff._

"_I mean…"_

"_I'll just take that as a yes. So which one is she?" She swiveled around in her seat and scanned the place. I turned too and tried to find her. She was standing with one of her friends, another blonde girl, and had a short glass of what I could only guess was some sort of fruity cocktail. I nodded towards her._

"_She's over there." She squinted and tried to see them in the dim lighting of the bar._

"_Which one, the one with the tattoo on the back of her neck or the one that looks like she smells like hot dog water?" she asked seriously and I had to turn back around to cover my face as I laughed._

"_Oh my God…Mitchie."_

"_What? That's exactly what she looks like and you know it. Like, I feel like if I walked up to her and breathed deeply I'd just be like hey bitch where's the hot dog cart?"_

"_I can't believe you just said that. That's disgusting."_

"_Well apparently so is she."_

"_And don't worry it's not her. It's the one with the tattoo. Jesus Christ, Mitch." I finally controlled my laughter. "What does it matter?"_

"_No I'm just saying…besides, how old is she anyway?"_

"_I don't know…but again, it doesn't really matter."_

"_Why not?"_

"_It's not like I'm going to date her."_

"_Huh, I didn't pin you as the _hit it and quit it_ type of girl."_

"_I am not!"_

"_Oh relax, I'm just kidding." She patted my arm and turned around too. "So are you going to go for it?"_

"_I don't know…" It for some reason felt weird talking to her about it, like if she was an ex-girlfriend or something and I didn't want to hurt her feelings. "Probably not."_

"_Why not? I mean, you're single."_

"_Yes, thank you for reminding me," I said without realizing I had actually said it out loud and not just in my head. I couldn't exactly read the look she gave me after I said that._

"_Well why don't you just go for it then?"_

"_It's just weird…I don't like…hook up with random people." She pushed her tongue around in her left cheek before taking a sip from her bottle. And then she nodded._

"_I get that."_

"_You do?"_

"_Yeah, like, I probably wouldn't do that either. I'd want to actually know someone."_

"_Then why'd you tell me to go for it?"_

"_I don't know; I'm just drunk," she shrugged and took another sip from her beer._

"_She's not really my type anyway." Again, I hadn't meant to say it out loud. She liked to tease me all the time as it was. With her being that drunk I didn't know what to expect from her._

"_Oh? And what exactly is your type?" Did I even want to answer that? It was basically her asking me to describe _her_ and if she couldn't put two and two together, bless her heart, she was a hopeless moron._

"_Well I'm not a big fan of blondes for starters."_

"_So anyone who isn't blonde? That narrows it down."_

"_Shut up," I shoved her arm just as she moved the bottle to her lips._

"_Hey! No need to get violent. Maybe you should at least drink to loosen up."_

"_Maybe you should _not_ drink to calm down."_

"_What? I don't even feel anything."_

"_That's because you're really drunk. Mitch, take it easy…please?"_

"_Okay…" she said, dragging the word out, and reached over and pinched my cheek harshly. "Only because you asked so nicely."_

"_You're not going to listen to me, are you?" I asked, knowing she was just trying to humor me. She smiled wide, showing all of her teeth, and I shook my head. "Aren't you driving?"_

"_Later, I'll be fine by then." She sounded so sure of herself but she obviously wasn't thinking clearly. Despite her positive attitude my face turned a little more serious. "If I'm not, I'll call a cab." I looked at her skeptically; I couldn't tell if that was just the alcohol talking trying to get me to stop nagging her._

"_Promise?"_

"_Yes," she said before digging her hand into her pocket. "In fact, hang onto my keys. If you think I'm bad then don't give them to me."_

"_I shouldn't give them to you regardless."_

"_Well okay then; I'd tell Miley to keep them but you clearly have better judgment than she does at the moment."_

"_Why would you drink in the first place when you knew you were going to drive?"_

"_I don't know," she said nonchalantly, shrugging her shoulders. "No point in stopping now though."_

"_You won't be saying that when you get sick."_

"_You worry too much."_

"_You don't worry enough." She opened her mouth to defend herself but before she had the chance to she was interrupted._

"_Mitchie, there you are. I've been looking all over for you." A clearly intoxicated Miley popped in and stood between our seats. I rolled my eyes. Miley was facing Mitchie and effectively blocking me from her view. _

"_You have?"_

"_Yeah, where'd you go?"_

"_Nowhere, I went to the bathroom and I've just been sitting here with Alex since then. Why, what's up?"_

"_I was just going to go outside for a bit. I wanted you to come with me." I could tell Mitchie was slightly annoyed without even seeing her face. She hated it when Miley would smoke and I _knew_ that was why she wanted to go outside. Well…that, and to either get her away from me or to make out…or both._

"_Yeah, sure, just give me a minute and we'll go."_

"_Why? What are you doing?"_

"_Nothing, I'm just hanging out with Alex right now."_

"_But _babe_, you're _always_ hanging out with Alex," she whined, earning a raised eyebrow from Mitchie as well as myself. Either she really was that incredibly bitchy or she completely forgot that I was still right behind her._

"_What? No I'm not."_

"_Yeah you are." She stepped in a little closer to Mitchie and wrapped her arms around her neck. She leaned into her ear and whispered something that I didn't catch. Then she started kissing her neck and I just turned around in my seat. I didn't stick around to hear Mitchie's response or see her reactions. I just got up and went to go find Harper or someone else. I wasn't about to stay there and watch that._

* * *

"That's it? That's all I blacked out on?" Mitchie still looked confused as ever. "That still doesn't explain why I ended up here.

"You have a bad habit of interrupting me, Mitch," I joked and she let out a short laugh. "You were going to go outside with Miley but a little after I went to find Harper you guys got into a fight."

"We did?" As thrilled as I was that Miley pissed her off it was just…_really_ bad. I hated seeing Mitchie like that and it just made me mad over everything else. "About what?"

"I have no clue. I couldn't hear you guys but I could see you from across the room yelling at each other. And it lasted a while." She just sat there not knowing what to make of all of it. She ran her hands over her face, holding them over her eyes for a bit.

"What happened after that?"

"Um…not exactly sure…but after a while she kind of…left."

"She…what?"

"I don't know how much later but…yeah. I think it was sometime before we went outside."

"But why'd she just leave? What did we even fight about…wait…why'd we go outside?" she asked, stopping her own rant from going on any further. And that time I could read the look on her face. She was upset, that much was obvious. But there was something else; I could see it in her eyes.

"So you could calm down." She groaned and dropped her head back into my lap. It was silent again. I didn't know how to break it. She was just lying down staring at my ceiling not saying anything but there had to have been a million thoughts racing through her head. And then she looked at me.

"Did, um…did anything…happen or something?"

* * *

_I didn't see which way Miley went but my eyes followed Mitchie as she stormed away with a pissed off look on her face. Caitlyn, Shane, and I shared the same confused expression but neither of them went to go see what was wrong._

"_Do you want to check on her or should I?" Caitlyn asked me seeing as how Shane obviously didn't want to get involved and handle an upset drunk girl._

"_I'll go." I took off in the same direction and caught up with her near the back of the bar. "Mitch…whoa, are you okay?" I was expecting her to be mad but she looked so out of it I was beginning to worry. She seemed startled by my question and jumped a little._

"_What? Yeah, I'm fine." Her words were still as slurred as they were before. "I'm perfect."_

"_Are you sure? What was going on with you and Miley?" At the mention of her girlfriend her face dropped._

"_Nothing she's just being ridiculous."_

"_Why? What did you do?"_

"_Nothing!" she shouted and I don't think she meant to be so loud._

"_Hey, what's wrong?"_

"_Nothing, I just…" She ran a shaky hand through her hair and then leaned back against the wall behind her and looked up. Her breathing was a little heavier and she clenched her eyes shut._

"_Do you want to go outside or something?" I asked cautiously. She looked like she was about to lose it and I had never seen Mitchie anywhere close to breaking down before that night. She kept her eyes close but put her head down. "Mitch, come on, let's get out of here for a second." Without waiting for her to answer me I lightly grabbed a hold of her hand. She finally looked up and nodded._

"_Okay." She allowed me to pull her along with me as I led us out of the bar and into the fresh air of the night. I was about to ask her if she was okay again when my phone vibrated in my pocket._

Harper: is Mitch okay? Miley just left

Alex: what? Are you sure?

"_What's going on?" I was so confused and didn't know what the hell was happening. I didn't want to raise my voice or anything but she didn't even look like she was all there. "Mitch?"_

"_I don't know Alex." She sounded tired and frustrated. But she wouldn't look at me. "I don't know why she keeps doing this."_

Harper: yeah I just texted Miley asking her where she went. She said she left to go home

Alex: don't worry, Mitch is fine. I'm with her right now.

"_Doing what?"_

"_It's like I can't fucking do anything right with her. I try and try and try and nothing is good enough. She always finds something that I'm doing wrong. And like…I don't…what am I doing wrong?"_

"_Hey, look at me…first of all, breathe," I instructed her but she didn't exactly cooperate. She shook her head furiously and leaned back against a brick wall._

"_God why is it so hard to please people because I just can't do it. I can't. See this is exactly what I meant by I am incapable of being loved. It's me. It has to be. I can't find any other reason why-"_

"_Mitch, you're a hell of a lot crazier than I thought you were if you honestly believe that."_

"_I don't understand anything apparently and I can't do anything right according to anyone and no matter how hard I break my damn back trying it always ends up the same and she just keeps taking everything I do or say and turning it around and-"_

"_Mitchie! Seriously…take a breath." She finally listened and stopped talking long enough to inhale and exhale properly. Her argument with Miley made her a lot more frustrated than I had thought. And being so overwhelmed with emotions mixed with all the alcohol in her system I thought she was finally losing the last shred of sobriety she was trying to hang onto. All of her words seemed to just jumble and mesh together, never taking a break in between them; I could hardly understand what she was saying let alone what she was talking about._

"_What am I doing?" she asked in such a strained, nearly broken voice. I wanted to cry just looking at her._

"_Nothing; Mitch, I promise, it's definitely not you."_

"_Yes it is."_

"_No it's not. You're just upset…and extremely drunk. Really, you don't look so good. Are you sure you're fine?" I placed my hand on her shoulder and she hung her head down. I couldn't tell if it was because she was upset or because she was just drunk. But I had never seen her like this. I just stared at her in awe. The only thing that broke my trance was Mitchie pushing off of the wall and wrapping her arms around me tightly._

_She kept her head down in my neck and I could feel her hot breath on my skin. It was driving me insane but I kept my mind on reality and held onto her as she just stood there and hugged me for whatever reason. I didn't say anything. If I did, I would have just asked her if she was okay and that would have gotten us nowhere._

_Her fingers curled into the fabric of my shirt and she clung to me tightly. I watched her shoulders but they never shook. I couldn't tell if she was crying or if she was about to. I didn't know what she was doing. And I didn't know what else to do so I kept quiet with my arms around her._

_She was taking deep breaths, trying to calm herself. But the more she tried to the more I kept feeling her breathing on my collarbone and it was making me lose my mind. I bit my lip and ran my hand up and down her back, thinking it might help. But all I could focus on was her soft skin on my neck; her nose, her cheek, her lips. Oh _God_ how my mind was going to a bad place._

_We didn't stay like that for long. It just felt like hours and hours of torture. But I needed to put my feelings and, _Christ_, my fucking hormones aside so I could be there for her because she obviously needed someone. And considering Miley _obviously_ wasn't there it was going to have to be me. And I would have done anything to keep Mitchie from getting like that._

_Her breathing slowed back down to a regular pace and I thought she had finally relaxed a little. My hand stopped moving just as she pulled back from me. She finally looked at me and I could just _see_ the pain in her eyes. And it was heartbreaking. My throat was so dry I thought it was closing up._

_She kept her hands on my arms but I had already let her go. I tried to figure out what was going on in her mind and I watched as her eyes bore into my own. She only looked at me for a second or two and then glanced down. Before I knew it she leaned forward and in an instance her lips were on mine._

_It didn't last long…at all. And I didn't exactly respond. I was in shock; so much shock that I couldn't even think or move. It wasn't deep or passionate. Her lips just gently pressed against mine and I was frozen. And even though it only lasted about three or four seconds, maybe less, I couldn't get it out of my head. Mitchie's lips were softer than I had imagined._

_And just as suddenly as it had started, it was over. And she pulled away from me abruptly with a look I couldn't read again. She didn't look sad or upset anymore. She looked just as shocked and confused as I probably did. Then she licked her lips and looked away. She stared at literally everything but me. And then she turned to walk away. I immediately grabbed her arm to keep her from leaving._

"_Whoa, wait a second Mitch." I pulled her back and she still wouldn't look at me. But I wasn't about to just let her go after _that_. "What was that?"_

"_I'm sorry," she said, her eyebrows furrowing a bit. She tripped over her words as they came out. "I…I shouldn't have done that." She back against the wall and dragged her hands over her eyes, leaving them there as she let out a loud groan. "Shit."_

* * *

She was looking up at me, her eyes bright and curious. If it weren't for the situation at hand I would have gotten lost in them. I would have run my fingers through her hair until her intense eyes softened and she would finally smile again. I would have told her that, even though she was an absolute mess, she was still incredibly beautiful.

"Don't worry, Mitch. Nothing happened." I couldn't bear to tell her the truth. I didn't care to find out whether or not she regretted it once she was sober enough to think straight. And it was for the same reason I didn't kiss her back the night before. Regardless of how I felt, Mitchie had a girlfriend. And Mitchie isn't the type of girl to cheat. She was drunk and mad and it could have meant anything. I still don't know _what_ that kiss was but I never brought it up to her. I figured it would be best if we…or rather, _I_ put it behind us.

"Oh. Okay."

"You alright?"

"Yeah, it's just…weird. This has never happened to me before. I mean I've gotten pretty drunk before but I've never completely blacked out. Like, I've never forgotten an entire night."

"I know but don't worry; I made sure you were okay." She looked up at me and offered a small smile. I could tell she was still uncomfortable though. "Mitch, this kind of stuff happens to everyone at some point."

"I just feel bad that you had to…take care of me. I didn't realize how bad I was getting."

"Don't feel bad. It's fine, really. I didn't stay with you because I felt like I _had_ to. I was worried."

"When did I even get sick?"

"I think like…the second we went back inside. To be honest, I think you were just really overwhelmed by everything going on and that's why it hit you so hard."

"But…how did we even get here. You only have your permit and I was obliterated."

"Yeah and thank God you had enough sense to give me your keys. Getting you out of the bar was a….challenge…though." She raised an eyebrow and I chuckled a bit. I mean, the whole night was frustrating to say the least but trying to leave was…somewhat amusing.

* * *

"_Hey…" I reached up and tugged her hand away from her face. "It's okay. Do you want to go back inside?" She nodded and we wordlessly walked into the bar together. She still seemed out of it, like…it looked like absolutely no one was home._

"_Alex…" she said so quietly I almost didn't catch it over the music and everyone else's loud voices._

"_Yeah?"_

"_I…_really_ don't feel good." I turned to face her and she looked like she was going to pass out. I was almost taken aback by her appearance._

"_Holy crap…you look terrible." She had this lost, dazed look in her eyes and she could barely keep them open. "Are you going to throw up?" She squeezed her eyes shut and took a breath, exhaling slowly. When she opened her eyes again she nodded._

"_I think so."_

"_Come on." I grabbed her hand and pulled her along to the bathroom. It was only meant for one person but it had enough room for the both of us. I locked the door behind me but Mitchie was already kneeling before the toilet. Her hands gripped the edge. She dry heaved once and then let everything out. I flinched at the sound._

_I took the rubber band from around my wrist and tied her hair back. She coughed loudly to make sure everything was out and then sat back against her heels. She wiped her eyes and I handed her paper towels to clean her mouth. She took it and sat on the floor with her knees bent and her arms resting on them. She dropped her head onto her arms and groaned again._

"_Alex?" I hummed in response and kneeled down next to her. "Where's Miley?" I had completely forgotten that she had no idea where Miley went. And I didn't know how she would react if I told her she wasn't here._

"_Um…Miley left." She lifted her head up and stared at me blankly._

"_What?"_

"_She left…like…a while ago actually."_

"_She left? What the fuck, when?"_

"_After you guys fought Harper said she went home." She pushed her bangs out of her face and shook her head._

"_Why? What did I…I didn't even…why would she just-" she stuttered out, not making any sense._

"_Just relax, I think you need to go home and sleep everything off." She closed her eyes again but that time she didn't reopen them after a while. I snapped my fingers in front of her face. "Mitch, come on, don't fall asleep here. You're still on the bathroom floor."_

"_I'm not sleeping," she mumbled with her eyes still shut. I sighed and pulled out my phone and searched until I found my brother's name. It rang a few times before he finally picked up._

"_Hello?"_

"_Hey Justin, where are you?" I asked, cutting right to the chase._

"_I'm on Northern, why?"_

"_I'm sorry I know I said I'd find a way home but do you think you can pick me and Mitchie up?"_

"_Why? Are you okay? What's going on?" It still amazes me how Justin can switch to the typical overprotective older brother role in an instant. It could get annoying at times but I was mostly thankful for it._

"_Nothing, Mitchie's just really sick and she can't drive and well…neither can I."_

"_You want me to come now? Where are you?"_

"_736 Fulton Avenue."_

"_Fulton? What are you doing all the way in Hempstead? Are you at Dizzy's?" he asked, laughing a little._

"_Yeah."_

"_I should have figured. Those bars over there always let teenagers in. Will you guys be okay until I get there? I'm leaving now."_

"_Yes, thank you so much Justin. I owe you big time."_

"_Don't worry about it; I'll call you when I'm there." We hung up and I looked back down at Mitchie, whose eyes were still closed._

"_Mitch, you have to get up. We're going to go home, okay?"_

"_Where's Miley?"_

"_You asked me this already. She's not here anymore."_

"_Why?"_

"_I don't know but you need to get up." I reached out to take her hands in mine and she actually cooperated and pulled herself up to a standing position. "Wash your face or something to wake you up." She looked at me but just rested her head on my shoulder instead of actually listening to me. "Mitch…"_

"_Yes?"_

"_Did you hear me?"_

"_Hear me what?"_

"_Not you, me."_

"_Wait…what?"_

"_Mitchie…"_

"_Yes?"_

"_Stop talking." She picked her head up off my shoulder and pouted at me. She looked exhausted but still so cute. And I hoped Justin could get here quickly. "Do you still feel sick?"_

"_A little." She pulled away from me and started walking towards the door._

"_Where are you going?"_

"_I don't know." She put her hand on the wall to steady herself. It looked like she was going to keel over and collapse any second. "Can I sit?" Without waiting for an answer her back hit the wall and she slid down the length of it. "Ugh, Alex, I feel so awful."_

"_Why'd you drink so much?"_

"_I don't know. I wasn't even paying attention. I felt fine. I was just hanging out with Miley. And then all this _shit_ happens and I can't even think straight and I just want to go home." I don't know what she expected when her girlfriend passed her drink after drink like it wasn't going to affect her later on. Miley was always reckless when it came to alcohol._

"_It's okay. Just take some deep breaths and hang on; Justin's on his way."_

"_Justin?"_

"_Yeah."_

"_Where's Miley? I'm…I'm supposed to be going with her. I was gonna call a cab and-"_

"_She already did that. Mitch…for the hundredth time…Miley left."_

"_She did?"_

"_Yes."_

"_But…why?"_

"_It wasn't even that long ago. Do you really not remember what you guys fought about?"_

"_It's a bunch of bullshit."_

"_Well we're going to go back to my house and you can sleep this off, okay?" I asked her carefully so she wouldn't forget what was going on again. She stared at me for a moment before nodding. "Really? What did I just tell you?"_

"_We're going to your house?"_

"_Yeah…and Miley is…"_

"_A cunt?" I tried not to laugh at her response because she sounded somewhat serious. "Don't tell her I said that." She held her finger to my lips as if to shush me and I pulled her hand away._

"_Don't worry. Your secret's safe with me." We stayed in the bathroom together, occasionally talking. Well, the only talking was coming from me; I was just trying to keep her awake. Every now and then she would mumble a response to let me know she was still there with me._

_When Justin finally got there he sent me a text and I wondered if Mitchie was even okay to walk at that point. Her eyes were closed and she was sitting on the floor with her head against the wall. I sighed and bent down to pick her up. Thankfully she wasn't heavy but I struggled a bit. Her eyes fluttered open and she dazedly looked at me._

"_Are we home?" she asked, clearly more confused than she was before and I couldn't help but laugh that time._

"_No Mitch we're still at the bar. Justin's here."_

"_Oh." She took a look around and then raised her eyebrow at me. "Are you carrying me?"_

"_Yeah, you weren't moving so I figured you wouldn't get up. But you're like dead weight though." She looked around again as I walked us to the door of the bathroom._

"_Practicing for our wedding, I see…" she said with a half smirk and I tried not to laugh. She leaned her head back over my arm. "Do you want me to walk?" It was absolutely amazing how she still managed to sound so amused with me even when she was on the verge of knocking out in a drunken coma._

"_Can you?"_

"_I mean I'm comfortable as fuck like this but you look like you're struggling babe," she slurred out and wrapped her arm around my shoulder as I gently put her down._

"_Are you sure you can walk?" She took a step towards the door but stumbled a bit. I grabbed her hand. "Try your hardest at least until we're outside, okay? Just hold my hand if you need to." She nodded and gripped my hand tightly, lacing our fingers together. They were cold but still incredibly soft. I held on just as tight and led us out of the bar._

* * *

"You fell asleep in the car on the way here no matter how hard I tried to keep you awake. And you puked again before we actually went to bed," I explained and she brought her hands over her eyes and scrunched up her face adorably.

"Aw man, I did?"

"Don't worry, you threw up in the bathroom so there was no mess."

"Still…I'm sorry." She pulled her hands away and gave me a sheepish smile. Even though her eyes were kind of red and tired and her hair was a mess she was the cutest thing I had ever seen. And I knew she was still upset but I couldn't help myself. I couldn't fight the grin that spread across my face.

"It's fine, really. I'm just glad you're okay."

"Yeah, I mean I guess I am now. I just wish this shit with Miley didn't happen." At the mention of her girlfriend my face dropped. I hated thinking about her after everything that had happened.

"You kept asking where she was and I kept telling you that she left."

"I just…I can't believe she left." I could even hear the sadness in her voice, not like she was trying to mask it anyway.

"Maybe you should call her. You were really upset last night." She sighed but made no move to get up. "I don't know if you were awake or not, but last night you were crying." Her eyes darted up to look at min and then she turned away again.

"I was?" I could hear it in her voice that she was disappointed. I had never heard or seen Mitchie cry before…ever. Although it was low and barely audible, I heard it the night before and it just shattered my heart to pieces.

"Yeah."

"Oh." Another silence fell upon us.

"Mitch?"

"Hmm?"

"I think you should talk to her," I told her and she sighed even louder, lifting herself up from my lap.

"You're probably right. Let me get this over with." She grabbed her phone and got up from my bed but she didn't go far. I thought she would have wanted to have the conversation in private but she dialed Miley's number and paced back and forth across my floor. Naturally, I listened in.

"Hey," was all she said when she finally picked up. "You tell me, Miley." Apparently she wanted to get right to it. It sounded like she was trying to keep her voice from rising. "I wouldn't know. I blacked out. Alex had to tell me everything. Yeah. Yeah, I'm still here, why?" She was already starting to sound annoyed. "Yes. Look I don't care if she can hear what I'm saying. Alex was the only one who stuck by me last night because _someone_ decided to just up and leave without even telling me."

"Um, Mitch…" She held up her finger to me, asking me to wait until she was done. I wanted to tell her to just leave me out of it as much as she could because knowing Miley she was going to bring me up the second she got the chance.

"Don't go there; you're being so ridiculous. Leave Alex out of this. This isn't about Alex. I'm tired of having this argument with you. I only called to ask you _why_ you didn't give a shit about me last night. Let's see…you yelled at me, left me, and you didn't even care to see when or how or _if_ I got home. Just tell me, what did I do?" she asked desperately, her voice cracking a little at the end. "I'm so sick of this. You're fucking _impossible_." There was another pause on her end and I could almost hear Miley through her phone. "What difference does it make? Fine, whatever. I'll see you later." She threw her phone on my bed and rubbed her eyes.

"Mitch?" I asked tentatively, afraid I might set her off. But I was seriously worried. She walked over to me without saying a word and fell on my bed, her head in my lap once again. I lightly stroked her hair, moving it away from her face. "I know I've been asking this a lot…but…are you okay?"

"No." She turned her face toward my stomach and I rubbed her back as she let out a muffled sob into my shirt. I closed my eyes. I couldn't stand it when people cried, especially people I care about. It almost made _me_ cry. But I held myself together and just sat there and listened as she cried relentlessly.

"Oh Mitch please don't cry." Her hand gripped my t-shirt and I felt her warm breath seep into my clothes. The poor thing couldn't even catch her breath. She was shaking.

"What did I do?" she managed to choke out. "Like do I really deserve this or something?"

"What? No, of course you don't. You don't deserve any of this."

"I mean, I must. Why else would this even happen?"

"Mitchie, stop." She turned back over onto her back. Her eyes were completely bloodshot and her tears were still streaming freely down her face. It was actually _painful_ to see her this way. She never cries, or at least she never lets people see her when she does. She was always such a strong person I didn't think anything or anyone could break her. "You don't deserve this. Don't ever think that you do."

"I don't know what to do, Alex. She wants to see me later so we can _talk_ _properly_. But I don't think I can handle it right now." I moved my fingers to her hair again, mindlessly playing with it.

"It's okay; you don't have to do anything you don't want to do. You can stay here as long as you need to. We don't have to do anything or go anywhere. And later we can go get your car."

"Shit, I forgot about that."

"Don't worry, Justin will take us to get it."

"Remind me to thank him for everything."

"Sure thing." She sat up a little and wrapped her arms around me.

"And thank _you_…for everything." I returned the embrace as she hugged me tightly.

"Anything for you," I admitted but she didn't let go. She buried her face in the crook of my neck and breathed deeply, sighing in relief. I pressed my cheek against her head and kissed her hair.

"I love you Lex," she mumbled and even though I know she only meant as friends it still made me smile. Her words tugged at my heart as I held her a little tighter. I knew what I wanted to say. Maybe I had just been denying it all along. But in that moment…I knew I meant it. I sighed too.

"I love you too, Mitch."


	10. How's It Going To Be

**A/N: yeah I know I said mid-October and it's Halloween but this is actually a fast update considering I really wasn't going to start writing until Christmas. Which brings me to my next point: I won't start writing the next chapter until Christmas. I have to focus on school so sorry but I don't have the time.**

**and since that cunt Hurricane Sandy raped New York and is keeping me out of school I managed to finish this earlier than expected**

**ANYWAY. sorry in advance for this chapter. I think it sucks but it might just be me. but I hope you like it anyway?**

**As always, let me know what you think. Leave a review**

**Follow me on Twitter too: (at symbol) manhatanProject**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing but the plot. And that's about it.**

* * *

How's It Going To Be

* * *

She fell off the face of the Earth again, or at least that's what it seemed like. After that _morning_ _after_ I hadn't heard from her at all. I thought she would have at least called me and told me how everything went after her talk with Miley but I haven't spoken to her since. To be fair, I hadn't made an effort to talk to her either.

I don't know. I guess I just wanted to give her some space after that whole mess. I didn't know what I could say to her anyway because if I'm being honest I was just extremely curious. But I didn't want to just start asking a million questions about something that _obviously_ upset her to the point of breaking down.

I had gone over it so many times in my head. Because it was all I could think about. After Mitchie was so upset that she actually cried, and in front of me, I was praying to God that the relationship would just finally come to an end. She didn't need someone like Miley constantly upsetting her and getting mad just because she's friends with someone.

"Maybe it's you." Harper's voice grabbed my attention once again and I picked at my thumb nail.

"What did I do?"

"I mean maybe they keep fighting so much because of you."

"But what did I even _do_?" And it was a serious question. Mitchie and I were just friends. It's not like I even flirted with her or anything. And even if we did we were just joking. We just acted how we always did. It wasn't my fault Miley had a problem with that.

"She's probably just jealous of you guys."

"Why on Earth…"

"Oh come on, sometimes I think you two act more like a couple than they do." I sighed and crossed my legs on my couch. "You know…minus the gross PDA." I shot a blank stare in her direction and she shrugged.

"Even if it is me, for some stupid reason, why the hell is Miley so uptight about everything? Like…you have Mitchie, what in the world is there to complain about? She should be happy." I never understood why Miley would bitch about anything. She always picked fights with Mitchie the longer they were together. And if it _was_ because of me then Mitchie shouldn't have even been with someone who lets dumb things like that get in the way of their relationship.

"Well Miley's stupid; you know that. And she sucks in relationships. I told you it wasn't going to last long." It had only been half a year that they were together but it felt much longer. It was shocking, actually. For Miley, that is technically a long relationship.

"You really think they're going to break up?" I didn't want to sound too hopeful. I mean, I was trying to get over the girl. It had been long enough but I couldn't seem to shake my feelings. And every time I thought I was starting to she just said or did something to take me right back to the starting line.

"I know I wouldn't put up with Miley's shit for that long."

"This is different."

"But isn't this what you wanted anyway?"

"But…I don't want Mitchie to get hurt because of it."

"If they're fighting this much, she's probably going to get hurt anyway." That was honestly the last thing I wanted to hear. But I knew she was right. I mean…I _saw_ how hurt Mitchie was. She never lets anyone see her get like that and she just completely lost it.

"Ugh…Harper…"

"What? You know I'm right."

"But I don't _want_ you to be right. See this is why I didn't want Mitchie to date Miley in the first place."

"Really?" she asked me with an eyebrow raised. "_This_ is the reason you didn't want them to date?"

"Shut up, you know what I mean. Of course there were _other reasons_ but still…"

"And she hasn't spoken to you since it happened?" I sighed loudly and leaned my head back against the couch.

"No."

"Why not?"

"Harper I have spent like a week trying to think of anything but that."

"Sorry."

"It's fine. Has anyone else heard from her?"

"And by _anyone else_ do you mean Caitlyn?"

"Obviously."

"No she hasn't, not that I know of anyway. She's tried calling her but she isn't answering anyone."

"Why do I feel like I'm the only one worried about her?"

"Well Caitlyn went to her house a few days ago but she wasn't there so she's probably staying with her dad." We usually never heard much from Mitchie when she went to go stay at her dad's house. But she would at least still talk to me all the time. It felt weird going back to her basically ignoring me.

"Yeah you're probably right."

"Just give her time. Mitchie's weird when it comes to things like this."

"Mitchie is weird _all the time_," I corrected her and she laughed a bit, shaking her head.

"You have a point."

"Am I just overthinking all of this?"

"Alex…when do you not overthink anything?"

"Never?"

"Just forget about it and focus on the more important thing going on here."

"Which would be…"

"The fact that you've been in love with Mitchie this whole time and you still haven't told her." I just stared at her like she had lost her mind. Well, I may have told her that my feelings for our friend were a little…_stronger_…than they used to be; which is ironic considering I was hoping for the opposite. But, then again, when does anything ever go the way I want it? The answer is never, by the way.

"I'm not _in love_ with her-"

"Alex…"

"I'm not going to say anything to her about any of this!"

"Ugh why not?"

"She has a girlfriend!"

"So? It's obvious she likes you more."

"Even if that was true…which it _isn't_…I'm not going to just randomly throw that at her, especially now."

"Why not now? Now is actually a perfect time."

"Isn't that kind of a bitch move on my part?"

"Oh like Miley wasn't a bitch?"

"It's different. And I was talking about Mitchie. She's already dealing with all of Miley's bullshit I just don't think it's fair to tell her something like that."

"Are you ever going to tell her?" I thought about it…so many times. The thought alone made me feel like I was going to throw up. I hated how I could never just work up the damn courage and tell her. But really, what good what it have even done?

"I don't know."

Of _course_ my nerves got the best of me and I didn't say a word to her…about anything, actually. I just went with my original plan and gave her space. I texted her though I had no intentions of calling. I didn't want to seem like I was prying or even _needy_ for that matter. I didn't need to hear from her that badly. Or at least I didn't want her to know that.

The following week we were all at the Grays' house. And by everyone I mean everyone besides Mitchie. It was weird not seeing her again like when she stopped hanging out the second her and Miley became official. I thought we were past that but it felt like we were back to square one. And square one was really fucking annoying.

"You know something…I'm kind of glad Mitchie isn't here," Shane said randomly during the movie we were watching.

"What? Why?"

"She's just gonna bring that dumb whore with her." I laughed even though he had a point. It was like we could never hang out with just Mitchie anymore. Sometimes the guys wouldn't even call her to hang out or let her know what we were doing because they didn't want Miley to come with her. And no one wanted to straight up say _don't bring her_.

"Well she is her girlfriend…"

"But she's like…sucking the life out of Mitchie."

"Seriously, she's like the devil," Harper said, agreeing with him.

"What are you talking about?" I asked but everyone seemed to look at me like I was retarded. "What?"

"Are you kidding? Mitchie's gotten so boring since she started dating Miley."

"No she hasn't." I hadn't noticed anything that different about her. When we talked online and texted she seemed like her usual self. Or maybe it was because it was just the two of us.

"Yes she has! She used to be fun but now whenever Miley's around…which is _all the fucking time_…it's like she's-"

"Normal?" I said before he could finish. It was hard to think of Mitchie as someone who is _normal_.

"Exactly. She's just not fun anymore, not like she used to be."

"You really think it's because of Miley?" Caitlyn asked before I could. I didn't know if that was just how Mitchie would get regardless of who she was dating. People almost always change when they get a boyfriend or girlfriend whether they ignore their friends or their personality is different.

"Of course! You know she wouldn't be like this if she just went out with Alex." I seemed to be the only one fazed by that statement. Everyone was just casually watching the movie still and I was sitting there staring at Shane.

"…What?"

"You know it's true."

"How even?"

"Because you're not annoying. So _obviously_ Mitchie won't be either."

"I don't think it works like that…"

"You know what I mean!" Before I could even respond to him we heard footsteps coming down the stairs. We all turned our attention to the back of the room to see Mitchie entering the basement. She was in ripped skinny jeans and a black t-shirt featuring the album cover for Pink Floyd's _The Dark Side of the Moon _with black lace up boots. Her hair was straightened and she wasn't wearing any makeup again; and I thought she looked beautiful without it. I don't even know if anyone knew she was going to be there. "Oh…speaking of annoying…." Shane mumbled, not _exactly_ quietly, and Mitchie glared at him with an eyebrow raised. It was weirdly silent and no one really knew what to do.

"Hey Mitch, where've you been?" Nate asked to break the tension. Everyone was just awkwardly staring at each other wondering what to say.

"Either at my dad's or with Miley," she explained and I felt like someone kicked me in the stomach. I pressed my tongue against the inside of my cheek and didn't say anything.

"What the fuck, why?"

"Why not?"

"Because she fucking sucks. I can't believe you're still with her," he said and right away Mitchie looked at me. I didn't know why but it was kind of intimidating. I had no idea why she was looking at me though; did she want me to defend her? I was on Shane's side so why the hell would I defend her still being with Miley?

"Alex," she said to get my attention again and urge me to say something…anything. I was confused though.

"What?" She looked kind of pissed and then I realized she most likely didn't tell anyone what happened that night at the bar when I brought her back to my house. "I didn't say anything."

"Why is everyone on my case all of a sudden?"

"All of sudden? Miley's always been the spawn of Satan." I scratched the back of my head and watched them argue again.

"Fuck off Shane."

"It's the truth. You're just too stupid to realize what a cunt your girlfriend is. Everyone else knows."

"Oh really?" she said, raising her eyebrow again, but no one said anything. Everyone seemed to be in an agreement and Mitchie could tell. No one liked Miley but she just went right back to her. I really thought after all the problems she caused she would be smart enough to leave her but apparently I was wrong.

It was tense and awkward as we all just sat there in silence. Then Mitchie looked at me and I knew I couldn't keep it up. I had worried about her and felt bad that whole time just to find out she was with Miley. And I wondered why I even bothered for so long. I kept my mouth shut and didn't even look at her.

She said something with a curse or two thrown in there but I didn't catch it. I was too busy trying to focus on literally anything else but her. I caught a glimpse of her rolling her eyes before she just turned around and left. She didn't even say anything else and neither did we. I don't know if no one knew what to say or if we all just thought it would be better to keep quiet.

"Wow…that was awkward," Jason said but we were all still pretty quiet.

"If she's going to pick Miley over us then she can go fuck herself."

"I mean…that's a little harsh." Of course Caitlyn would be the most sympathetic even though anyone could tell she was annoyed with Mitchie too. We all were. It was stupid of her to pick her girlfriend over her best friends.

"Whatever."

After how close I'd become to Mitchie it was hard to think I just…let her go, so to speak. I spent such a long time trying to keep that close relationship with her that I had managed to build and as much as it meant to me it obviously didn't mean as much to her. It seemed that Miley was the only thing she honestly cared about and it was about time I stopped putting in so much effort.

I didn't bother trying to talk to her. And she didn't either. It seems kind of silly to take it so seriously but after dealing with her ignoring me once before because of her girlfriend on top of trying to get over her I had enough. It's not like she even cared enough to do anything about me not talking to her so why should I?

She stopped hanging out with us completely. The only person she still kept in touch with was Caitlyn, obviously. But she never came around after that. Apparently she got into another fight with the guys and was fed up with them constantly criticizing her and her relationship. So she just didn't want to be around any of us anymore.

I thought she was being stupid. We all did. And that's probably why she didn't want to deal with us. Mitchie was always stubborn like that. If she felt she wasn't being ganged up on or something she would just completely shut down and that would be the end of it. This time it just happened to be really bad.

I remember exactly how long it took. I couldn't forget that day if I tried. It was eight days of silence from both of us before she bothered to say something to me. And she didn't just call or text or even message me online. No, she just went ahead and showed up on my block one day and told me to come outside.

I didn't know what she was going to say because I couldn't tell if she was going to apologize or just bitch me out for ignoring _her_. I was hoping it would be the former but my luck when it came to anything dealing with Mitchie was almost nonexistent. I was headed for a train wreck and I honestly should have seen it coming.

"Hey." I mean, I didn't really know how to start the conversation so I'm glad she did. She was in a pair of black shorts and a t-shirt with the British flag completely covering it with her old black Converses. I looked down at the drawn on Nirvana smiley briefly before looking back up at her.

"Hey?"

"Was that not the greeting you were looking for?" she asked and I crossed my arms against my chest.

"What are you doing here?"

"Whoa, cut the sass. It's only been like ten seconds."

"You don't talk to me for practically a month and you-"

"You didn't talk to me either. And I'm here aren't I?"

"Is this a joke? Because I'm not laughing."

"What crawled up your ass and died?" I didn't even bother with a response. I dropped my arms and just turned to walk away. If she wasn't going to apologize then I wasn't going to stick around for whatever it was that she had to say. Before I could go anywhere she grabbed my arm and pulled me back.

"Alex, come on, I wanted to talk to you." She always did take a while to get to her point. I don't know why I expected that time to be any different.

"About what?"

"About what's been going on lately."

"And what would that be?"

"Look I'm sorry about what happened and I know you're mad at me."

"Oh? Why would I be mad?"

"Well…after all that shit that went down I thought you'd be pissed that Miley and I are still together…" she said, sounding a little guilty. I mean, she hit the nail right on the head though so kudos to her for not being completely dense.

"Why would I be pissed at that?"

"Oh don't do that you know what I'm talking about."

"Well what do you want me to say? Mitch, I obviously can't tell you who you should and shouldn't date. I hoped that you were smart enough to make that decision on your own. But you always do this."

"Do what?"

"You just ignore everyone like they don't even mean anything to you." At that she actually laughed a little. I rolled my eyes.

"That's not even true."

"Then explain why I haven't heard from you in such a long time. Explain why _no one_ has heard from you in such a long time," I demanded and she let out a long sigh. She ran her hand through her hair and didn't look at me.

"After Nate's birthday I just focused all my attention on trying to fix things with Miley. I mean, I know she can be a bit much sometimes but she's not _that _bad. Everyone's being ridiculous."

"Not that bad? Mitch, I've watched her slowly break you apart for months now. You're not even the same person you were before you met her."

"What? Yes I am."

"No you're not! My God, before you started dating her you never gave a shit about anything but you always have to watch what you do and say just so you won't piss off your girlfriend. You really think that's a healthy relationship?"

"It's not even like that."

"Yes it is. She gets mad and insanely jealous _all the time_. And over what? Literally nothing. You have a regular conversation with me and she loses her shit."

"Well it's not my fault you guys have issues with each other." I was actually speechless for a moment. The force of the irony was just too much. I almost laughed. I licked my lips and shifted on my feet and stared down at my flip flops.

"That's not the point."

"Then what is?" I looked back up at her as a light breeze blew past us. She pushed her long bangs out of her face and behind her ear and my eyes landed on her lips. And my mind briefly went back to the night at the bar when she kissed me. I tried so hard to forget it but I still knew how soft her lips felt against mine. I shook the thought immediately.

"The point is that you break your back trying to please this girl and she just treats you like shit."

"She does not. She's not always like that. You guys just don't know."

"It's like you'll do anything to hang onto her while she doesn't even care." I knew I was going to upset her by saying that. No one wants to hear that the person they love doesn't give a crap about them. And to be honest, I didn't know the full extent of Miley's feelings but I knew they were nowhere near as intense as Mitchie's. Anyone with half a brain could see that. Well, anyone but Mitchie. She narrowed her eyes and I was sure I said the wrong thing. Well, it was the truth and she needed to hear it. But Mitchie can get sensitive with that.

"Fuck you Alex. You know you're the last person I'd expect this from. Okay, fine, you're right; Miley doesn't give a shit. I don't know why I expected her to anyway. Maybe you're finally agreeing with me," she ranted angrily. But I wasn't quite sure if she wasn't being completely sarcastic or not. I almost felt bad for bringing it up.

"What are you talking about?" I didn't get why she was taking it to heart. I didn't mean to offend her by any of that.

"No don't worry, I get it. I mean, I've said all along that I'm incapable of being loved and I should just be used to it by now but-"

"Oh my God Mitchie will you stop with that? You're not!"

"Yes I am!" she snapped and it was then that I realized I really pissed her off. But not only that, I opened up a whole new can of worms. And all of her insecurities were just pouring out.

"No, you're stubborn and weird but that's about it. People love you and I'm not just saying that. You and Miley always fight. Is it even really worth holding onto? Or are you just doing that because you, for some reason, think she's the only person who'd be with you?" I hated seeing that look in her eyes, when she would think so little of herself. I could never fathom why especially since I thought she was amazing. She stayed silent for a bit and then sighed.

"I mean…" she trailed off and I had to stop myself from rolling my eyes again. I felt bad but it was honestly ridiculous how often she did it.

"Oh come on Mitch, you can't be that stupid. Why would you think that?"

"Because it's true!"

"No it's not!"

"Yes it is! And you know that better than anyone. You know how my parents are. You know what happened with Caitlyn-" I cut her off before she could continue but, honestly, I have no idea what possessed me to blurt out the next few words that came out of my mouth.

"What about me?" My question seemed to catch her off guard and my heart started racing. I couldn't believe what I was doing. Part of me actually hoped she would still be too stupid to realize what I meant. I clenched my fists slightly.

"What about you?" She sounded genuinely confused and that just frustrated me even more. I didn't say anything, mainly because I didn't know what to say. But it was also because I didn't want to go into detail for fear of sending myself into a panic attack. I was already headed for one as it was. I just looked at her. And as she looked back at me I saw, for the first time, it finally clicked in her mind. But she didn't look like she believed it. And that was just _so _typical. "Wait…no…" she trailed off and my heart was about to explode from so many different emotions and I was just _done_.

"You know what?" I sighed. "Just forget it." And I turned to walk away again. This time she ran in front of me so I couldn't go anywhere.

"Alex wait, what is your problem?"

"You're an idiot Mitchie," I told her, perhaps more harshly than I should have but she was driving me crazy. And it was about time I told her.

"Excuse me?"

"I said you are a fucking idiot." And I actually meant that. After how many months she couldn't figure out my feelings for her, she kept going back to her bitch of a girlfriend, and she chose said girlfriend over her own best friends. I was so over going along with everything. "So you know what? Go back to Miley if she means that much to you. I really hope you two can cut the bullshit and be happy," I said tiredly and turned around.

"Alex stop!" she yelled before I could leave again.

"No. You know I always let you do this. And you always end up coming to me when things go wrong, which they always do. I was the one who stuck by you when you needed help and your girlfriend was nowhere to be found. And I was there when she finally broke you. Mitch, you spent an entire day crying because of her and you never cry. I hate seeing you like that. You deserve better but you don't seem to realize it and I don't know why. But you always go back to her even though you know she's just going to pull the same dumb shit again. And then you just ignore me. What's the point of me even trying to help you when you never listen?"

"Alex-"

"But I'm done."

"What do you mean you're done? Done with what?" I drew in a breath that I tried to keep steady but failed. Then I looked at her again and shook my head.

"With everything." I couldn't do this to myself anymore. I was so hopelessly attached to her and I needed to stop. My feelings for her were unhealthy and it was driving me insane for months. And for what? It was obviously pointless…since she only cared about Miley. Maybe Mitchie wasn't the only stupid one. "So do whatever you want. I don't care."

"Alex."

"I have to go back inside so…goodnight." I didn't wait to hear anything else from her. I was starting to feel bad about everything I said and I knew if I stuck around I would have changed my mind. I took one last look at her; her face seemed distraught and confused. I hated seeing her upset and knowing it was because of me just made me feel worse. But I had to think of myself for once. So I walked back into my house, leaving Mitchie in the dark.

I sat on the floor of my room with my knees bent. I didn't know what to make of my emotions. I kind of wanted to cry but at the same time, God, I _really_ didn't. I haven't cried over anything Mitchie related in such a long time and I didn't want to start again. I breathed deeply and looked around.

The light from my laptop was still on but it was the only thing illuminating my bedroom. I held my face in my hands and dug in my fingernails near my eyes but let go and let out a long sigh. I ran my shaky hands through my hair and tried to steady my breathing. I couldn't let myself get like that over Mitchie anymore. I wouldn't.

I thought about it, sitting there on my floor, if I really made the right choice. It felt a little rash just blowing up at her and then wanting nothing to do with her anymore. But if she was going to be like that then so would I. It was time I started worrying about myself instead of her. I knew it would be hard though.

After much denial, like always, I knew my feelings for her were way too strong to simply _let go_ _of _just like that. But it was probably the best way to deal with it. I couldn't stand the thought of her not being in my life anymore but if I was worth anything and meant anything to her then she could figure things out for herself and do something about it. And if I wasn't then so be it. I wasn't going to waste my time anymore.


	11. Untie The Knot, Say You Won't Care

**A/N: I'M BACK. No not really but I finally finished this. School's almost over so hopefully my updates won't take a month each. The next one will probably be up faster than this one was. But I don't think that's saying much.**

**So...yeah. I hope you like it.**

**And...you should leave a review, that would be aces.**

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**Disclaimer: I own nothing but the plot. And that's about it.**

* * *

Untie the Knot, Say You Won't Care

* * *

I'd be lying if I said I wasn't annoyed back then. Then again, Mitchie always seemed to manage to get on my nerves in one way or another. But I was never angry with her for it. It's not like she did things that would frustrate me on purpose. But when she went back to ignoring me like I had a feeling she would, of course I was upset.

I guess even though I pretty much told her I was done with her, somewhere in the back of my mind I hoped she wouldn't listen to me. I almost felt bad, actually. I hated the thought of just giving up on trying to hold on to a friendship that meant so much to me. But it wasn't fair to me. It just took me way too long to realize that.

Looking back, I don't think I did the wrong thing trying so hard. Mitchie quickly became one of my best friends. And even though we had Harper and Caitlyn who we have known for much longer, Mitchie and I just had this…connection. I'd never connected with anyone that fast before and I didn't want to lose that. I mean…how often do you find someone like that?

It hurt. And I think I was worried of it all along. I never really push people away. I don't like losing people, especially people I care so deeply about. But I have always had this fear that if I were to actually show I'm upset or break ties with someone then they just wouldn't care, not enough to do something about it anyway.

I didn't want to think of it like that. I didn't want to think that Mitchie didn't care about me at all let alone as much as I cared about her. I knew she couldn't have. My feelings for her were too strong at the time, almost unbearable. I welcomed them after a certain point. But the whole going back to Miley thing just made everything hurt.

I didn't want it anymore. After I told Mitchie everything that needed to be said, as long overdue as it was, I thought it would have knocked some sense into her. But even when I was there standing right in front of her telling her how I felt it just didn't seem like it was enough. I didn't know what it was about Miley that kept Mitchie so attached but she just couldn't let go. And even though I was the one who walked away from her it was me who was left in the dark in the end.

Harper had to deal with me. I don't understand how she put up with my constant depression but, bless her heart, she did everything she could. I didn't want to be _that_ girl that couldn't get over her feelings for someone and frequently needed consoling because she was just _so_ _heartbroken_. I never wanted to feel that…pathetic. And that's what Harper was for.

"I wish I knew what to tell you, Alex." She said that a lot. It would be annoying if it wasn't what I wanted to hear. I didn't need someone to make up some inspirational bullshit. And that's why Harper was my best friend. "You knew it was going to be bad if you let it go on too long."

"I know, Harper. You're good at distracting though."

"Well thank you," she said with way too much pride.

"Shut up." I shoved her arm and leaned back against my headboard. "I didn't think it would get _this_ bad."

"Honestly…I think you could be a lot worse."

"You mean I haven't been the most miserable person to be around lately?" It had been a little over a month. By then summer had ended and school returned. I was only relieved because it meant I had more distractions. I could bury myself in my school work and my job.

"Not really."

"Or are you just saying that?"

"Right, because I have any reason at all to lie to you," she said sarcastically and I managed to let out a short laugh. "Seriously Alex, I think you're doing just fine after everything that's happened." I squeezed my eyes closed and rubbed them with my right hand.

"It's been a while though…"

"Who cares? You're allowed to be upset, you know."

"Yeah but don't you think it's been long enough? Like…I don't know, shouldn't I be over it by now?" If I had been talking to anyone else, except for Mitchie that is, I wouldn't even admit that I was still so hung up on her.

"It's not like she was just some random girl you had a crush on. Everyone knew how much she meant to you. Even if you didn't like her like that you guys were still like…weirdly close."

"Weird? Why weird?"

"Because you never get that close to people like…_instantly_." She shifted on my bed and moved closer to where I was sitting. "Why do you still act like she wasn't that important to you?" I chewed the side of my thumb until the skin turned red. Harper continued to look at me waiting for a response but I didn't know what to tell her.

"I don't." So I settled for something vague. She would see through it anyway.

"Yes you do."

"No, you know how I felt about her. It's not like I'm denying it."

"But you regret letting things fall apart," she insisted and I narrowed my eyes at her.

"Since when am I the one who ruined everything?"

"Oh calm down; you know that's not what I meant." I sighed quietly and banged my head against the board behind me.

"I hate this."

"You'll hate it even more if the back of your head bruises." I stopped what I was doing and faced her. "You're losing it."

"I'm slowly starting to realize that."

"Well that's good. Acceptance is the hardest part. _You_ would know all about that." I shook my head and forced a smile. "Just out of curiosity though…if she came out of the blue and apologized, would you take her back?"

"You're saying it like she cheated on me or something."

"I mean like…if she said she was sorry for all of this and started talking to you again, would you let her?" Of all the things that I had been dwelling on since I stopped talking to Mitchie, for some reason that was the last thing that crossed my mind. I guess I thought she just wouldn't care enough to want to fix it.

"I have no idea, to be honest."

"You mean you wouldn't want to be friends with her again?"

"I don't know, Harper. I don't even know what's going on right now…in regards to my feelings or whatever. As far as I'm concerned…we're not friends anymore. And it doesn't look like that's going to change anytime soon."

"But you still care about her…"

"Of course I do." I ran my hand through my hair and twisted the ends between my fingertips. "Is that bad?"

"Is what bad?"

"Do you think I should forgive her?" I asked, ignoring her question.

"You mean if she ever decides to pull her head out of Miley's ass?"

"Well obviously; it's not like I plan on apologizing." The fucking irony.

"Good, you shouldn't." It was rare we went in depth about it. After an extensive and emotional conversation when it first happened, I would talk to Harper only when she thought I was being _too depressed_. I didn't want to bring people down with my constant mourning of the death of my friendship. "But I don't think Mitchie's going to come around any time soon."

"Why not?"

"Because you know better than anyone…Mitchie's an idiot. The relationship isn't going to last, trust me. You're just going to have to wait until it all goes to shit," she explained and I raised an eyebrow at her. I sat up straighter in my bed and shook my head.

"No, fuck that."

"What?"

"I'm so done with this. It's such bullshit. I'm not going to just…_wait_ for her. I told her everything, okay. If that didn't do anything then fuck it. She knows. And she still obviously doesn't…" I trailed off, not really wanting to go into detail again. I was sick of thinking about…_that_.

"Then why are you still so hung up? I mean, not that I don't agree. I think you should move on too, especially if she's still with Miley after what happened."

"Because."

"Okay, let's just be vague then…" I didn't say anything and instead just picked at a stray thread on my comforter. "I get that you love her but-"

"Harper," I said a little too loudly. I brought my voice back down and sighed. "I'm trying, okay?"

"I know you are." She moved over again and slung an arm over my shoulders. "She's retarded. And I bet you anything she's going to eventually realize how fucking dumb she's being. And when they're over she's going to want nothing more than to have you back in her life."

"How in the hell is that fair to me though?"

"Are you telling me that if Miley and Mitchie broke up and she was really hurting over it you wouldn't feel bad?"

"Well I wouldn't exactly throw an _I told you so_ in her face."

"You're too nice to hold a grudge, Alex."

"It's not a grudge," I mumbled as she let go of me.

"It will be if she apologizes and you blow her off."

"But she's basically doing that to me now."

"You know it's because of Miley though."

"So I'm just supposed to not feel like shit because she chose her she-devil of a girlfriend over me?" The conversation was giving me a headache. But my head was filled with thoughts of Mitchie twenty four-seven anyway I can't believe I didn't get used to it.

"No, you are. But I know you Alex. And I know if you see her upset you're going to forget all about it."

"You think by the time that happens I'm still going to be in love with her?" It was weird saying it out loud. Even after admitting it to myself I just wanted to keep it to myself. Admitting any kinds of feelings to literally anyone made me want to hyperventilate. But I've had the same conversation with Harper so many times I kind of had no choice. "Give me some credit Harper."

"I'm just saying."

"I can't help it though. I want to get over her but. I just…_miss _her."

"I know…"

"No, it's not even like that. I won't even care if she _never_ feels the same way but I hate not having her in my life anymore."

"I know. That's why I said just wait."

"Wait for _what_ though. She's not going to have like, an epiphany out of nowhere."

"You know Miley is going to do something to break them apart."

"But…wasn't I the problem? Now that I'm gone is there even anything for them to argue about?" I hated thinking about that. I didn't want to believe that my decision to stop talking to Mitchie ultimately _fixed_ their relationship.

"It's Miley…she'll get bored….or find something to complain about."

"But…it's _Mitchie_. She's like the nicest, most easy-going person ever. Why would Miley have a problem? God, see, this is what I meant by she doesn't even deserve her. Mitchie could have picked _anyone_ else to be with and it would have been better."

"Trust me, I agree with you." I sighed and scratched the side of my head. "Seriously Alex, you really just need to let Mitchie get hurt." I stopped and turned to look at her again. I didn't get why she would want me to do that. The last thing I ever wanted was for Mitchie to get hurt. And I realize that me walking away from her didn't help in the slightest but still.

"What are you _talking_ about?"

"She's never going to listen to anyone. Everyone keeps telling her that Miley is a bitch and is going to end up hurting her or breaking her heart or whatever but she doesn't believe us so maybe she has to get hurt to realize."

"So I'm just supposed to let Mitchie get hurt and do nothing about it?"

"You weren't going to anymore anyway, remember?"

I think that was the day I may or may not have regretted my decision. I didn't want to feel like I was being weak or pathetic by wanting to make things right with her only because I cared that much about her. Was it worth it to put everything aside just to make it so that she wouldn't have to go through that kind of pain with Miley?

I was entirely too confused. I knew the guys pretty much stopped talking to her too. And Caitlyn pretty much shared the same mindset as Harper. I honestly felt like I was the most invested in Mitchie's life…and happiness. And yet I thought letting her go would be best. And maybe it was. I'm still not sure if it was the best decision.

It was a few weeks after that talk with Harper. I remember the day perfectly. I didn't expect to see Mitchie anymore when I hung out with everyone. It just became an unspoken rule; don't invite her. I thought it was kind of rude considering she had been best friends with the guys for so long. But then I remembered I was doing the exact same thing.

We were all out together. Caitlyn didn't tell anyone until the last minute that she told Mitchie to come along with us. I was a little surprised. I didn't think Mitchie would want to be around us anymore after everyone basically ditched her. I didn't know if she and the guys _never_ spoke but they didn't seem too thrilled.

The weeks leading up to that day were mind numbing. I couldn't decide whether or not Harper was right or if I should try and fix things with Mitchie. I didn't think it should have been my job to fix things anyway but after knowing how she gets when it came to things like that I thought it might have been the right thing to do. Or I was just being a pushover.

I was even more surprised when she got there and the guys seemed to act like nothing happened between them. Perhaps they were just happy that she didn't bring Miley with her. And I think that was really the only problem they had with Mitchie. They didn't seem particularly excited but they weren't being rude or saying dumb comments.

I, on the other hand, didn't know what to do or if I should say anything. I figured since no one else was making anything of her being with us then I shouldn't either. It was by far one of the most painfully awkward conversations I have ever had with anyone in my life, more awkward then when I told Mitchie how I felt about her. We locked eyes for a moment.

"Hey," I said as casually as I could. I didn't want it to sound cold or forced. She looked at me and for a second I thought she was going to completely ignore me.

"Hey."

_God_ it was awful. And I could not for the life of me think of anything else to say to her. The way we left things was so…I just didn't know how she felt about everything after that night. I guess she would have been wondering why the hell I wanted to talk to her all of a sudden after months of silence.

I attempted to make conversation with her again but I barely got anywhere with her. I'm sure she was just still pissed at me. Who the hell was I to act like nothing happened when I told her I was done with her? That would be an irrational way of thinking but this is Mitchie…and she never thinks straight. And as bad as I felt I knew it wasn't only my fault that things fell apart between us.

"I'm guessing you guys still hate each other?" Caitlyn had pulled me aside while everyone else was walking ahead of us. The whole night Mitchie and I hadn't said anything else to each other.

"I don't _hate_ her." I buried my hands in my sweater pockets and looked down momentarily. "Wait." My head snapped up. "Did she say she hates me?" I wouldn't have particularly minded if she was pissed at me. I would have been too, despite the circumstances. But I didn't think she actually _hated_ me.

"No she didn't say that. But she was really upset about the whole thing."

"Why, what did she tell you?" I never brought up the situation with anyone besides Harper. And I never thought to ask Caitlyn how Mitchie was even doing let alone how she felt ever since all that shit happened.

"She said you were being unreasonable."

"Of course she did," I mumbled, trying to keep my voice at a level that the others wouldn't hear.

"Give her time."

"Everyone keeps saying that. But it's been like two months. I doubt she cares at this point. So I'm done."

"I thought you were already done."

"But I tried. And she doesn't seem to give a shit."

"Maybe you should try actually talking to her, you know, about _this_." I bit the side of my lip and looked down at my feet again as we continued to walk. It was still kind of light out even though it was nearing night time. "You know she's not going to be the one to do it."

"But why can't she? Why does it always have to be me?"

"Because Mitchie's an idiot." Apparently everybody shared my thoughts. "So what, doesn't this just mean you're the better person?"

"Kind of rude to say about your best friend, don't you think?" I said jokingly and she rolled her eyes.

"She's your best friend too, you know." I let her words sink in and they almost stung. I just felt this sort of heaviness in my chest thinking about it because I knew it wasn't true anymore.

"Yeah, I think that label's been destroyed." I hated the look she gave me after I said that. It was just so…sad. And I didn't want to see it because I knew the truth was that it _was_ sad. Mitchie was my best friend and that was over.

"So…fix it."

"Ugh."

"Don't act like you don't want to."

"How can I want to when she's being like this? Isn't that kind of pathetic of me?"

"Not really. I mean, it's obvious you still care about her." I shrugged as we kept walking. "Just talk to her." I sighed quietly and licked my lips. My head was hurting from thinking about it so much. I just wanted whatever it was that we were going through to be past us. And whether that meant we went back to the way things were or we just ended everything for good, I wasn't entirely sure at the time. I didn't know which I preferred because to be honest I was still pissed. But I just knew I wanted it to be over.

"Do I have to?" I asked her, kind of sadly. And I can't remember why the thought of talking things out with Mitchie made me depressed, and even a little apprehensive. But looking back I think I was just worried about what I had always been worried about with her. I didn't know how much rejection I could take from the same person.

"Well no…but…I think it'd be best if you did, for everyone's sake." I looked up at her and raised my eyebrow. I even stopped walking.

"Why?"

"You're the only one she has a problem with."

"She has a _problem_ with me? What did I even do to her?" My voice raised slightly, both in volume and in pitch, and I was glad no one else thought anything of it.

"I don't know. She never got into it that much. I mean, she always talks to me when she's upset but she always holds back, even if I am her best friend."

"Really?"

"Yeah. I never cared though, because I'm the same way with her. It's just how we are, especially when she started liking me. After that she just kept a distance when it came to some things." It made sense. I always kept my feelings to myself, even from Harper. The only problem was that Harper would pry until it got to the point where I would tell her just to shut her the hell up.

"I guess that makes sense."

"Please talk to her? I really hate having everyone separated."

"I thought everyone was annoyed with her."

"They are. But the guys would probably not care if she started hanging out again. I just know there's like…_so_ much tension between you two though."

"So…we don't all hang out because of me?"

"No, we don't all hang out because Mitchie's a stubborn retard." I actually laughed at that and shook my head. I knew she had a point though. And I thought maybe there really was no sense in going on like we were. I mean, obviously I still thought about her so not talking to her didn't really accomplish much…except annoy everyone apparently. I sighed dramatically.

"I should talk to her."

"I don't know where it'll get you, to be perfectly honest. But it's better than nothing at this point."

"You're probably right."

I waited until we went to get food to have this _talk_ with her. We were at Wendy's and most of us were sitting at a couple tables while Mitchie and Jason were on line getting everything for everyone. I kept picking at my nails, occasionally biting them, just to distract myself. I thought I was going to throw up and I had no idea why.

For some reason, the thought of actually having a legitimate conversation with Mitchie anymore sent me into a panic. Granted, talking to Mitchie always used to make me panic in one way or another. But I hated…_confronting_ people. It made my skin crawl and I just wanted to fall in a black hole and disappear so I wouldn't have to deal with anything or anyone.

Caitlyn kept glancing over at me and then at Mitchie. I knew she was waiting for me to do it. She wasn't pushing, just curious; I would be to if I was her. And I wished I was. Because then I wouldn't have been in that situation at all. Some people just had all the luck. I, however, have a permanent black rain cloud hovering over me for all of eternity.

I moved my hair behind my ear and let out a breath before standing up. Jason was still standing next to her but I lightly grabbed her elbow. She turned around and I couldn't read the expression on her face when she saw it was me. She didn't look particularly disappointed or upset but she didn't seem all that happy either.

"Hey Mitch, can I talk to you for a sec?" I asked simply, not wanting to make this more melodramatic than it had to be. She scrunched her eyebrows together, wondering why on _Earth_ I of all people wanted to talk to her.

"Um…okay." It sounded like more of a question than anything but I ignored it and walked away and out of earshot from everyone else. I knew Caitlyn and most likely Harper as well were going to be watching us like hawks anyway. When I felt we were at a good enough distance I turned to face her again. She just looked at me, expectantly. I was going to have to do everything.

"Look…I know we left things kind of…badly. And I'm sorry." I had to start off some way. It seemed like a good idea at the time to apologize although I have no idea why.

"You're sorry?"

"I don't _like_ not talking to you, if that's what you were assuming this whole time." And I have no idea why I admitted that to her. She knew my feelings though. I don't know if she thought they were still present then but I guess it didn't really matter.

"Well that's kind of your own fault, isn't it?" She folded her arms over her chest but she somehow managed to not look bitchy while doing it. I wasn't sure how she felt about all of it.

"Actually…it's yours, in case you forgot."

"I'm not the one who basically told you to fuck off."

"I didn't tell you to fuck off."

"I said _basically_; c'mon Alex, pay attention."

"But still, you know that's not what I meant."

"Then what did you mean? Obviously I'm senile and missed something here."

"What do you want me to say, Mitch? We haven't spoken in like two months."

"Yeah, I know." She narrowed her eyes and seemed incredibly offended.

"Don't look at me like that. It's not like you made any effort to do anything about it."

"You stopped talking to me first."

"First of all…again…that was you." She rolled her eyes and dropped her arms. "Second of all, this isn't the second grade so can we not do this whole_ you started it_ crap?"

"Fine."

"Fine?"

"I don't know what you want from me, Alex."

"What are you talking about? I don't _want _anything from you," I said, getting a little louder than I intended. Mitchie always did manage to frustrate the hell out of me without even trying. I sighed and she pushed her bangs out of her face and I just stared at her. Her clothes seemed more…conservative than usual. She was in skinny jeans and her school hoodie and Converses. "I just…I don't know, Mitch, I missed you okay."

"Could have fooled me."

"Why are you being like this when I'm trying to be nice here?"

"Where were you the last two months then?"

"Where were _you_?Why can't we just move on from this like I always did when you would pull this crap with me? Has Miley got you so dead inside that you forgot what it's like to have emotions anymore or something?" I said, not entirely thinking it through, but I said it anyway. I don't really regret it though. After the attitude she was giving me about something she brought upon herself I didn't have the time or the energy to watch what I said.

"What the fuck is that supposed to mean?"

"I know you're so damn _blind_ now after being with her for so long but do you really not see how much you've changed? You're nowhere near the same person I met last year."

"People change."

"Yeah, clearly."

"So what now I'm committing some type of crime just because I'm in a relationship. Look, I'm sorry that you-"

"No. Stop. Don't even go there, Mitch." I didn't need to hear any of it. And I definitely didn't want her to start going in that direction. I knew we'd eventually get to my _god damn feelings_ and this conversation was nerve wracking enough. "And whatever happened between me and Miley has nothing to do with this. In case you forgot, _again_, I hadn't had a problem with her in forever. But you wouldn't know anything about that, considering she's probably the only one telling you things about that."

"It's not my fault you never did."

"Oh my God, Mitchie. Fine, okay? Whatever, alright everything's my fault. Is that better? Did I fix things now? Because I know I've been such a _terrible _friend." The conversation wasn't going anywhere near as well as I had hoped. But I don't think I expected to go that well at all. "I don't even know why I'm the one apologizing. I told you everything and this is how you want to act still?"

"So you just drop all that on me and tell me how annoyed you are with me and expect me to-"

"No Mitch. I didn't _expect_ anything. I hoped that maybe your life didn't really revolve around your girlfriend and what she wanted but you're so fucking whipped that it's actually kind of sad. And it doesn't even have to do with…you know. Because _obviously_ it hasn't bothered me."

"Then why are you being like this?" she snapped but surprisingly her voice was a little softer.

"Oh I'm…sorry for missing you? I really don't know how to explain any of this to you. You are seriously a lot more thick-headed than I thought."

"Okay so I'm stupid. Thank you. Was this whole conversation so you could insult me?"

"Are you kidding me?" I stood there staring at her but she said nothing. "I say sorry even though I have no real reason to and try to fix things because you clearly won't…and you think I just want to call you dumb. I could have done that without talking about any of this. Do you even care? Or am I wasting my time? I beg of you, just tell me now. I'm so sick of worrying if I offended you."

"Why are you worrying?"

"Because unlike you _apparently_, I actually do give a shit." She looked taken aback, like I had said the most absurd thing on the planet. Maybe I did. But it seemed completely accurate at the time.

"Wow, Alex, really?"

"You're not giving me anything to work with here. And I'm really tired of it to be honest." I exhaled once and looked down at my shoes. "I'm not trying to be a bitch right now, I'm really not," I told her in a gentler tone. "You can be honest with me and just talk to me about it like you used to or you can continue to be difficult like you have been for the last few months."

"I'm not being _difficult_."

"Yes you are. You have been and you are right now. But I should have seen it coming. You always did avoid the topic as much as you possibly could when you don't want to talk about it."

"Oh so you just know everything about me, do you?"

"Apparently I don't, not anymore." I was exhausted. I hated fighting with her. And I hated trying so hard when she was so damn stubborn. "Why are _you_ being like this? Do I really just mean nothing to you that you don't even care if I walk away again?"

"What?"

"Mitch, for the love of God; please just stay on track with me for _once_. I don't want to do this. But I feel like you're just pinning this all on me when you know I never did anything to push you away or to get in the middle of your relationship. And I'm tired of feeling like the bad guy."

"I never said you were."

"Because you never said _anything_."

"So why would you just assume?"

"Why is it so hard for you to just put this past us? Why is it so hard for Miley to put this past us? Why does any of this have to be a problem anymore? Is it really such a big deal that you and I are friends?"

"Alex, you don't get it."

"Yeah, I know I don't. And you're not helping." I stared at her, looking her dead in the eyes, just begging her to tell me _something_. I knew it couldn't have been as complicated as she was making it out to be. But she couldn't just come out and tell me that Miley didn't want her to be friends with me, especially after everything that happened. But as it appeared, Mitchie was too worried about her relationship with her girlfriend falling apart to do anything about her friendship with me that was already crashing to ground. "Is it worth it? Holding back, changing the way you act, and cutting ties with friends…is it worth it?"

"Alex…"

"I get that you love her but…" I sighed, shaking my head. It was aching and I just wanted to go to bed. "You know what? Never mind." My voice was quiet. There was no hostility, even though I was well beyond pissed.

"What?"

"Nothing. Doing this twice is just ridiculous when I know how it's going to end. You're never going to get what I'm saying. And you think I don't care enough to stick around or I'm doing this just to hurt you. Thanks for pinning me with everyone else that's disappointed you in your life, Mitch. It's good to see where I stand."

"That's not what I'm doing."

"It's exactly what you're doing." She didn't look pissed off anymore. She looked sad, like she did that night in front of my house two months ago when I walked away from her. I didn't know what to make of it.

"I don't know what to tell you."

"Well then that makes two of us. Because I really have nothing else to say to you. I have literally said everything I possibly could to make this right when it shouldn't have even been my job in the first place. I'd say the ball's in your court but…just…game over, okay? I'll leave you alone." I turned around but before I could even take more than two steps I felt her hands around both of my wrists.

"Alex, wait." She spun me around and held me in place so I wouldn't take off again. I didn't expect her to try and stop me. "I'm sorry." And I was not expecting that either.

"For what?"

"I'm sorry things are so messed up between us."

"They don't have to be, but you're making things like this. You're not giving me a choice."

"I know. I know I'm an ass but please…"

"Please what? Does it really take me physically walking away from you to realize that I'm serious?" I asked her and she released my arms. She licked her lips and then exhaled through her nose.

"I don't know. I'm in a really weird place. And after everything you told me the first time I…things were just…" she trailed off and squeezed her eyes shut, trying to get a grasp on her words. "I miss you too. Don't think that I don't. I know I haven't done or said anything to prove that I do. But I do. It's just…a lot to deal with." I rubbed my eyes and fought the urge to groan in annoyance.

"I'm going to make this really simple for all of us." And with that I turned around again. But to my surprise she stopped me…again. She held my hand and yanked me back to where she was.

"No Alex can you stop doing that?"

"Why? I've been trying to talk to you this whole time but you didn't want to. And now that I want to leave you suddenly have something to say?"

"I said I was sorry."

"But nothing is going to change. You're being an idiot. And I can't blame it all on Miley because then you're just going to think it's because…just…not everything is about that. I care about you. And I just genuinely don't like her but I figured if she meant that much to you I could put everything aside. But it looks like I'm the only one willing to do that." She looked away from me again and I knew she could tell I didn't mean just Miley. "Maybe you're right. This is too much to deal with."

"What do you mean?"

"It's probably better this way. This way you won't have to worry about Miley getting mad at you and I won't have to…" I took a deep breath and ran my hand through my hair. "It's just better this way." I don't know why I did it. I knew how Mitchie was. She spent her entire life killing herself trying to please people she loved. I saw it happen with her parents and I could see it happen with Miley. She never had that with me. And telling her I was upset finally put that weight on her.

"Alex."

"No, just…please…let me walk away." I had to do it. I know I did it before but I needed to end everything completely. It was bullshit but it meant so much to her. I knew I had to do it for myself to. I was never going to let her go if I didn't stop everything. As sad as it was to think of myself as _addicted_ to her, I needed to stop. I was like a smoker who needed to quit cold turkey. I needed to quit _her_. She just looked at me, not saying anything. But her eyes were pleading, apologetic…yet so unbelievably empty. "Please, Mitch. I can't do this. I thought I could but I just can't." And I knew that was what it was going to take to finally get over her. She stared at me a few moments longer. I wondered what everyone else thought we were doing. I knew weren't loud enough or even close enough for them to properly hear us but they had to have had an idea. I looked back at her. And then she let me go.

I went straight back to the table our friends were at and grabbed my things. I walked away from everyone without a word, ignoring all of their questions. And Mitchie was still standing where I had left her, just like last time. I heard people following me and I knew it was Caitlyn and Harper. But I didn't want to talk to anyone. I wanted to go home, cry possibly, and sleep.

"Alex, wait up!" Caitlyn yelled after me once they were both outside as well. I kept walking down the street until they ran to stand in front of me. "Alex."

"What?"

"What the hell happened?"

"Nothing. I'm done."

"Again?" Harper asked and I rolled my eyes.

"Yes, _again_. I can't do this to myself. She's impossible. I will never understand her and I will never fucking win with her."

"So…that's it?"

"Yeah. That's it. I don't even know why I'm still having this problem. It's not worth it. I'm over it. I'm over her."

"Really?" Harper sounded more disappointed than surprised. But I had never been more sure. I nodded and turned to walk away again but stopped in my tracks before going right back, my anger and frustration finally getting the better of me.

"And you know something? I hope she hurts her. I really do. I hope she sticks around long enough to see Miley as everyone else does and to see how much of a downright cunt she really is. What is she gonna do when she needs me and I'm not there? Because I _know_ she's going to come crawling back the second it's over." My words were coming out a mile a minute and I was surprised my hands werent balled into fists.

"Of course she is."

"But I'm done. I'm sick of her making me feel guilty about something I couldn't fucking control. It's not like I _acted_ on my feelings…ever. I know she's not trying to but she is. And I thought, as her _friend_, she would give a shit or two that she was making me feel so badly. But no, all she cares about is her girlfriend."

"She's an idiot but she still-"

"_Please_ don't tell me she still cares about me. Because she is doing absolutely nothing to show me that she does. I don't have the energy to hang onto this friendship that is barely hanging by a thread."

"But it's all Miley's fault…"

"Don't you think I know that, Harper?"

"I told you to just go for it anyway," she said, shoving my arm a little.

"But I couldn't do that! That's just not who I am. That would have been really fucked up of me. Never mind complicating her relationship with Miley, it's just…kind of a douche move."

"So? Miley is like a douche move in human form. She is a douche move personified."

"Believe me, I know. But you just don't do that. Even if a couple has problems, you don't just go and create more because you like someone. Everything always gets messed up. It doesn't matter how badly you want to be with someone. It's not right to get in the middle. Someone's always going to get hurt."

"Even if Mitchie ended up liking you more than Miley anyway?"

"I really don't care. It wouldn't be right going after someone who's already taken. It just isn't. I know I'd hate it if someone did that to me."

"You're too nice of a person Alex," Caitlyn said, putting her hand on my shoulder. And I sighed, calming down just a little.

"So nice that I told Mitchie I couldn't be friends with her anymore?"

"That's what you told her?"

"Pretty much."

"Wow…how'd she take it?" They both looked at me; their eyes were practically wide with anticipation and curiosity.

"I think I just upset her again. But…she's upsetting me too. Like, why am I the only who should feel bad about all of this? As if she didn't push me to do any of it…" They looked at each other. I wasn't sure what was going through their minds but I just wanted to go home. I knew I wasn't going to change my mind. And I think they knew too. "I gave her a chance. But I can't worry about this anymore. And I don't even care."

"You don't?" Harper asked with her eyebrow raised and I knew she didn't believe me. But I didn't feel the need to fix it. I didn't want to go back and apologize again. I wasn't going to miss her. And it was the first time I felt completely okay with the whole thing, like I could actually breathe for once. That's all I wanted.

"Not anymore."


	12. She's Not the One Coming Back for YoU

**A/N: updating I think is back to normal (normal for me anyway) sorry the chapters have been annoying and frustrating the hell out of you guys. hopefully you like this one.**

**also**

**this chapter is a present for ma best friend HAPPY BIRTHDAY ALEX.**

**enjoy.**

**Review and whatnot, you fabulous readers.**

**Follow me on Twitter too: (at symbol) manhatanProject**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing but the plot. And that's about it.**

* * *

She's Not the One Coming Back for You

* * *

It wasn't as hard as I thought it would be. I thought trying to get over her just like that was going to be a challenge or I would at least be a little weak about it. But after everything I just didn't want to deal with any of it anymore. I had to put everything behind me; her, my feelings, and sadly enough our friendship.

That was probably the thing that hurt the most, if anything hurt at all. I missed our friendship. But I knew I couldn't dwell on it anymore. I couldn't sit around and think about what else I could have done or what might have happened had Mitchie not been a raging idiot because it wasn't going to change anything. I knew that it was the way it had to be.

I didn't talk about it with Harper anymore. For maybe a week or so after I _ended things_ with Mitchie…again, she had asked me if I was okay seeing as how last time I was just incredibly depressed. But I put everything behind me. I wasn't bottling feelings. I didn't have anything to bottle. I let everything out and that was the end of it.

Of course I was a little upset and I missed her at first. But it didn't hurt to think about it all. I was more annoyed than offended so I figured it just didn't matter and it wasn't worth it to be so upset over. I had wondered from time to time what she was doing or thinking since I walked away again. She seemed upset. But I couldn't let that get to me.

I had to listen to Harper for once. I knew Caitlyn wanted us all to be friends again and to be honest I really did too. But it just didn't seem like it was going to work out. Harper was right. I needed to let her go and she needed to get hurt to realize. I couldn't talk her out of things and convince her that her relationship was unhealthy.

Why would she listen anyway? Why would anyone listen to someone telling them that they should break up with their girlfriend or boyfriend? No one would know as well as they do. No one really knows what goes on or how they are when they're alone. No one ever knows the full story unless it's theirs.

But I felt happier. It sucked losing someone like Mitchie, someone I thought I could trust and tell anything to. I knew I was ultimately going to be happier if I just forgot about her. I never called or texted her. I didn't care or even pay that much attention when she would pop up on my news feed on Facebook. And we never hung out.

Caitlyn even knew to make it a point to not bring her around. Occasionally she would see maybe Nate or someone because he was the only other one who didn't have that much of a problem with Mitchie. Shane and Jason were still annoyed with her; apparently she was back to ignoring everyone.

I didn't ask Caitlyn how Mitchie was doing. She told me once without me asking though. And she was distancing herself. She wouldn't talk to her about it anymore but she said she seemed upset again. I couldn't feel bad though. At that point I felt it was completely unfixable as long as Miley was still in the picture. Because I knew _she_ wasn't going to change.

As the weeks went by it felt like I was making a big deal out of nothing. And I don't mean I was overreacting and shouldn't have stopped talking to Mitchie. I mean letting her go and getting over her wasn't really as painful as I thought it would be. Perhaps it was because I went through all the pain while I was still trying to hold on. Since that was over there was nothing to hurt me anymore.

I think I had been getting over her all along, without even realizing. The more she pushed me away and just completely changed the more I stopped hanging onto my feelings. And after a certain point it stopped being about being in love with her and more so I just really missed my best friend and I didn't think something like that would come between us.

My life stopped revolving around her and everything she did. It didn't happen overnight but it didn't take an eternity. The more I kept her out of my mind the easier it was to hear about her or see her on Facebook and not think twice about it. Her name became just like everyone else's, like we could have been talking about anyone.

It was two more months. I didn't associate with her for two months after that talk in Wendy's. It was the middle of November, almost a year since I had realized and accepted my feelings for her. I was at work arranging signs for random soaps when my phone went off in my back pocket. My manager wasn't too anal about texting while on the job so I opened it right away.

_Harper: MITCHIE AND MILEY BROKE UP_

The capital letters seemed a bit much but I laughed at her excitement anyway. Then I read over her words again and just stopped and stared at the screen. I didn't know what I would feel the day I found out it finally happened. Because it was obvious there was no chance in hell they would last at all let alone much longer.

_Alex: how do you know?_

_Harper: Caitlyn told me_

_Harper: and it's on Facebook_

_Alex: oh so it's "official" then lol_

_Harper: I asked Caitlyn if it was a legit break up or if they were just like idk taking a break or some dumb shit like that._

_Alex: and?_

_Harper: Miley broke up with her. Like…legit broke up._

I decided she was going to go on about this so I told my manager that I was taking my break.

_Harper: and apparently Mitchie's a fuckin MESS_

_Alex: what do you mean?_

I walked the short distance to Union Square Park and sat on an empty bench. The weather was nice despite it almost being winter time again. I crossed one leg over the other and tied my shoelaces when I noticed they had come undone.

_Harper: she hardly talks to anyone and doesn't go anywhere besides school and work_

_Alex: not even Caitlyn?_

_Harper: barely_

_Harper: lol look at the update on Facebook I'm dying_

I exited out of the conversation and opened up the Facebook app instead. I had to scroll past some tools from my school talking about starting their Friday night early getting drunk, and then there were the white girls posting rap lyrics, and the occasional complaint about having too much shit to do. I finally found Mitchie's name.

It was a profile picture change. It used to be of her and Miley. They were on some type of boat I recognized from Mitchie's old pictures. She would go to Maine with her dad and stepmom and cousins over the summers and I figured she brought Miley along. It was changed to a picture of just her making a seemingly ugly face, holding up the middle finger. Typical Mitchie.

_Mitchie Torres is single._

There were eleven 'likes' on it and when I clicked on it I saw all of the guys, Harper, and Caitlyn were included in that list. There were comments saying things like _congrats_ and _finally _and one guy from her school asking if she wanted to do something sometime. Shane left a YouTube link to the music video for Beyoncé's _Single Ladies_. That comment alone had over twenty likes.

I scrolled through her profile. It had been such a long time since I had actually looked at it. I was surprised she never deleted me even after we had stopped talking to each other. Miley, however, had blocked me a while back; why, I had no idea whatsoever. But it's not like I particularly gave a shit if I had the option to be kept up to date with what was going on in her life.

_Alex: wow…_

_Harper: yeah. I mean I knew we all wanted them to end but I kinda feel bad ya know?_

_Alex: no I know what you mean_

_Harper: I think she'd talk to you over anyone else about this_

_Alex: You do remember we don't talk to each other anymore right?_

_Harper: Yeah but you can't tell me you don't care_

_Alex: it has nothing to do with caring about her. We're not even friends. Why would she come to me now?_

_Harper: because she has nobody_

_Alex: she has Caitlyn…you know…her best friend_

_Harper: she won't talk to her_

_Alex: well it's not my problem anymore_

_Harper: lol_

_Alex: Harper shut up I meant it_

_Harper: BUT YOU LOVE HER_

_Alex: lol enough with that! I haven't even thought about her like that in such a long time_

_Harper: yeah…okay_

_Alex: you're insane_

_Harper: but what if she starts hanging out with all of us again? Are you gonna ignore her or something?_

I tried not to think about that since it all happened. Well I really just didn't want to think about her at all. I avoided the topic at all costs. But it really isn't the kind of person I am. I wouldn't be _rude _to her if something like that were to ever happen. I just couldn't find it in my heart to be mean to Mitchie. I sighed and texted Harper back.

_Alex: I don't know_

I still didn't say anything to her though. Just because Miley and her were apparently over it didn't mean I was suddenly going to strike up a conversation with her, especially if she was so broken up about it. And Mitchie didn't come to me either. I didn't know whether to be offended or not though.

About two weeks passed since the _news_ of the break up and I still hadn't heard from her. No one really had though. And I realized that I spent more time in those two weeks thinking about her than I had throughout those two whole months. I was dead set on taking her out of my head completely and she somehow ended up right back there again.

It was different though. Thinking about her then felt more like curiosity than an obsession. And it felt good to think about her and not have all of _those_ thoughts in my mind. I just wondered how she was doing, if she was actually okay or not. But I never felt some type of overwhelming urge to actually ask her how she was doing, not like I would have before.

I didn't hear anything about her from anyone until two weeks after the break up. Caitlyn and the guys extended their own personal invitation to me to some party at Mitchie's house. I was a little hesitant and extremely confused for more reasons than one. First of all, why would have Mitchie even wanted me at her house after everything? And second…I thought she was depressed; why the _hell_ was she throwing a party?

Everyone told me over and over that it was completely fine if I went. According to Caitlyn even Mitchie didn't care if I came so I figured it wouldn't be so bad. But I didn't want to have to deal with the inevitable awkwardness like last time I hung out with her. I had done a great job at cutting her out completely; the thought of seeing her again was just…weird.

A _lot_ of people showed up at her house that night. I didn't talk about it with Harper, even though I knew she was just _dying_ to know what was going through my mind. I didn't think it was that big of a deal, not big enough to share with her anyway. I wasn't going crazy for it. Sure I was a little nervous but I wasn't a wreck like I normally would have been.

Ignoring Harper's incessant questioning, we went to Mitchie's house together and the weird feeling came back. Even though they said it wouldn't have been a problem if I went, I still kind of felt like I shouldn't be there. After the way I told her I was done with her, twice, I thought I was overstepping unspoken boundaries. I thought she was done with me too.

Shane greeted us at the door and after a quick scan of the room I couldn't even see Mitchie. But there were a bunch of people, some from her school, and some from the all-boys school the Gray's went to. And of course there was alcohol but I wasn't even in the drinking mood. And to be perfectly honest, I don't know what had possessed me to go there in the first place.

After a while I did happen to catch a glimpse of her. She was hardly talking to anyone but still standing by and listening to whatever anyone was saying, not adding anything to the conversation. She hardly ever even cracked a smile. I'm pretty sure everyone knew though, so no one really said anything of it. No one pried or pushed her to talk.

I wondered what she was thinking; having all those people in her house when she was clearly still so upset. She just looked like she wanted everyone to leave but didn't know how to tell them. Why did she even have so many people over? I didn't say anything to her though. It felt rude, considering it was her house and her party and all, but aside from my original plan to just not speak to her in general she looked like she wanted to be left alone.

The party went on just fine. I managed to not get into any awkward run-ins with Mitchie and everyone seemed to be having a good time. After a couple hours though, I noticed that she wasn't even there anymore. I didn't know how long she had been missing, and for all I knew she could have just been somewhere else in her house. But I grew curious, as I knew I was bound to. I couldn't help myself, sue me.

"Hey Caitlyn, do you know where Mitch is?" I asked randomly. I could tell she was confused as to why I would even ask. I mean…I hadn't asked about her in over month.

"Um…she should be here, why?" I scratched the underside of my wrist and looked around the living room. There was still no sign of her. I don't know why it bothered me.

"I don't know. I just haven't seen her in a while."

"We know that," Nate said and even laughed a little but it only made me feel, well, awkward. But that was nothing new to me.

"I meant tonight, ass. Did she leave or something?"

"This is her house."

"Yeah but I wouldn't put it past Mitchie to leave," Caitlyn interjected before I could say anything. "I actually haven't seen here in like an hour either." She turned her head around and pursed her lips. "You know what, I'm gonna go look for her. She's been really quiet all night." Her brows scrunched together a bit before she took off in search for her best friend.

"You alright?" Nate asked me once she was gone. He was holding a red Solo cup in his right hand and glanced down at it occasionally.

"Yeah…why?"

"I don't know. You seem…worried."

"Worried? About what?"

"Mitch."

"I mean, I am a little. Didn't you not notice how…dead she looked?" He tilted his head and twisted one of his short curls in his fingers.

"Yeah but like…she's been like that so I guess I'm used to it. It's not like we haven't tried to cheer her up. She won't talk to anyone besides Caitlyn. And even she has trouble getting through to her." I sighed and rubbed one of my eyes. "Don't feel bad."

"What makes you think I feel bad?"

"Because you're Alex." He chuckled against the rim of his cup before taking a sip of whatever it was he was drinking that night. I scoffed, not particularly offended, and crossed my arms.

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"You have such a soft spot for Mitchie; don't even deny it." Normally I wouldn't have even denied it at that point, because I knew it was true. But after all that had happened, it felt strange admitting it. So I kept my mouth shut. "She's not mad at you, you know."

"What?"

"Mitchie. She was at first but you know how she is. She's a stubborn asshole."

"I figured." It became silent for a while, well, neither of us spoke. The party was still going on around us and it was beyond loud. I was surprised Mitchie's neighbors hadn't called the cops. I looked around the room and still saw no sign of her. I didn't see Caitlyn either. Nate shifted on his feet and took another sip before looking at me curiously.

"Was it better?" I raised an eyebrow at his weird question.

"…What?"

"I mean like…not being friends with Mitchie. Do you think it was better that you stopped talking to her?" I already thought about it, probably more than I should have considering I didn't want to think about her at all.

"Yeah."

"Really?"

"It's not like I told her I never wanted to see her again or that I hated her. I just…didn't have the energy to keep that friendship going, you know?"

"No, not really."

"Well you're a guy."

"Thank you for noticing." I slapped his chest, causing him to spill some of his drink. It didn't seem to bother him.

"Shut up. I'm just saying it's different with me and Mitch."

"Because you love her." I shook my head and refrained from slapping him again.

"Why are we all still talking about that in the present tense?"

"Because you-"

"Hey, Alex?" Caitlyn's voice interrupted Nate and I was glad I didn't have to hear him go on about things I just didn't have time for. I looked over and she was making her way back to us.

"Yeah?"

"I found her. She's outside."

"Just…by herself? What is she doing?"

"Nothing, she's literally just sitting there staring into space. I tried to talk to her but she barely says anything besides one word answers or mumbles so I thought it'd be best to leave her alone." I should have expected that. But I'm not going to lie; of course I felt bad. Without saying anything I just turned and walked away. I headed out of her living room and through her kitchen to her back door. I saw her sitting on the step of her porch with Columbus at her side.

I don't know why I did it. I hadn't been drinking so I wasn't feeling overwhelmingly emotional or anything. I've seen Mitchie upset before, like breaking down and sobbing into her hands upset. It crushed my heart all the same, especially since she meant so much to me and I hate seeing anyone I love or care about so broken. Whatever my reasoning was, I pushed the sliding door open and took a seat on her porch. Her dog separated us, almost as if he defined our boundaries.

I thought it would feel more awkward, sitting there next to her. She looked at me for only a second and then looked down at the grass. It was pretty dark out and the light from her kitchen didn't really give me much to work with. But I could still see that distant, dead look she had been sporting all night. She didn't say anything.

"Hey." It seemed simple, like I hadn't even cut her out of my life. She looked up again.

"Hey."

"What are you doing out here?"

"Not in a party mood," she mumbled and I noticed she didn't drink anything either that night.

"Then why throw a party?"

"Shane thought it would be a good idea. He thinks I'm depressed."

"Why didn't you just tell him no?" I asked and she shrugged her shoulders.

"I didn't have the energy to argue." I scratched the top of my cheek and pulled a stray hair off of my arm. She kept her eyes down.

"Stupid question, but are you okay?" She breathed out a short, humorless laugh and it actually didn't even sound bitter. She just sounded tired.

"It can't be a stupid question if everyone's asking it."

"You have a point."

"I'm fine."

"Do you really expect me to believe that?" She rested her elbow on her knee and her chin in her palm.

"Why are you talking to me?" she asked suddenly and I wasn't expecting her to be so blunt about it. But I really should have considering…well, it's her. "Sorry, that was kind of bitchy."

"Was it not supposed to be?"

"Not really. I was just wondering. I mean, I don't mind that you're here. I didn't think you'd want to be though."

"I wasn't going to come." And it was silent again. I guess it did get awkward at some points but that was to be expected. It didn't feel that bad when it happened but looking back it was pretty awkward. She laid her hand on Columbus's back and sighed.

"So…why did you?"

"I'm still trying to figure that out." She nodded, not asking me to elaborate, and stared down at the back of her dog's head. "Are you okay though?" I tried asking again after neither of us said anything for a while.

"Sure."

"Mitch."

"If you know I'm not then why are you asking?" Her voice was calm. She wasn't being cold or giving me attitude that I didn't deserve, not like last time. She seemed…drained.

"Maybe you wanted to talk about it?"

"I still don't get why you're talking to me at all. Please don't say it's because you feel bad for me," she pleaded, almost desperately, and I could tell the conversation we were having was one she wanted to avoid for as long as she could. Whether it was with me or anyone else, it would only remind her of what happened.

"If I say no, it's going to make me sound like an asshole," I told her, hoping to lighten the mood even in the slightest. The air felt thick and incredibly tense all of a sudden, and I remember contemplating going back inside. But there was just something…I didn't want to leave her. Which was ironic.

"I'm sorry," she said out of nowhere. She was still looking away from me as she brought her hand up until it rested between Columbus's ears, to which he closed his eyes in content and laid down completely on the porch.

"For what?"

"For a lot of things." She scratched the top of his head mindlessly, still staring down at him. I didn't say anything else until her eyes finally met mine. And then she sighed again. "Am I allowed to say I miss you?" I raised an eyebrow despite trying not to look as amused as I felt by her question.

"Are you…asking me for permission?" Her face scrunched up a bit and her nose crinkled a little. And with her facing me, the light from the kitchen behind us allowed me to see the few freckles she had. It was hard to fight a smile. Because I had always loved them.

"I don't know what I'm doing. It seemed like the right thing to do." She sounded confused and normally it would have been a perfect opportunity to tease her like she always did to me. But seeing her so broken was affecting me more than it should have. And I should have known it would. "And God knows I never do the right thing."

"What do you mean?"

"With anyone…I just…everything I do is wrong." Her voice was quieter, like she was afraid she wouldn't be able to speak if she were any louder.

"No…not _everything_." She squeezed her eyes shut and looked down at her lap. She pulled her hand back and rubbed her eyes. "What happened?" I asked hesitantly. I didn't know if I was overstepping a boundary. It technically wasn't my business anymore. I made that clear when I pretty much told her I wanted nothing to do with her. "If you don't mind me asking, I mean."

"I told you…everything I do is wrong." She drew in a breath and it sounded shakier than the last time she sighed. Her hands were still covering her face. "I tried. I don't get why, after _everything_, nothing I did was enough."

"Mitch…I'm sorry, I have no idea what you're talking about," I told her with a slightly guilty look on my face. "But I'm sure it wasn't your fault. I know how Miley is."

"You don't have to be nice to me, Alex. I know I was an asshole to you. I don't know _why_, but I know I was."

"You're not an _asshole_." That time, I sighed. "I'm not mad at you." She dropped her hands and looked at me again. I tried to find any trace of tears but found none. But her voice sounded like she was heading in that direction though.

"Is that a joke?"

"I mean I _was_…but it's not like I hold grudges forever." She continued to look at me and I offered a somewhat sympathetic smile, just to ease the tension a little.

"I really am sorry for everything."

"I know."

"But like, I shouldn't have done that, to you of all people."

"Why?" She brought her knees up a bit more and folded her arms over them.

"Because, like…I don't know. You're one of my best friends. And after you told me, you know, the last thing I should have done was push you away." I pressed my tongue into the side of my cheek and focused on the fact that she didn't use the term _best friends_ in the past tense.

"Oh." I didn't really want to go there. It felt bad enough to have her completely dismiss it before. But when she got mad at me when I tried to make things right it was like she was trying to make me feel bad for having feelings for her. Like I had any control over it.

"I know you probably didn't even want to tell me. And I...I didn't know what to do. You know, it was just all too much with everything else going on. I shouldn't have ignored you after you told me, even if you said you didn't want to talk to me anymore. That wasn't why though, I promise."

"Then why did you? Or can I just take a shot in the dark…Miley?" She rolled her eyes but I knew it wasn't directed at me. To be honest, talking to Mitchie just felt weird. She wasn't teasing or making fun of me or making me feel awkward or embarrassed. And I was so used to being a nervous mess around her. As completely ridiculous as it sounds, I actually missed being like that around her.

"It just…it just hurts, you know? I did everything." Her voice wasn't as quiet as before and I could just barely hear it crack at the end. She took a moment to steady her breathing and I took a moment to not reach over and pull her into a hug. "I know she had a problem with me being friends with you but like…even after we stopped talking she still always had a problem and I don't even know what I did. And I tried and tried but it's like I could never make her happy anymore." I could see the tears. She was holding them in with all the strength she had. Her eyes were shining and she was trying not to blink so often or tightly. I felt terrible for her.

"Mitchie…"

"And like…I lost my girlfriend, I pretty much lost all of you guys. After she broke up with me I just didn't want to talk to anyone about it."

"You're talking to me now…"

"But I always used to talk to you about anything. I still don't know why you're talking to me now. But I'm _really_ glad you are."

"Why didn't you say something earlier?"

"What, you mean like to you?" I nodded and she played with tips of her bangs. "I made this mess. It didn't seem fair to just call you now that my girlfriend broke up with me." I unfolded my arms and wrapped them around my thigh instead. And I just looked at her. She sounded sincere and I distinctly remember feeling a great deal of respect for her, which shocked me, and I couldn't help but smile.

"You didn't _lose_ us. We get it. We kind of knew this was going to happen."

"Ugh, I know. But I couldn't help it, you know? I loved her." Her voice was quiet again. And it felt easier to hear her say that. But it still hurt to see her upset. I looked down at Columbus resting between us and I lightly nudged him, urging him to move. His ears perked up and he got up and hopped down onto the grass. I scooted closer to Mitchie and I didn't even care at that point about anything else. Despite being able to be around her and not feel what I felt before, I still cared about her. Feelings or no feelings, she always managed to draw me in. I put my arm around her and she leaned her head on my shoulder, her light crying resuming.

"Do you still love her?" I asked after another moment or so. She lifted her head back up and wiped her eyes.

"I don't know what I feel Alex. I just miss her but I hate how we were. And I hate that she had such a problem with you."

"Mitch, that's not your fault though. And I really don't know why she had such a problem with me, I mean I-"

"It's not like it was _your_ fault."

"You just…said she got mad at you because of me."

"Just…no. It's not your fault." She sighed and I stopped arguing about it. "I just wish I didn't miss her so much." I couldn't fathom why the fuck she would miss her after she pretty much destroyed her. It wasn't my place to judge though. "And I wish I didn't let all that come between _us_."

"What do you mean?" She took a deep breath and leaned the side of her head on her folded arms.

"I didn't know what to do. I just wanted to fix things with Miley and I just kind of put everyone and everything else on the side. And I didn't realize how much of a douche I was being."

"Even when I told you?" I said, not really meaning to, but I was relieved it didn't come out so serious. Even though I was serious. To my surprise, she chuckled a bit.

"Well…you said you were done. And…I mean, I'm not gonna lie. I _was_ kind of pissed at you. And I know I had no reason to be." I nodded but said nothing. I crossed my own arms over my knees and leaned forward a bit. She gave me a pout that I didn't want to admit was really adorable. But _God_, it really was. "I'm a shit head." I laughed too and shook my head at her.

"Yeah, I know."

"I'm sorry."

"I know Mitch." The air was cold that night. And I was only in my t-shirt. I hugged my arms close to my chest and slouched in my seat. Mitchie was in dark ripped skinny jeans but at least she had her black fleece North Face jacket on. I was just surprised she bothered to even put her shoes on. "Nate was right," I mused out loud. It was odd, but I think I knew I would end up sitting on that porch with her that night, or something of the sort.

"About what?" And I don't know what possessed me to continue talking.

"I really do have a soft spot for you." I guess her not teasing me for months made me forget how nervous I would get around her. I can't come up with any reason why I would give her such great chances to make me feel awkward.

"Oh?"

"But only slightly."

"I'll take it. I'm just surprised you're not still mad at me."

"I can't stay mad at you, Mitch."

"Even if I'm an idiot?"

"Apparently."

"I can't believe I fucked things up so badly," she said, mainly to herself. But I didn't want her to feel so bad.

"Well…I'd say you completely forgot _bros before hoes_ but I don't know if that's worded correctly," I said jokingly and she rolled her eyes.

"More like hoes before even bigger hoes." Well…that sounded more like Mitchie. I laughed again and shoved her lightly.

"Jerk." She smiled and it made me happy to see her again. I almost regret telling Harper I wished she would get hurt. But I guess I knew it was going to happen anyway, and I had to let it happen. Miley wasn't going to be around forever, just like everyone said. And Mitchie knew it wouldn't have been right to come crawling back to me.

"And I really did miss you…like, a lot actually," she admitted once again, a little shyly. I bit my lip a bit and turned my head towards her. I apparently really was the only one she had these conversations with. And I would be lying if I said I didn't want her back in my life. I knew we were still a little off but putting all of it behind seemed like a good place to start.

"I missed you too."


	13. Things Are Gonna Change, I Can Feel It

**A/N: Nothing to say really. I got this done faster than I thought I would. I don't know how long the next one will take though.**

**There might be mistakes because I rushed through editing because I have to go to a wake right now. But I hope you like it.**

**Leave a review, let me know what you think**

**Follow me on Twitter too: (at symbol) manhatanProject**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing but the plot. And that's about it.**

* * *

Things Are Gonna Change, I Can Feel It

* * *

I didn't expect us to go back to the way we were. I knew we decided to put the whole thing behind us. I also know I said I was done with her…twice. I felt like I was maybe kind of being a pushover. But it sounded bad no matter what I decided, in my mind anyway. I let her back in and forget all the bullshit; I'm a pushover. I stand my ground and continue to not talk to her even after she apologized; I'm a bitch who can't let go of a grudge.

It wasn't worth it to dwell so much. I had spent such a long time doing that as it was. And I guess I just really wanted the effort more than anything. No one likes feeling like that. You try your hardest to show someone you care and they only want you when they need you. And they only need you when no one else is around. Admit to yourself you're being used and move on before it can hurt you anymore.

And it _hurts_. I felt like that for way too long. I didn't need it from Mitchie of all people. And I didn't _want_ to admit that she was doing that with me. But I figured that it wasn't worth it. That's the worst part. You know it's not your fault, and whether they make you feel like it or not, you somehow become convinced it is.

Mitchie just owning up to her bullshit was an apology in itself. You hardly ever get that from people. Usually when someone ignores you, treats you like shit, or just flat out doesn't appreciate you then you just assume it's because they don't care, not as much as you do anyway. When I walked away, both times, I didn't think she'd ever admit she was being ridiculous.

She was always a good friend. I should have known we'd become so close and that she'd mean so much to me when I first met her because of how _easy_ it was to talk to her. She was carefree and hysterical and just…nice to me. And I was so used to everyone in my school who only ever gave a shit about themselves and walked around like they had massive sticks lodged in their asses.

I think that's why it hurt me, maybe more than it should have, when she still didn't seem to care after I told her how I felt about everything…not just _her_. I'd always thought she was different. And she _was_. I could blame a hell of a lot on Miley, that's for sure. But she mattered so little to me it wasn't even worth it. And Mitchie knew that too.

And I was happy. I was doing fine without her. I had time to learn that my life didn't have to revolve around her. The best thing you could do is take a step back and realize that you don't need another person to be happy. You can go on and breathe just fine on your own. When you can finally accept loneliness you can appreciate love that much more.

It was like saying I would be okay if she was never back in my life again. Sure, I loved her and she was one of my best friends. It's never easy losing close friends but sometimes you have to move on, especially when they clearly already have. But on the other hand it was like I needed that time. Maybe we both did.

She told me she wasn't sure of what was going on or what she was feeling. I knew she still missed Miley though. I would say it was dumb of her, and it was, but I had to put myself in her shoes for a second. She loved her. It was the first real relationship she'd ever had and Miley, unfortunately, was the first person she really gave everything for. You can't just let go of someone so important to you. You hang on and fight as hard as you can because you truly believe they're worth it, that all the effort is worth it. And sometimes, if you're lucky, it actually is.

I couldn't decide that for Mitchie. Only she knew if it was worth it to fight for her. I didn't understand their relationship at all. I don't understand how it lasted as long as it did when it didn't even look like Miley was even that interested in her anymore. I didn't want to try and get in the middle of it though. I already tried that once and we ended up not speaking for months.

It wasn't all bad though. I honestly thought our friendship would never get fixed. And patching things up made me realize I missed her, a lot more than I thought I did. But it's always okay to admit that once things are better. While things are still messed up it's just _pathetic_. But we were fine. And just like when we first met, we became friends fast…all over again.

It didn't take us long. I had forgiven her but I still had everything that happened stuck in the back of my mind. It's hard to explain. She was kind of shy at first. And that just freaked me the hell out if I'm being completely honest. I wasn't used to it. That was solely _my_ job and even though I thought it'd be great if the tables could be turned for once, I just thought it was wrong.

After a week or so she started to go back to normal. _We _started to go back to normal. We didn't talk about anything that happened; our brief falling out, Miley, how she was dealing with everything. We talked like we used to. She didn't _harass_ me with texts or messages or phone calls at weird and random hours of the day as much as she used to though. I'll admit though, I missed those.

But we eased back into the way we used to be. It's not like we made up and we were suddenly the best of friends again. But it's also not like things were awkward for more than a few days. Mitchie and I were too close before all that shit came between us to not find our way back to normal, or normal for us anyway.

It was an unspoken mutual understanding. It was just obvious and didn't need to be established that things were starting to feel like they used to. Mitchie gradually became comfortable being…well…_herself_…around me again. And I could notice the change in her. She looked happier than before, even if she was still depressed over her breakup.

I remember I was in my room one night when Mitchie called me. She was doing it more often and I didn't want to think it was just because she didn't have Miley anymore. That was a thought that kept creeping up on me and I just wanted to put it out of my head completely. There was no point in constantly thinking so negatively about it.

"Hello?" I answered her, pushing a couple stray hairs behind my ear as I stood in front of my sink.

"Hey Lex."

"What's up?" I turned the water of the faucet down a bit so I could hear her better.

"Nothing…where _are_ you?" she asked, sounding slightly confused.

"Um…my bathroom…"

"You're peeing while you're on the phone with me? You could have waited to take the call you know." I rolled my eyes and I could bet that she was smiling.

"I'm not _peeing_; I'm brushing my teeth you weirdo."

"Oh is that why it sounds like you're gargling a dick right now?" She said it so casually. And the second the words left her mouth I started choking on the toothpaste, both from laughing and just plain shock at her question. I don't know what I was expecting from her though. I continued to cough into my sink, the harsh minty flavor burning the back of my throat, all while I heard her obnoxious laughter on the other end. "It's okay babe spit it out; no one's forcing you to swallow." I coughed a couple more times until I finally was able to catch my breath.

"Oh my god I fucking _hate_ you, I swear," I said, my voice raspy and strained, yet I was somehow fighting a laugh of my own. I used the back of my wrist to wipe the tears in my eyes, my toothbrush long forgotten in my sink.

"Your hurtful words are like a knife in my heart," she complained dramatically. I would have scoffed but that would have risked another cough attack that I didn't want to suffer through again.

"Shut up."

"You okay?" She sounded more concerned that time even though I still heard her giggling.

"I'm just _dandy_ no thanks to you."

"What did I do?"

"You made me choke," I told her before I could choose my words a little more carefully. She broke out into another fit of hysterics. "IS THERE A REASON YOU CALLED?" I yelled loudly over her laughter. I could feel my cheeks burning and I was beyond relieved that she wasn't physically there to see me. She didn't answer me though. She just kept laughing. "Mitchie!"

"I'm sorry," she said finally, her breathing steadying. "I'm sorry. I'm calm."

"Yeah right."

"Let's not get sassy. You set yourself up for that one."

"I did not!"

"Yes you did."

"I was brushing my teeth! You _pervert_…"

"Alex I am offended."

"_Good_." I had such a love-hate relationship with her teasing. I missed it but…ugh, _God_ I couldn't stand it at the same time.

"Rude."

"What do you _want_?"

"Why do always say that? Why can't you ever have a civilized conversation with me?" I narrowed my eyes and stopped cleaning my toothbrush.

"Are you _kidding me_?"

"Simmer down, of course I am. So…what'cha doing?"

"How do you not know the answer to that by now?"

"Judging by what I heard…I'm still not sure."

"I'm hanging up now."

"Wait!"

"What?"

"Hey," she said cheerfully, dragging it out and I shook my head, but sighed.

"Hi."

"Are you busy tomorrow?"

"I have this thing called school. I don't know if you dropped out yet or what but I'm pretty sure you have it too."

"Smartass. I meant _after_, like do you have work or something?"

"Why?

"Because I wanted you to pick up my dry cleaning," she said sarcastically. "I want to hang out with you, imbecile."

"Well I don't know…"

"Try and pencil me into your…busy schedule." She could hardly get through the sentence without cracking up and I bit the inside of my lip and suppressed another sigh.

"Have I told you I hate you lately?"

"Multiple times, actually. I've started keeping a tally."

"Are you serious?"

"You're at seven so far this week. Mind you it's only Wednesday…ya big jerk."

"You deserved all of them."

"Do you like being the reason for the teardrops on my guitar?"

"Only if I get to hear you play." At that she started laughing again and my face dropped. But I knew she was going to say no.

"Get lost."

"Fine, bye."

"_No_," she whined and I finally decided to leave my bathroom.

"_What_?" I asked, mimicking her. I closed the light and went back to my bed, lying down with my feet dangling over the edge.

"Hang out with me," she said, somewhat sadly, and I could bet she was pouting on the other end and I was glad we weren't having the conversation face to face.

"I don't know."

"It's not like you have plans."

"I could have plans…"

"I know you don't. You don't have other friends. Don't try to play me, this ain't my first rodeo."

"Ugh. Alright, _sure_."

"Now say it like I didn't ask you to come with me to a funeral." I closed my eyes and chuckled lightly into the phone. "C'mon, I'll even pick you up from school."

"Oh special chauffeur service?"

"Only the best for you, darling."

"Sounds good, Mitch."

"Sweet, I know a great-"

"Wait, stop. Last time you started a sentence like that we ended up at that diner with the waiter that wouldn't stop looking at my tits."

"But the food was good."

"I don't want to feel _violated_ again."

"I promise it's not in a bad area this time."

"I don't know how or _why_ I let you talk me into going places with you."

"Because I'm fabulous and you can't say no to me."

"Oh…yeah…something like that," I joked and rubbed my eye with my free hand. The light was off in my room and I was beginning to feel tired. But knowing Mitch, she wouldn't let me go.

"You're going to have to get used to it."

"I don't think anyone can actually get used to you."

"I'm taking this as a compliment."

"You take _everything_ as a compliment. I could call you a heartless monster and you'd still flip your hair and say thank you."

"Well you take _nothing_ as a compliment."

"That…is not true," I said lamely. I knew I was horrible at accepting compliments though. I could hardly talk to anyone as it was; I didn't need people saying things to make me nervous and blush like an asshole.

"Yes it is! If I tell you that you look nice you'd probably think I was being sarcastic and then you'd hit me."

"Because you're always sarcastic!"

"Not about that! Jesus, give me a little credit here, Lex. I'm not _actually_ a heartless monster."

"Mhm."

"And I'm the rude one…"

"You are…" Her response came in a high pitched scoff and I had to pull my phone away from my ear for a second.

"_Sensitive_."

"_Dramatic_."

"Don't you have your weird slutty nightly rituals to get back to?"

"I was _brushing_ my _teeth_!"

"Yeah I'm sure you needed to…"

"Okay. Goodnight. I'm done with you." She started laughing at me again and I groaned loudly. "Ugh."

"Alright, alright fine. Sweet dreams."

"Bye, I hope you have nightmares." She was still giggling like an idiot when I hung up on her.

It was probably the first time we actually hung out one on one since we became friends again. I don't know if it was because she just didn't want to until then or she didn't think she was _allowed_ to ask me. That was another thing I found weird, but I kind of liked it.

I was in my history class when it was the last period of the day. I had already told Harper that she didn't need to take me home and I was just waiting to get out. I barely paid attention to what my teacher was saying. I mean…no one ever did. It was still pretty early in the period and there was a knock on the door. And when it opened, to my complete and utter surprise, it was Mitchie.

I tried to come up with any reason at all as to how she even got let into my school let alone what she was doing in my classroom. I didn't even know how she knew _where_ I was. I glared at her as my teacher went over to see what she wanted. I just prayed to God that she wouldn't do or say anything that would make me wish I was dead.

"May I help you?" He asked her, pushing his glasses up his nose. Mitchie looked at the people in the class staring at her, wondering who the hell she was, but it didn't seem to bother her. My school was big and there were a lot of students. But everyone pretty much recognized everyone at that point.

"Yeah, um the dean wants to see Alex," she said easily and I couldn't fathom how she could make shit up on the spot…and to a _teacher_. She could have gotten us both into trouble.

"Alex?"

"Alex Russo…"

"Oh, right. Right. Uh…" My teacher wasn't the sharpest, and he was really old, so I wasn't surprised it took him a moment to realize what she was talking about…and why he didn't question her. He kept looking around the room until he remembered where I sat. "Alex."

"Yeah?" I said but he didn't say anything. He pointed his thumb to the door and I nodded, collecting my things, and got up to leave the room with Mitchie. The second we were outside and in the hallway I smacked her with my notebook.

"Ow what was that for?"

"What are you _doing_?"

"I'm here to pick you up, you nut."

"I have class right now! I thought you said after school? It's only two."

"I had a free period so I left and I didn't want to wait until you got out."

"How did you even get in here?" I knew my school's security wasn't the greatest but you'd have to get past the front desk and they always stop you.

"I'm a _visitor_," she said like it was obvious and moved her hair to the side, revealing the sticker that clearly said she was a visitor. I don't know how my teacher didn't see that, even if it was covered by her hair.

"You're ridiculous."

"I believe the words you're looking for are _thank you_."

"I don't want to get into trouble," I whined with a frown and she just smiled.

"You won't. It's last period; you're teacher won't even expect you to come back."

"How did you even know where my class was?"

"Harper." Of course.

"Mitch…"

"Come on Alex…you're already out of class. And your teacher is like a hundred years old and senile; he's not even going to remember this." I laughed and shook my head at her. I didn't want to sit through my history class anyway. I figured I might as well go with her.

"Fine."

"Wow, way to give into peer pressure. If I told you to jump off a bridge, would you?"

"It would get me away from you."

"Says the girl who is ditching school to hang out with me," she said smugly while flipping her hair over her shoulder like she always did. I rolled my eyes and shoved her as we continued walking.

"You're gonna get me kicked out of school one day."

"I'm sure you'd make a wonderful hobo." I sighed loudly but before we could head for the building entrance she grabbed my wrist. "Oh, hang on I need to get my ID back." She walked over to the front desk and after a quick chat with the security guard she came back with two cards in her hand.

"What is that?"

"They wanted both my license and my student ID. You're school is so weird." I eyed the student ID for a second before reaching for it.

"No I mean like…what's on it?" I looked at it again and burst out laughing. "Mitchie what the hell is this?"

"I hate my picture…and they wouldn't let me change it after four years."

"So you taped a picture of Rick Ross over it?"

"I think it looks better."

"Are you even allowed to do that?"

"No. But the lady at the desk thought it was funny so she left it alone."

"You're an idiot."

"My picture looks weird okay!" She snatched the card back before I could look at it.

"Let me see it!"

"Do you want to get slapped?"

"You're so _mean_. You won't let me see your freshman year picture. You won't let me hear you play…"

"You're going to have to get over that."

"I won't."

"It's not like it's just _you_. Don't feel bad or anything; I will play for literally nobody."

"_Nobody_?" I asked, not really believing her. I mean, I know she had said it…multiple times in fact. But I would have thought maybe like…Miley would have at least heard her. She was her girlfriend after all.

"Nope." We exited my school together and her car was apparently right out in front. Our bickering continued the whole drive there but that was normal for us. She drove for around fifteen minutes before pulling into the parking lot of a small sandwich shop that I had never heard of before. "See I told you that this place isn't sketchy. You never listen to me. I know everything."

"First of all, that's a _lie_. Second of all, I have every reason to be skeptical with you." We took a seat at a table and looked through the menu.

"Hey, I didn't even find this place. My stepmom sent me a Groupon for it one day because she thought I'd like it."

"How cute." She breathed out a soft laugh and looked back down at the menu.

"Yeah. Adorable."

"I thought you liked your stepmom."

"I do. Sometimes I think she likes me more than my mom does." I didn't even want to argue with her about that. I knew for a while how she felt about her parents so I stayed out of it.

"I mean…at least she likes you?" I offered and she laughed a little louder.

"That's true…oh my God she _hated_ Miley though; it was hysterical."

"Hysterical? I thought that'd be annoying or something."

"Don't you think I was used to people not liking my girlfriend?" she asked with an eyebrow raised and I bit my cheek to avoid saying something. "My parents didn't mind her. My dad even let her come on vacation with us. But my stepmom always asked me what I was doing with her."

"Seriously?"

"Oh yeah, she couldn't stand her."

"Why?"

"Probably the same reason why no one else could stand her," she trailed off but paused and looked at the confused expression on my face. "Well…maybe not the same reason as you…" That time she sounded a little more awkward and I scratched the side of my forehead, not wanting to actually talk about it. I could just feel myself blushing and I had hoped I was done with that when I stopped being so obsessed with her. Before it could get _thoroughly_ awkward she started laughing again. "Could you imagine?"

"Ew…Mitchie…"

"I know, I know." A guy came by and took our orders and I kept my eyes on Mitchie.

"How are you with that anyway?" I hadn't asked her since the day of her party and even though she said in the beginning she didn't want to talk about it, I was still curious if she was okay or not.

"With what? My stepmom?"

"No, I meant Miley."

"Oh…" It was silent for a moment and our waiter came back with our drinks. "Um…I'm…okay."

"Are you?"

"Kind of…" I didn't know what to say to her. Usually when she was upset or needed help or advice for something I could talk to her. But I really didn't know what would help her at that point. "If I tell you something…can you not get mad at me?"

"Mitch, you can't start something off like that."

"If I say I'm an idiot will you not get mad at me?"

"I already called you that," I pointed out and she rolled her eyes again.

"Oh I'm sorry chief, let me just pull my thesaurus out of my ass…" I kept my mouth closed to stifle my laughter. "Alex."

"What do you want to tell me?" She rested her hands in front of her on the table and picked at her nails. Her lips pressed together and then she exhaled through her nose.

"We're…kind of…working things out."

"What?"

"I know, please don't say anything."

"You sound like even _you_ think this is a bad idea."

"I just know what everyone's going to say. Like…I'm sorry, I can't help it."

"I know."

"So…are you mad?"

"Does it even matter?"

"You're mad."

"Mitch, why would I be mad?" It was true though. Yeah, I thought she was an idiot for going back to her after she broke her heart but it wasn't my life or my decision. And even if I thought it was a mistake, sometimes you have to let people make mistakes.

"I don't know. Maybe not mad but like…I know you think it's a bad idea."

"I can't tell you what to do though. I'm not going to stop you or anything. I just don't want you to get hurt again, that's all," I told her honestly. She looked at me for a moment or so, saying nothing. She just looked. And I could not for the life of me figure out what the hell was going through her mind. But she never said anything. Our waiter came back once again with our food and we ate in silence for maybe another minute before she spoke up.

"It's not going to be like last time."

"What?"

"I told her, when we were talking again like…a week ago. We were trying to talk it over and fix things. And I told her I wasn't going to put up with her bullshit when it came to you guys." I didn't think she would actually put her foot down when it came to Miley. I didn't know if it was just because she was fed up with all of it or because I made such a big deal about it. But I was proud of her for standing her ground for once.

"Good for you."

"Really?"

"You already know I think you're an idiot."

"_Alex_." I laughed, hoping I didn't actually offend her even though I called her that at least twice a day.

"Just be careful, okay?"

"I will."

When I saw Mitchie on her back porch that night after the breakup, I seriously didn't think they would get back together. I didn't know what to feel about it. Obviously it was nothing like the first time I heard they got together. I was a fucking mess that day. But the second time around, since I stopped actually feeling anything like that for her…it was weird.

Of course I was still concerned, since we're such good friends and all. And I meant what I said to her. I wanted her to be careful. The last thing I wanted was for her to get hurt _again_; it was bad enough the first time when I even _wanted_ it to happen. I think she knew what she was doing though. So I didn't go any further on the subject with her.

They had been dating again throughout the beginning of December. None of us had seen her though. Mitchie never brought her around. Everyone was kind of annoyed that she went back to her but no one made a big deal. She didn't ignore us though. And that was really the only reason I didn't say anything about it.

They seemed fine, from what I could tell. I didn't know what the hell went on with their relationship anyway. I hardly ever asked Mitchie again. And she never brought her up to me. I don't know if it was because she thought it would make me uncomfortable or what but Miley was never a subject of conversation again after that day we had lunch together.

It was only a week or so later that we hung out, just the two of us, again. We didn't plan it though. I was having a really bad night at my house and I didn't know what else to do. I knew I could always go to Harper if I needed someone but there was just something about my friendship with Mitchie that made me feel more comfortable going to her. And that's probably why I called her that night.

"Isn't it past your bedtime?" She didn't even say hi or anything. And it even got a quiet chuckle out of me, which was shocking considering how upset I was that night.

"It's only nine."

"What's wrong?" she asked right away. I didn't do a good job at covering it up. I didn't plan to keep it from her anyway. I wouldn't have called her if I was going to do that. And I loved that she could tell just by the way I said something that something was wrong. It's rare that you find someone who just _gets_ you, even when they're not there. "Lex?"

"Sorry, I just…spaced out for a sec." I drew in a breath and tried to keep it from being as shaky as I knew it was going to be. I didn't need her to hear that. I brought my hand up to scratch the top of my cheek, praying it wouldn't sting so much. I winced anyway and wiped the side of my face for any trace of tears that hadn't completely dried yet.

"Is everything okay?" She sounded worried and that alone made me feel a little better. Sometimes all you need is someone to show that they care about you just as much as you care about them. And I think that's what I always feared with Mitchie, even though I hated admitting it back then.

"Um…kind of, not really."

"What happened?" I sighed and ran my fingers through my hair, tugging on it slightly. I started to feel anxious again and my heart still hadn't fully calmed down. I was lying on my bed so I slipped my hand under my back and kept it there as I used my other to hold my cell phone to my ear.

"Nothing. I got into a fight with my parents, mostly my dad, and it just…I don't know, it just got to me I guess."

"A fight about what?" I closed my eyes; the corners of them still burned a little. "You don't have to tell me if you don't want to."

"I don't even know, to be honest. It's stupid but when he yells I get frustrated and-"

"I know." Neither of us said anything. It was silent, but it was comfortable and I breathed a little easier. But I still clenched my comforter in my hand under my back. "Are you okay though? I mean…I know I'm not Harper but if you want to talk, I'm here for you, Alex."

"I know. I just…really need someone right now."

"Come over," she suggested and I loosened my grip on the blanket.

"Now?"

"If anything you can crash here and I'll take you to school in the morning." I thought it over and the thought of getting away from my house sounded wonderful. I knew staying there was just going to keep me upset for longer than I hoped I would be.

"Really?"

"Yeah, maybe getting away will take your mind off of everything." I smiled despite everything and sighed again.

"Okay."

"Awesome, I'll come get you."

"What? You don't have to do that, Mitch."

"It's freezing outside; I'm not gonna make you take the bus, weirdo." I would have told her again that she didn't have to but catching the bus at that hour was a nightmare and I didn't want to deal with anything else that would just frustrate me.

"Thank you. You're the best."

"I know, right? I'll be there in like…ten minutes."

"Okay, I'll see you soon." We hung up and I laid on my bed the entire time I waited for her. It was weird for me, because I really only ever went to Harper when I had a problem. But Mitchie was different when it came to things like that. And Harper had dealt with me and my depression so many times that year alone thanks to my feelings for Mitchie. I felt like I was just bothering her.

When she finally picked me up the ride to her house was mostly silent. She just asked me if it was okay with my parents that I was leaving so late in the night and I told her that my mom understood why I didn't want to be home. I was still a little on edge and upset and didn't have the energy to make small talk.

We were on her bed once we got there, her sitting up with her back against the wall and I somehow ended up lying down with my knees bent and my head in her lap. She asked me if I was okay again. I knew she was worried. I had a tendency to be quiet all the time but she could tell I was just holding everything in.

"What happened to your eye?" she asked as she narrowed her eyes a bit. I instinctively touched the spot I knew she was referring to.

"Nothing. It's just a bad habit."

"Alex…" she said and I could hear the sympathy in her voice but I didn't want her feeling so sorry for me. I knew I was fine, even though I had a tendency to take my frustrations out on myself.

"It's not that bad," I tried to assure her but she moved my hand and touched the scratch under my eye.

"But still…" I didn't say anything again and I saw her pouting. "I'm sorry." She moved her hand from my cheek and pushed my bangs back. I let out a breath as she started playing with my hair lightly.

"Don't be. It's fine." The gesture was so comforting I thought I was going to fall asleep in a matter of seconds. I tried to keep my eyes from closing.

"I wish there was something I could do though. You're better at this than I am," she admitted somewhat sheepishly.

"What do you mean?"

"You know, like, whenever I need you or something it's like you always know what to say and I'm just really terrible when it comes to advice."

"It's okay. I don't even want advice. And the only advice I get from Harper is _just ignore it_, so I'd honestly rather hear nothing. Really, just being here is enough."

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah, I'm actually feeling a little better already."

"Really? I feel like I'm not really doing anything though."

"You don't have to." She offered a smile and I was glad I decided to call her that night. After always having the doubt in my mind that I was putting _too much_ _effort_ into our friendship thinking Mitchie might not actually care as much as I do, it was like a breath of fresh air. And it felt great knowing that even after everything we'd been through we were still there for each other. "Thank you again, Mitch."

"Of course; I told you I'm here for you."

"I know. And-" Before I could get another word out we heard a knock on her door, followed by the voice of someone I hoped I never had to hear again.

"Mitch?" We both looked at her bedroom door just as Miley stepped inside. The second she did, she looked at the two of us but neither of us made a move to get up. It's not like we were _doing_ anything.

"Miley?" Mitchie sounded confused but still didn't seem to care that I was resting my head on her leg even though the brunette by the door looked like she wanted to hit me. "I didn't know you were coming over."

"Well, I thought we could hang out tonight since we couldn't yesterday."

"You should have called or something."

"I didn't realize you'd be busy," she said with just a hint of a glare thrown in my direction. I tried not to laugh. I knew she'd be annoyed by me being there. I was enjoying her aggravation even more since it seemed that Mitchie wasn't at all fazed by it. I sat up straight though, not wanting to get her thrown into the doghouse.

"It's fine, I can just go…" I started to get up from her bed but Mitchie held my wrist and stopped me from moving.

"What, no. Don't be ridiculous Alex." I sat back down and she furrowed her brows a bit when she looked back at her girlfriend. It suddenly felt awkward and I actually wanted to leave to avoid it. "Miley, can I talk to you for a second?" She rolled her eyes and the two of them headed out the door. Before Mitchie closed the door behind her she turned around and gave me an apologetic look. "I'll be right back." I didn't think they went that far though. Because I could still hear them having their conversation right outside. And Mitchie sounded pissed. "What the hell are you doing?"

"Shouldn't I be asking you that?"

"Miley, we've been over this. Alex is my friend. Why does it still _bother_ you so much?"

"What is she doing here?"

"Why does it matter? She was upset and she needed me."

"I'm sure…"

"Can we not do this…_please_?"

"But…I wanted to spend time with you," she said sweetly and I nearly gagged.

"We can hang out tomorrow."

"Mitchie," she whined in that annoying voice of hers. I honestly wondered how Mitchie made it through their entire relationship without punching her because of her voice alone. I stopped paying attention and tuned out the rest of their conversation. I crossed my legs and in less than a minute Mitchie came back into the room. Thankfully, she was alone.

"She's alive," I joked and she shook her head, laughing a little.

"Yeah, I think I pissed her off…"

"_How_?" I asked, almost incredulously, and she took a seat next to me.

"I don't even know. But I'm sure she'll calm down by tomorrow. When we got back together I told her I'm not dealing with her attitude. She knows how she gets."

"She does?"

"Yeah. We both have things to work on but…we're trying. Anyway, it doesn't matter. I don't want to talk about it."

"Are you sure?"

"Don't worry about it; that's not important. I just want you to be okay." I leaned back against her wall and just looked around. Her room hadn't changed at all. And it was nice, in a way, to be there and away from the dumb shit that went down at my house. I never liked talking about it with people, even Harper, and they both knew that. I was glad I had people who just _understood_ me. And not only that, but they honestly give a shit if I'm okay or not instead of only worrying about themselves.

"I am." I offered her a reassuring smile and she brought an arm around me and pulled me into her side. I knew she was trying, a hell of a lot more than before.

"Are _you_ sure?" Mitchie clearly had her own problems to deal with, thanks to Miley, but she actually put me before all of that. And I wouldn't admit it to her, or anyone else, but it meant the world to me.

"Yeah…I will be."

* * *

**Note: the song title is lyrics from Loser by Beck.**


	14. It Takes Disaster to Learn a Lesson

**A/N: I'm on break so hopefully I can have more time to write. I'm gonna try to move the story along. anyway, hope you like this one even though I scrapped it and started over like a million times. idk**

**Leave a review, let me know what you think**

**Follow me on Twitter too: (at symbol) manhatanProject**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing but the plot. And that's about it.**

* * *

It Takes Disaster to Learn a Lesson

* * *

We were still on winter break when she fell off the face of the Earth for the…I honestly don't even know how many times she had done it by then. I didn't expect it after making such a big deal out of it to _Miley_ of all people. She knew it was bullshit and she told her girlfriend she wasn't going to take it. So why the hell did she just go back to not talking to anyone?

I didn't have any problems with her anymore. The air had been cleared and we had moved on and we were better than ever. I felt like we could finally be best friends again without either of our extra baggage. She could hang around me and not feel guilty or awkward about it and I could hang around her without my mind going to…_other places_.

It was frustrating before, even _way_ before I realized and admitted my feelings. But back when all of our friends would constantly bring it up it was just too much pressure. And they never really let us be just friends. I'd always have the thought in the back of my head even if I didn't want to think about her like that.

Then there was the whole nightmare _after_ I came to the realization that hey, maybe I really do feel something for Mitchie. Why wouldn't I? It seemed silly looking back that I denied it for so long. Mitchie was beautiful, absolutely beautiful, in such an effortless and simple way. She was funny. She was kind of a jackass. She made me laugh and smile and speak my mind and loosen up. She took a sledgehammer and cracked the stubborn shell I was hanging back in.

I guess once we became so close I didn't want anything to happen. There's always a fear of taking that step beyond friendship. You love someone to death but you don't want to risk losing them. You can't bear the thought of ruining one of the best things that has ever happened to you. In reality, how often does it happen anyway, feelings being returned, I mean? Just swallow those feelings and keep them down so they can never destroy your friendship, right?

I thought that way for the longest time. It bothered me. I hated feeling _anything_ for my best friend. It made everything complicated. But I loved the way she made me feel, for the most part. Pain and jealousy aside I had never felt happier than when I was with her freely admitting to myself that, yes, I did in fact love her, probably more than I should.

I had time though. I had time to put everything into perspective. I would be fine with or without her; I just preferred to have her in my life. After everything she had unintentionally done for me, I hated knowing we went so long without speaking. But it was good for both of us. Or at least I know it was good for me. I had space. I had clarity.

I know it's kind of lame; going back to someone that dicked you over and pretty much left you for their girlfriend. But I knew Mitchie and how she was. She didn't always think rationally and sometimes she let certain things control her, whether it was her girlfriend or even her own pride. She was independent but still guarded. She was always the perfect combination of undeniably brave and incredibly fragile.

So when she stopped talking to…just about everyone, again, I was more worried than anything. I had faith in her. Mitchie wasn't a spiteful or malicious person. And she would never actually try to be rude or hurt people, or at least the ones she cares about. I didn't think she was _ignoring_ me again. Literally nothing had happened for her to stop talking to me.

And it wasn't just me. That alone erased any doubt I may have had. I knew she couldn't have been avoiding _me_, not like I had done anything to warrant it, but she just didn't talk to anyone. We weren't in school at the time so I doubt she left her house for any reason other than work. But Caitlyn had told me she tried to go to her house but she didn't want to see anyone.

Of course I was worried. My mind immediately went to one place and I wondered what part Miley had played in all of it. Their whole relationship made absolutely no sense to me. Maybe at first it did because they seemed really happy together. It looked like Miley genuinely liked and cared about Mitchie. But after a while it just…stopped.

It never clicked for me. A few months had passed and it looked to me as if Miley was only still with Mitchie just to piss me off. It was obvious Mitchie was completely obsessed with her or she wouldn't have put up with her crap for so long. And she wouldn't have gotten back together with her after she dumped her out of the blue.

And that was another thing that didn't make sense to me. I didn't get why Miley, after breaking up with _her_, wanted to work things out. I knew she was a bitch and couldn't keep relationships so naturally I just wanted to know if Mitchie was okay. I had sent her a text asking what was up and she just said that she was fine and that was the end of it.

I didn't know how long it would last. I didn't know what was going on until maybe the third day into it and I was randomly on Mitchie's Facebook page. There was no story or status update about it. It just said that she was single; no news about the relationship ending. She must have deleted it the second she changed it to avoid having people talk about it.

I wondered why she didn't tell me but I didn't want to push her. I couldn't tell how she was taking it the second time around. I was curious as to who ended it this time and why. I had a lot of questions and concerns but I figured she would talk to me if she needed to. She knew I was there for her without me having to remind her constantly.

When a week passed I figured it wouldn't hurt to at least _try_ to talk to her. She didn't talk to anyone or hang out or even pick up her phone after a while. And I just wanted to make sure she wasn't depressed or something. The last thing I wanted was for her to be so upset that she did something stupid.

I went by her house on a day I didn't have to go into the city to go to work. I didn't bother calling or texting her because I knew she wouldn't have picked up or she would have just told me I don't have to come. She had a tendency to be really stubborn but I was so used to it. So I went to check on her anyway.

I rang her doorbell but no one answered. I figured her mom was at work and she just didn't want to answer the door for anyone. I waited on her doorstep for another minute before I started to get cold and walked around to her backyard. I knew she never kept the back door locked when someone was home so I let myself in.

The second the door opened Columbus came running to my feet. Once he calmed down he walked off in the direction of Mitchie's bedroom, so I assumed she was in there. I was surprised she didn't come out when she heard someone coming in her house. Surely she wasn't expecting anyone and I could have been a criminal.

When I got to her room I just stopped in the doorway trying to figure out what the hell I was looking at. I had to duck under a blanket to get in. I saw her sitting with her legs crossed on the floor in front of her TV. She was in black loose sweatpants and a dark red t-shirt. She didn't even turn to look at me.

"Mitch?" I asked as I walked over, still ducking my head under blankets. Even though it was sunny outside it was dark in this weird fort she had made in her room. "What is all of this?"

"I was bored and the sun was bothering me."

"So you made a fort?"

"Yes." I wanted to laugh but I wasn't sure what the situation with her was. She didn't sound like she was sad but she wasn't particularly cheerful either. She seemed so…tired. She finally turned her head to look at me with her eyebrows furrowed. "How'd you get in here?"

"Your back door is always unlocked."

"Yeah, I should probably do something about that…"

"I can go if you want to be alone," I offered and she breathed out a long sigh.

"No, I don't mind."

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah, it's fine." There was a short silence and for a moment or so we just sat next to each other while _Zoolander_ continued to play on the television.

"Oh," I said suddenly, handing the plastic bag I had brought with me. "I almost forgot. I got you something." She eyed it curiously before taking it from me. But she didn't open it.

"Why?"

"I passed by Martha's Bakery on my way here and got your favorite." A small, almost shy smile appeared on her face and I handed her one of the cups from the tray I was holding. "And I got you hot chocolate."

"You didn't have to do that."

"I thought it would cheer you. Besides, I know how much you love their chocolate peanut butter pie."

"You're the best." She took the cup from me and I offered her a plastic fork from the bag.

"I know."

"Okay let's not get cocky." That time I did laugh. I was just happy to see a smile on her face. It was weird though, considering she hadn't spoken to me in a week and yet she was acting as if nothing had happened. "But seriously, thank you."

"No problem." She took a bite and set the container down on her floor but before she could take a sip from her cup her dog walked over and sniffed at the dessert.

"Hey, go away Columbus you can't eat chocolate," she scolded and tugged on his collar to pull him away. "Do you want to die?" He barked at her causing her to shake her head, laughing humorlessly. "Wow, I'm so depressing to be around lately my dog wants to kill himself," she joked but I still frowned a little.

"Are you okay, Mitch?"

"Sure."

"Mitch…"

"I'm fine."

"You've been locked in your house for like a week not talking to anybody. Do you really think I'm going to believe you're fine?"

"I didn't _mean_ to ignore you I just…I didn't feel like talking to anyone."

"Why not?"

"I don't know. I don't know what's going on anymore. I've just been so confused."

"What have you even been doing?"

"This…"

"Really?"

"I don't know." It was quiet again. I wanted to break it because I could tell she didn't plan on doing it herself. And I didn't want to sit in silence when I had so many things I wanted to ask her.

"Are you sure you're okay? I heard about Miley."

"Yeah I think everyone knows now." She exhaled noisily through her lips. "It's just…a mess."

"What happened?"

"I broke up with her." She took a sip from her cup and another bite of the pie. And with her mouth still full she turned to me and said, "Finally."

"Wait…you broke up with her?" She nodded and wiped the corner of her mouth with her thumb. "But…why? I thought you were the one who wanted to get back together."

"Alex…I think it's safe to say I don't know what I want. And after I broke up with her I just wanted to be alone. I've been here this whole time…just…you know, thinking." I took my coat off to get more comfortable and Columbus came over and lied down on it when I put it down.

"Thinking about what?" I asked and she shrugged her shoulders, looking back at the television screen.

"Everything," she trailed off and pushed her bangs back and away from her eye. "Mostly you…"

"Me?" She pursed her lips briefly and then nodded her head. I didn't know what she meant by that. And I don't really know exactly what was going through my mind when she said it. All I remember was suddenly feeling nervous and I had no idea why. "What about me?" She sighed again.

"Just…a lot of stuff."

"Like what?" She turned to me and smiled a bit, raising her eyebrow in the process.

"You sure have a lot of questions today, don't you?"

"Can you blame me?"

"I guess not. Not bad things though, don't worry."

"What kind of things?" She pressed her lips together and it seemed like she was trying not to smile, probably because I kept asking questions. But I couldn't help myself.

"I've been thinking a lot about what you said to me…and what Caitlyn told me."

"What did Caitlyn tell you?" I asked hesitantly. I didn't know if it had anything to do with me since I seemed to be the subject of discussion. And if it was about me then what the hell could Caitlyn have possibly said?

"Everything…well pretty much everything." I felt my throat drying and I crossed my legs, leaning my elbows against my knees. "Like what happened between you and Miley."

"Oh…"

"I mean…when you told me…I was…" she attempted to get her words out right but kept stopping to think it over. "Everything was just so complicated and I didn't think to put two and two together. It's kind of obvious now." I mumbled in response, not really knowing what to say to that. I thought I was passed all of it. I didn't think we'd ever talk about it because I sure as hell never planned on bringing it up to her. "I get why you were upset…and I'm sorry. I still have no idea what Miley's problem with you was. It's not like you ever did anything wrong."

"It's fine, like, I've been over that. The only reason I even remotely gave a crap about all that is because I didn't want you to deal with her bitching about…you know, whatever. It wasn't fair to you."

"I know. And thank you, really. It's not your fault though. Miley is just…a psycho." She rolled her eyes and moved her hair away from her face when her bangs fell in front of it again.

"Then why'd you get back together with her?"

"I thought it's what I wanted. But after these past few weeks…I don't think I ever knew what the hell I wanted. And the amount of bullshit that I put up with…"

"I can only imagine."

"After a while it was just…_so_ bad. I didn't get what happened. The first few months were great. _She_ was great. We had fun. And I never felt so happy but…God…I don't understand; it's like a switch went off. And she would just get mad at me for everything." I get what she was saying. Some people are just like that. When it's good it's great and when it's bad it's terrible; two extremes, no in between.

"I'm sorry, Mitch."

"And after we got back together it was like she wasn't even here half the time. Like, she'd only call me when she wanted me."

"Really?"

"It was like that before too sometimes. We might as well have been in a long distance relationship. And I couldn't do that. It was just so…lonely, you know? How can you love someone who isn't even there?"

"Well…if you love someone…aren't you supposed to try and make it work no matter what?"

"Not when all we do is fight. And then she pushes me away and it's…exhausting. Like I'm always the one trying to fix things because she's always the one who gets upset. And it's over dumb things, _little pointless things_ that shouldn't even be a problem but they are because she makes them that way." Her voice sounded a little strained. And I could tell she was trying not to get upset talking about all of it.

"Every couple fights though." I don't know why I kept trying to justify their dysfunctional relationship. I guess I just didn't want her to think that all the effort she put into it was a complete waste of time.

"I get that but…it gets to a point where it's just like…_enough_ already. It's not worth it, all the yelling and the fighting and the anxiety and the loneliness. And I'd always end up feeling bad for it. Like I was the one always doing something to make her so upset with me. I'm so sick of feeling like everything was my fault."

"Good, you shouldn't feel like it was."

"I know that…now." I bit the inside of my cheek and ran my tongue over it as another silence fell upon us. Columbus had rolled onto his side, still half on my coat. And I looked up at the makeshift ceiling, wondering why the hell Mitchie even had so many blankets.

"Hey Mitch…"

"Yeah?"

"Just out of curiosity…why didn't you ever talk about this with anyone else?"

"No one else cares," she said simply, staring into her half empty cup.

"I'm sure Caitlyn does."

"Yeah but…it's different with you and Caitlyn. I don't know. I've felt weird going to her sometimes since I found out she knew about my crush on her."

"But…_we_ have no problem talking to each other…"

"Yeah, well…" she trailed off and looked back up at me. "I guess you're just special."

"Oh, am I?"

"Soon your ego is going to be bigger than mine…"

"Now you know that's a damn lie." She laughed quietly and shook her head.

"Everything's a mess Alex. You know…when Caitlyn and Harper first told me about you I was just…annoyed. Not by you…just that they wanted to set me up. And I liked you, I really did. You weren't like any of the girls I've met before. And when the guys told me that you liked me I thought they were just being assholes. So I didn't really know until you told me." I squeezed my eyes shut and rubbed them with my fingers. I couldn't believe the guys had told her. I don't know why I didn't expect them to do something stupid like that but it just frustrated me and all I wanted was to disappear. It was like confessing my feelings for her all over again, as if it wasn't nerve wracking or embarrassing enough the first time.

"Great…"

"Hey, I kind of wanted it to be true," she said nonchalantly. And at that I dropped my hands and stared at her. I had never been more confused in my life.

"…What?" It had to be a joke.

"Oh come on, Alex. You were the first cute girl with a personality who happened to be gay that I had met in a while. Why wouldn't I have liked you?"

"Are you _kidding_?"

"No, I'm serious. You didn't seem like you liked me like that though so I tried to just forget about it and not let myself get too…yeah. And plus I was still hung up on Caitlyn. Then I met Miley…"

"Yeah, I know what happens after."

"Look, Lex, I'm really sorry for how everything happened. And I told you before I didn't mean to completely blow you off when you told me but I just didn't know what to think."

"It's okay you already apologized. And besides…it's all in the past. _All_ of it," I assured her and she turned to me again, cocking an eyebrow and looking amused as ever.

"Really, now?"

"Yes. Really."

"So…" I saw her eyes look me up and down before stopping at my face again. "Nothing?" I knew that's just how she was. She was the most conceited person on the planet. But still, I couldn't stand the thought. It had bothered me ever since I met her, before I even realized I liked her. When everyone was trying to set us up, I hated thinking I was just going to be a second choice just because Caitlyn didn't want her.

"No, Mitch. You-" I looked down. My face scrunched up and I shook my head. "You can't do that."

"Do what? What did I do?"

"Don't you think it's fucked up? Look, I don't want to be an ass because I know you just broke up with Miley but…that's just it. You _just_ broke up with Miley. You can't just tell me these things, especially after _everything_, and after I spent way too long trying to get over you." My voice wavered a bit at the end when I realized everything I was confessing to her. I didn't mean to sound so upset. But in all honesty, I was. I let out a breath and looked at her again. "I don't know if you're joking or not. But it's not funny."

"I know it's not-"

"Regardless, I'm not…" I paused and looked at Columbus napping on my coat. "What did you think I was just going to wait for you to be done with her or something?"

"No."

"Then what is this about?"

"Alex I wasn't joking about liking you. And I don't expect you to feel the same anymore, not after the dumb shit I've done." I didn't need this. Everything was great. I was happy. And she just had to drop a fucking bomb on me.

"I just don't…I'm not some…rebound, okay?"

"I never thought you were. Can I be honest with you?"

"Please."

"I don't want you to take any of this the wrong way okay? You mean too much to me to mess all of this up again."

"So what you just…like everyone?"

"I hate that no matter what I do or what I did it just seems like I'm trying to get over someone by being with someone else. That's not what it is."

"I believe you Mitch but you have to see this from my point of view."

"I know. I wanted to forget about it. I really did. And it worked for a while. When I started going out with Miley, I liked her a lot. Somewhere along the line, you know, after actually being with someone, I realized maybe I never loved Caitlyn the way I thought I did."

"And Miley?"

"I don't know. I don't know if I did. Like I said, I tried. But there was always some type of strain on our relationship. And I know it's wrong…but I…" She sighed and moved her fork around in the plastic container. "Sometimes…I kind of would…compare her…to you."

"To me? Why me?"

"Do you want to know why I like you?" she asked, ignoring my question. I opened my mouth before closing it again. Did I really want to hear that?

"Um…sure…" I said a little awkwardly. I didn't like the attention on me and I definitely didn't like hearing people complimenting me or…whatever. It was weird and it made me feel uncomfortable. But it seemed like Mitchie had a lot to get off her chest.

"You're so…easy."

"Yes, because that's what every girl wants to hear about themselves."

"No, idiot, not like _that_. I mean you're easy to be around."

"Okay so what you're saying is I'm…safe."

"Why do you have to make everything I say sound like an insult? You don't get it. It's like…after a certain point I thought everything I said and did just annoyed Miley. Like I couldn't do anything without getting on her nerves. It felt like a crime to be myself. It's different with you."

"How?"

"Because!" she said a little louder than necessary and I flinched a little, startling the dog lying next to me. "Sorry I have no idea why I yelled." She chuckled quietly, almost nervously and set her cup down. "It's just….sometimes when I was arguing with Miley, I'd just think _you know Alex doesn't get mad at me for shit like this_."

"Like what?"

"I don't know…_everything_. I didn't have to try and for some reason you liked me anyway. I didn't understand it; I still don't, which is probably why I found it hard to believe."

"Well…I mean…Miley knew how I felt….and you didn't, so-"

"It's not just that. I mean…I got annoyed with her too sometimes. But it was like I wasn't allowed to get mad at her. She was the only one who could get jealous or annoyed or upset. And it was such bullshit."

"That's because Miley's an idiot."

"I'm aware of that now. I just…I couldn't do it anymore."

"Good. You shouldn't put yourself through that. I told you, you deserve better. I'm just sorry you had to go through hell to finally end it."

"It wasn't only that."

"What?"

"Why I broke up with her…it's just…" She let out a breath and rested her cheek in her palm, propping her elbow on her leg. "It's hard to be with someone when you keep thinking about someone else."

"…Really?" I asked and she sat up straighter to scoot closer to me. Our knees brushed and she put her hand on my leg. Normally I wouldn't think anything of it. A couple months ago I'd have a stroke. I was just confused, mainly because I had no idea what she was doing.

"Can we just…" she started but then sighed again. "…forget everything?"

"Mitch…you know we can't do that. And I told you…" I grabbed her hand lightly and moved it off of my leg. But I didn't let it go. "This is isn't fair to me. You can't do this."

"Stop thinking about it like that."

"How do you want me to think about it?" It was quiet for a while. She licked her lips and looked down. I was still holding her hand and she brought her other one up to touch the side of my face. We weren't _too_ close, but I felt like I was about to start suffocating. I had wanted it for such a long time. And after everything that had happened she finally wanted to do something about it. And I just couldn't be that weak. Not again. I shook my head.

"Mitch…" She laughed quietly again, looking down briefly but brought her eyes right back to mine.

"You really think I'm the kind of person that would dump their girlfriend and immediately try to get in a relationship with someone else?"

"So what am I to you, then?" She dropped her hand I let her other one go as well.

"You're my best friend, Alex. I might be an idiot but I'm not that stupid. I don't expect anything, not from you."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"That'd make me kind of an ass, don't you think?" she asked and I didn't know what to say. I respected her when she didn't come running back to me when Miley dumped her the first time around. And she had even told me she didn't expect me to be waiting for her to come back around. Respect was a two way street. And I was almost impressed by how mature she was actually being again about it. I wanted to smile. And I would have, if I wasn't still so confused.

"I'm sorry…I have no idea where you're going with this anymore." I shouldn't have been surprised I got so lost with her. She had the tendency to beat around the bush and never make her point and it usually frustrated the hell out of me, along with almost everything else she did. I figured I'd suck it up and get straight to the point; no matter how uncomfortable or awkward it made me feel. "So…do you…like me or something, like I'm not getting what you're-"

"Yes."

"But…you don't want to be with me?" I said making sure we were on the same page.

"Do you?"

"Do I what? I already told you-"

"Alright." She held her hands up to stop me from a possible rant. "Let's forget relationships. Forget Miley. Even Forget Caitlyn or any of our friends. If I asked you, right now, on a date would you say yes?"

"What?" her face dropped and she rubbed the bridge of her nose.

"Alex I don't know how to rephrase that any simpler." I felt like it had to be some sort of weird dream. I always felt that way when Mitchie would get serious. But usually when she would she would get annoyed with herself because she hates being a _sap_ like that. She wouldn't just talk about her feelings to me or to anyone unless it was really getting to her.

"Uh…" And the fact that she didn't mind that she dumped all of her emotions on me like that made me realize that she wasn't just messing with me for once. And everything I had ever said to her finally stuck. And then I also realized she was still staring at me waiting for an actual answer. An answer that I don't think I had or was even remotely ready to come up with. Because I didn't want to go down that road again. I couldn't. She bit her lip and raised an eyebrow.

"So…what do you say?"


	15. Careful, You Don't Want To Slip Now

**A/N: I'm in a rush to leave since it's my birthday so ignore the mistakes. I'm sorry don't crucify me. Sorry about the cliffhanger (but not really) Enjoy this.**

**Leave a review, let me know what you think**

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**Disclaimer: I own nothing but the plot. And that's about it.**

* * *

Careful, You Don't Want To Slip Now

* * *

After my…interesting…trip to Mitchie's house I needed to talk to Harper. I wasn't good at dealing with things like that. And I obviously couldn't talk to Mitchie like I normally would. Besides, I knew Harper would be beyond thrilled to hear about what happened. She was going to have a fucking field day when I told her, I just knew it.

I had asked her to meet up when I came home from work the following day. I knew she would have bitched at me for _waiting so long_ to tell her but I think I needed that night to process everything myself. I found it so hard to believe everything. But things like this _would_ happen to me. And it would happen _after_ I finally get over her.

We were at the Dunkin Donuts by my house. All I said was that I really needed to tell her something and she was almost completely incapable of being calm about it. I usually don't make these kinds of announcements so she was curious and way too excited to find out. My head was splitting in half at the thought of the conversation we were going to have.

She sat across from me at a small table for two tearing at a piece of a blueberry muffin. I had been putting it off and stalling, talking about other things that have been going on. I felt my heart racing just replaying what had happened the day before and I picked at the skin near the edge of my thumb nail. Harper kept staring at me, waiting.

"Can you at least tell me if it's good or bad? Because like…you still haven't told me anything."

"I don't know what to call it." She leaned her chin against her palm and pursed her lips.

"Well…what exactly happened?"

"The fast version is Mitchie asked me out," I said casually and watched as her eyes widened. Thank God she wasn't eating or drinking anything at that exact moment because she looked like she was going to have a seizure.

"What!" A few people and some of the workers gave us some weird and even concerned looks but quickly went back to what they were doing.

"Harper…take it down a notch."

"Sorry but come _on_ I can't believe you didn't tell me before!" I rolled my eyes but smiled a little.

"It's not _that_ big of a deal."

"Yes it is!"

"Can you stop yelling?"

"Okay…okay…I'm calm. But she seriously asked you out…like on a date?"

"Apparently she likes me and I just…have no idea what to do about it."

"What do you mean?"

"I mean like…I don't like her like that anymore. I haven't for like a couple months now," I told her but she didn't look like she believed me. I shook my iced coffee around in my hand and chewed the tip of the straw.

"At all?"

"Nope." I put my cup on the table and stared down at my hands, thinking back to the day before. I told Harper how she broke up with Miley…and why. And all the other things she threw at me that I was completely unprepared for. It was a little surreal, especially rehashing it to someone. And I couldn't help but laugh at the whole thing.

"What's so funny?"

"I said no to her."

"Are you serious!"

"Indoor voices!" I said in a hushed tone, scolding her. "But yeah…I told her no." She raised both her eyebrows and I nodded.

"Wow."

"I know. It actually went better than I thought it would."

"_So…what do you say?" I half expected my heart to tell me one thing and my brain to tell me another. You know, typical romance bullshit like that. I didn't need to think too hard. I knew what I would have said had she asked me before Miley ever even came into the picture. But now…_

"_No."_

"_No?"_

"_Mitch…"_

"_Don't worry, you don't have to explain anything," she assured me and looked toward Columbus, scratching the back of his ears. But I couldn't tell if she was just doing that because she didn't want to look at me._

"_I'm sorry."_

"_For what? It's not like I'm gonna hold a knife to you and force you to go out with me," she joked. I laughed and shook my head. "Would that work?"_

"_You're an idiot." She smiled at me and I put my hand on her arm. "And I really am sorry though."_

"_It's okay Alex…really. I get it."_

"_You do?"_

"_Yeah. I told you I didn't expect you to just wait around. I know I wouldn't do that for me."_

"_Well…yeah, but…it's not just that."_

"_You still think I'm hung up on Miley, don't you?" I didn't say anything. I pinched my bottom lip between my thumb and my forefinger. "I know I got back together with her after the first time but Alex…I'm being completely serious when I say I'd rather have someone rip off my fingernails than go out with her again."_

"_Oh god."_

"_I mean it."_

"_Mitch…I like you, I do. Or…I did. But I just…I really don't think you know what you want."_

"_What?"_

"_You're so…I don't know, indecisive."_

"_What? No I'm not."_

"_Yes you are. I mean…maybe if you had asked me before this whole mess with Miley…"_

"_Really?"_

"_Why do you keep acting so surprised?"_

"_Because I…I don't know."_

"_Mitch," I said and sighed quietly, "I just don't think this would be a good idea right now." She pressed her tongue into her cheek and fought a smile. I wondered the hell could possibly be going through her mind after being rejected that would make her look so amused._

"_Right now? So…that's not a real no then."_

"_It's a no."_

"_But you said right now."_

"_Well yeah…Mitch where are you going with this?"_

"_What? You don't think I can change your mind?"_

"_You're way too confident for your own good," I told her with a smile of my own. She rolled her eyes at me._

"_You say that now."_

"_I really hate you sometimes."_

"_Oh, no you don't," she said, putting her head on my shoulder. It felt natural and I hated that I even had the urge to put my arm around her. I shook the thought and decided to just laugh at her antics. Because even after all that talk about feelings she still managed to make me feel so comfortable, no matter how nervous I would get around her. "Can you blame me?" she asked me randomly and I had no idea what she was even talking about._

"_For what? Being conceited?" She laughed loudly, turning her face into my arm which muffled it a little._

"_No, stupid; that question in itself is conceited. I meant for liking you."_

"_I mean…I don't get why."_

"_Well I don't get why you like me either."_

"Liked_." I corrected her and she picked her head up and rolled her eyes._

"_You keep saying that."_

"_Because it's true." Her fingers danced across the fabric of her sweatpants, tapping her thighs and another smile graced her lips._

"_If you say so."_

It was weird. But I'm glad Mitchie didn't get offended or anything. The last thing I wanted was to hurt her feelings. I think at most it was just damage to her ego but I doubt she was badly bruised. The girl could always bounce back when it came to things like that. I didn't think me rejecting her would be crippling to her self-confidence.

Harper was sitting in her chair staring with excited and curious eyes. My life and the dumb shit that seemed to keep happening to me was entertaining for my friends, I realized. But how were Mitchie and I such an interesting pair to everyone?

"I can't believe you said no."

"Why?"

"Because you love her!"

"Harper!"

"Okay fine you _used_ to," she said with air quotes as if it were bullshit. I had stopped arguing with her on the matter because she never believed me. "So that's it? You've been waiting for that to happen for the longest time and now you just don't care?"

"It's not that I don't care. But like…she can't just come out of nowhere and be all _hey Alex I actually like you, let's go out_ because what kind of-"

"Is that really what she said?"

"No…but yeah more or less. I mean…I didn't believe it. But I doubt she would lie to me about something like that, especially after apparently Caitlyn told her about the crap Miley pulled when they first met."

"I still don't know why _you _never told her." I moved my straw around through the lid, watching the sugar at the bottom of my drink float around.

"What good would that have done? Trust me, it's just…things worked out. Everything is fine now."

"Except Mitchie is in love with you and you won't go on a date with her," she said pointedly, trying not to laugh at the entire situation.

"She's not _in love_ with me. Let's not make this a bigger deal than it actually is."

"How is this not a big deal? Your best friend just admitted she has feelings for you…that she has _had_ feelings for you. For Christ's sake she broke up with her girlfriend because of you."

"Hey…she broke up with Miley because Miley is a grade A lunatic."

"And…"

"What? Just because she said she would think about me doesn't mean…"

"Alex, you're in denial. And I have no idea why. Actually I do have an idea."

"Here we go…"

"I think you think it's easier to just believe she doesn't really like you."

"Why would I do that?"

"Because if it's true then you're afraid to admit that you might still have feelings for her too."

"Why would I be afraid?"

"Because you're Alex and you're afraid of everything." She had said it so casually, not even looking up to meet my eyes and tearing off another piece of the muffin in front of her. I wouldn't take offense to that, not when it was coming from her. Harper has been my best friend for most of my life. She could get away with anything and was allowed to say whatever the hell she wanted to me. Had anyone else said that I would have been pissed that someone just assumed they knew anything about me.

"Not everything."

"Almost everything. I know how you get when it comes to these things. That's why you never talk about it with me."

"I don't know; I just like to keep…_that_ part of my life private."

"I know." I ripped the napkin under my cup and twisted it in my fingers. The store was a little colder than usual and I tugged on my sweater sleeves to go past my wrists.

"Would it be the worst thing ever?" Harper asked out of nowhere. I looked up from the shreds of paper on the table.

"What?"

"Still having feelings for her."

"I don't."

"Or having them again. Why is it so weird for you, just because Mitchie likes you? C'mon Alex, what is this really about? You don't want to be a rebound or you're too nervous to actually do something?"

"Harper…"

"Alright fine. You already know I think you guys should be together."

"But…why? After everything, why do you still think we should?"

"Because…from what you told me she just seemed…I don't know, confused? You can't hold this whole Miley thing against her. She sounds like she's beyond done with her."

"I know but…still."

"So you said no and that's just it? Or do you think she's not going to listen?" I pushed the bits of napkin into a neat pile next to my cup and looked at Harper with my eyebrows scrunched together.

"What like she's going to…force me to date her?" I joked and she snorted out a short laugh, shaking her head.

"I don't think she's that desperate to go out with you."

"Shut up."

"But really…considering you guys are best friends…I don't think she's going to just take no for an answer."

I thought about what Harper said for maybe a whole week before I realized that she might be right. Now I don't want to say she was…up my ass. But Mitchie was persistent. She never actually brought it up, not directly. But if I thought she was flirty or affectionate before I was in for a surprise.

When I think about it, it wasn't so much that I just didn't like her like that anymore. I didn't. But I knew there could be a possibility that it could easily happen again. Mitchie was easy to love. And I don't doubt that my feelings were really that strong. Even if they never amounted to anything there's never been a time I had ever felt like that for anyone.

I didn't expect her to keep at it. I was flattered but mostly just confused. I guess I was just so used to being the one so obsessed with her and wishing she would feel the same. It was weird to sort of…reverse roles. I mean, it was nice. I didn't think Mitchie would stand by what she said. I should have known she wouldn't just…give up.

It was like going back to the way things were around the time we first became friends. The only difference was that I was the one Mitchie was constantly thinking about, not Caitlyn, not Miley. I wasn't used to being the center of attention but she constantly did and said things that I didn't want to admit were just really sweet.

It wasn't overbearing though. And I liked that she wasn't suffocating me by trying too hard. I appreciated everything she did but I still tried to keep a distance. I didn't want to fall back into that. It was a mess and even though I knew she said she had feelings for me I just didn't want to let my guard down. It was ironic considering she had helped me do the opposite for so long.

And our friends did nothing to help. Well…they thought they were helping. But just like when I first met Mitchie, I wanted all of them to just stay out of it. Even if I was an awkward mess ninety percent of the time I felt like _if_ anything were to happen, which I was adamant on making sure nothing would, then I wanted to do it without the added pressure.

I remember one instance when I was just plain confused as to what the hell was going on. I was noticing Mitchie was a bit more…_obvious_ about all of it. And it's not like she was trying to keep her feelings on the down low anyway. After saying no to her she just didn't feel the need to ask me a million times. I'm sure rejection was bad enough just once.

But as I've said before, she kept up with her flirty and _romantic_ behavior around me. She would do and say nice things and it made me feel special. I made it a point to remind her though that my answer was still going to be no. I didn't need her getting hurt in the end if I was leading her on or something. Apparently she gets it and _respects_ my rejection. I didn't get it but…okay, more power to her if she did.

But anyway, as I was saying, this one time, maybe two weeks after I rejected her, she made it more obvious about her feelings. And I think she wanted to make it a point to remind me again that she wanted to be with me. I didn't understand why the sudden change. Well, it seemed sudden to me. I didn't get it until I told Harper about it.

"That's probably because she thinks you like someone else." She sounded so sure of herself; I wondered if she was actually taking a guess or if there was just something she knew about that she wasn't telling me.

"What would give her that idea?" We were walking to my locker at the end of the day. School had started again in January and I saw less of Mitchie. But we still made it a point to hang out together, just the two of us. It was nothing major; it was just like we used to. Of course, she would always ask if I would consider any of our outings a _date_ and I would just laugh and shake my head.

"Because we might have told her that…"

"What!" I shouted, not caring that we were in the middle of the hallway. It was the end of the day anyway and no one was paying attention to anything. I just didn't understand why the hell anyone would tell Mitchie that I was interested in someone.

"What? I mean we didn't say that _exactly_. But she thinks you're into someone."

"Who even? And she believed you? She knows I hardly like _anyone_ at all."

"Mitchie likes you…she's gonna believe anything."

"Why would you even tell her that?"

"Shane thought it would be a good idea and motivate her to do something."

"What do you mean _do something_? She already asked me out. And does everyone know about this?"

"Pretty much. Nothing really stays a secret in this group." I groaned and shoved my books into my locker.

"Great…"

"It's not that bad."

"Ugh…what did he say to her?"

"I don't know. I think he just found some random girl you constantly talk to on Facebook and told her about her or something stupid like that." I dragged my hand over my face and let out a breath before I could start yelling.

"Why the hell would she believe _Shane_? How would Shane even know my business?"

"He just pointed it out to her. She came up with her own theories. You should know you read too much into everything when you like someone." I rolled my eyes and closed my locker. Of course I knew.

"What a manipulative douche," I said but I couldn't help but laugh. I just felt bad though. She was probably worrying and it was all for nothing. "Who was it anyway?"

"Kayla I think?" She didn't sound sure but it was probably her. She was just some girl that was one of those people you're really good friends with in school but almost never see anywhere else. I don't know why though. But I always talked to her online and I could tell why Mitchie would have thought anything of it.

"Of course."

"Speak of the devil…" Harper mumbled, trying not to smile, as said girl was walking down the hall. "Hey Kayla!"

"Oh my God what are you doing?" I asked in a whisper with slightly wide eyes. I knew Harper and she would have just such a great time making things more awkward than they already were.

"Hey guys." It wasn't like I was disappointed to see her. I loved the girl. But I was supposed to meet Mitchie outside of the school to hang out, probably another attempt to ask me if we could call it a date again.

"Hey."

"I gotta go, I have to get to work," Harper said quickly before leaving us alone and I never wanted to strangle her more. She would always do that with Mitchie back in the day when I first started liking her and she wanted to get us _alone_. I just didn't get why it was necessary to do it then. Kayla looked at me, just as confused as I was.

"What's up with her?"

"Nothing, she just gets weird when she's late for something."

"Oh…well…anyway, what's up?"

"Nothing, I'm supposed to be meeting my friend outside." I figured Mitchie should have been there by now. We started walking out of the school together once I had all my things together and my coat on.

"Is it the same one that got you out of history?" I laughed at the memory of all my classmates staring at her wondering what the hell she was doing in our school. I'm sure some of them recognized her thanks to social networking, parties, mutual friends and whatnot. But that wasn't something that just happened every day.

"That would be her."

"I can't believe she did that."

"Yeah, she's kind of nuts." She laughed too as we walked down the block until I saw Mitchie standing by her car. She was already staring at us and I wanted to laugh for entirely different reasons. I offered her a smile. "Hey."

"Hey."

"Mitchie this is Kayla. Kayla, Mitchie," I introduced them and to my surprise Mitchie smiled politely and it didn't even seem fake or rude. They exchanged their own hellos and before things could turn awkwardly silent Kayla glanced down at something on her phone and spoke up.

"Oh my sister's here. I'll see you around Alex," she announced before pulling me into a one armed hug and a very brief kiss on the cheek. I almost had forgotten that Kayla was one of those people that always greeted and said goodbye by kissing people on the cheek. I'm sure Mitchie was thrilled about that. "Nice to meet you, Mitchie," she said and took off. I turned back to look at Mitch and she was again looking at me already. She had her eyebrow raised and I look I couldn't exactly read. We didn't say anything and just got into her car. Once she pulled away from the curb she broke the silence.

"She seems…nice." She wasn't even looking at me. Her eyes were fixed on the road but she didn't look like she was annoyed or something. I mumbled in response. "She's pretty."

"You think so?" She wasn't wrong. She was around my height with long, light brown hair and green eyes. I always thought she was pretty; I just never felt any actual attraction towards her. We were good friends; nothing more.

"Yeah."

"Mitch…"

"What?" I tried not to show just how amused I was by all of this. No wonder Mitchie loved to mess with me. It was funny to watch. But in that particular situation I thought it would have been cruel to do it on purpose.

"There's no reason for you to be jealous," I told her and at that she turned her attention away from the road and looked at me.

"What are you talking about?"

"I don't like Kayla."

"You don't?" I shook my head and reached forward to connect Mitchie's iPod to her radio.

"Yeah so whatever Shane or whoever else said to you about that…it's not true. They were probably just trying to mess with you or something." She looked back ahead and her eyebrows scrunched together a bit. "I wouldn't do that."

"Do what?"

"I'm not going to lie about something or someone just to make you jealous. You know I'm not that kind of person."

"I didn't think you were _lying_…"

"I don't know what anyone told you. I just wanted you to know that it's not true. Nothing's going on with her. She's just my friend."

"Really?"

"Yeah. And I know what it's like to see someone you like with someone else. It sucks. I wouldn't purposely do that to you, Mitch." She tried to smile. I could see it. But she seemed sad at what I said. It wasn't my intention to make her feel guilty. It's not like she went out of her way to make me feel bad when she was with Miley.

"I'm sorry."

"You don't have to be. Anyway, let's just forget about that. Where exactly are we going?" I asked once I realized I had no idea what we were doing. It was Friday and she said she wanted to hang out _just the two of us_ before we went out with everyone later that night.

"The train station."

"We're going to the city?"

"Yeah."

"Where?"

"I thought we'd go back to Rockefeller, you know, since we had such a good time last time we went," she shrugged and I thought back to that day in December a year before. It was one of my favorite outings we've had with all of our friends.

After leaving her car by the train station and making it to Penn we took the subway to Rockefeller Center. It felt kind of weird. It always did after she told me she has feelings for me. And it wasn't like…a _bad_ kind of weird, not necessarily. I just didn't know what to do about it. Because I knew exactly what she was feeling. It's exactly what I felt when I was the one who liked her.

I liked that we could spend time together. But I also felt a little…off. After successfully getting over her just to have her _try_ to get me to go out with her, it was a little…I don't know, stressful. That sounds weird, I know, but I didn't think it would happen at all. It was more overwhelming than anything really.

And it wasn't like I was having some type of internal war with myself. My head and my heart were in the same place. I just didn't want to go down that road again. I always felt like I came in second…with anyone, not just Mitchie. But with Mitchie, it just hurt more. Because I always put her first. I realize now that it shouldn't have been that way when I knew how things were. But she's my best friend regardless of the dumb shit she did.

I thought about it when we got to Rockefeller Center. What was really going on with her? I rejected her and she seemed to take it extremely well. But she wasn't just letting it go. Was she really that confident that I would eventually give in and stop denying her advances? She probably was. And to be honest, it intimidated me a little bit just how confident she could be.

"Mitch…you do realize I'm terrible at skating right?" I asked at the rink. I knew we had gone there before with everyone but I _hardly_ set foot on the ice. And neither did Mitchie. I remember she stayed with me most of the day and when we were at the rink she and I hung out together because I was just…not the best skater.

"Yeah I know."

"Do you just _like_ watching me make a fool of myself?"

"Yes. Obviously."

"_Mitch_," I whined as she dragged me along with her. I really wasn't up for her laughing at me more than she already did. It's like she went out of her way to do it and if she wasn't my best friend I'd be seriously annoyed with her.

"Don't worry, I suck too."

"You do?"

"Yeah, don't you remember last time we came here? I can't skate to save my life."

"Then why are we here?"

"Because regardless of how terrible you are I know you still like it." I huffed and crossed my arms even though I knew she was right. "Don't look at me like that."

"I'm not _that_ terrible."

"It's okay Lex, you're better than I am."

"You're actually admitting I'm better than you?" I asked, somewhat shocked. It was rare she said something nice at all let alone said I was better than her. I smiled and she rolled her eyes.

"At _this_…"

"Can't let me have anything, can you?"

"You can have me," she said casually and I stopped walking. "But you already knew that." She kept her hold on my hand even though we were no longer moving. And I just looked at her. She was still completely serious about all of it. I thought about what Harper said to me about being afraid. But I didn't know what I could have possibly been afraid of. It was just Mitchie.

"Mitch."

"Yeah?" I didn't know what I wanted to tell her. I could always entertain the idea of us being together. And I knew that wasn't just going to go away even if I didn't have feelings for her anymore. It's not like I would be so opposed to it. I would just rather save myself the trouble. I sighed.

"Nothing, let's just go." Though things were tense _briefly_, everything eased up after we got on the ice. It wasn't too crowded. There was a decent amount of people though. And Mitchie wasn't kidding. She was just as bad as I was. We could manage moving around, not very fast, but we could get around the whole thing in once piece. It was just funny how terrible we both were.

"So…" she said after a while. I wasn't paying attention to how long we'd been there. We had been talking and joking around and I even forgot that things were awkward for even a second. Right before she could continue I gripped her arm as I stumbled a bit. I had a bad habit of losing my balance and I'm sure Mitchie wasn't any better. And grabbing her for support would just throw her off. She breathed out a laugh and helped steady me. "You okay?"

"Yeah, I'm good. What were you saying?"

"Nothing, I was just going to ask if you were hungry."

"A little."

"You want to get something to eat? The café here is pretty good."

"Yeah that-" I started to say but lost my balance again when I felt myself slip a little. I grabbed Mitchie's arm again. "Holy shit." She wobbled a bit, trying to keep me from falling but she was having trouble standing after that.

"Oh my God Alex, stop doing that," she said through her laughter, holding my shoulder tightly.

"I'm sorry. I can't move. I'm going to fall."

"No you're not, just…hang on."

"I can't."

"Lex, just stand up straight or I'm going to fall with you hanging onto my arm." She was still laughing and I couldn't help but laugh too. I tried to get up and move forward but I ended up slipping again. That time I couldn't keep my balance and I fell, taking Mitchie down with me. I fell back while she fell forward and her skate nearly cut me. "Jesus Christ."

"Are you okay?" I tried asking but could barely get it out because I just laughed harder despite the pain in my ankle and my ass. She pushed herself up a bit so she could sit on the ice and face me.

"Am I bleeding?" She rubbed her jaw and when she moved her hand I noticed a scrape that was in fact bleeding a little.

"Um…a little bit," I told her awkwardly but I was still smiling. "I'm sorry, Mitch." She giggled adorably and shook her head at me.

"I'll live. Let's just get up before someone trips over us. Then we'll really have a problem." We helped each other up and slowly made our way to the side so we wouldn't be in anyone's way. Luckily the exit wasn't far so we got off the ice in no time. The last think we needed was to fall again.

"You stay here; I'll go find like…a band aid or something." We were inside and thankfully it was a lot warmer. My ass was all but numb both from falling and from it being so cold outside. Despite falling, I had to admit that I always had a good time with Mitchie. I wanted to just get over whatever it was that was stopping me from legitimately going out with her.

I liked her. I always liked her. But I knew it wasn't the same as before. She was always going to be special to me but that part of my life was done. It felt almost pathetic to just go right back to that now that she wanted to be with me too. But I couldn't deny that the idea appealed to me more than it should have.

What was the big deal anyway? Who cares if I just went for it? It's not like I was friends with her ex. It's not like there was anything holding _her_ back from being with me. The only thing standing in her way of being with me…was me. We would always be just friends and nothing more until I finally stopped saying no to her.

When I made it back to where Mitchie was sitting, tying the laces of her sneakers, she looked up and smiled at me. Maybe I did feel something again but given our past I just ignored it. It made sense. I meant what I said. I didn't want to be some rebound to her. Caitlyn didn't want her, Miley was done with her…it wouldn't have even made me a second choice. I was technically third.

I shook the thought from my head. I knew she wouldn't do that to me. She never meant it; I knew how she was. She tries so hard to please people because she never feels like anything she does is enough. And I was sure she had to feel like that with me when, no matter what she did, I kept saying no.

"Here, they had Spongebob ones," I said and she chuckled, moving over so I could sit next to her.

"Sweet, my favorite."

"Hang on." She had already wiped the little amount of blood off the scrape before I came back so I didn't have to clean anything. I opened the band aid and held her chin gently, placing it on the side of her jaw. "All better."

"Thanks."

"I mean it was my fault anyway."

"I forgive you. Besides, this would be an awkward date if I was mad at you for it." She turned towards me again with a hopeful smile and I laughed and held my finger at her.

"This isn't a date." She sighed dramatically and I leaned in to place a small kiss on her wounded jaw, careful not to hurt her. "Not yet." She looked a little surprised, raising both her eyebrows at me and I looked down at my shoes.

"What?" I didn't say anything and I tossed the band aid wrapper in a nearby trashcan. I turned back to face her again and her expression was the same. I grinned, not even bothering to answer her. "So wait…you're saying you'll eventually call it a date?"

"We'll see."

"Ugh, you're vague answers…"

"Oh c'mon Mitch, you can't expect me to just go out with you the second you get out of a relationship."

"I know but…I know what you're thinking. And I want you to know that you're wrong."

"Oh really?" She nodded her head. "And what am I thinking?"

"Look…I know I've made mistakes. I've made a lot of them. I'm not saying I regret going out with Miley. There are parts of our relationship that were great. I shouldn't have let her come between us though. The truth is I didn't think I would actually lose you. But…I _knew_ I would lose Miley."

"What do you mean?"

"Like…she always got jealous because she thought I'd rather spend time with you than with her or something like that."

"So you just spent all your time with her."

"Basically."

"Mitch it's not like I was going to make you choose between your girlfriend and me. I told you I was done because I was just fed up with trying. And I thought it would be better for both of us." It was quiet. It wasn't uncomfortable or awkward. We just weren't saying anything. I didn't know what else to tell her. I told her that there was a possibility I might change my mind. But I just wasn't ready for it yet.

"Well…it's a good thing you didn't," she said, breaking the silence between us.

"Why?"

"I don't think I would have been able to choose Miley. She may have been my girlfriend, and I know nothing I did made it seem like it but you really mean a lot to me, Alex. Like I said, I've made mistakes. And putting my relationship with Miley before you was one of them. But when you stopped talking to me I thought it would be pointless to try and fix it. You just seemed like you had enough and I felt like I should just leave you alone for once."

"Why are you telling me all of this now?"

"Because I know you don't believe me. I knew Miley and I were headed for disaster. Every time we would fight or argue all I wanted was to see you. But I was just way too caught up in it all; she was my first girlfriend and I wanted it to work. I don't know how it possibly could have when you would constantly be in the back of my mind."

"You're right; I don't believe you."

"You should. Let's face it Alex, any girlfriend I would have had or I might have in the future would always come second to you."

"That's a lie."

"Why is it so hard for you to believe that you might actually be someone's priority? Why can't you believe that there's someone who truly cares about you? I know I fucked up before but there's no way in hell I'm doing that again."

"Why me? Why now?"

"Because you're my best friend and you get me better than anyone else. And I _know_ you care about me too." She had a point. And it was the same point I made to myself multiple times before when accepting my own feelings for her. It was rare that you found someone who understands you better than you thought anyone or even you could. There are some friends you just _need_. And it's nice to know you're needed too. I always felt some sort of doubt with Mitchie, though I hate admitting it. But sitting there with her, our shoulders touching and her eyes piercing mine so intensely, I actually believed her.

"I do."

"And I know that. You're like, one of the best friends I've ever had, Lex. And I'm not going to make another mistake by sitting back just because you said no." I bit my lip and looked down again. She sounded so serious. And I could just feel myself wanting to give in. Mitchie always had some type of hold on me whether I wanted to admit it or not. I looked back at her. Her eyes were soft, hopeful and curious, yet still so intense.

"You're really not gonna give up, are you?"

"I'm not asking you to just all of a sudden feel something for me again and be with me. I just want to take you on a date."

"Really?"

"Yeah. I should have realized it sooner but as we've already established I'm an idiot. And I'm aware. But I like you Alex, a lot."

"Prove it."

"What? What does that even mean? I don't know what else to do or say to show you that I'm one hundred percent serious."

"Well when you figure that out, let me know. I mean…I know we keep going out together and you keep saying that you want to be with me…" I almost felt bad. And I wasn't trying to make her go through what I went through with her. That wouldn't be fair. It was my own insecurities. I just didn't want her to think she can just say whatever she thought I wanted to hear and just…have me. "So prove it."


	16. Take Me Out

**A/N: this took forever. I suck. my bad. hopefully you guys like this one. my motivation to write is kinda shot so sorry about that. but I'm trying.**

**anyway, enjoy this one.**

**and drop a review too, that would be swell.**

**Follow me on Twitter too: (at symbol) manhatanProject**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing but the plot. And that's about it.**

* * *

_Take Me Out_

* * *

I don't know why I told her I would eventually stop saying no. I thought standing my ground would be easier. Maybe I felt bad. But thinking of it like that made me feel like an ass. It's not like I was going to give in and go on a date with her just because I didn't want to be mean by saying no. I liked Mitchie, just not like _that_…well…not anymore.

It was confusing. Like…_extremely_ confusing. And I didn't know if I was so hesitant to stop thinking so much about everything and just go for it already because I was nervous or because it made me feel weak. It would have been easier to deal with it all if Mitchie wasn't being so nice about it. She had taken everything so well and it made me feel so comfortable with the idea.

I didn't notice a change in her though. After giving her all that hope I thought she would try harder or something. Everything stayed pretty much the same. She was still doing and saying sweet things. But then again when I told her to prove it I didn't really expect her to do it right away. And to be honest, I don't even know what I was looking for from her.

And after thinking about it so much I came to a rather frustrating conclusion. Perhaps I was the one who didn't know what I wanted. I mean, at first I knew I wanted her. Then I knew I didn't want her…if that makes any sense at all. I guess I was just waiting for her to give me a reason to believe it wasn't going to be what I expected.

I wondered what would have happened if someone else had come into the picture at that moment. I believed Mitchie that time when she said she would never go out with Miley again. And she claimed that she no longer had actual feelings for Caitlyn, and that she never really did, but I was still a little hesitant to accept that one. But I wondered if things would change if she met someone else again.

I didn't want to risk introducing her to someone new because I knew how wonderfully that worked out the last time for me…or both of us, now that I think about it. She said I was the only one she really wanted and for some reason I could never get that idea to stick. It didn't make sense why she was willing to try so hard…and for so long.

It went on a while. It was nearing the end of February, almost a full two months since they had broken up. She hadn't made any comments or shown any hints of missing Miley or having even the slightest attraction to anyone else. All of her attention was on me and it made me feel both special and incredibly weird.

But like I said, things were more or less normal. It was like I didn't tell her to do anything. I didn't know if it was because she didn't know how or because she just didn't care enough to and I never brought it up to her and she never brought it up to me. She did, however, continuously ask me if any of our outings were considered _dates_. I still said no each time.

There were two incidents…well, I don't know if I should call them that…but there were two occasions that were, in my opinion, really important. And I believed they were for a couple reasons, one major one being that the first occasion was the first time Mitchie _really_ tested boundaries and limits. And it made me the most nervous I had ever been in my entire life. It was that night, being so nervous, that I started to come to terms with my own feelings, something I needed to do as well as Mitchie if we were ever going to work.

After denying her and any types of feelings for her, _again_, I thought it would be easy to fall back into that _hopelessly_ _obsessed_ crap I went through before. I mean…do feelings that strong ever really go away completely? Can someone who meant _that _much to you and you felt so strongly for just go back to being nothing?

Don't get me wrong, Mitchie wasn't _nothing_ to me. But I loved her. And after all she's been doing I wondered if my feelings went away and then came back or was I just repressing them the whole time? Could you fall in and out of love with the same person or did you just never stop loving them?

Regardless, I could peg the first incident back to the last week of February. I knew right away that something was different because Mitchie never flat out asked me anymore to actually _go_ on a date. She would always ask me to just _hang out_ and then later on ask if I would call it a date. But that night she asked me out to dinner using the words "_do you want to go on a date with me tonight?"_

At first I thought it was just a slip up but she sounded anxious and hesitant, like she was truly worried I was going to say no to her again. She didn't even try to play it off as a joke or just wanting to hang out with me regularly. She paused and waited for me to say something, anything. I couldn't hear anything and I imagined her biting her lip as she held her breath in anticipation.

"Mitch…"

"Just…hear me out for a sec."

"Um…okay."

"I know what you said and…I don't know; I feel like I'm suffocating you as it is."

"You're not," I tried to tell her but she ignored me and went on.

"And I want to prove to you how serious I am about all of this but I don't know how."

"Mitch, you-"

"Just one date."

"You're really that confident that one date is going to change my mind?"

"Don't think of it like that. All I want is a chance but you keep saying no and I don't know what to do." She sounded like she had been thinking about it since I told her. And for a second I was about to turn her down again but for some reason ended up saying _okay, fine_.

She sounded shocked when she asked to make sure she had heard me correctly and to check if I was kidding or something. When I reassured her that I wouldn't mess with her like that I had wished we had the conversation face to face.

She began talking excitedly a mile a minute, and I could picture the smile on her face. And despite my nerves I found it adorable and laughed when she asked me again if I was being serious. She told me a time she'd pick me up and I didn't think she had ever sounded happier. And when she showed up at my house that night for our date she had never looked more beautiful.

I spent a good portion of the car ride there staring at her and I was surprised, with my luck, that she didn't notice. Her hair was curled only slightly and she kept smiling even when she wasn't looking at me. Our talking was kept to a minimum and it was a lot more comfortable than I thought it would be.

And it wasn't that I was suddenly uncomfortable with Mitchie; it was just that the idea of actually going on a legitimate date with her felt incredibly surreal. I didn't know what to do or what to expect so I just decided to not think about it. It's always better to not have high expectations and be pleasantly surprised than to overthink everything and be let down.

We got to a nice restaurant at around eight and she was surprisingly quiet once we were seated. I didn't know what to make of it because she wasn't that talkative in the car. But there was something different about it then. I couldn't put my finger on it but she actually seemed more nervous than I was.

"What's on your mind?" I asked when I realized she was too lost in thought to actually say anything. We had been talking briefly while we waited for our food but she got quiet again while we ate and I didn't want things to turn awkward. I mean…it _was_ our first date after all.

"Nothing, I'm just thinking."

"About what?"

"Just…a lot of things."

"You seem kind of…off. You have ever since we got here actually; is everything okay?" I thought it was strange. She had wanted it for months and she finally got it. And I was a little worried. Was she just nervous or was it just not what she really wanted after all?

"Yeah. Everything's great. But…" she trailed off and sighed, setting her fork down.

"Are you sure you're okay?"

"No I promise I'm fine. I'm sorry if I'm being weird."

"Yeah, nervous Mitchie isn't as fun as regular Mitchie," I teased and thankfully she laughed too.

"I don't know; I always thought you thought _regular _Mitchie was just really obnoxious."

"You are. And I really like that."

"You do?"

"Yeah…because it's you. You're…loud and confident and, yes, obnoxious." She looked down, laughing again. "Mitch, you know I've always loved how bold and…weird you are."

"I can't help it. I didn't think I'd get like this around you. But then again I don't…really know what I'm doing anymore when I'm around you." Her eyebrows furrowed together a bit and she looked almost lost. I stared down at my plate for a second before looking back up.

"It's just me though. You've been around me plenty of times."

"Can I ask you something?"

"Um…of course you can."

"Why'd you agree to come on this date with me? I asked you two months ago if you would and you said no. I mean, I thought it was a long shot that you'd ever say yes." I put my own fork down after pushing my food around on my plate.

"I don't know."

"What made this time different?"

"I was confused."

"Wait…what? You gave me a chance…because you were confused?" I knew she would find my reasoning borderline ridiculous but it made sense to me, as ironic as that was. I nodded and took a sip from my water, clearing my throat a bit.

"When you asked me the first time I wasn't confused. I knew I didn't have feelings for you anymore."

"And now you do?"

"No, now I'm confused."

"Okay well…now I am too"

"I figured it was worth a shot. And maybe going out with you would help me figure things out."

"So you're…using me?" she asked and somehow didn't sound bitter at all. And I wondered why she didn't. She was actually smirking.

"No, idiot. You said it was just one date to give you a chance anyway. This is good for both of us."

"Is it now?" I nodded again. "Do you regret coming out with me tonight?"

"Not yet."

"So you're having a good time?"

"Mitch, I always have a good time with you…even when you spend most of the time teasing or making fun of me."

"I know; I'm quite the catch, aren't I?" She winked at me and a laugh fell from my lips just as a blush graced my cheeks.

"Well I'm glad you're back to being you."

"I'm just glad you agreed to come here with me."

"Why?"

"Because I like you," she said like it was obvious. I mean, she had told me that multiple times but it was still weird to hear. I don't know why. Maybe I was still in denial…and I don't know why.

"Why?"

"What are you, five?" she joked and I rolled my eyes.

"How sweet, you're insulting your date. Are you going to call me fat next?"

"Well…"

"Mitchie!" I scolded her while trying not to draw attention to us and she put her hands up.

"Oh relax, you look amazing," she said in defense, scoffing. "Like I'd ever call you that."

"No, you would never, you're too charming."

"I am. And I'm glad you're aware of it."

"You sure know how to take a compliment."

"And you do not."

"What?" I don't know what I was trying to prove when I, along with everyone else I had ever met, knew it was true.

"Whenever I compliment you or say something nice you either disagree with me, think I'm kidding, or change the subject."

"I do not."

"You just did it like twenty seconds ago!"

"What? No…I…shut up."

"Don't worry. I think it's cute."

"_Cute_?"

"You're doing it again…" she pointed out and I sighed, resting my chin against my palm.

"I'm sorry."

"Why are you sorry? I just said I thought it was cute."

"But why though?"

"So we're back to the _why_'s again?"

"You never answered my last one."

"What? Why do I like you?"

"Yeah."

"Well there are a lot of reasons. You see I've actually been thinking about this a lot lately. I even have a list."

"A list?"

"Yeah…in my mind, not an actual list; that would be weird," she started and I leaned back in my seat. I didn't think she had actually been thinking about it. I mean, sure, she had to have thought about it at some point but I was just so used to being the one thinking about her all the time. And I still had my own _list_ in my head of why I loved her. "Let me get the shallow shit out of the way, no sense in lying. You're pretty."

"Shallow shit…"

"Going back to the first thing I thought the day I met you…yes, I admit it." I pressed my lips together in a straight line and fought a laugh. "Don't laugh like you think I'm kidding. I know what goes through your head like ninety percent of the time I talk. I think you're beautiful okay." And as I, and probably she, expected I blushed and looked back down at my plate.

"Thank you."

"Ah, see, that right there. That was next on my list. Again, when we met you were all shy and quiet."

"You like me because I'm shy?"

"It's cute! What did you think I'm attracted to loud, obnoxious jackasses?"

"No…that would be me."

"Aha! So you _are_ attracted to me."

"Mitch, you-"

"Your eyes."

"What?"

"Yeah, I really like your eyes. And you almost never wear makeup but sometimes, like right now, when you wear eyeliner they look darker and I can't stop looking at them." She pushed her hair behind her ears. My food was more than halfway finished but I couldn't pay attention to anything else. "And your smile."

"Really?"

"I'm starting to think you secretly like compliments. Luckily for you, I'm not done."

"You're not?"

"You like to ask questions."

"You like to beat around the bush."

"Oh come on, I do not do that." I raised my eyebrow and took another sip from my glass. "Okay fine. You know what…"

"What?"

"Yes, I think it's cute that you're shy and that you get nervous more than any normal human being should. You stutter and trip over your words and get embarrassed and hide your face and I think it's _cute_."

"Alright, you've made your point."

"But…my list isn't done," she said with a pout and I laughed, shaking my head. "Which brings me to my next point…you turn me into an emotional sap who talks about her…_feelings_."

"Hey! I don't _do_ anything. And if you hate being a sap so much then why is that on your list of why you like me?"

"Because…" she mumbled, playing with her fork. "Just because I don't like it doesn't mean it's not nice to have someone I can be like that around."

"Why me?"

"You know, I've tried to figure that out for a really long time. I don't know, Lex. We just get each other. And, another reason why I like you, I don't feel like I have to watch what I say or do around you."

"You certainly don't have a filter…" I said with a light chuckle and she smiled at me.

"See? You just laugh. You don't make me feel like I'm annoying…well, not all the time. But I know I can always just…you know, be myself around you."

"Well I mean it was always the same for me."

"What do you mean?"

"I was just always more comfortable around you than anyone else. That's why I liked you so much."

"Still past tense, huh?"

"I don't know…"

"Alex, are you _blushing_?"

"Shut up!"

"I'm kidding." I tried to glare at her but it was hard to because I had to admit that I was enjoying being on an actual date with her. She was back to being her normal self but still so…nice. "But I really am glad you agreed to come with me tonight."

"I'm glad I did too."

The rest of our dinner went a lot smoother. She wasn't quiet anymore and I was having a great time being with her. Though throughout the remainder of our night I couldn't help but think back to her _list_. She had told me why she liked me before that. But I think that was the first time she did it without comparing me to Miley or anyone.

I didn't know what it was about it that made me feel different. I guess I had always just felt like I was the second option, and not just with Mitchie. And I always felt like she kept thinking about Miley or Caitlyn or whoever even when she claimed she only wanted me. Whenever she would say I was _easier_ to be with than Miley it just felt…I don't know, weird I guess. I just wanted her to like me for me not because I was _safe_.

The night was going great until we went outside to wait for the valet to bring Mitchie her car and it was pouring. My coat had a hood but hers didn't and I tried so hard not to laugh as her hair started getting drenched. She pushed her wet bangs out of her face and glared at me just as I couldn't hold my laughter in anymore.

"Oh this is just _so_ _funny_ to you, isn't it?"

"A little."

"If this douche valet doesn't get here in the next five seconds I swear to Poseidon-"

"Who the hell swears to Poseidon?"

"Clearly this is his work," she defended, throwing her hands up and gesturing around us. "The ocean is literally pouring down on me."

"Oh calm down."

"But I'm _wet_."

"I guess you were enjoying this date a lot more than I thought you were," I told her and patted her on the back while biting my lip. She dragged her hand over her face but smiled regardless.

"I hate you." Laughing, I put my arm around her and rested my head on her shoulder.

"No you don't." Her coat was soaked but I stayed where I was. She brought her own arm around me and held me at her side. Her cheek was pressed to the hood of my coat and I let out a sigh. Despite the torrential downpour I was so content just standing there with her.

"I think my shirt is getting wet too."

"You wanna borrow one from my house when you drop me off?"

"I mean…normally I wouldn't care but it's freezing and I'm probably going to end up with hypothermia."

"Well we don't want that."

"The rain's not all bad though. It's a perfectly good cliché; we should kiss."

"You're just so romantic and spontaneous, Mitch. How can I say no?" I said sarcastically, grinning at her. She raised her eyebrow and to my surprise started leaning in anyway. Slowly, her lips came closer to mine and I thought I was going to stop breathing altogether. Looking at her standing in the rain, it was so tempting. But before she could actually kiss me I placed my hand over her mouth. "Car's here." She rolled her eyes and groaned loudly.

"Perfect." She grabbed my hand and walked me to my side of the car, opening the door for me, before getting into the driver's side. She ran her hands through her hair and shook some of the water from it. But she still looked like she was pushed into a pool.

Our car ride was quiet again. It was almost impossible to see the road in the rain but we managed to make it back to my house in no time. She still hadn't said much to me after we almost kissed and I wondered if I really did upset her or something by not letting it happen. I ignored the thought as she parked and we both went inside so I could give her something dry to change into. When we were in my room she took her coat off and tossed it over the back of my computer chair.

"Um…are a t-shirt and a hoodie okay?"

"Yeah, that's fine." I pulled them out after digging through my stuff and when I turned around to hand them to her she started pulling her shirt off.

"What, uh…what are you doing?"

"…Changing?" she said as she looked at me with a confused expression. But I couldn't stop looking at her. I knew she would call me out on staring at her and I would never hear the end of it.

"Um…" I tried to say anything at all but the formation of words seemed like the most difficult task ever. She was just standing there in front of me in her bra and skinny jeans and her hair was wet and I could see the water dripping onto her shoulders.

"Alex." Mitchie's voice snapped me out of my trance and I looked back up to her amused face staring back at me. "You alright there?"

"What? I'm…fine." My voice was weaker than I had hoped and she took a step closer to me, causing me to take a step back.

"Is it just my being half naked or do you just really not want to be around me anymore?"

"No. I'm…it's not…" I stuttered out and she put her hands on my shoulders.

"Alex, relax. I thought we had a good time tonight," she said in a sort of questioning tone, almost as if she wasn't sure what I felt anymore. And to be perfectly honest I didn't even know what I felt anymore. Being that close to her, especially after she tried to kiss me, was going to give me a stroke.

"We did."

"Then what's up with you?" She sounded genuinely concerned and I sighed. She took another step forward. "You're confusing the hell out of me, Lex."

"I know…and I'm sorry. I don't mean to do this. I just…it's still kind of weird."

"How?"

"I don't know."

"You keep saying that."

"Because it's true!" I didn't mean to yell. I wasn't even angry. But that's just how my words came out. She didn't move away from me though.

"What's weird about it? I told you a million times-"

"I know you did."

"So what's up?"

"I don't know."

"I think you're just afraid." I was taken aback a little and I eyed her curiously.

"What are you talking about? Why would you think I'm afraid?"

"Because you're just like me. You for some reason find it so hard to believe that someone actually has feelings for you and wants to be with you."

"So why would that make me afraid?"

"Because I think you do like me too. You might actually get what you want and that scares you." My mouth was dry and my head felt like it was spinning. She was so close to me looking me dead in the eye and I had never felt more intimidated by her. "But you've never told me that it could never happen. You just keep saying things like _this isn't a good idea right now _or _not yet_. I'm probably too stubborn to accept a definite no anyway but I can't help it that I like you. I like everything about you okay; you're pretty and you always smell nice and you're fun and I always think about you and I miss you all the time when you're not around."

"It's not that I don't believe you…"

"Then why do you still always seem like you think I'm trying to mess with you?"

"Because you're _always_ trying to mess with me."

"Okay…" she said and stepped even closer. My back was against my wall and she put her hands against it on either side of my head. I swallowed past a lump in my throat when she leaned in closer. "What if I'm not trying to mess with you?"

"I…" I trailed off, completely unable to finish my sentence. My heart was racing and I was pretty sure I could hear it, like it was ringing inside of my ears. My chest nearly hurt and I thought my lungs were going to collapse. This had happened before; she was too drunk to remember, but we had kissed before. And all of a sudden I was nervous again? Something told me to put everything aside and just go for it. But I was afraid I was going to start trembling if I hadn't already started. I looked away from her and stared down, dry clothes still in hand. She moved one of her hands to my hair and she pressed her lips to the top of my head, sighing again.

"Thanks for the clothes," she said in such a quiet voice, barely a whisper, and I almost didn't hear her. I held the shirt and the hoodie up between us and she took them, still looking at me the entire time.

"You're welcome." She finally took a step back and I felt like I could just barely breathe again. Once she was fully dressed we kind of just stood there looking at each other. I didn't want our first date to end so awkwardly so I went up to her and pulled her into a hug. "Thank you for tonight, Mitch. I really did have a great time with you." She hugged me back just as tightly and I once again felt so content just standing there holding her.

"Thank you for letting me take you on a date." We let go of each other and I found myself missing her warmth and it actually frustrated me. I could feel myself falling back into my old feelings. But the thing is…I wasn't _trying_ to fight them. I think Mitchie was right. I was…scared. "I hope this isn't the last."

"I don't think it will be." She smiled widely and I was glad the tension and awkwardness was gone. I couldn't believe that after knowing her for so long I still got so nervous around her, even when she would be the one who was nervous around me.

"Good…because I think I know how to win you over."

"Oh really?"

"Mhm. I have a plan…but I'm not telling you." I rolled my eyes and shoved her playfully, earning a short laugh from her. "You're becoming abusive; that's my cue to leave."

"Shut up," I said, laughing with her. "Text me when you get home?"

"Of course." With that she grabbed her still wet coat and the rest of her things. "Goodnight."

"Night, Mitch." And she walked out my door leaving me alone to drown in my thoughts. I let out a breath I didn't even know I was holding back. But before I could even process what the hell happened that night my door reopened. Mitchie walked inside and I didn't get a chance to ask her what she was doing back before she grabbed my face and crashed our lips together.

I stumbled back but she kept us steady and kissed me fiercely. I was so shocked that I just stood there for about a full second before kissing her back. I know she had kissed me that night at the bar but I couldn't remember her lips feeling so soft or my legs feeling so weak. I pushed everything out of my mind; every thought, every worry, every doubt. And I let myself actually feel something for her again.

When she let me go we pulled apart and I was breathing hard. My cheeks felt hot and I think my eyes were still closed for another moment or so. I licked my lips and tucked a few stray hairs behind my ear. I kind of wanted to kiss her again but I couldn't move.

"That wasn't my plan by the way."

"It wasn't?"

"No. I just…I knew that if I went home then the date was over. And I didn't want it to end without finally kissing you." I pressed my tongue to my cheek. I mean, it's not like she _knew_ she had already kissed me before. But I didn't plan on telling her. It might as well have never happened. It was just a story that nobody needed to know. "Sorry for being so impulsive." I smiled at her.

"It's okay. Sorry for being so stubborn."

"It's okay; you're worth the wait. And I told you…I'm gonna prove it to you." She stepped forward and her lips captured mine in another quick kiss. I hadn't felt that _good _kind of nervous in such a long time. My stomach was twisting into knots and my heart sped up again. It took everything in me not to smile like an idiot. "Goodnight, Lex."

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**if anyone cares to know, the title of the chapter is a song by Franz Ferdinand. k bye**


	17. Enough To Prove It's All For You

**A/N: faster than usual but I don't know when the next one is gonna be. thanks for all the reviews they mean a lot and I'm glad you guys are liking the story so much. Hope you like this one too.**

**let me know what you think.**

**this is where I would tell you to follow my twitter but as you may or may not have noticed it doesn't exist anymore. I deactivated and I'm really not sure if I'm going to be back, I'm still deciding. I'm just in a really horrible place right now and don't know what to do or how to deal with anything.**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing but the plot. And that's about it.**

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_Enough To Prove It's All For You_

* * *

The second _incident_ went sort of along the same lines yet it was completely different from the first. Since on the first one Mitchie tested boundaries, there weren't really many others she could try and push the second time around. She had never tried to kiss me before that night, the night of our first date. And I kind of liked that she didn't try to push it sooner.

Putting the second incident on hold for just a moment and going back to our first date. I know I had kept myself in check and made sure not to have expectations and to just enjoy myself and my time with Mitchie. I always had the tendency to overthink things and finally trying to go with the flow made me feel so much better.

Sure I was nervous as hell but when am I not? It was weird to finally go on a date with pretty much the only person, girl or guy, that I had ever had such strong feelings for. But it was the good weird. It was that good, weird kind of nervous I used to feel when I first realized I liked her, back when it was just a new crush.

And that time is always…exciting, you could say. I don't know; there's just something about being so infatuated with someone. You feel both indescribably happy and absolutely awful and you can never figure out why. Liking someone just makes you crazy. Sometimes it's good and sometimes it's bad. But at least you're feeling something, right?

That's how I always justified my feelings for her even when they drove me almost entirely insane. And I guess it was the _bad_ part of it all that I wanted to avoid by letting myself feel something for her again. But I should have known I couldn't control it. I don't think you ever really can. Maybe for a while you can but eventually it's going to resurface and there isn't going to be a thing you can do about it.

I was hesitant to kiss her that night. Being close to her always made me nervous as it was but it just made it so much worse. When she kissed me the first time, at the bar, it was so unexpected I didn't even have time to have a panic attack. But she was drunk and it was quick and I made sure that story was completely buried, you know, just forget it completely; our date…that was our first kiss.

I could not for the life of me get that kiss out of my head for the entirety of the month that followed. It could have been short lived or sloppy and I still would have thought it was best thing ever. Her hands on the sides of my face, fingers lightly brushing my cheek, and I never got over how soft her lips are. I was still somehow nervous and terrified; it was scary and spontaneous and perfect.

Now the thing she told me at the end of the night, about proving to me how serious she was, brings me back to the second incident. Like I said before, the first one was important because it was the first time she tested boundaries. The second one was important because it just…changed everything.

I had no idea what she meant by a _plan to win me over_. I mean…after our first date I was already warming up again to the idea of us being together. I was curious as to what the hell she was talking about though. And it didn't help that things stayed the same for nearly a month. I figured that since she said she had a plan I would notice a change or _something_.

We still hung out, this time we both considered them dates, and we still spoke constantly. And that time around, I was more open to everything. I tried not to think about anything else and it was easier to believe that Mitchie was really trying. And I wasn't so in denial by that point. It was silly of me, but I just couldn't help but have my guard up all the time.

She seemed a little more distant though. We didn't hang out _as much_ but it wasn't really a problem. I mean, I had work and school and so did she. The time we did spend together was nice. And I knew she was always afraid of _suffocating _me. I was actually glad she wasn't one of those girls that are just way too clingy.

Of course I had told Harper about all of what was going on. I couldn't keep her in the dark for that long. But I have to admit, it was nice to have this little secret. Things were never exactly _hush-hush _in our group of friends. And it always made me feel weird for them to know every personal detail of my life. It's why I was always so reserved.

It was maybe a week after our first date I finally decided to tell Harper. I knew she meant well, and so did everyone else, but I loved not having all the added pressure. It was a refreshing change and I was just so comfortable with everything only staying between the two of us. But they were bound to find out anyway.

Harper was overjoyed but she tried to keep herself calm. She knew how all the excitement from other people made me feel. I was grateful for her so many times throughout the whole time I'd known Mitchie and since everything started. I was grateful for both of them. It's rare enough you find one person who just _gets _you…and I have two.

Like I said, it was a month before the second incident. I was anxious for a while. I tried not to be because of my whole _expectations_ rule. But I was. And I couldn't help it. I was at work that day. She had texted me randomly, and I say _randomly_ because she had hardly spoken to me that day. I would have asked her if something was wrong but I decided to just let it go.

_Mitchie: you get off at 5, right?_

_Alex: yeah, maybe a little earlier. Why, what's up?_

_Mitchie: nothing, just meet me at Union Square Park after_

It was weird. She didn't give any other explanation as to why she wanted to meet me there. And at the time I was just extremely confused. By then I had I stopped wondering or waiting for something to happen so it just never occurred to me.

_Alex: why?_

_Mitchie: do you always have to ask question?_

_Alex: yes :)_

_Mitchie: lol please just go there when you get out_

_Mitchie: you can't see it but I'm pouting. Picture it in your mind so it works_

_Alex: ugh dammit Mitch_

_Mitchie: what! I just think we should talk_

_Alex: it can't wait till I get home?_

_Mitchie: no it really can't_

_Alex: well what is it?_

_Mitchie: don't worry babe it's nothing bad_

_Alex: if you say so_

_Mitchie: it's not, I promise_

_Alex: okay, I'll see you soon_

_Mitchie: great! Just let me know when you're here_

_Alex: will do_

I closed the conversation and checked the time on my phone. I didn't have that much longer left in my shift. The last fifteen minutes went by pretty quickly. I finished changing signs and labels throughout the store and punched out, grabbing my jacket before I left. The weather was still pretty cold but really nice. The walk to Union Square didn't take long at all.

_Alex: where in the park are you anyway?_

_Mitchie: uhh not sure. I'm by some big ass statue of Benjamin Franklin on a horse if that helps_

_Alex: you mean George Washington?_

_Mitchie: the fuck should I know, it's some dude on a horse_

_Alex: lol I know where that is. I'll be there in a sec_

I wandered through the park but I didn't have to go that far to find the statue. Union Square wasn't particularly crowded but there was a decent amount of people there. I didn't see Mitchie anywhere though. All I usually had to do was look for the most ridiculous looking person in a public place.

_Alex: what are you wearing?_

_Mitchie: now's not the time for dirty talk Lex_

_Alex: omg I meant so I can find you_

_Mitchie: mhm sure_

_Alex: just tell me!_

_Mitchie: I'm wearing clothes_

_Alex: oh what a relief. Now care to be more specific?_

_Mitchie: lol are you here yet or what?_

_Alex: stop being weird_

_Mitchie: Alex I'm offended_

_Alex: no you're not_

_Mitchie: you're right lol_

_Mitchie: but no really are you here?_

_Alex: I'm by the statue but I have no idea where you are_

_Mitchie: really? I don't see you_

_Alex: you're not exactly helping_

_Mitchie: keep looking_

_Alex: ugh_

_Mitchie: :)_

I rolled my eyes but kept scanning the park. I tried calling her but she didn't pick up. And it wasn't that she just didn't pick up; she literally _ignored_ the call and sent me straight to voicemail. I was so confused. I walked around the statue hoping to finally find her since she for some reason wasn't going to tell me where she was.

It wasn't until I made it to the other side. It was a relatively quiet place in the park. The people around me weren't shouting and there wasn't too much noise coming from the cars on the surrounding streets. And it wasn't loud. But I heard the sound of an acoustic guitar playing.

It was just loud enough to catch my attention. And I had been through that park countless times. Lots of people play or sing or perform in the parks of Manhattan every day. I had heard so many different people, some good and some awkward and some downright annoying.

It was an interesting melody. And before I could look towards the source of the music, someone started singing. I listened carefully, hearing a soft but incredibly beautiful voice singing a song I had never heard before.

"_Finally I figured out, but it took a long, long time. And now there's a turnabout, maybe cause I'm trying."_

And that's when I recognized the voice. I turned and saw Mitchie standing by the statue with her acoustic guitar in her hands. My jaw nearly dropped. And she kept singing. It was unbelievable.

"_There's been times I'm so confused. And all my roads, they lead to you. I just can't turn and walk away."_

I thought I was hallucinating or dreaming or something. She was so adamant and serious about never letting me or anyone hear her play…_ever_. I didn't know if she had seen me yet. She kept her eyes on her guitar or anywhere where there weren't a lot of people.

"_It's hard to say what it is I see in you, wonder if I'll always be with you. But words can't say and I can't do enough to prove it's all for you."_

I walked closer to her. And our eyes met briefly. She smiled shyly and looked back down to her fingers on the fretboard.

"_And I thought I'd seen it all, cause it's been a long, long time. Oh but then we'll trip and fall, wondering if I'm blind. There's been times I'm so confused. And all my roads, well they lead to you. I just can't turn and walk away."_

People were staring, much like I was, admiring her. The song was catchy. Some people were even putting money in her black and red snapback resting on the floor by her foot.

"_It's hard to say what it is I see in you, wonder if I'll always be with you. But words can't say and I can't do enough to prove it's all for you."_

She kept strumming for a little while and then stopped. It took me a while to snap out of it. Not even the sound of a few people clapping pulled me out of my trance. I just kept staring at her. She looked down again but I could see her cheeks getting red. And then I remembered that she hasn't played in front of anyone since she was like…ten.

I figured I should do something before she went into a panic but I couldn't even believe she played at all. It was so surreal. I walked up to her and grabbed her hand to lead us somewhere where there were fewer people. She grabbed her snapback off the ground and I pulled her along with me through the park. Everyone had gone back to what they were doing.

We stopped near a small fountain and she wouldn't look at me again. I didn't say anything, wondering if she was okay after what she just did. But I was still at a loss for words. Her fingers played with her guitar strap for another moment or so before I realized her hands were shaking slightly.

"Alex can you please say something before I pass out?" I blinked a couple times but couldn't say anything. She shut her eyes tightly and sighed through her nose. "It's just…I know I didn't finish writing the song but it was all I had and I didn't want to wait and I didn't think you-" she rambled but before she could continue I impulsively pressed my lips against hers, partly to shut her up but mainly because I still couldn't formulate a sentence. When I pulled away she seemed to visibly relax a little.

"You have…an incredibly beautiful voice, Mitch," I told her, a little breathlessly, and she looked at her shoes again. "And I mean that." She picked her head back up with a small smile, narrowing her eyes in the sunlight, and I could see her freckles scattered across her nose. She looked so cute I couldn't help but smile even wider.

"Really?"

"Of course. But…I can't believe you actually played. I thought you said you wouldn't play for anyone…even Jesus." She shifted on her feet and pushed her bangs out of her eye.

"I know I did. I really intended to never play for anyone ever."

"And you played in front of a decent sized crowd," I pointed out and she brought her hand to cover her eyes.

"Ugh I know." I pulled her arm down and held her hand, bringing her to a bench so we could sit down.

"Why are you so nervous? I'm the one that's supposed to be nervous all the time," I joked to ease her tension and she chuckled quietly. "You wrote that?"

"Yeah…or at least I've been trying to for a month. I still can't seem to get the right words to finish it."

"I thought it was perfect anyway."

"No it wasn't; I haven't sung or played in front of people in forever so I mean I'm a little rusty and I messed up some of the chords and-"

"Mitch, relax, stop being so hard on yourself." She took a breath and leaned back against the bench.

"You really liked it?"

"I wouldn't _lie_ to you."

"I know. I'm sorry I just…I'm still kind of having an inner panic attack."

"Yeah I can't believe you just did that. I mean…why didn't you just ask me to come over or something?"

"Well I thought about what you said last year; you know, busk in the park for a couple minutes and then you never have to see these people again. And I also thought about the thing you said about it being easier to play in front of strangers or someone you actually care about."

"And…how was it?"

"Terrifying."

"But you were _great_."

"I thought I was going to throw up. I still think I might." Her hand was still in mine. I laced our fingers together and rested my head on her shoulder. She was in ripped up jeans and a Red Hot Chili Peppers t-shirt under a white hoodie and her black leather jacket. She also had on the same grey and black Converse weapons she wore the first day I met her.

"Everyone seemed to like it too, you know."

"I don't know; all I could focus on was not fucking up."

"I don't think you did."

"Well…I mean…that's all that really matters I guess." She moved her hat around and pulled the bills from inside of it. "And hey look! Who'd have thought people would actually give money to someone that doesn't look like a raging crack head?"

"I don't know; you're not that far off…" She let go of my hand and punched me in the shoulder. "Ow, I'm _kidding_!"

"Yeah that's what I thought."

"Calm down."

"Hey, be nice. I was gonna take you out to dinner." She pulled a single from the bunch and waved it in my face. "Anything you want off the dollar menu, baby girl." I pushed her hand away but couldn't stop myself from laughing with her. "I'm just joking…about the dollar menu part. I really do want to take you to dinner tonight though." She held my hand again and I mindlessly played with her fingers. I pursed my lips, thinking it over, and I knew what I wanted to do.

"Okay but I have something I want to ask you."

"Oh?"

"Will you go out with me this weekend?" I said hopefully and she raised an eyebrow in response.

"…What?"

"Well…that wasn't the answer I was _hoping_ for."

"No I mean…just…haven't we been doing that for the past…month?"

"Yeah but…I want to take _you_ out." She just stared at me for a while, not saying anything. I didn't know why it was such a shocking or weird question for me to ask.

"Really?"

"…Yeah…why not?"

"I don't know. I just thought all this was me trying to win you over."

"Well…maybe I want to do the same."

"You don't have to try. You already have me," she said casually and I looked down at our hands and smiled.

"I still want to take you out though."

"If you really want to I mean I _guess_ we can go out this weekend."

"Don't sound too excited now…" She let out a short laugh and brought her arm around my shoulders, hugging me closer to her.

"Oh shut up you know I am." She used her other hand to pocket the rest of the change she made from her impromptu performance and set her guitar on the bench. "By the way this wasn't one of those _rip the band aid off_ type situations. I'm seriously never doing that again."

"What! Why not?"

"Because!"

"But you're so good," I said, pouting, hoping it would convince her to change her mind. I really couldn't understand why she wouldn't want to play for anyone. She was so talented.

"No I'm not."

"Are you serious?" It was astonishing how much her parents had messed her up. But even when I was right there, admiring and praising her, she still wouldn't believe it. "You're amazing…really."

"Thank you. You know, it means a lot…especially coming from you."

"Why me?" She raised her eyebrow at me again and had just a hint of a smile playing on her lips. "What?"

"Nothing…you're just…special, remember?"

"Me and the dozens of other people in the park?"

"Strangers don't have to like you. They don't care enough to lie to spare your feelings. Would you have told me the truth if you didn't think I was good?"

"It doesn't matter if you're good or not if it's what you love doing. If it's important to you then it's beautiful. Passion can make anything sound good and worth listening to."

"So I'm really not good?"

"No, you really are. I'm just saying."

"Thank God. I was freaking out the whole time I was writing it."

"If it gave you so much anxiety and you don't like playing for people why'd you do it? I know I always ask but that's usually just because I know you're always gonna say no."

"Yeah I know what that's like…" I shoved her and rolled my eyes. "I'm kidding. But not really."

"So why'd you change your mind."

"Because…I don't know. I mean, like I told you, I wanted to prove to you how serious I was. No one has heard me play, not Miley or even Caitlyn. I wanted you to be the first."

"Aw, really?"

"Yes. And by first I mean only. Because it's not happening again." I frowned and put my own arm around her. Her hand was holding my waist and I leaned into her. I ran my hand through her hair, trailing my fingers to the back of her head.

"Are you sure?"

"Yes." I lightly dragged my fingers across her neck. "Alex…"

"What?"

"Not happening."

"_Please_?" I tried not to laugh at her reactions but I just loved that I could easily mess with her too. I leaned in closer and placed a kiss on her neck below her ear.

"Oh my God stop you are evil." I pulled away and laughed into her shoulder. "You're lucky I think you're cute."

"I feel so blessed." She stood from the bench, moving her guitar to her back, and held her hands out to help me up.

"You should." I got off the bench and she put her hat on backwards and slung her arm over my shoulders again. "So are you going to tell me where we're going on this _date_?" she asked and I kissed her cheek, smiling at her when I pulled back.

"No."

I had made it a point then to not make _such_ a big deal out of hearing her play for the first time, for her sake, but I couldn't stop thinking about it. I just kept replaying her voice over and over in my head. I always thought she would be amazing but hearing her for the first time like that was just…incredible.

I couldn't believe she even wrote a song for me. I was speechless the whole time. I didn't know how much potential she had. And her voice was beautiful, nothing like I had even imagined. And I wanted so badly to hear her sing and play all the time. But I knew how she felt. And I knew that it took a _lot_ for her to even play it that one time. I didn't want her to be uncomfortable about it because I saw the apprehension in her eyes when she asked me what I thought.

And I also saw her eyes light up like never before when I told her how talented I thought she was. It's an actual shame she never received any type of praise from her parents because she sure as hell would get it from everyone else. Even the random people in the park who weren't _obligated _to tell her she was good. They actually believed it. And I hoped she did too.

The week passed with Mitchie's incessant nagging about our date that weekend. There was a small music show going on at Eisenhower Park in Nassau County and I used to go there with my brother Justin whenever they'd have these events. The Arctic Monkeys were playing with The Vaccines and a bunch of other really small, unknown bands. And I knew Mitchie loved both the Arctic Monkeys along with bands no one had ever heard of.

I told her what was going on the day of though. The tickets weren't anything outrageous and it was basically like an extremely smaller, and tamer, version of Bamboozle; almost like the hipster version. And Mitchie, as I predicted, was thrilled. I knew music was her greatest passion and loved literally anything that had to do with it. And since I knew her music taste so well I thought it would be perfect.

Even when I was the one taking her out I still kept my _expectations_ rule in the back of my head. But even I had to admit that it actually went perfectly. The weather was nice. The show was great. I'll skip the details because I mean…it was a show after all. You can't really get much conversation in when you're listening to music, especially if you're really into it.

It was after maybe the fourth random band we decided to grab a bite to eat. Justin and I would always go nuts when we were younger because the food stands they had there were unreal. The park wasn't generally crowded when these shows went on and it was pretty casual. There were people in small crowds near the stage and others hanging back, some in chairs, and some sitting in the grass.

Mitchie and I strolled through the park and I held her hand; something about being the one taking her out for a change me a little more confident and comfortable around her. I don't know. I always felt weird when so much attention was on me, especially when it came to dates. And when it came to Mitchie I always felt like she deserved someone who would do all these things for her instead.

I always saw her relationship with Miley and just felt bad for her. Sure they were happy in the beginning but it was always Mitchie bending over backwards and doing everything she could to please Miley. And I always wanted to be the one to try and make Mitchie happy. She had spent her whole life trying to please others and I just wanted to do the same for her for a change.

"Thanks again for today, Lex," she said, holding my hand just a little tighter, and she smiled at me.

"You thanked me like three times already, Mitch. It's no problem. I thought you'd have fun. I wanted to do something nice for you."

"You know me so well."

"I like to think so."

"I thought you didn't like coming out to Long Island."

"No, Suffolk is where things get weird. But Justin always used to bring me here all the time when he would hear of a good band playing. And it's never crowded; not many people come since it's not well advertised."

"It's so awesome. Like…I love this; being outside, good music, not a lot of people…food…it's so chill."

"I know. And the food is great; basically deep fried anything."

"My favorite," she laughed and I paid for our food and led us to an empty spot not too far from a band playing on a small stage. I leaned against a tree and she lied on the grass with her head on my thigh and her knees bent. "Oh wow, you weren't kidding," she said with her mouth full of food. The music wasn't so loud so thankfully we didn't have to yell over it to have a conversation.

"I told you. They have ridiculously good corn dogs here too."

"Why didn't you get one?"

"Please…I know better than to eat dick shaped foods around you," I told her and she started cracking up. "See?"

"Oh come on I'm not _that_ immature…" I glared at her and she smiled again. "Okay I am."

"I learned my lesson after that one time we had ice pops and you kept making weird noises."

"I know. I'm terrible," she admitted, still giggling. "You know I just love messing with you."

"Yes I am completely aware."

"But you're so cute when you blush," she gushed and reached up to pinch my cheek, tugging on it slightly.

"Stop you bully," I said, slapping her hand away and slouched a bit against the tree. It was starting to get dark. The last band was still playing on the tiny stage and the streetlights started turning on. The park also had hanging lights throughout the place. "It's getting late; you wanna head back soon?" She hummed but made no move to get up. When she didn't say anything else I moved my arm over her and set the remainder of my food down. "Hey, what's up?"

"Hmm?" she asked, looking up. "Nothing. I just had a really good time with you. I'm still a little surprised you asked me out."

"Why? We've been going out all month; how is this any different?"

"I don't know. I like it, but it just feels…different."

"Good different?"

"Definitely." I smiled down at her and she leaned up, pressing her hand against my leg, and kissed me. I bit my lip when she pulled away and slumped back with her head against my side.

"You know, I've been thinking…"

"About what?"

"About us." She picked her head up again and looked at me. She looked both nervous and hopeful and I felt my stomach twisting in that _good weird _way and my heart rate picked up ever so slightly. I felt all that just from looking at her.

"What about us?" I knew what I wanted to tell her but I thought I would start shaking and I feared nothing coherent would come out of my mouth if I opened it to try and speak. I scratched the side of my head and stared at my sneakers.

"Just that…you know, I've been thinking about everything you've said like why you like me and stuff…"

"And you call _me_ conceited…"

"Shut up," I chuckled under my breath and nudged her with my arm. "I just keep thinking back to when I first realized I liked you. I don't know; at first I tried to deny it. And I've been doing that now too."

"What do you mean?"

"I mean I do like you. I guess I was just afraid."

"Afraid of what?"

"I don't know. But you make it so easy for me." I had thought it over countless times, my fears and hesitance, and how comfortable I was feeling around her. I always was around her but ever since I gave her a chance I hadn't felt so nervous about being with her. I mean…I was always nervous regardless, but actually _being_ with her…after everything she'd done…I just knew it was what I wanted.

"So where does that leave us then?"

"Well it depends…"

"On what?"

"It depends on whether or not you want to do this…for real." It was silent between us for a moment. All that could be heard was the band talking to the decent sized audience as they were finishing up their set. I watched her carefully as she sat up straight to look at me.

"Wait…are you…are you asking me to be your girlfriend?" she asked, looking only slightly amused and I wondered what on Earth was so amusing about it. I would have rolled my eyes at her but I was too busy with my nerves, anticipating her response.

"…Yes," I said carefully…and mildly confused.

"This is horse shit."

"I'm…sorry?" Make that extremely confused. "I mean…a _no_ would have been fine too but-"

"No it's just…I was supposed to be the one to ask you," she pouted and that time I did roll my eyes. She knew better than to give me internal panic attacks for no reason.

"You've done enough already Mitch. Who cares who asked who? This is me telling you I want to be with you…for real." She reached up to hold my face in her hands. Running her fingers through my hair, she pressed her lips against mine and kissed me softly. And again, it was one of the best feelings ever. The way she moved her lips against mine made my heart feel like it was going to beat out of my chest. I felt her smiling before she put her head down against my collarbone. I laughed and put my arm around her. "What are you doing?"

"I'm…_too_ happy. We're in a public place and I need to contain myself," she admitted into my shirt and I laughed even louder. I was having the same problem. I couldn't stop smiling, even if I tried. I hadn't felt that happy in forever. I never even knew I could _be_ that happy. But after denying my feelings for her for so long it felt great to get them out in the open and finally _do_ something about it for once. "You have no idea how happy I am right now, Lex."

"Believe me." I wrapped my other arm around her as she hugged me tightly around my waist. "I do."

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**yes, I know, finally. no it's not the end of the story. I don't know how many chapters are left though. Not that many but we'll see.**

**Musical Side Note - the title of the chapter is from the song Mitchie sang - All For You by Sister Hazel. it's one of my favorite songs so check it out. Also, the bands I mentioned, Arctic Monkeys and The Vaccines are really good bands, worth giving a listen.**

**and with that, take care.**


	18. Let This Be Our Little Secret

**A/N: just wanna take a moment to address the people that don't seem to understand or care that I have work and school and my personal life to worry about. I write for fun so let me take care of myself first. that being said, thanks to those who reviewed and I'm trying to get better.**

**I'm not thrilled about this chapter but eh, hope you like it anyway. let me know what you think**

**Follow me on Twitter too since I'm back: (at symbol) manhatanProject**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing but the plot. And that's about it.**

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_Let This Be Our Little Secret_

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Mitchie was my girlfriend. It felt weird to even think it let alone say it out loud. I couldn't believe I even had the balls to ask her. But I guess I was just tired of holding everything back. I knew I would get annoyed if I was Mitchie. It's always frustrating when someone you have feelings for is just so _secretive_ and never tells you anything. You're left to guess and wonder and most of the time you just end up making yourself go insane.

I didn't want us to be like that. And I knew I had a lot to work on myself. I hated that we had to go into a relationship and right away we had to _work on_ _things_. It made me feel like we were rushing into it when in reality that couldn't have been farther from the truth. But I needed to do something about all my weird quirks and habits and my nervous nature.

I didn't want to bring it up to her. She would just tell me nothing was wrong. And I didn't want to argue with her on the matter because I didn't want there to be anything wrong so early in our relationship. So I kept it to myself and silently tried to stop being such a paranoid, nervous mess about being with Mitchie.

I had always felt weird when it came to things like that. I couldn't help it; it's just who I am. The thought of everyone knowing all the details of my personal life was enough to reduce me to a hyperventilating pile of emotions. Is that really a bad thing though? Why does everyone have to know everything?

I've never been an open book. Only certain people I've felt close enough to share everything with, two to be exact, and that's Harper and Mitchie. Well there's also Justin but he's my brother. And it's not like we always got along. But I didn't feel comfortable with just telling anyone my personal business. I hardly trust anyone and once I find someone I don't feel the need to talk to anyone else about these things.

I've tried. I know I'm stubborn but I really have tried not to be. I know it's not good to keep everything to myself all the time. But I'm glad I have Harper. I didn't tell her right away though. I'm sure she just knew; she always figured _something was going on_ between us. I thought that was ridiculous but that time she would have been right.

Mitchie and I both didn't want to make it _Facebook official_. It was unnecessary seeing as how we both only ever used the social networking site occasionally when we were bored or for the messenger. And it was great not having everyone and their mother _commenting_ on our relationship.

Things were going great. I was so unbelievably happy with Mitchie. But isn't everyone in the beginning? There's that period of pure bliss and then it sort of dies down into a comfortable flow. It's what comes after the flow that messes people up. People get bored. Sometimes they miss the bliss and feel like their relationship isn't as good as it used to be.

But we were fine. We hadn't been dating for that long; only about a week or so. So we were still in that _everything is perfect_ phase. It's when you want to avoid fighting at all costs so you can stay as happy as you were the day you told them you want to be with them. The thing with that is that keeping quiet can have consequences. If you bite your tongue for too long eventually you're going to bleed.

I tried to keep that in mind the whole time, even in the beginning. Mitchie and I had only just started going out but I didn't want to tell everyone yet. We never really discussed it and I assumed she had told Caitlyn. But I didn't want to bring it up because I felt like we were just going to fight over it.

I remember our first conversation on the matter. It went something like…

"Do you think we should tell everyone just yet?"

"Not really."

And that was literally the end of it. We seemed to agree on it so I never said anything about it to her again. But I wondered if she could tell just how much I didn't want people to know. I know it sounds bad. But I can't help it. I wanted to be with her, obviously, but it was just better when it was only the two of us.

I knew she wanted to ask me. It wasn't until after maybe a couple weeks after we got together that the subject came up again. We were hanging out at my house, just lying on my bed watching TV. She randomly turned over onto her side and reached over to grab my hand in hers.

"Hey Lex…"

"Hmm?"

"You're happy, right?" The question completely threw me off. I wasn't expecting her to ask me that of all things. I hadn't been acting distant or unhappy at all. I had no idea where she would have gotten that from.

"What? Of course I am. Why would you think I'm not?"

"I meant like…are you happy with me? I know we haven't been legitimately together for that long but…I don't know…"

"Where is this coming from?" She pursed her lips and slipped her fingers through mine.

"I was just wondering."

"Yeah but this couldn't have just come out of nowhere."

"I don't know Alex. It's just…why don't you want anyone to know about us?" I closed my eyes and sighed quietly through my nose. She didn't sound mad or anything, just curious. "Is it that you don't want anyone to know about us…or that you don't want them to know about me?"

"What? Mitch, I know you're…the weirdest person I've ever met…but it's not like I've ever been embarrassed by you or something."

"Really?"

"If I was then this friendship alone wouldn't have worked out. Don't be silly." She rolled over once again, this time on top of me, and kissed the top of my chest exposed from my V-neck shirt.

"I'm not silly. I just worry."

"You have nothing to worry about though." I held the soft material of her red school hoodie and used my other hand to play with her hair. She hummed softly and buried her nose in the crook of my neck. "Are you mad at me?"

"No."

"It's not like I want to keep this a secret forever, obviously. I just…I like it like this, you know, just us."

"No one's gonna hold a video camera over us twenty four seven."

"That's not what I thought…" I lightly scratched the back of her head when she picked it up and looked at me. For a moment she didn't say anything. And I felt bad for having the discussion at all. I felt like I was hurting her by _hiding_ her or something. It looked like she was more affected by it than she was letting on. She looked away and rested her head on me again.

"I know…you don't like the attention. I know how you are Lex; it's okay."

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah, I mean…I haven't told my parents either. Caitlyn knows but she hasn't said anything to the guys. I assume Harper knows too, right?"

"Um…not exactly."

"Wait…you haven't even told Harper?"

"Not yet."

"And your family doesn't know either…"

"Is it really that big of a deal that, just for now, no one knows?"

"I mean…no…but…" she trailed off and sighed into my shirt. "Never mind."

"No, tell me."

"It's not important."

"Mitch come on, I don't want to fight with you."

"We're not fighting." She was calm, didn't even sound like she was mad. But I still felt bad for doing what I was doing. "Alex, relax. I told you it's fine."

"I feel like you're just being nice."

"Would you rather I be mean?" she joked and I felt her breath when she chuckled against my shoulder.

"No…"

"And hey it's not like you have to come out to your parents or something."

"True…"

"See I just didn't tell my parents because there's no point. They probably wouldn't remember I told them anyway."

"You're exaggerating."

"I bet if I got them together to tell them they'd just look at each other and be like…_who is this girl in our house?_" And as sad as that statement was I laughed with her anyway.

"Oh God…"

"Don't rush it if it's not what you want."

"I just don't want you to think that I don't want anyone to know I'm with you because it's you."

"Why would you be ashamed of me anyway? I'm _so_ pretty. And I have nice hair."

"Yeah that _is_ what won me over…" She picked her head up again and narrowed her eyes at me.

"I knew you were just using me for my looks." I smiled and shoved her arm.

"You're an idiot."

"Well then at least you're not using me for my brains."

"I'm not _using_ you at all you nut."

"Hey now I wouldn't mind if you did…" she said suggestively and I raised my eyebrow at her, holding back a smile.

"Oh really now?" I trailed my hands down her sweatshirt until they rested on her lower back, just above the waist of her jeans.

"Feisty today aren't we Alex?"

"Are you complaining?"

"Nope, never that," she said in my ear before placing a kiss right below it. She smiled against my skin and her hoodie rose up just a little. I brought our lips together as I pressed my fingers into her bare waist.

Her skin was soft. Her lips were softer. I held her hips and she deepened the kiss. She had her hands on my ribs, rubbing my sides, and I sat up with her straddling me. We never took it that far when we would kiss. But when we were not in a public place and actually _alone_ I couldn't seem to keep my hands off of her.

And after being with her for so long, and not just being officially together but when were just casually _dating_, I had grown more confident around her; at least when it came to things like this. It dawned on me a couple weeks after we first started hanging out after she told me how she felt. Everything I used to hold back, everything I had to restrain and stop myself from doing when she was with someone else…I was free to do it.

I could look at her and admire everything about her shamelessly. I could hold her hand and touch her cheek and run my fingers through her hair and not feel weird about it. I could kiss her head, her nose, her cheek, her lips, and her neck and I wouldn't be crossing a line. I could hold her tightly and tell her I thought she looked absolutely beautiful and everything would be fine.

It was a wonderful, almost liberating feeling. There was no holding back. I didn't have to fight to not stare at her. There was no unintentional teasing that would pull at my heart for hours and torture me later that night. It was literally torture. And instead of being overwhelmed and nervous once we finally got together I just embraced it all.

She pulled away from me briefly, just as I leaned into her again. And she mumbled something against my mouth that I couldn't understand. My eyes were still closed but shot open when I heard the sound of someone clearing their throat. It sounded deep and I knew who it was without even looking. Immediately Mitchie and I detached ourselves from each other.

I thought it would be sufficiently more awkward than it was. We were sitting on my bed and my brother was just in the hall through the doorway looking as confused as ever. Neither of us said anything and Mitchie just looked back ahead at the television. I stared at my comforter and I knew Justin's eyes were on me.

"Uh…" he said slowly, dragging it out. He closed his mouth, furrowed his brows, relaxed, and then looked confused again. "Since when?" he asked as he pointed between us.

"What?" It was a stupid question. We all knew what he was talking about. And we all knew that I knew what he was talking about.

"Alex can I just talk to you for a second?" I sighed and reluctantly got up from my bed, telling Mitchie that I'd be right back. I closed the door behind me when I made it to the hallway where Justin was standing.

"So…what's up?" He just stared at me waiting for me to answer his first question. "Oh that? Yeah…um…that happens."

"Since when?"

"Like…a couple weeks ago?"

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"I don't know."

"Do Mom and Dad know?"

"No…"

"When did you plan on telling them?"

"I don't know, Justin. I didn't plan on telling you anytime soon either. And I didn't plan on you finding out like _that_."

"It could have been worse. But you could close your door; especially if no one knows you guys are together."

"I didn't know when you were coming home. Look, I'm sorry for not telling you I just-"

"I don't care. Just tell Mom and Dad soon. You know what's gonna happen."

"Alright, I know…I'm sorry."

"It's fine." He scratched the side of his arm and sighed. "Mom and Dad are going to be home in half an hour, just so you know…_this_ doesn't happen with them."

"Thanks." He just nodded and walked to his room. I remembered to close the door when I went back and Mitchie was lying on my bed watching TV.

"Hey," I said as I crawled next to her. She wrapped her arm around my waist and turned over.

"Hey, what happened?"

"Nothing, he was just confused and wanted to know why I didn't tell him by now."

"And?"

"Oh you know me; I'm weird and don't like people in my business."

"I mean…It could have been worse."

"Justin said the same thing."

"It's true though. And you should be glad it was just Justin."

"You're right."

"Would your parents care?"

"Well…I don't think any parent wants to see their kid making out with someone," I told her truthfully and she laughed into my shirt.

"I meant about us being together?"

"I don't know. My dad's really the only one I'm worried about."

"Just try not to think about it." I let out a breath and sat up and she followed.

"I know." She moved her legs over my lap and I rested my hand on her thigh. "Thanks for understanding by the way. I really didn't want to upset you because of all this." She leaned in and kissed my nose, smiling at me.

"It's no problem, babe."

That was only the first argument we had on the matter. It never got out of hand though and for that I was grateful. It came up whether I wanted it to or not and no matter how much I wanted to avoid it I knew I couldn't. And I knew she felt like I was just keeping our relationship in the shadows. It bummed her out. And I didn't want her to feel like that at all let alone because of me.

We were talking on the phone one night when it came up again. She sounded sadder than the first time. It was a full month after we had gotten together. And word had still not gotten to the guys or our families. I told Harper because I just felt like I had to. And she was as ecstatic as I knew she would be. I listened to her go on and on for what seemed like hours about me and her. It was my own personal hell but I loved Harper and I endured the awkward attention.

When Mitchie called me I didn't expect one of the first things she said to be _this is getting ridiculous_. I prayed that the whole secrecy thing was all she was talking about but I didn't even bother getting defensive about it. She knew how I was so there was no point in giving my side again. I just let her rant.

"It's not even that you're afraid of what people will think so I don't see what the big deal is. Alex, we're happy. Things are going great. Our friends are retarded but they'll get over it."

"Are you done?"

"No. I told my parents. Now I'm done." I pressed my tongue to my cheek and sighed.

"Okay."

"Okay?"

"Yeah."

"Does it even matter if my parents know?"

"I just am so used to being at your house and around your mom as your friend. I'm nervous."

"Lex, you're always nervous."

"I know."

"You know everyone's just going to get annoyed that you kept it from them for so long. It's been a month."

"I know, okay?"

"Are you sure this isn't about me? Because at this point it feels like it is." I leaned my head back against my pillow and rubbed my eyes with my free hand.

"Mitch for the hundredth time…if it was you I wouldn't even _be_ with you."

"C'mon Alex, this is stupid," she said. And I know it wasn't meant to be condescending but that's how it registered in my mind. And I hung up on her. I probably shouldn't have but that was just how I handled situations I didn't feel like dealing with. I avoided them.

She tried calling me back right after a few times but when I wouldn't pick up she texted me instead. I would have felt bad for ignoring her but I got stubborn in situations like this. I knew it was a problem I had and Mitchie knew how I was.

It's not that I was _mad_ at her. I didn't like it when people made me feel bad about things I couldn't really control. I didn't want to seem like I was making such a big deal out of it but I just hated it. I hated anyone talking about me or paying attention to me.

I left my phone on my bed without reading any of Mitchie's messages and went to join my family for dinner. They were talking amongst themselves but I didn't feel like talking. I thought about what they would think if I told them about Mitchie. I looked over at my mom talking to Justin and my dad not listening or looking interested in anything.

I pushed my food around on my plate, not in the mood to eat and I wondered if Mitchie was mad at me. It was weird of me to think that considering she was probably wondering the same thing about me. But I always felt bad even when I shouldn't have to. My mom asked me something I didn't quite catch.

"What's up with you, Alex?" Justin asked me when I wouldn't say anything. I shrugged and hummed and kept looking at my plate. "Did something happen with Mitchie?" And at that question I tried not to glare at him because he knew our parents didn't know.

"Why what's going on with Mitchie?" my mom asked curiously. And my dad finally looked up from his food.

"Nothing."

"Then why would Justin ask?"

"Mom, it's nothing. Don't worry about it."

"But you're acting weird."

"No I'm not," I said a little louder. Everyone was looking at me, prying, and I hated it. My family always did this to me and the only thing I ever did in response was get loud and defensive. And that only ever pissed my dad off.

"Stop yelling," he warned and I rolled my eyes. "Don't give me and your mother attitude either."

"I'm not giving you attitude. You guys just won't leave me alone."

"Shut up."

"_What_? I didn't even _do_ anything!"

"Shut up." My dad was more irrationally stubborn than I was. It was probably why he and I fought the most. He just knew how to upset me for no reason. And him always telling me to stop talking just pissed me off.

"This is unbelievable."

"Watch it."

"Watch what? We wouldn't even be having this argument if Justin would have just stopped talking."

"What the hell did I do?" he asked looking as confused as ever. "It's not my fault you have this weird paranoia about telling them."

"Can you stop?"

"Oh get over it." I set my jaw tightly and shut my eyes, trying not to blow up at him. He and I usually got along but there were times where we just got under each other's skin. That night was one of those times. We fought like any siblings would. And at that moment I wanted to punch him.

"Okay…what is going on?" my mom asked in a surprisingly calm voice. "What are you not telling us?"

"She's dating Mitchie."

"Justin!"

"What? Since when?" She didn't sound particularly mad, just shocked.

"Um…a month ago." Everyone was staring at me. It was the exact situation I told Mitchie I wanted to avoid. And I definitely didn't want them to find out from my idiot brother telling them. My dad scoffed and continued eating. I looked at him with my eyebrow raised and crossed my arms. "What was that for?"

"What did I say about the attitude?"

"Ugh Jesus _Christ_ I can't do anything in this house."

"Alex, honey, calm down. Why'd you lie to us?"

"Because I knew Dad was going to act like this."

"Like _what_?" he challenged.

"Are you still annoyed that I like girls or are we finally past that?"

"Jerry, don't," my mom said with a stern look aimed at my dad before he could answer me.

"See, you just ask a million questions and Dad does…_this_. This is why I didn't want to tell you. I wanted to tell you guys separately, not during dinner when we were all together so thanks for that _Justin_."

"Don't yell at your brother at least he's honest with us," my dad said, ignoring my mom's request for him not to say anything.

"I'm leaving." I pushed my seat away from the table and stood up. My dad grabbed my arm and pulled me back down.

"Where do you think you're going?"

"Anywhere that's not here."

"Let her go; she's probably just gonna go to Mitchie's," Justin added in and I just felt myself getting angrier.

"Or do you have other _girlfriends_ you didn't feel like telling us about?" my dad asked, rolling his eyes and I actually had to clench my fists to contain myself. I was so done and I thought I was going to lose it.

"Bye." It was all I said before I went to my room to grab my phone and jacket. I put my sneakers on, not even bothering to tie them, and headed for the door. As I walked out my mom followed me though. "Mom, please just don't."

"I'm sorry, honey; I know how your father is."

"Then please just let me leave. I can't be here right now."

"Alex…"

"_Please_. Nothing good can come out of me staying."

"Why didn't you just tell us earlier?"

"Because, Mom, nothing would have been different. Dad is always like this; it wouldn't have mattered when I told you. I wanted to put it off as long as I possibly could. But fucking Justin had to open his mouth…" I took a breath and tried to calm myself down. I didn't want to get too frustrated and overwhelmed. I couldn't afford to go down that route that night. "I'm sorry for cursing."

"We'll talk later." I thought about it and knew I couldn't avoid the interrogation any longer. And I nodded my head. "Okay, don't be out too late. It's a school night."

"I won't. I promise." And with that I started walking down the street. I didn't really have a destination but I just needed to leave. I pulled out my phone and saw that I had five messages from Mitchie. I sighed and started going through them. I figured I should fix things with her since she was the only person I wanted to see at that moment.

_Mitchie: I'm sorry_

_Mitchie: you know I didn't mean it like that_

_Mitchie: like I know how you are_

_Mitchie: it's not a big deal to me_

_Mitchie: just…call me back when you get the chance_

I stopped at a corner, biting my lip and still trying to calm my nerves. I was anxious and pissed off and I didn't know if I wanted to cry or just yell at someone.

_Alex: it's fine_

_Mitchie: are you sure? I really don't want you to be mad at me :(_

_Alex: I'm not mad_

_Alex: not at you…_

_Mitchie: why are you mad? What happened?_

_Alex: Justin told my parents during dinner_

_Alex: so I guess now we have no reason to argue about this anymore_

_Mitchie: oh what the hell why'd he do that?_

_Alex: I don't know but I couldn't deal with any of them so I left_

_Mitchie: you left? Where are you?_

_Alex: I'm just walking down the street. Can you please come get me? I'm going to punch my dad in the face if I go back_

_Mitchie: of course I'm on my way_

_Alex: thank you_

I didn't wait long for her. She didn't live that far and she would always drive faster than normal. She pulled over to the curb and let me in and I immediately wrapped my arms around her neck and hugged her tightly. I breathed in the scent of her hair and I tried not to but I let a few tears slip out. I kept my head down on her shoulder so she wouldn't see them.

"Hey, it's okay," she assured me and ran her hand up and down my back. I exhaled into her jacket but it was shaky and I knew she would be able to tell I was crying. "Don't cry, Lex."

"I'm sorry."

"Don't be sorry. I know. People are annoying. I didn't think your family would be _that_ in your business."

"I told you they would. They're always like this. And my dad is just the most impossible person on the planet. He's more stubborn than I am and has a problem with literally everything I do."

"I didn't know he had a problem with you being gay though."

"It's like he just hates everything I do. We always butt heads."

"I'm sorry Alex. I know you guys argue a lot. I wish you didn't have to deal with that," she told me and frowned slightly as she pulled away from me. She kept her hands on my arms though and I just sat there trying to get my breathing back to normal. She lifted one of her hands and wiped my face for me.

"I wish I didn't either. I just hate when people know my business; it gives me so much anxiety, like, I feel like I can't even breathe."

"Don't worry, you're gonna be fine."

"I know I just…ugh. I hate this."

"I know." She brought her hand to my face again and held my cheek, offering me a sad smile. I took her hand in mine and kissed her fingers.

"Thanks again for coming, Mitch. I know I was being difficult before but-"

"Of course I'm gonna come. I'll always be here if you need me, Lex; no matter what." I let her words sink in and I nodded. My heart rate started returning to normal. I felt calm next to her. "You want me to beat up Justin for you?" I let out the weakest laugh and looked down. I knew I could count on her. It amazed me how she could upset me and still be the one to bring me back to my senses. I looked back up at her and, through the few faint remaining tears, smiled at her.

"Yes, please."

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**the chapter title comes from Little Secrets by Passion Pit. mad good song, check it out**


	19. Meet The Parents

**A/N: sorry this took so long. story's almost over though.**

**Hope you like this one**

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**Disclaimer: I own nothing but the plot. And that's about it.**

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_Meet The Parents_

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My mom talked to me for nearly the entire night when I finally went back to my house. Mitchie and I just stayed in her car instead of going back to her place. I just needed time to calm down before I faced anyone in my family again. And I knew being around my dad was just going to get me worked up.

I didn't want to leave her. The thought of going back to my parents and having them invade my personal business instead of staying with my girlfriend made me want to never return home. I always thought irrationally when I was so frustrated and upset. But I didn't want to have to deal with anything. I just wanted to be happy and at peace. And I was when I was with Mitchie.

I tried to not be so annoyed when I finally did go back. My mom had instructed my dad to just not say anything to me so she and I could _talk_ about my situation. She didn't like that I had kept it from her. She was fine with it, happy for me even, but my _God_ she would not shut up about it. I wanted to strangle Justin for telling them before I wanted them to know.

But when her interrogation _finally_ ended I had a new problem. And it was only a problem because I knew Mitchie and how she would react to it. I was only mildly nervous about telling her. I didn't put it off like I did with _coming out_ to my parents about my relationship though. So when I went over to Mitchie's house the next night I dropped the bomb on her.

"I need to talk to you about something." I was sitting on her bed with my legs crossed and Columbus's head resting on my thigh while Mitchie wrote something down in a notebook. But at my words she looked up and I could see the concern on her face instantly.

"What is it?" she asked a little timidly and I patted the spot next to me.

"Come here."

"Is it bad? Nothing good usually comes after _I need to talk to you_."

"Depends on how you look at it…"

"Should I be worried?"

"Can you just come over here?" I asked her again and she sighed, closed her notebook, and sat beside me. She eyed me skeptically as I looked down at the German shepherd and scratched the top of his head. I let out a breath and looked back up at her. "Think about this before you say no."

"What do you mean?"

"Well…you know how I told you when I went back home last night my mom wouldn't leave me alone about us?"

"Yeah…I thought you said she was fine with it."

"No she is, don't worry. In fact…she…asked me to tell you to come over for dinner on Thursday." And we kind of just sat there in silence for a bit. She didn't say anything or look at me and I waited for her to react at all. I knew she wanted to say no. Mitchie hated family related things. They made her uncomfortable and she would basically turn into me when interacting with them.

"Do I have to?" she finally asked and I took my hand off of Columbus's head, brushing off the stray hairs that got stuck to my palm and fingers.

"Please?"

"But I already know your family. Well, I know your mom and brother."

"She just wants us all together for a night now that you and I are together…and now that they know about it."

"Ugh but _why_?" she whined and I sighed loudly. I wasn't annoyed that she was being stubborn about it. I understood her completely. I would never force someone to do something they weren't comfortable with especially since I knew how it felt. Mitchie had never had dinner with us no matter how many times she had been over my house. She would always leave before or she would come over after.

"I mean it's not like you've ever actually _talked_ to my mom. You've just met her."

"Isn't that enough?" she pouted and I shook my head at her.

"Mitch, please? It would really mean a lot, just once."

"But I don't _wanna_."

"Come on, my mom likes you."

"But…" she trailed off and picked at a thread on her comforter. "Your dad scares me." I laughed even though I knew she wasn't kidding. I didn't blame her either. But I still thought it was cute. "Alex I'm serious."

"I know. But my dad hardly even speaks when other people are over."

"But he _scares_ me."

"Just one dinner…so my mom can get off my back." She let out a long, dragged out groan and leaned her head on my shoulder.

"Ugh…the things I do for you." I smiled at her compliance as she placed a kiss on my arm. "But if I feel threatened I'm out."

"You're not going to be, you weirdo."

"And you don't see me making you sit through awkward dinners with my parents."

"I've actually had conversations with your mom before," I pointed out and she glared at me.

"What about my dad and stepmom? You've never met them."

"That's because you don't like them."

"It's not that I don't like them…" She lied back down against her bed and I leaned over her, causing her dog to jump down to the floor.

"Then what is it?" I didn't want to feel like Mitchie didn't want me to meet the other half of her family. But since we were out to both our parents it felt kind of weird that she still hasn't let me meet her dad and stepmom.

"I told you Lex; I just feel like I'm some foster kid my parents keep passing back and forth. I'm doing you a favor by not bringing you to my dad's. It's too awkward, even for me." I put my hand on her leg and she looked up at me.

"I'm sorry."

"It's fine; I'm used to it."

"You shouldn't have to be."

"It's fine, Alex. I'm fine. I promise." She sighed through her nose and placed her hand on top of mine. "I'll come over."

"You will?" I asked a little more hopefully than I had intended. She smiled and sat up a bit, her face only inches from my own.

"Yes…but you owe me." I raised an eyebrow at her and her grin only widened as she leaned up more to kiss me. When I kissed her back she put her hands on my waist and pulled me down on top of her causing me to let out a high pitched yelp. I pulled back briefly.

"Take it easy Mitch, your mom's home."

"Take _what_ easy, hmm? I just wanted to kiss you; I don't know what _you_ had in mind, you horny bastard," she joked and I pulled my arm back to slap her. The only problem was that she moved her shoulder away so I kind of slapped her in the face…hard. At the loud sound it made Columbus started barking and Mitchie pressed her hand onto the red mark on her cheek and hissed in pain.

"Oh my God I'm sorry I swear I meant to hit your arm," I apologized through my stifled laughter. Even if I hit her pretty badly I still thought it was kind of funny.

"_Oww_," she whined and rubbed her race. "Bully."

"It was an accident!"

"Jesus, the mere _insinuation_ of sex and you punch me in the face."

"I didn't _punch _you."

"Tell that to the shiner under my eye," she said, moving her hand so she could show me the red mark.

"I'm sorry baby." She exaggerated a frown and I kissed her hurt cheek. "Will you still come to dinner?" It was a stretch but I flashed her a smile and she rolled her eyes.

"Of course. I don't want to get decked again."

I was nervous. I honestly couldn't tell who was more nervous that Thursday night. Mitchie said she would be at my house at seven and I was helping my mom in the kitchen trying not to have a panic attack. My dad was watching TV while Justin was in his room doing homework.

Before I could start wondering if Mitchie changed her mind I heard the doorbell go off and it nearly gave me a stroke. I immediately headed for the door. The last thing I needed was for my dad to either get it himself or get mad at me for not getting it first since I was _already standing_. And when I saw Mitchie on my steps I knew for sure; she was more nervous.

"Um…hey," she said shyly and I offered what I had hoped was a comforting smile.

"You made it." I took a quick look at her as I let her inside. She was in dark skinny jeans, a plain white t-shirt with a dark grey cardigan and her drawn-on Nirvana smiley Converses. Her hair was actually up and her bangs were out of her face for once. "You look nice."

"I didn't think dressing like a schizophrenic hobo would impress your family."

"They've seen you in American flag pants and a hunter hat."

"What is your _point_?" I shook my head, still smiling, as I led her to the living room.

"Nothing, come on." Justin was sitting with my dad. I had my hand on her back and I felt her tense up. I thought she was going to just shut down completely. "Dad, this is Mitchie…my girlfriend." He looked at her for a second and I prayed to God that he wouldn't be rude or something. After a moment he stood from the couch and extended his hand for her to shake.

"Nice to meet you." His voice was monotonous but he didn't look like he was pissed or annoyed. It could have gone worse.

"Nice to meet you too, Mr. Russo." I tried not to laugh at how awkward she was especially since she was the most confident person I had ever met in my life.

"Hey, Mitchie," my brother nodded from his seat on the couch and I wondered if she was still as annoyed with him as I was for telling my parents about us. But she kept a smile on her face.

"Hey-"

"Girls, come help me in the kitchen," my mom called to us before Mitchie could say anything else to Justin. I half wondered if she just knew how weird it was for Mitchie to be around everyone in the family, or mainly just my dad. They went back to watching whatever they were watching on TV and I grabbed Mitchie's hand and we walked towards the kitchen where my mom was still making dinner. We passed through the dining room and I felt her hang back for a second.

"What is it?"

"I'm not going to end up sitting next to your dad, am I? Because he still scares me."

"He's not in a bad mood though."

"I don't know; it just _looks_ like he doesn't like me."

"Mitch…he doesn't like anything. Don't take it personally. My dad's just weird."

"Well now I know where you get it from," she teased and I elbowed her side.

"Shut up or I'll make sure you sit next to him."

"Please no I'll do anything."

"Don't worry, here look…" I pointed to one of the chairs at the end of the table. "My dad sits there every time. And my mom sits on the opposite side. You're in between her and me. And Justin gets the reject chair on the other side," I said, pointing to my computer chair we dragged out so everyone could sit.

"Thank God your mom is nice."

"Yeah well we better see what she wants if we want her to _stay_ nice."

"Can I pee first?" she asked, tilting her head a little, and I chuckled quietly.

"Go ahead. Just come to the kitchen after."

"Sure thing, babe." She kissed my cheek and walked into the hallway as I found my mom cooking.

"Hey," I said to her, leaning again the fridge.

"Where's Mitchie?"

"Bathroom."

"Oh, okay. I just thought it would be better if you girls were here instead of dealing with your father."

"He seems fine tonight."

"Yeah well you never know with him."

"True. Can you guys just not be so…"

"So what?"

"You know what I mean. She's nervous as it is. And you _know _how you can be."

"I just want to get to know her."

"You've met her already. She's been here hundreds of times."

"But I didn't know you were dating her this whole time."

"I wasn't-" I stopped myself and sighed through my nose. "Ugh, fine, never mind." I went back to helping her like I was doing before Mitchie arrived and before I knew it she joined us in the kitchen.

"Oh Mitchie there you are." I turned around and she was standing in the doorway. "It's good to see you again." She went over to my girlfriend and pulled her into a hug. "How've you been?"

"I've been good, you know…school and work keeping me busy but I couldn't say no to Alex."

"How sweet of you. Well, we're glad you're finally going to join us for dinner."

"It's no problem," she said and turned to me. "And hey, I haven't had a home cooked meal in forever."

"That's because you never leave your room when you're home."

"No it's because my mom forgets she gave birth to a human being that needs food to survive."

"Oh honey that's terrible; you're always welcome here," my mom offered having heard our side conversation.

"Don't worry about me, Mrs. Russo."

"Don't be ridiculous Mitchie."

"Mitch, I promise she's not gonna take no for an answer just nod and smile," I whispered to her and she complied and thankfully the rest of our time in the kitchen together went by smoothly. After a while we all sat down at the dining room table together. Mitchie and I took our seats on one side but when Justin sat in his, it wobbled a bit and he ended up falling.

"Justin, are you okay?" my mom asked being the only one actually concerned. My dad raised his eyebrow and I tried not to laugh.

"Yeah…Alex what the hell is the matter with your computer chair?"

"I don't know; it's fine when I use it. Maybe you're just fat." He glared at me and I felt Mitchie's hand on my knee. She gave it a light squeeze as she smiled down at her plate. I shook my head, Justin fixed the chair, and we ate together.

My dad actually did keep quiet for nearly the entire meal and I didn't really care. To be honest I was glad. Mitchie felt weird enough being with my family and my mom wouldn't stop asking her questions. I was just thankful she didn't ask anything too painfully awkward. When we finished eating and helping my mom clean we went to my room.

"Don't think I forgot, Mitch," I told her as she fell on top of me lazily when I sat on my bed. She pushed me back and rested her head on my chest.

"Forgot what?"

"You messed with Justin's chair, didn't you?" She snorted out a laugh and buried her face in my shirt. "Mitch!" I rolled my eyes even though she couldn't see.

"Well what else was I gonna do? I asked you if you wanted me to beat him up for you and you said yes. Of course I was going to keep my word."

"You're ridiculous."

"Hey…I resent that."

"No you _don't_."

"You're right; I don't. But come on, what kind of girlfriend would I be I didn't keep my word?"

"I mean…I thought you were kidding."

"Don't act like you didn't think it was funny. Even your _dad_ cracked a smile."

"You have a point. Hey, thanks for coming tonight by the way. I know you hate family get togethers…or families in general."

"It's not that I _hate_ families; I'm just not used to them." She leaned up a bit, her elbows on either side of me supporting her. "It wasn't that bad. Your family is definitely better than mine; that's for sure."

"Your mom isn't as horrible as you make her out to be."

"Eh."

"Mitch…"

"Well I wasn't talking about just my mom…" she trailed off and I sighed, running my fingers through her hair. I felt bad. I knew my dad was a headache but I never actually knew what the deal was with hers. I only knew that she went to stay with him some weekends but she got along with her stepmom. We stayed quiet for a while but I didn't really know what to say to her. I was waiting for her to break the silence but she just had this blank stare.

"You okay? You're kind of spacing out." She closed her eyes for a second or two and when she reopened them she looked at me again.

"Sorry. I was just thinking."

"About what?"

"Nothing to worry about."

"You know I'm going to."

"I'm just being weird, Lex."

"Well that's nothing new." She dropped her head onto me again and said nothing. "Do you wanna talk about it?"

"Not really."

"But something's bugging you…"

"It's okay babe," she said into my shirt before leaning up and kissing my cheek. "Don't you worry your pretty little head."

"You do realize you saying that doesn't change anything, right?"

"You're cute."

"Don't distract me." She laughed and rolled off of me and onto her back too. "You're not going to tell me what's bothering you?"

"Nothing's _bothering_ me."

"That's a lie."

"You can't prove that."

"You enjoy being difficult, don't you?"

"Only because you get that grumpy little face when I don't answer your questions." I sighed and sat up straight and I felt her hand reach for mine. "Look, I'm telling you that you don't have to worry about me when it comes to things with my family. After all these years I am so used to it."

"Can I ask you something?"

"Sure."

"Will you answer me?"

"Was that your question?"

"Mitch…"

"Okay, okay, fine. I promise I'll answer you."

"Honestly?"

"I wouldn't dream of lying to you." I brought my knees up to my chest and rested my arms against them, letting go of her hand. I felt like I was about to turn the conversation in a direction we shouldn't be going in but I didn't like feeling like I was. I knew I shouldn't but I couldn't help it. So I asked anyway.

"When did Miley meet your dad?" It was completely silent again. I didn't know what she was thinking after that but I prayed to God that I didn't just start a fight by bringing her up.

"Um…" She was still lying down next to me but we weren't looking at each other. "Two weeks I think."

"Why?"

"She wanted to."

"Oh…okay."

"Lex…"

"It's fine."

"No just…look, I don't want this to upset you. I don't know why you or anyone, to be honest, would ever want to meet my dad."

"I get it."

"Do you?"

"Mitch, I know you have issues with your parents."

"Then why bring Miley up?"

"I don't know. I'm not trying to pick a fight with you." I rubbed my eyes with one hand I sighed again. "I'm sorry." I don't know why I was apologizing. I just knew I didn't want us to argue over whatever it was we were even talking about at that point. I felt Mitchie's hands grab my waist and she pulled me back and on top of her. She kissed my lips briefly and I smiled despite myself.

"Stop worrying about everything. Because I know you are. Miley only met my dad when she did because she made me feel guilty about it but you're not like that."

"Why would I try to make you feel guilty about something like that?"

"You wouldn't. So thank you. You're literally the best. And I promise it has nothing to do with you. I'm just weird…which you already knew."

"Well…"

"Does it really bother you?"

"I mean…I guess not." She wrapped her arms around me fully and let out a long sigh into my shoulder.

"Are you mad at me?" she mumbled and I closed my eyes. I knew where she was coming from and it was obvious she wanted to avoid a fight as dumb as this one as much as I did. I mean it's not like we could avoid fighting forever regardless of what it was about. I didn't know if I should bite my tongue just because I didn't want to argue.

"No." But I bit it anyway.

I don't know what it was that bothered me about the situation. And I hated that I was bothered at all. I guess it was best I didn't say anything. We went back to normal the rest of the night pretty quickly, almost as if nothing had even happened. I didn't know if that was a good thing or not. I didn't want us to be one of those couples that just never deal with anything.

Not dealing with things never works out in the end. But I couldn't tell if we were really okay or not. Things were fine between us once we dropped it. Maybe I was just overthinking things. It certainly wouldn't have been the first time. I didn't want to bother her with it though. I knew she wouldn't ever bug me about meeting my parents.

She suggested we go out the next night. She thought we hadn't gone out on a _date_ in a while and a while meant a week. I thought it was cute and I would never say no to spending time with her. I just didn't want it to be a way for her to _make up_ for whatever happened between us the night before at my house. Because I wasn't even upset with her.

I thought about it. And I believed her when she said she only introduced Miley to her dad because Miley bugged her about it. It seemed like her anyway. And I cared about Mitchie way too much to make her do something she didn't want to do. I just kept reminding myself that she would never _hide_ me or something. I mean…she let me meet her mom right away when we were just friends.

She picked me up from my house around eight. When I got in her car she stared at me for a moment, smiled sweetly, and then started driving. She didn't say anything and I didn't know why…but she looked happy…for the most part anyway. I couldn't tell what was going on. She kept the radio on so it wasn't awkward but I still didn't know what to make of it. We drove for a while before I started to wonder where it was we were actually going for dinner.

"Hey Mitch…"

"Yeah?"

"Where are we going?"

"I told you we're going to have dinner."

"I know but we've been in the car forever. We're already in Long Island too like…" I trailed off and noticed the exit we were taking on the highway. "Huntington? Why'd you drive so far just for dinner? We could have gone somewhere closer."

"Nope."

"Why? What's in Huntington?" She pursed her lips and kept her eyes on the road. Then she lowered the volume of the radio a bit and looked in front of her again.

"My dad."

"What?"

"I'm supposed to be staying with him this weekend. I told him and my stepmom that I wanted them to finally meet you."

"Mitch, you didn't have to do that. I told you I understood. Really, I'm fine with it."

"I know. And I believe you. But still…I don't know; I got to do this for me too."

"What do you mean?"

"I can't just never have you meet them."

"But I get that you don't get along with your parents."

"Shh," she said, waving me off. "What did I say about worrying?"

"Nothing?" I said with a smile and she rolled her eyes.

"Stop it."

"You don't have to do this. I promise I don't mind."

"I feel like this is one of those things I just have to do, okay? Don't think I think you're forcing me or anything; this is all me." I bit my lip and decided to just go with it.

"Okay."

"Thank you."

"Should I be worried about _anything_?"

"Like what?"

"Like is your dad as hard to please as mine?" I asked before the words actually processed in my mind. Then I realized what I said and she laughed loudly. "Never mind."

"Well…he's not as intimidating as yours."

"Good to know."

"My stepmom is super nice though; you'll like her."

"I think it's nice that you get along with her."

"I think it's weird that the only one in my family I get along with is the only one I'm not actually related to."

"Seriously?"

"Pretty much. But hey, don't worry, they're gonna love you. My stepmom even told me once when I was still with Miley that I should break up with her and go out with you instead," she explained and I couldn't help but laugh with her.

"Oh my God."

"Yeah I guess I talked about you a lot."

"I thought you didn't talk to your parents."

"I talk to my stepmom sometimes. You just happened to come up the most."

"Oh really?" I asked with my eyebrow raised and she shrugged her shoulders.

"Yeah…you still do."

"Aw how _cute_," I gushed which only caused her to roll her eyes at me again. "What do you tell her?"

"None of your _business_."

"It's about me!"

"Don't care; you will never know." She smirked and I pouted, slouching back in my seat. I gave up and turned the volume back up on the radio and we finished the rest of the drive in a comfortable silence. We eventually pulled up to a relatively nice looking house and Mitchie parked in the driveway. "Well…here we are."

"You okay?"

"Yeah, I've been here a million times."

"I meant now that I'm here. I know you never really eat with your parents."

"Well…there's a first time for everything, Lex. C'mon, let's go inside," she said and offered me her hand when I opened the car door. I took it and she laced our fingers together and we headed inside. She let us in with her key and we were greeted by a very excited Columbus and I was wondering what the hell he was doing there. I think Mitchie knew what I was thinking because she turned to me and said, "Columbus comes everywhere with me."

"Why am I not surprised?"

"I can't help it. He's the love of my life."

"Good to know."

"Michelle, is that you?" a man called out from further inside the house. I could only assume it was her father and I watched Mitchie cringe at her name. I tried not to laugh.

"Yeah Dad I'm back."

"Oh, good, come inside we're about to start eating. Is that girlfriend of yours with you?"

"Yeah…that's where I said I was going when I left," she shouted back to him and turned to me with her face dropped, clearly annoyed already. "I told you they never pay attention to me."

"Then just put on a happy face so this night goes as pleasantly as possible. I wouldn't want you starting an argument with him or something."

"I'd have to talk to him to argue with him."

"Mitch…"

"Fine, fine, let's go." We walked, still hand in hand, to the dining area where the table was already set up for four people. Mitchie's dad was sitting at one end. A woman walked out of the kitchen with a plate of food in her hands and she offered the two of us a smile.

"Mitchie, there you guys are. I just finished getting everything ready." She set the plate down and came over to us, hugging me first. "So good to finally meet you. I was wondering when Mitchie would finally bring you around."

"Alex, this is my stepmom Jen. Jen, this is Alex."

"You're just as beautiful as she said you were," she told me and I laughed, looking at Mitchie who seemed unfazed by it.

"What? It's true. I tell you this all the time, Lex." I blushed and looked down, hoping Mitchie wouldn't feel the need to tease me in front of her parents. "And that's my dad…not even looking up from his phone. Dad!" she yelled to him and he glanced up briefly. "This is Alex." He stood up and shook my hand; much like my dad did when he met Mitchie.

"Nice to finally meet you Alex."

"Nice to meet you too."

"You know, we probably could have met you sooner if Mitchie would come here more often."

"_Okay_, let's eat," Mitchie said loudly, changing the subject. Her dad and stepmom sat on one side while she and I sat together on the other. We started eating and I thought it was going better than the dinner at my house. The only thing was I noticed Mitchie and her dad almost never said a word to each other. Come to think of it, Mitchie hardly said a word at all.

"So Alex…" Mitchie's stepmom, Jen, said to me around halfway through dinner. "Do you play any instruments like Mitchie?" At the question I heard her dad actually scoff, not bothering to look up from his plate. I looked over at Mitchie and she had her jaw set as she stared at the salt shaker on the table.

"Um…no. I can't play anything. And even if I could I wouldn't be anywhere near as good as Mitch."

"I'm sure she's very talented. You must mean a lot to her if you've heard her," she said I couldn't help but smile a little. "The only time we've heard her is when she'd randomly play in her room with the door closed."

"We don't need the noise," her dad added in and Mitchie was still staring at the salt shaker. Apparently music was a touchier subject for her than I thought it was when it came to her family.

"It's not noise. It's acoustic; and you can barely hear it from downstairs," she defended but her dad rolled his eyes.

"It's all noise; I don't know when you're going to stop wasting your time and focus on your school work. I'm sure Alex isn't distracted with music or whatever."

"Steve…" her stepmom said, quietly urging him to stop before he started something. I wondered if it was a regular thing that happened.

"It's not a distraction, Dad. I'm doing just fine in school." He made some sort of a grunting noise and went back to his dinner. Mitchie's stepmom carried most of the conversation with me for the remainder of the meal. I noticed Mitchie pushing her food around on her plate with her fork, not really eating much while everyone else was done. She took the bread off her plate and offered it to Columbus who was resting near her feet.

"Michelle, stop feeding him from the dinner table."

"I feed him like this all the time. He never begs."

"I don't even know why you bring that damn dog every time you come."

"You're lucky I even come here at all," she spat with narrowed eyes and I nearly flinched at her tone.

"So if I told you that you couldn't bring him with you you're saying you would never come here."

"Steve, stop it. Why do you always have to start with her?"

"I'm old enough to not have to give a shit about custody in case you forgot, Dad. I don't even know why you want me here in the first place." I felt incredibly awkward as they fought and I'm sure her stepmom did too. It's probably why she stood up and grabbed her and her husband's plates.

"Okay, I'm just going to clear the table. Alex, would you help me, dear?" she asked and I had never been more relieved to _clean_ in my life. I felt bad leaving Mitchie with her dad but I really thought that conversation should just be between the two of them. I grabbed mine and Mitchie's plate and followed her stepmom into the kitchen. "Thank you honey, I'm sorry about all of that."

"Don't be sorry, I mean, I knew Mitchie had some issues with him."

"I don't understand why he always has to start with her. I was just happy she decided to eat with us for a change."

"Why does he do that?"

"I don't know; most of the time Mitchie just stays in her room when he's home."

"She does that with her mom too."

"She's a sweet girl but Steve makes it so difficult."

"Don't take it personally; she likes you." She sighed and started rinsing the plates in the sink. I went over and opened the dishwasher to put in whatever she handed me.

"I don't try to pry with her. But as you can see she's not very open to talking when he's around."

"I know."

"But I am glad she brought you around. It was a nice change even if it didn't end so well."

"I'm glad she brought me too. It was really nice to finally meet you."

"You too, and you are just _so_ much more polite than that other girl," she admitted and handed me a cup. I laughed, remembering Mitchie telling me how much her stepmom hated Miley.

"I wasn't too fond of her either." She opened her mouth to say something but we were interrupted by the sound of Mitchie and her dad yelling at each other. "Maybe I should go see if she's okay." But before I could even check Mitchie came storming into the kitchen. "Whoa, Mitch, what's going on?" She didn't bother looking at me let alone answering me. She mumbled something under her breath and went to the back door on the other side of the room. She grabbed what I assumed was Columbus's leash and he came running in. She hooked the leash to his collar and stood back up straight.

"Lex, we're leaving," she said hurriedly and walked over to where I was standing with her stepmom. "I'm sorry. Thank you for the dinner though, Jen. But I…I just can't stay."

"It's fine, sweetie. It was good seeing you again."

"You too."

"Get home safe."

"We will," she said and I called out a quick goodbye as Mitchie grabbed my hand and pulled me out of the kitchen with her, Columbus leading the way. Mitchie took our coats off the hook and didn't even say a single word to her dad and we left the house. Once the German shepherd was in the backseat Mitchie got in but didn't start the car. Instead, she ran her hands down her face, covering her eyes, and rested her head against the steering wheel.

"Mitch, talk to me. What happened?"

"I'm sorry," she whispered, but she kept her head down.

"Why are you apologizing?"

"I didn't want anything to happen. I just…I wanted to bring you here and not deal with all of…_that_. I should have known he was going to be like that."

"Is he seriously always like that with you?"

"Usually. It's like anything I say, he just has to disagree with me or something and like…nothing I do is ever right or good enough or-"

"Mitch, breathe." She stopped and took a deep breath. I honestly thought she was going to start crying. And I knew how much Mitchie hated to cry at all. "It's okay."

"No it's not."

"I told you that you didn't have to do this."

"I hoped it wouldn't be like this. This is why I never eat with them or talk to them. Because I _know_ this will happen. God, I don't even know why I come here anymore. Like, this is exactly why I stay with my mom."

"But I thought she also doesn't pay attention to you."

"I mean she isn't exactly the best parent in the world either but we almost never fight. There's a difference between ignoring me and just being plain mean. When my parents divorced I was still kind of young; they asked me who I wanted to stay with instead of fighting for custody. I doubt they would have cared enough to argue over who gets me but-"

"Don't say that."

"It's the truth Alex."

"Your mom loves you."

"Whatever; I just want to go to college already so I can move the hell out."

"Why _do_ you still visit your dad?" I asked even though I was afraid it might set her off again. "If you don't mind me asking…" She sighed and finally picked her head off the steering wheel. She leaned back against the head rest and then looked at me.

"Up until I turned eighteen I was forced to because of the stupid custody thing. And then I guess I just felt bad, you know? My mom would have thought it was rude and like I said, I actually like Jen. So I guess it was nice to see someone who gave a shit."

"I'm sorry Mitchie."

"I'll be fine. I'm just sorry you had to see that." Well I certainly understood why she was so hesitant to let me meet them, that's for sure. I put my hand on her arm, rubbing it, and she sighed again.

"Don't be sorry. I understand." I undid my seatbelt and she looked at me weirdly. When I got out and walked around her car to her side she raised her eyebrow at me.

"What are you doing?"

"Come on, I'm gonna drive."

"Why?"

"Well for starters, you're kind of a mess," I told her bluntly and she didn't argue. She got out of the car and we switched seats. "And second I know you hardly ate your dinner so I'm gonna get you some food." She chuckled, pushing her bangs out of her eyes, and I was glad to see there weren't actually any tears. I couldn't stand to see her cry.

"Will you buy me a happy meal?" she asked hopefully, her eyes practically lighting up. I laughed and buckled myself back in.

"I'll buy you all the happy meals you want, babe." She smiled at me and I couldn't help but smile back. I was glad I could cheer her up. I hated seeing what her father did to her. I had no idea it could get so bad that she literally had to leave before she exploded. She and I were a lot more alike than I thought we were.

"Thank you," she said and leaned over the armrest and pulled me into a tight hug. She sighed contentedly into my shirt and I pulled back and pressed my lips against her forehead. I let them linger there for a moment or so and then kissed her. She smiled at me again and it pretty much took my breath away. "You're perfect." And I hugged her again, breathing in her scent and enjoying her warmth, happy she was in a better mood. I just couldn't fathom how someone could hurt someone like her.

"So are you, Mitch."


	20. Best Friends, Girlfriends, & Exes

**A/N: I know it's been nearly two months. I'm sorry, really, I just couldn't write this story. But I finally have it done. **

**I don't know if you guys are still with me here or if I've driven people away or lost some readers but I am finishing this story. Next one is gonna be the last. Hope you like it, sorry for the ending.**

**leave a review, let me know what you think, etc etc**

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* * *

_Best Friends, Girlfriends, & Exes_

* * *

Ignorance is bliss. I've heard that way too many times to even count. Does that even make sense though? What you don't know can't hurt you. I guess it's true for the most part. You're ignorant. You don't know what's going on. Some people know and choose to pretend it is okay. Everything is fine. It doesn't work that way. It can't. Eventually something is going to go wrong and you're going to have to deal with it.

Three, nearly four months into our relationship and Mitchie and I were going strong. It was great. I honestly never thought I could be so happy just because of one person but Mitchie always managed to prove me wrong. And it was like things didn't change that much between us. She was still her weird and obnoxious self and I loved that she didn't feel like she had to hold herself back or something.

People say after a while things die down. You're on fucking cloud nine for what seems like an eternity and then all of a sudden you're standing on the ground wondering what the hell happened. I didn't get why people just assumed your relationship would go downhill after the first couple of months. If anything, my feelings for Mitchie were just getting stronger.

I had experienced this before. It's always against your will but the first time I really tried to fight it. It's never easy falling for your best friend. It's harder when you fall for someone who is with someone else, someone they already fell for. It was tough but I dealt with it and I got over it. Or at least I think I did.

To this day I honestly have no idea. I'm still confused as to how all of that works. Maybe I just convinced myself that I'd moved on to make it all easier on me. But actually being with her…it was like everything came right back full force. And it made me think that maybe it never went away to begin with.

Either way, I knew I was headed down that road. I knew the feeling all too well. And I shouldn't have been freaked out but I can't help myself. It wasn't that I was particularly afraid, not like how I was when I was figuring out if I wanted to be with her or not. I guess I was just…overwhelmed, you could say. It wasn't a new feeling, but it was…intense.

The thought of telling her was nerve wracking though. It was like every time I thought about it I just went back to being the shy, anxious mess I was when I first met her. But I guess in a weird way I kind of liked that she could still make me feel like that. I think it's what kept things interesting between us and helped keep us away from that whole _dying down_ feeling.

But just because things weren't _boring_ between us it didn't mean we weren't going to have problems ever. Now, I really cannot stand fighting, especially with people I really care about. I'm one of those people who avoid confrontation as much as humanly possible. And when it came to Mitchie I didn't want to argue with her…ever.

I wish I could say things stayed perfect between us but that's never the case. I remember our worst fight to date. Granted, it could have been a lot worse. But it was the biggest fight we had. Or maybe it just felt that way since I was so used to not fighting with her. But practically four months into our relationship, it finally happened.

I could pin it back to a conversation we had, still a little early in our relationship, about making time for our friends. The guys, as expected, were pretty much up our asses when we finally decided to tell them. And we had a mutual agreement when it came to keeping it from them. It was no secret that our friends weren't exactly the most mature human beings on the planet.

But anyway, it started when Mitchie asked me if I thought we were spending too much time together. At first I took it like she was telling me _she_ thought we were spending too much time together because I'm a paranoid schmuck. But she assured me that she just didn't want Harper or Caitlyn to feel like we were boxing them out.

"You need to tell Mitchie to let you out every once in a while; some of us want to see you too," Harper said when I was hanging out with her. After my talk with Mitchie we decided to take a bit of a break from being attached at the hip.

"I still talk to you every day though. It's not like she holds me hostage."

"Look I don't want to know about the kind of role play you guys do."

"Harper!"

"Is that why you guys never come out?" she asked suggestively and I slapped her arm.

"Shut up."

"But Alex you guys should take a break from that and-"

"Harper."

"Okay wait so you haven't-"

"_Harper_."

"So you have."

"Harper!"

"I…can't tell anymore!" I covered my face with my hands and leaned my elbows against the table. I was surprised the other people in the Starbucks we were in weren't staring at us.

"Why are we even talking about this?"

"Why not?" she asked and I dropped my hands and stared at her blankly. "Oh come on."

"Please can we talk about something else?"

"I'm taking this as a yes then."

"_Stop_," I said, trying not to laugh because I was _trying_ to be serious.

"So…no?"

"Does it matter?"

"It's just me Alex."

"I know but…I don't know; you know I don't like talking about these things."

"True," she nodded and took a sip from her coffee cup. "You're really not going to tell me?" she asked once again and I sighed, dragging it out way too long.

"No."

"Fine, fine. I'll stop asking."

"No, Harper, I meant…_no_," I told her and she looked at me for a moment before it clicked in her mind.

"Oh…_oh_. Well…why?"

"I don't know. We just…don't."

"Have you guys ever talked about it?"

"Not really. I mean…we've pretty much been on the same page this whole time," I shrugged and thought back on the whole four months we had been together. There hadn't been a single instance where either of us tried to push anything.

"That's good I guess."

"What do you mean?"

"I mean like…at least no one feels pressured or something."

"I guess you're right. I don't know, Harper. I just…"

"You don't want to be compared to Miley?" It was quiet between us for a moment. I looked down at my hands in my lap and just listened to the conversations around me that flowed through my ears in rushed mumbles. She was still looking at me though, expectantly. But she knew. And I sometimes hated how well she knew me.

"Am I ridiculous for even thinking about that?"

"It's not like you're the first person to worry about that."

"I know but like…still. Mitch and I have argued about her in the beginning, about her comparing me to her in general and I…"

"You think she still does?"

"Not in like a bad way; she never did it in a bad way. But still, I just…I don't like."

"Did you tell her that?"

"I mean…kind of." I scratched my ear and stared at my cup on the table. "Like when she first told me she liked me she said it was because I was…easy." And at that Harper covered her mouth as she laughed. "Not easy like _that_."

"Oh Alex, stop worrying about her. You know she's obsessed with you, maybe even more than you're obsessed with her."

"Shut up."

"You know you are."

"Okay so what if I am? Is it really a bad thing?"

"No, not at all. I think it's sweet that you guys are so obsessed with each other," she admitted and I tilted my head a bit.

"Really?"

"Yeah. At least you and Mitchie aren't the _nauseating_ kind of obsessed with each other. I don't think any of us would want to hang out with you guys if you were all over each other all the time." I chuckled, shaking my head, and took a sip from my latte. "Maybe you guys aren't because you haven't had sex yet," she mused out loud and I almost choked on my drink.

"Harper!"

"Stop yelling my name. Christ, we're in a public place _Alex_."

"I hate you so much."

"First of all, that's a lie. Second of all, it's not a big deal. Stop worrying about it. And I'm _sure_ Miley is going to be the last thing on her mind. They haven't even seen or spoken to each other in months."

"I know."

"And for what it's worth, Mitchie is a hell of a lot more tolerable with you than she ever was with Miley. I know you don't like being compared, but at least they're good things, right?"

"I guess. I just don't like hearing it from her. You know? It's like…why should she even still be thinking about her at all, even if it's negatively?"

"I doubt she is. Like I said, she's obsessed with you. She always has been."

I knew Harper had a point but it still got to me. And it just sucked because I was bringing all that anxiety on myself when I most likely had nothing to worry about. It was all dumb and the worst part was that it was all in my head. I knew how Mitchie felt about me; or at least, I should have.

But that was just the beginning. We didn't want our friends to feel like we were ignoring them. And we weren't really. We still hung out with everyone. I guess we did spend quite a bit of time alone together though. So we made it a point to spend more time with the whole group. And it was fine for the most part. I just forgot how…_close_ Mitchie and Caitlyn were.

It shouldn't have bothered me as much as it did; I realize that now. Looking back, I feel like I was somewhat justified…at least a _little_. I mean, come on, anyone would have gotten annoyed if their girlfriend flirted with other people. I know it wasn't her intention but given Mitchie's past _obsession_ with her best friend it drove me only slightly insane.

I remember one day in particular. We were all at the mall together. And I don't even like going to the mall at all but I figured I might as well hang out with everyone. Mitchie just wouldn't _stop_ flirting with her. And I'm not just talking about the _saying cute things_ kind of flirting. It started out that way and just progressed into blatantly sexual.

I knew what anyone would have said. _She's just joking_. While that may be the case, I can assure you that no one wants to hang out with their girlfriend while she hits on someone else. And it wasn't just words; if it was then I wouldn't have gotten as annoyed as I did. No, on top of everything else she held her hand, kissed her cheek, hell she sat on her _lap_.

It wasn't like before when I was just secretly but not so secretly obsessed with her and I would actually get kind of mad at Caitlyn too. You never mean to have this…hostility…because it really isn't their faults. But when you have feelings for someone, really strong feelings, you tend to think irrationally nearly all the time.

I wasn't annoyed with Caitlyn at all. I think that time around I was thinking a little more clearly, which was ironic because I was apparently _blowing things out of proportion_ according to my girlfriend. Caitlyn wasn't doing anything. It was all Mitchie and try as I might, _God_, it just bothered me so much.

I didn't know what it was. I knew how Mitchie acted around people; I knew how her personality was. But really, was it so wrong that I didn't like that Mitchie acted…_that way_ with someone that wasn't me? When I would think of all the previous times she acted like that it was mainly with the people she liked. I mean, she was obnoxious and sexual with a lot of people but it was just…different.

She did it with me for the longest time, she did it with Caitlyn and she was obsessed with her, and she did it with Miley too and I am not even going to _start_ getting into that. When Mitchie and I finally got together for real it all stopped. And I was the only one she was like that with. I don't know; call me crazy, but it made me feel somewhat special I guess.

But with my recent thoughts cluttering my head _constantly_ about my feelings for her and being so confused I just didn't want to deal with it. I didn't make a scene or even call her out while were with everyone. I didn't want everyone else to be in our business and truth be told, I wasn't even sure if I was going to point it out to her at all. But as the day went on and she _still_ wouldn't stop I made up my mind.

It didn't go well.

We were in her car after the mall. She was driving us back to her place and we were sitting in silence. The radio was on but not very high and she kept glancing over at me every now and then. I didn't say anything or look back at her. I just stared at the dashboard or out the window. She reached for the radio and turned it off completely.

"Are you okay?" she asked; her voice was soft and I almost felt bad for being annoyed when she sounded so concerned.

"Yeah." My response came out in a mumble and I was sure it wasn't convincing in the least bit. She could always see through me anyway so I didn't know why I bothered with a lie.

"You don't sound okay. What's wrong?"

"Nothing."

"Lex, I know when you're annoyed or pissed off or whatever."

"Do you?"

"Well that answers that. Did something happen or did I do something?" She actually sounded confused and I think that got me a little more irritated. I knew it was so typically _girly_ of me but I hated that she couldn't just _tell_ that she did something to bother me.

"You tell me…"

"Oh God we're doing _this_? Alex, please spare me the back and forth; I really don't know what's going on."

"Of course you don't."

"Where is this coming from? You seemed happy the whole day."

"Yeah, so did you."

"What's that supposed to mean? And for the love of God don't be vague. You know I hate when you do that."

"And you know I hate when you flirt with other people…" I said it quietly; I had meant for it to come out a lot stronger but Mitchie always…intimidated me. I still wasn't looking at her.

"What?" I remained silent. I wasn't sure if she didn't hear me or if she just thought I was being ridiculous. "When?"

"Is that a joke?"

"No." She honestly didn't know what she did and I couldn't remember a time where I thought she was actually dumb but in that moment I came pretty close. I sighed.

"Today."

"Today? What are you…" she trailed off and although she should have been paying attention to the highway she turned to face me. "Oh come on, you can't be serious."

"Are _you_?"

"Am I what? Alex, of course it's not serious. Are you really mad at me for that?"

"What, am I like not allowed to be upset ever?" I don't know why I answered her that way but the way she was talking was like she was trying to make me feel guilty for being bothered by her flirting with someone else, even if it wasn't serious.

"Not about things like this. You're being stupid." And that was ironic. But it still offended me.

"So now I'm stupid?"

"I didn't say you were stupid I said you were being stupid."

"What the hell is the difference?"

"Why are we arguing about this? Jesus, I already told you it's not serious."

"Why are you getting so loud and worked up? I wasn't even yelling at you. I just said-"

"Yeah I know what you said."

"Can you _stop_? My God, _sorry_, I didn't mean to piss you off by being upset."

"Why are you even upset? It's nothing."

"Maybe to you…" I saw her roll her eyes while looking ahead at the road. It was dark but there weren't that many cars on the highway. I folded my arms over my chest. I wouldn't have been as mad if she wouldn't have flipped her shit with me. I wasn't trying to start something. She asked me what was wrong and I told her.

"You _know_ that whole Caitlyn this is _way_ in the past. We talked about this. What, am I just not allowed to be friends with girls anymore because you think I flirt with everyone?" And then I was just confused. How the hell did we even get there?

"Where did that come from? When did I say _anything_ even remotely close to that?"

"You didn't have to."

"Don't put words in my mouth, Mitchie."

"You're one to talk."

"Are you kidding me?" She just shrugged and I shook my head. I didn't know why I was getting so emotional. I mean, I knew I was upset but everything she was saying and the way she was talking to me just…hurt. "Fine, whatever; just take me home." I heard her sigh loudly, seemingly annoyed with me, and I was so tired of feeling bad just for being upset. I didn't even do anything to her.

I tried not to, like I _really_ tried, because the last thing I needed was to continue whatever this was. All I wanted was to sit quietly, neither of us talking, and go home. But I couldn't help it and a few tears slipped out. I didn't know if she could see for who knows how long I was keeping them in. But at some point in our argument…it just got to me. Out of the corner of my eye I saw Mitchie look to me briefly. It wasn't for long but it was long enough for her to notice and I mentally scolded myself.

"Shit…" She sighed again, this time softer, as she took the exit for my house off the highway. "Alex, don't cry." I knew she hated when _anyone_ cried, let alone me, but I didn't really want to talk about it.

"I'm fine." My voice broke only a little and Mitchie pulled over to the side of the road. I regretted letting my tears fall even more.

"No, come on…" she said gently, and leaned over the armrest to try and turn my head to face hers.

"I just want to go home."

"But you're upset."

"Yeah, I know; I told you that before but you didn't care. If I wasn't crying you probably still wouldn't."

"Lex…"

"Just…don't."

"C'mon, I'm sorry."

"You know, it wouldn't have been such a big deal but…you really don't know when to stop."

"What?"

"With everything. Look, I know how you are. And really, when have I ever said anything about it before? But Mitch it's like there's a line and you have no idea when you're crossing it. Not just with that but like…now too."

"What do you mean now too?"

"I just wanted to tell you what was bothering me and you're making me feel like a bad person." She looked upset herself, a guilty expression on her face. I wasn't trying to make _her_ feel bad. I was just upset. She started driving towards my house again.

"I didn't mean to make you cry."

"It doesn't matter."

"Yes it does. I can't stand to see you cry. It just sucks even more because I'm the one who caused it."

"I didn't want this to be a fight but you get so defensive and weird and-"

"I know. I'm sorry; I just…I hate being…accused…and it's not even a big deal."

"Why don't you care that it bothers me? I'm not asking you to stop talking to other people; I have no idea where you got that from."

"Okay, okay…I'm sorry." And she sounded sincere, although I was still trying to wipe my face dry. "I'll stop."

"I'm not asking you that either." I shook my head again, getting more frustrated than sad. And I wished we could just talk about something else.

"I'm confused now…" I knew I hated any comparisons to Miley, but one of the things that always stuck in the back of my head was when Mitchie told me she liked me because she could be herself around me. And I couldn't stand that she was probably feeling that I was telling her to _change_. "What do you want, Alex?"

"Nothing; just forget it."

"It's obviously not nothing. I said I was sorry. You're right; I was being mean. Like, I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, honest. And I wasn't trying to hurt your feelings before either. I'm just used to being like that with Caitlyn. I didn't really stop to think that maybe I was taking it too far."

"How do you not realize though? Like, if I did or said things like that with Harper or someone else you would feel the same way, wouldn't you?"

"I mean it would be weird to see you flirting with Harper…"

"Shut up, you know what I mean."

"I didn't realize how uncomfortable it made you."

"It's just…you don't even get…like _that_…with me…but you have no problem being like that with someone else…" I admitted and the car was silent. I felt incredibly awkward and for the first time since we got in the car I couldn't take the silence.

"Is that what this is about?" I brought my hands over my face and leaned forward. I just wanted to leave.

"Ugh can we not talk about this?"

"Why not?"

"Just…because." Even at the slightest _hint_ of the subject I wanted to run. I didn't know what it was but I couldn't seem to stop thinking about _everything_ and it gave me so much anxiety. Even talking about it with Harper made me a nervous mess. "Please can we drop it?"

"Babe, why are you so insecure about this?" Her voice was soft again. It made me feel a little better but I was still on edge and a little upset from everything else.

"I can't help it." And I wished she would just leave it at that but of course she had other plans.

"But…you have nothing to worry about." I wanted to believe her. But it still didn't change much of what was still going on in my head. I picked at my fingernails mindlessly for a bit and finally looked over at her.

"Really?"

"Of course." She pulled up in front of my house and stopped her car. Things still felt awkward and I had never been happier to be getting out of Mitchie's car to go home. Before I could say anything else my phone vibrated in the center console. I saw it light up and I reached for it, not realizing that it was actually Mitchie's phone. Our phone cases looked pretty much the same in the dark and since it was nighttime I confused the two. I was about to hand it to her when I saw the name on the screen.

_Miley Stewart_

I was speechless for a moment and at first I thought I might have not read it correctly. But it was there. And I wanted to throw up. I didn't know what to make of it. I opened my mouth to talk but no words came out. I was confused, annoyed, I felt sick, and just hurt all over again.

"You still talk to Miley?" I asked, almost incredulously and she didn't know what the hell I was talking about.

"What?" She looked so confused until she realized it wasn't my phone that buzzed. "Oh…"

"Mitch." Now, I'm not one to get all invasive and go through my girlfriend's things. But when Mitchie's ex-girlfriend texts her and Mitchie has her phone set to _display_ the text messages without having to actually open it, it's hard for me to ignore when I'm already looking at her phone.

_Wanna come over?_

"Crap." She shut her eyes and rubbed them with her left hand while her right reached over and grabbed her phone back.

"How long has this been going on?"

"Nothing is going on Alex, I swear," she said immediately but she sounded annoyed again. But I didn't care. Who wouldn't be pissed after seeing that? And after everything that's been going on and everything she just said I didn't need this.

"I have nothing to worry about, right?" I repeated her words bitterly and opened the passenger door. She grabbed my arm before I could get out.

"You _don't_. I promise this is nothing." And I honestly thought our arguing was over. I would have forgiven the whole Caitlyn bullshit but _this_?

"It doesn't look like nothing."

"Just let me explain." I didn't know what to think but I wasn't about to stick around to get hurt because of it.

"You can do whatever you want Mitch. I really don't care anymore."


	21. Stay Stay Stay

**A/N: FINAL CHAPTER IS FINALLY HERE! so this is the end of Hey Jealousy. thank you so much to everyone here and on twitter who had read and reviewed and favorited and recommended it to other people and just...thank you. this has become my most popular story to date and I'm still blown away by that. but again, thanks for sticking with me throughout this whole thing and I hope you like how it turned out.**

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* * *

_Stay Stay Stay_

* * *

She didn't get out to follow me into my house and I was glad I didn't have to deal with her in front of my family. I was too annoyed, too…livid, to even have another argument with her. After everything I just wanted to go the hell to bed and not have to think about any of it. I didn't want to think about her.

I didn't know where we stood at that point. I was pissed. And I had every right to be. I told her I didn't care what she did anymore. It was in the heat of the moment but I stood by it. I didn't know how she took that and in all honesty I don't know what I meant by it. Did we break up? Or did I just need space and time away from her?

She may not have come after me but she did send me a whole bunch of texts one after the other. I ignored all of them and when she realized that she tried calling and then texting me more. I muted my phone and left it on my nightstand, not even bothering. I didn't even read any of the texts. I just went right to bed even though it was only around nine.

The next morning my head was hurting and I didn't even want to get out of bed. I didn't know what I wanted to do and I didn't want to deal with it at all. The sun was pouring in through my blinds and I heard my door open. I wasn't in the mood to talk to either of my parents but someone sat next to me on my bed anyway.

"Alex…" But I recognized the voice instantly and opened my eyes to see Mitchie staring back at me. I was startled but didn't move an inch. I just rolled my eyes and turned over and away from her hoping she would just leave without me having to talk to her. She put her hand on my arm and I assumed she wasn't going anywhere. I turned back over again.

"Who let you in my house?"

"Your dad. It's funny; he's not as scary as he used to be. I think he's finally starting to like me," she said, I guess trying to lighten the mood between us a little. It didn't work.

"Well that makes one of us."

"Come on babe can you just talk to me?"

"Please don't call me that."

"But Lex…"

"Don't call me that either."

"Okay…Alex? I'm running out of names to call you."

"How about you just don't call me?"

"Are you breaking up with me?" she asked seriously and I could hear the sadness she was trying to hide in her voice.

"I don't know, Mitchie. Can you please just get out of my room? I really don't feel like talking to you."

"But can I just explain this whole Miley thing?

"What's there to explain?"

"The fact that you think I still talk to her but I don't."

"Mhm," I mumbled and closed my eyes, trying to go back to sleep. I thought if I did then she would give up and leave me alone. I was wrong again.

"Come on, I don't want us to fight and I don't want _this_ to come between us because _this_ isn't even anything. Just…get up and let's go get breakfast or something and…actually talk," she pleaded and she actually sounded a little desperate, like she _really_ wanted me to hear her out. "Please?"

"Do I have to?"

"No you don't have to do anything but I really, really, really would love it if you would." I rolled onto my back and she was pouting and I hated that no matter how mad at her I was I still thought she was cute. But it didn't change the fact that I was so angry with her. I didn't think she deserved my time after the shit that happened the other night.

"No."

"I could always just talk here and you'll have no choice but to listen."

"I could always just leave but by all means have fun hanging out here alone. I got to tell you though, my dad will probably tell you to go home."

"Alex, I'm begging you, just listen to me."

"Why should I?"

"Because I…" She furrowed her brows and looked down. I didn't know if her words were getting all jumbled or she just didn't have an answer for me. "Please?"

"I'm tired."

"I'll sit here and wait."

"You're really not going to leave me alone, are you?"

"When do I ever?" I sighed loudly, dragging it out longer than necessary. I sat up in my bed and she moved over.

"Fine," I said unenthusiastically but she still smiled a little. "Can you get out so I can change?" And at that she frowned. She got up anyway and left me alone. I contemplated just not coming out of my room but I reluctantly made my way to my dresser and put actual clothes on. I put my hair up, not really caring about it all that much; I just wanted to get this over with. When I put my shoes on and finally walked out of my room Mitchie was sitting on the living room couch waiting for me. "Let's go," I said and walked out the door without waiting for her. She caught up to me and unlocked her car.

"Thank you," she said out of nowhere but I didn't look at her. Through my peripherals I saw her leaning the side of her head against the headrest and staring at me. She didn't make a move to start the car and I knew she was waiting for me to look at her. I didn't want to but I did anyway just so we could move this along.

"Just drive."

It was silent throughout the entire trip to a local diner that Mitchie and I loved going to. She didn't try starting a conversation. I'm almost certain she knew I wasn't going to contribute if she did. I didn't even want to talk at all on this little outing. She wanted me to listen and I figured I might as well since she wasn't going to leave me alone until I did.

We were seated quickly and we sat across from each other in a booth while a young waitress handed us menus. I didn't touch mine, not really in the mood to eat. Mitchie eyed me curiously and sighed. I took a sip from my glass of water and just stared at the condensation that was already beginning to drip from it.

"You're not eating?" she finally asked and while still staring at my cup I shook my head. "Are you gonna talk at all?"

"I thought _you_ wanted to talk."

"Well I want you to talk to me too."

"Oh, you want _me_ to talk to you? Is it my turn already?" I asked sarcastically. She looked confused as I put on a fake a smile. "You know I just can't keep up anymore. So I _am_ your girlfriend this week?"

"Alex…"

"Or is it Miley? Or Caitlyn? Or-"

"Alex, stop, _you're_ my girlfriend," she said firmly and I crossed my arms over my chest.

"Are you sure about that?" I challenged, my smile gone, and she leaned her elbows on the table and rested her face in her hands.

"Yes, okay. What do you think I have a fucking…list of girls that I just go through and pick who I want for the time being? I'm not…Mitt Romney I don't have a binder of women, Alex."

"Could have fooled me." Our waitress came back and took our order…well…Mitchie's order. I just asked for a coffee and sat quietly again.

"Okay well for starters…I only have…and only _want_ one person. And that's you." Once I got my coffee I thanked the girl and slowly tore open sugar packets, avoiding Mitchie's eyes. "Do you really think I'm that stupid? How could you think I could hurt you like that?"

"Don't turn this around on me."

"I'm not. I just…I would never though; like you have to believe that."

"How can I after yesterday? And just how long have you been talking to your _ex_?"

"I _don't_."

"And you expect me to believe that too?"

"_Yes_, Alex, I-" she started but got frustrated and stopped herself, sighing loudly. "Okay where should I start?"

"I don't care…"

"Look, I get that you're mad at me. And you have every right to be because I know I would be too; it looks really bad. But I promise it's not what it looks like and dear God _please_ ignore how cliché that sounds."

"Then what was it exactly? I mean I know you are the queen of beating around the bush and never getting to your point right away…"

"We didn't have like a messy breakup or anything," she said randomly and I stopped stirring my spoon around in my coffee and finally looked up at her.

"What?"

"I broke up with her. But it wasn't like some big nasty fight. I just told her I was done."

"So…what, you guys are still friends then? And you just never told me?"

"No we're not friends."

"Seemed like a pretty friendly text to me…"

"That's because Miley's a psycho."

"Okay now you lost me again." She leaned back in her seat just as a plate was put down on the table in front of her.

"I didn't tell you…or anyone really…what happened. It just made me feel…bad I guess."

"Bad about what?"

"…Myself."

"What do you mean?" My voice sounded less bitter and at that point I was just curious. I was still mad at her though since she hadn't really explained much anyway.

"I don't know; I guess I was in denial because I was so attached to her before and I just wanted to be with her again." She pushed her food around with her fork and that time she was the one who wouldn't look me in the eyes. "She only got back together with me because she wanted someone to hook up with over winter break."

"What?"

"It's like…I wasn't her girlfriend I was just…a booty call."

"Why the hell would you get back with her if she just wanted to use you?"

"Do you think I knew that when she took me back, Alex? If I did I would never in a million years agree to it."

"Okay…"

"Do you believe me?"

"I wouldn't put it past Miley but that doesn't explain why you're still talking to her. Is this whole _booty call_ thing still going on or…?"

"No! Oh my God _please_ just get that out of your head. I told you we didn't have a bad breakup so I guess she thinks I wasn't mad at her for _using_ me."

"Why wouldn't she?"

"I don't know, Lex. I just…you know, finding out the person you thought you loved turned out to be exactly what your friends tried to warn you about…"

"I get it." And that wasn't a lie. Mitchie wasn't a mean person. Sure she was nuts and loved to make fun of people but that was usually reserved for guys or her close friends. But she cared about her.

"You do?"

"I guess."

"But you're still mad at me…"

"It still doesn't explain the text."

"Well I mean…since I didn't make a big deal out of dumping her she just assumed that I would still be down to hook up every now and then whenever she was _bored_. You know, kind of like how we were anyway."

"How convenient…" I mumbled, rolling my eyes.

"I don't actually _do _it. You want to read through the texts?"

"How do I know you didn't just delete stuff last night?" I wasn't even looking at her anymore. I continuously clipped and unclipped the watch on my left wrist and stared at my coffee.

"Is it too much to ask for you to just trust me?" She sounded desperate again, and that time I did look at her. I wanted to believe her. I didn't want to doubt her over a stupid text but I couldn't get it out of my head. I had always trusted her but something inside of me just wouldn't allow me to let it go. I didn't say anything and she pushed her phone towards me.

"I don't care what the texts say, Mitch. I don't want to read them."

"Then delete the number."

"What?" I blinked a couple times but she still just looked incredibly sad.

"Delete it, block it, call her and yell at her if you want; I don't care. I don't care about Miley. And I haven't for months. All I care about is you, okay?" I stared at her a moment, trying to see if she was being sincere. Her eyes were fixed on mine and I sighed, grabbing her phone. I opened it and did a quick scroll through her texts with Miley. They were all pretty much the same. Miley, in one way or another, wanted to hang out with Mitchie or get her to come over. Some were more suggestive than the others. But all Mitchie ever said was something along the lines of _no_, _what are you talking about_, or she would just ignore her. And I couldn't help but notice that most of Miley's texts to her during December were similar. Mitchie wasn't kidding; when they got back together she really did only use her when she wanted her.

"Why do you still have her number if you don't talk to her?"

"I don't know, Alex. She really doesn't do it that often. I honestly thought she would get bored and stop talking to me."

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"Because…I didn't want to upset you or get you all worried or something when I already told you that you have nothing to worry about. I meant what I said last night."

"You do realize that hiding it just makes you look sketchy as hell, right?"

"I _realize_ that I'm not exactly the brightest person on the planet."

"I don't know what to say, Mitch."

"Just believe that I would never do something like that to you…or to anyone. But especially not to you."

"I know but…" I started but she reached for my hand over the table. I actually let her hold it.

"I'm sorry all this happened. I'm sorry. I should have cut her out completely but I just…I don't know, I just pretend she doesn't exist."

"Sounds like me last year," I said, and even breathed out a light laugh, causing Mitchie to smile just a little. I sighed. "It's hard for me, Mitch."

"I'm sorry."

"Do you even know what you're sorry for?" I pulled my hand back to my lap and looked down. "I…I really hate to be _that_ girlfriend but I don't want to apologize for being upset."

"I'm not…what are you talking-"

"Like I already had to deal with this when you guys were together and I obviously wasn't going to say anything because it wasn't fair so I didn't but now you-"

"Alex, whoa, slow down."

"I don't like feeling like this, okay? I don't like…feeling like there's always someone you'd rather-"

"No, no, no, no," she interrupted me quickly and then furrowed her brows. "There is no one. I mean, for God's sake, even when I was with someone else I thought about you. I'm always thinking about only you." I wanted to smile; I could feel it. It was always so hard to fight it around her, especially when she would say things that made me forget everything else, things that reminded me why I fell for her. "Don't you know I'm crazy about you?"

"Mitchie…"

"You can still be mad at me; just please believe that I wouldn't ever even _think_ about doing that to you. And I never want you to feel like you're _not_ all I think about."

"Really?"

"Absolutely, don't be silly Alex."

"I'm not being silly, I…can't help it," I admitted, pouting a little. She bit her lip, and I could tell she was trying not to start giggling like she normally would. I reached over and slapped her arm. "Don't laugh at me."

"You're adorable."

"_Stop_," I whined, dragging it out as I covered my face with my hands.

"Lex, I know you don't want to be _that_ girlfriend but…I'm sorry, I think it's cute. I mean, obviously I don't want you to worry about anything, like literally anything, but it's…cute."

"No it's not."

"Well, you're always cute. But c'mon don't be embarrassed by all this. And trust me, it's not even bad. So you get jealous, big deal. Babe, it's not like you snap at me every ten seconds. You can tell me. I'm not gonna get like, annoyed with you or something just for telling me what's on your mind. I know I did last night but I don't want you to feel like you can't talk to me. I promise I'm not going to shut you out."

"You're not?"

"Of course I'm not. And I'm sorry for snapping last night. Alex, I care about you…a lot. Even when you get like this I still…just don't worry, okay? And again, I really am so sorry for everything. I should have told you. Actually, I should have just blocked Miley after I broke up with her." I pressed my tongue against my cheek and reached for her phone again.

"Well…you said I could do the honors," I reminded her, smirking a bit. She laughed and shook her head.

"Go for it. Do whatever you want."

"Whatever I want?"

"Mhm. Go nuts, babe."

"This is for your entertainment, isn't it?"

"Maybe, I don't know; I feel like I'm going to enjoy this." She leaned back in her seat and bit a piece of bacon.

"Okay then…" I stared at her phone. The text conversation with Miley was still open; even seeing her name made my blood boil. I just remembered her lying and stabbing me in the back and then throwing her relationship in my face and then all the times she hurt Mitchie. My finger hovered over her contact information. I could have blocked her. I could have deleted her. But instead, I don't know why, I decided to call her. It rang a couple times and my heart was racing.

"Hello?" I heard her voice and I looked at Mitchie whose eyes were slightly wide yet she still looked completely amused. "Mitch?" She raised her eyebrows when I didn't answer and I smiled and rolled my eyes.

"No, actually it's Alex," I said happily. Her voice alone made me internally cringe. I kept my tone casual.

"Alex?"

"Yeah, you remember me, right? Anyway, listen…I'm gonna need you to stop with the texts."

"Oh really…"

"Between you and me, they're coming off as a little desperate." Mitchie had her hand over her mouth, smiling, with her elbow rested on the table.

"Excuse me?"

"I mean, this _is_ you we're talking about so I'm not surprised."

"Sounds like someone is jealous…but I mean…_this is you we're talking about so I'm not surprised_," she said trying to mock me and I wanted to roll my eyes so hard they would have gotten lost somewhere in the back of my head. I think Mitchie could tell how annoyed I was with her because she took her phone from me and put it on speakerphone. There weren't that many people so it wasn't that awkward to hear it out loud. She bit into another piece of bacon and spoke with her mouth full.

"Miley seriously, stop texting me."

"What? Your new _girlfriend_ can't hold her own in a conversation?"

"No she's quite fine actually. You're just getting on my nerves now."

"Funny, this is the first time you're saying this and it happens to be when _Alex_ hears about it? You didn't have a problem with it before."

"You were actually together _before_," I cut in before Mitchie could respond. I took it off speakerphone and held it up to my ear with my shoulder. "Now it's just pathetic."

"Says the girl who waited a year for my sloppy seconds."

"Says the girl who's single and begging her ex, who doesn't want anything to do with her, to _hang_ _out_…yeah, have fun with that." And without waiting for a reaction I hit the _end_ button and handed Mitchie her phone back. "Well…now that _that's _over…" She just stared at me with the same amused expression.

"Wow…"

"What?"

"That was sexy," she stated bluntly and then I was just confused. But I couldn't help but laugh at that.

"_What_?" I honestly don't think anyone had ever called me that. I mean Mitchie would say it every now and then when we were just friends but I always took it as a joke.

"I'm so used to you being shy and quiet it's kind of hot when you get all mad and assertive."

"Hot? I thought I was _cute_."

"You're both," she said and even winked for added measure.

"Stop trying to sweet talk me."

"Am I still in the doghouse?"

"You wish. The dog's gonna laugh when he sees where you are."

"But _babe_!" I sipped from my coffee cup and smiled.

"Calm down; I'm kidding."

"So…you're not still mad at me?" she asked hopefully and I thought that over for a moment. I honestly hated fighting with her. And even though I knew it was inevitable, I mean we couldn't stay perfectly happy forever, I didn't want things like that to come between us.

"I have nothing to worry about, right?"

"Not a thing, I promise."

"Really?"

"Of course, Lex. You're like…perfect. You're it for me." I loved how sure she sounded with herself, as if saying and believing these things were just effortless for her. I looked down to hide the redness in my cheeks.

"No I'm not…"

"You are to me. Please don't argue with me on this."

"But…"

"It's the truth. You really don't get it. I think the world of you, Alex. That's why I don't want you to think there could ever be anyone else at all that I could be thinking about."

"There isn't?" She shook her head. "No one at all?"

"Not when I have you." I blushed again and I knew I was doing a terrible job at hiding it. But Mitchie always had a way of making me feel that way no matter what, it seemed.

"It's so hard to stay mad at you when you say things like that."

"Then don't," she suggested, frowning a bit. "Come on, what do you say we hang out tonight, just the two of us?"

"What like a date?"

"Yeah."

"You say it like we haven't done that in a while."

"It feels like we haven't."

"We went on a date just last week," I pointed out and she rolled her eyes.

"Well I miss being alone with you."

"I'm sorry for putting you through the torture of hanging out with your friends."

"Good, you should be."

"Weren't you just saying how we don't spend enough time with everyone else?"

"Yeah and we hung out with them and now their time is up and I want you all to myself again."

"How controlling…"

"Too bad."

"I don't get a say in this? I _have_ to go on a date with you?"

"Unfortunately yes."

"What about now?"

"You call this a date Alex!" she yelled from across the table and I laughed loudly. "I spent the entire morning trying to get you to not hate me; this isn't a _date_."

"I don't hate you…"

"You don't?" I ran my hand through my hair and played with the ends of it between my fingers. I could smell Mitchie's breakfast blending with the scent of the coffee sitting in front of me and I smiled without meaning to. She had a hopeful look on her face and for some reason all I could think about was how soft her hair is and how cute the freckles on her nose are and how warm my insides feel when she kisses me. "Lex?" She said my name with a gentle voice and I blinked.

"What?"

"You're spacing out."

"Sorry, I was just…thinking."

"About what?"

"You."

"But…I'm right here," she said slowly, amused once again. "Are we okay Alex?" A quiet laugh escaped my lips and I looked down.

"Um…" Her words ran through my head over and over. I never had this problem with her before. I knew Miley just loved to start problems with people. And Mitchie never used to say or do things to make me doubt her feelings for me. "Yeah…we're okay."

I put all of those thoughts out of my head. I know things would have been different if the fight had happened earlier on in our relationship. But at that point I was coming to terms with just how strong _my_ feelings for _her_ were. When all I would think about was how strongly I felt it was hard to focus on the negatives.

I wanted to talk to her about it. I wanted to stop being a coward like before when I wouldn't tell her how I felt. But every time I thought I had worked up the courage to just come out and say it I would chicken out and I honestly have no idea why. My throat would feel like it's closing and I couldn't even breathe.

I didn't want it to come out awkward and I didn't want it to be a mess. And God forbid she didn't feel the same way—that would have sent me into a whirlwind of depression and I just wouldn't know how to handle it—I just kept my mouth shut and decided to wait until I didn't feel so damn nervous.

We had our date that night. I guess she wanted to make up for upsetting me so much. And it worked. We went our separate ways until she wanted to have dinner with me and I loved how the anticipation for our dates still made me excited.

When the evening rolled around she picked me up and I was more anxious than ever. Her smile and the way her eyes lit up after I leaned in to finally kiss her again made my heart race and she looked beautiful. She was in short black shorts and I couldn't stop staring at her legs. Miraculously, she didn't call me out on it and tease me until my face turned red.

I didn't even try to hide it throughout dinner. She wore a white top that did nothing to keep my attention away from her chest and I could feel my mind slowly turning to mush the more time I spent with her. There were multiple instances where she had to pull me out of my thoughts, not just from looking at her but thinking about her and everything as well.

It wasn't that late when we left and we ended up back at Mitchie's house. Her mom was out with her boyfriend and we sat together on her couch with Columbus lying on the floor in front of us. The television was on but the volume was low as Mitchie mindlessly strummed her guitar while I lied next to her with my knees bent.

I loved when we would hang out like that. She was more comfortable with me hearing her play although she wouldn't sing. But we would just sit together talking about everything and nothing and she would play something and I would practically melt. I loved listening to a guitar being played by someone who not only knows what they're doing but loves what they're doing.

"Is that new?" I asked when I realized I didn't recognize the sound and she pursed her lips, pausing for a moment.

"Kind of…"

"It's yours, right?"

"Yeah, I wrote it like…a month ago."

"Is it done?"

"Maybe…" she trailed off and went back to strumming. She had a slight smile on her face and I raised my eyebrow.

"You're not going to let me hear it?"

"You're hearing it now…"

"But you're not singing."

"You can only turn me into an emotional sap so many times in one day, Lex."

"I'm not doing anything!"

"Yes you are!"

"But it's so sweet you're secretly such a softie," I gushed and she struck a chord and then stopped altogether, staring at me with a blank look on her face.

"I am not."

"Yes you are; the things you say and you get all nervous and you write _songs_…"

"Ugh."

"You have so many _feelings_," I continued to tease and she rolled her eyes and made a gagging noise.

"Alex I'm going to kill you."

"With a song?"

"Shut _up_!"

"Of course, how else would I be able to hear you serenade me?"

"I'm gonna kick your ass."

"You couldn't; you're too _sweet_ to kick my ass." She set her guitar on the floor and lunged towards me and straddled my waist. I let out a laugh as I tried to push her off of me.

"Take it back."

"Get off of me you weirdo," I said, still giggling and she grabbed my hands to stop me.

"Not until you take it back."

"Take what back…sweetheart?" I bat my eyelashes and she kept my hands pinned down to the couch. I wiggled under her to get free but she just pushed me back. When I finally pulled my hands away from hers she lost her balance and I ended up pushing her off of the couch. She held onto my arms and I came crashing down on top of her. "Mitch!" Columbus barked at my sudden shouting.

"Your fault."

"How even!"

"Are you gonna take it back now?"

"I'm clearly the one kicking your ass so…"

"You are _not_ kicking my ass."

"I can kick your ass _and_ turn you into a big ol' softie how cute."

"You love testing my patience don't you?"

"No I just love when you get all _sensitive_," I teased again and instead of arguing with me she brought her hands over her face and groaned in frustration. I leaned down, pulling her arms away, and placed a sweet kiss on her lips. When I pulled back, still lying on top of her, she reached her hand up to touch my cheek. And she opened her mouth but closed it right after without saying a word. "Everything okay?"

"Mhm…" She moved her other hand to the other side of my face and just held it. Her fingers lightly grazed my hair. "You're beautiful."

"You're sweet." She scrunched her face up in annoyance but still smiled at me. I smiled back and she let go of my face. She slipped her arms around my waist and pulled me close, bringing our lips together again.

I had my hands planted on the floor on either side of her, supporting myself so I wasn't crushing her. She had changed into a plain V-neck shirt and a hoodie when we came back from dinner so my brain was still incredibly distracted by her chest. And she was still in her black shorts, allowing me to feel her bare legs against mine. My mind was clouded.

Her skin was as soft as her lips and felt warm against my body. She tried to move her leg a little to get more comfortable but banged her knee against the table that was on the other side of us. I was only slightly concerned but I laughed into our kiss when she whined in pain.

I pulled back again and Mitchie shoved my shoulder as my laughs grew louder. Columbus started barking at us again. She sat up a bit, shaking her head, and I moved to get off of her. I offered her my hand to help her up and her dog kept barking. She shushed him but he nudged her with his nose and still kept barking.

"Come on," she said as she wrapped her arms around my waist and lifted me up. I let out a high pitched scream, still laughing, and held onto her shoulders. She walked us to her room and locked the door behind her so her dog would leave us alone. "Sorry about that; he gets loud when he thinks people are hurting me."

"Hurting you? Oh…maybe I should stop…" I joked and she looked up at me and kissed the underside of my jaw.

"Let's not get crazy now, Alex."

"I'm just saying."

"Yeah, yeah," she mumbled, kissing my lips that time and she carried me over to her bed, climbing on top of me when she set me down. My heart was beating at ridiculous speeds and I tried my hardest to keep my breathing under control. She leaned down to kiss me again; my hands blindly found their way to her hips.

I don't know what it was that caused my sudden…confidence. But after everything I just wanted to be as close to her as possible. She and I never pushed things too far but I felt an odd yet wonderful combination of nervous and comfortable with Mitchie. Her hands brushed the hem of my shirt and I felt a surge of energy rush through my stomach. I involuntarily tensed up. She noticed.

Before she could question me I trailed my hands up her back. She closed her eyes as she pressed her lips back onto mine and I ignored the weird feeling in my body and focused on the fruity taste of her chapstick and the scent of coconut in her hair. Her hands traveled further up and she stopped kissing me.

"Is this okay?" she asked and it was then I noticed how high up the bottom of my shirt was. I was breathing through my nose a little harder but not hard enough for her to think anything of it. I swallowed and looked at her thighs on either side of my waist. I wanted to let go of her hips and run my hands across her skin, touch them, feel them. "Lex?"

"I'm sorry…what?"

"I…I can't tell if you're tensing up because you're uncomfortable or you're just…" she trailed off and I reached up to pull her zip up hoodie off of her. She looked at me curiously, not saying anything. I bit my lip and my fingers played at the edge of her V-neck. "Let me know." For someone who was always so confident she looked completely vulnerable as I slowly lifted her shirt over her head. But she let me. And I couldn't help but admire her in bra and shorts. I found myself smiling. She was absolutely beautiful.

"I'm not." Her hand continued pushing my own shirt up until we matched and I shut my eyes tightly when she started placing kisses down the length of my neck. She stopped her motions and ran her fingers through my hair, brushing it away from my forehead and she left a lingering kiss on my cheek. She had a smile of her own, stretching across her face as she looked down at me. "Mitch." Her name came out before I could process what was even going on in my mind.

"Yeah?" My lips curved up ever so slightly and I didn't even remember what I was trying to say. So I just kissed her. My fingers moved down her hips and I held her legs, just under her shorts. She lowered herself so she wasn't on her knees anymore and I exhaled when I felt her body lying completely on mine.

I didn't know how I was keeping my hands from shaking. I didn't know how I was breathing at all. Every time Mitchie and I would get close we would never do anything other than make out. I was always fine with never going further but somewhere in the back of my mind I couldn't help but wonder if it was because of me, like maybe she didn't see me that way.

I bent my knees so she was lying between them and I felt her lips on my chest just above the material of my bra. One hand was tracing my ribs and her other was touching the waist of my shorts. She paused for a moment and I used the brief break to suck in a breath. She undid my button and zipper. My face felt hot.

She sat up and looked down at me again. I didn't look at her eyes though. I kept my eyes on her abdomen and her hips and reached forward, just wanting to take her shorts off. My fingers found the button of them but they trembled and I felt my throat drying up. My breathing noticeably picked up and I mentally slapped myself for letting her see how nervous I was.

She bent her head down a bit to get me to actually look at her. Her eyes were soft and caring and I wanted to tell her how I felt, how deeply and passionately I felt for her. It was so easy and I think the simplicity of it was what scared the hell out of me. Her fingers brushed against mine and her soft skin made my breath hitch in my throat.

She undid her shorts and lifted herself off of me slightly to pull them down her legs. I watched as she did it. As more of the skin of her thighs were revealed I felt my heart rate speeding up again. And when she was left in her underwear I felt myself growing weak under her.

One of her hands was pressed down against the mattress next to my head, holding her up. I caressed her arm with my fingertips and pressed my lips lightly against her wrist. She moved some stray hairs away from my face and tucked them behind my ear before leaning down and kissing my skin between my breasts.

My head was spinning. She kissed down to my stomach and tugged my shorts down my thighs. I raised my hips and she pulled them off. I bent my knees and she gripped them and placed a kiss on the side of the left one. I held her face in my hands and pulled her back toward my face, wanting to feel her lips on mine again.

Our legs tangled together as my fingers tangled in her hair. And she kissed me more fervently, more fiercely than before. Her bare hips pressing against mine were driving me crazy. I reached behind her back and in a brief moment a wave of confidence crashed over me and I undid her bra clasp, tossing it aside with the rest of our clothes.

After months of being with her and even after a _year_ of being obsessed with her and fantasizing about her it felt a little surreal to be there. And even though I was practically shaking and trying my hardest to not make a fool out of myself I had never felt more comfortable with a person in my entire life.

She deepened the kiss and carefully ran her hand down my stomach. I knew there was no going back but I also knew in my heart that it was what I wanted. I wanted her and the feeling of being wanted too made me smile against her lips. Her fingers stroked my hips and my pelvic bone and my heart nearly stopped as they played with the edge of my underwear.

And then they stayed still. She stopped kissing me long enough to look at me and I was already so beyond turned on by that point I would have done or said just about anything for her to continue. Her lips were still slightly parted and her face was flushed. Her bangs fell over her eyes and I moved them out of her face for her.

"Alex, I…" she started but took a breath and looked down at my half naked body. She rested her forehead against my chest and I felt her sigh against my skin. I could just bet she could feel my heart beating madly. She looked back up and her hand never moved from its spot. "You're okay, right? You're still kind of shaking."

I still was having trouble turning my thoughts into actual words and I nodded my head, hoping I looked as sure as I felt. She looked at me a moment longer and I leaned up to reconnect our lips, holding her face in my hands. Her fingers curled around the edge of my underwear and I needed her to touch me.

It's one thing to just think about it but it's completely different when you're right there and it's literally about to happen. My skin was on fire and my stomach was twisting itself into knots but it was still incredible, exciting even, like an adrenaline rush. Her hand slipped past the fabric and the second I felt her touch me I was gone.

It was an inexplicable feeling, waking up next to Mitchie. I had done it before but there was something about feeling her skin against mine with her arm wrapped comfortably around my waist. She always did love _spooning_ but she held me close to her and laid her cheek against my back and her even and steady breathing brought a smile to my face.

I sighed and settled more into her warm and protective embrace and felt her shifting beside me. I thought about the night we had spent together and the mess we were just earlier that morning. It was silly to hold onto any anger after she was honest about everything. And I was sure I didn't have to doubt her feelings for me.

It was great, the whole not worrying thing. I was always paranoid even before she and I had gotten together or even before we admitted our feelings to each other. But I was happy. I felt truly happy with her and I didn't think I could ever feel that with someone.

She moved her arm back to her side and I turned over to see she was waking up. She rubbed her eyes and looked at me. A tired half smile appeared on her face and she leaned over to kiss my cheek. Her eyes were barely open.

"Hey."

"Hey," she said and brought her arm around my shoulders, pulling me into her again. She kissed my forehead that time. "Good morning, beautiful."

"I see you're still being _sensitive_…"

"Ugh," she groaned and I laughed into her shoulder. "Fine whatever; it's too early for this. It's only because you're special so _shush_."

"Oh I'm special, am I?"

"Mhm."

"Why?" I asked, practically singing it as I dragged it out.

"Don't question me, Alex." I huffed and turned away from her.

"Fine." I took her arm off of me as I tried to get out of her bed but she quickly pulled me back into her. I laughed again before I could ask her what she was doing.

"_No_," she whined like a child and wrapped her arms around my stomach. "Stay."

"Mitch, let me go."

"But I don't want you to leave," she admitted and kissed my bare back. I only bothered putting my underwear back on after I got up to pee in the middle of the night. Mitchie did the same but put a shirt on probably because she was cold. I bit my lip and tried to remember what I was doing.

"It's kind of hard to leave when you do that…"

"Do what?" she asked, kissing my back again.

"_Mitch_." She giggled adorably with her lips still pressed onto my skin. "I just have to go to the bathroom. We have the whole day to spend together."

"Really?" Her voice had this weird, almost worried, tone to it and I turned over again to look at her.

"Yeah, of course…why wouldn't we?"

"I don't know," she said quietly, resting her head against my arm. And I realized that she was actually _used_ to being left after sex. I brought my lips to hers and offered her a smile.

"Well…you have nothing to worry about." I saw her smile back even though she wasn't looking at me and she let me go. I got up and found my shirt on the floor not too far from my shorts and I picked it up before heading to the bathroom. I put it on before coming back out and she was sitting up in her bed. When she noticed me standing at the foot of it she just stared at me. "What?" It took her a moment or so to come out of her trance.

"Nothing…it just still amazes me how pretty you look in the mornings."

"Aw aren't you sweet…"

"We already went over this; let's not bring it up again." I climbed onto her bed and sat next to her. "What do you want to do today?"

"Literally nothing; I just want to hang out with you."

"Ugh yes my favorite." She pecked my lips quickly and stood up. "I'm gonna shower real quick, feel free to raid my fridge in the meantime." I watched her walk toward her bathroom and, yes, I couldn't help but stare at her ass in the process.

I found my shorts and pulled them on before heading out of her bedroom. It was weirdly quiet even though it was only around eleven. Columbus got up and started following me around but I didn't see Mitchie's mom anywhere. The house was empty.

I figured it was probably better she wasn't there and I looked through the kitchen to make breakfast for Mitchie and I. It was only around ten minutes later that Mitchie finally came out in basketball shorts and a tank top with her hair still wet. She came over and sat at the nearby table.

"Something smells magical which is weird because I didn't know this house actually had food in it that wasn't meant for German shepherds."

"I found bacon in your freezer."

"Are you sure they're not for Columbus?"

"I'm positive, Mitch. Why would they be in the freezer?"

"I don't know Alex do you think I know anything about anything?"

"Apparently not."

"Exactly. But bless you for finding food here." I walked over, grabbing a plate in the process, and slid the sandwich out of the pan. "Ooh what's in this?"

"Nothing, just a grilled cheese with bacon. You're out of eggs."

"Do we have ketchup?"

"I don't know Mitchie this is your house," I reminded her, laughing a bit as I sat down with my own plate next to her.

"Well thank you anyway," she said leaning against my shoulder and kissing it. "You're the best."

"Anything for you." We ate in a comfortable silence until she looked around the house and looked back at me.

"Where the hell is my mom?"

"I was wondering the same thing."

"She probably never came home and just stayed at her boyfriend's house." She scoffed. "What a slut."

"Mitch!"

"I'm just joking."

"Wouldn't that make me a slut too?" I asked her before biting into my sandwich. I mean…I did spend the night with her…

"Uhhhhhhhhh…nope," she said but I just raised my eyebrow at her. "You're not a slut; you're perfect." She smiled brightly, showing all of her teeth, and I smacked her in the chest.

"Mhm, shut up and eat your breakfast."

"Yes, dear."

The rest of our day was great. It was so nice to just _be_ with her. There was no weird tension or awkwardness after sleeping together like I feared there might be. Mitchie just made me feel comfortable and I was glad we waited until we did.

I was still fighting with myself in my head trying to just _tell her_ already though. I had fallen for her before she even knew I had _any_ sort of feelings for her and sure she didn't know the extent back then but since we got together it didn't take long to get back to that.

I wasn't doubting the way I felt. I wasn't in denial. I knew it was real and I wanted her to know but something for some reason was always holding me back. The thought alone made me freeze up and I knew I would end up stuttering like a jackass.

We actually did do literally nothing all day. And it was wonderful. We just stayed in and watched movies on her couch. Her mom eventually came home around six but left us alone and went into her room for the remainder of the night.

At one point though we were watching _Donnie Darko_ and she had her head in my lap while I played with her hair. I glanced down at her and noticed she wasn't looking at the movie anymore and just looked like she was lost in her own thoughts.

"Hey, everything okay?" I asked while lightly tapping her arm. She looked up at me and nodded before reaching for my hand and intertwining our fingers. She still wasn't paying attention to the television. After a while she sighed through her nose and turned towards me and just looked up at me instead.

"You know I love you, right?" She said it so casually yet still sounded so nervous. It was like watching myself admit my feelings to her and I was actually at a loss for words.

"I…what?" was all I could manage to blurt out. I honestly did not expect her to tell me that and I didn't know how to respond, shockingly enough.

"I love you. I mean, I've been trying to tell you for a while but then that whole mess the other day happened and I didn't think it would have been right to tell you because I didn't want you to think I was just saying it because we were fighting or something and…now I'm just talking a lot. I mean it though. I know what I feel with you is different than what I've felt with anyone else in my life. Like…I'm sure. And I was going to tell you last night but I didn't want you to think I was saying it because we…you know. Am I making any sense?"

"No I get what you're saying."

"And I didn't say it now so you could say it back because you feel like you have to. Honestly I'd rather you just not say anything. Really, I just…wanted you to know." And just like that she turned back over and went back to watching the movie. I couldn't even speak if I wanted to. I couldn't believe she had just told me she loved me. After all the anxiety I was dealing with trying to tell her she just came out and said it and I couldn't even react.

I was freaking out to say the least. In a good way though, definitely a good way. It was what I had been afraid might not be true and it was the reassurance I needed. She didn't seem discouraged by my silence. She did tell me not to say anything after all. But did she really not want me to say it back? Or was she just afraid that I wouldn't have if she didn't tell me not to?

I gave her hand a light squeeze and leaned down to place a gentle kiss on her temple. I didn't say anything else to her though but I could see her smiling as the movie played on. We stayed like that in our comfortable silence until the movie was over and I told her that I needed to head home before it got too late.

When she drove me to my house she put the car in park and I looked at her. She still seemed nervous and I thought it was adorable; I guess that was how Mitchie felt around me when she would always tell me how _cute_ she found my shyness. We talked a little bit on the way to my place but it was very relaxed, it was easy. It always was with her.

"Thanks for the ride, Mitch," I started as I opened the door for myself.

"Of course. Anytime, babe."

"And I know we didn't talk about it much…and even though we had that fight, these last couple of days with you were…the best. And last night was amazing," I admitted somewhat nervously and she looked down and smiled.

"I'm glad you stayed with me," she said and I knew she could have meant a number of things by that one simple comment.

"Me too." I leaned over the arm rest between us and kissed her lips softly before getting out of the car. "Goodnight, Mitch."

"Goodnight." I got out and walked around and headed for my house. I knew Mitchie was still behind me, watching and waiting until I made it inside safely like she always did. And I knew she didn't want me to say anything but after stalling and chickening out so many times I couldn't bite my tongue. I stopped and turned back around and noticed her confused expression as I walked back to her. Her window was rolled down and before she could question me I placed my hand on the car and smiled at her.

"I love you too." And without another word I headed for my house again. I didn't even wait to see if the expression on her face changed. I just kept walking. Before I could make it to my door I heard footsteps behind me. I was about to turn around but Mitchie wrapped her arms around me.

"Whoa no, no, no, no, no, no come back here," she said and practically dragged me back to her car. I stifled my laughter just as she sat me down on the hood. "What did you just say?"

"When?"

"_Alex_," she whined and buried her head in the crook of my neck. I actually did laugh that time and I ran my fingers through her hair.

"I know you heard me."

"Say it again." She had her arms around my waist still and all that was going through my mind was how unbelievably happy she makes me. She was the only person who made me nervous and excited and intimidated and happy and anxious all at the same time and I couldn't get enough of it.

"I love you."

"You do?"

"Yeah." I moved my hand to touch her cheek, to feel her soft skin under my fingertips again. And I knew I was absolutely sure of it. "I really do." And quite possibly the biggest smile I had ever seen from her broke out across her face and she crashed our lips together, holding my face in her hands.

A year ago I wouldn't have believed things would have turned out the way they did. I'd loved Mitchie before and I love her now. I still don't know if I got over my feelings and they came back when we got back together or if they just never went away in the first place. But I love Mitchie. And I know she loves me too. After all the dumb bullshit we both went through I honestly couldn't have been happier. And I wouldn't have changed anything about our relationship. Because after everything, I knew she was it for me too.

* * *

**Well then...the end. hope you liked it, but don't worry because a new multi-chapter story will be coming soon**

**ps-the title of this chapter is a song by Taylor Swift and it's mad cute okay that's all, take care now.**


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